It’s getting closer to that time of year again, when the sun shines on the fields of Worthy farm, awaiting the deluge of dickheads called Toby and Cressida who’ve paid £300 each to sit in a field listening to shite they can hear anywhere.
it must be Spastonbury!
…Glastonbury!
This year’s tossers include Fat Reg, Rick Astley, Lizzo, Lil Nas, Lewis Fat cunt Capsldi, dreary bint Lana del Rey (hwaah-hwaaah-hwaaah), Carly ‘Call me maybe’ Jepsen, Zoe Ball’s house husband and a range of other cunts.
I’m sure the BBC will send far too many cunts to cover this celebration of musical mediocrity just for a jolly up at the expense of pensioners and those struggling to keep lights on while they guffaw and bray over champers and lines of marching powder.
Fuck the climate, keep the generator for the chiller going!
I’m sure they’ve never seen so many white monied and gormless faces in one place.
‘Like, ohh my Goorrrd! I HACTUALLY saw the Arctic Monkeys fifteen years after their peak!’
Surely the greedy Eavises are treating it as a cunt test now?
£ 300 for Rick Astley and fat fucks Capaldi and Lizzo?
‘Let’s see just how many mugs we can catch this year, Emily!’
‘Doesn’t look like much of a Cost of living crisis for this bunch of suckers, does it daddy?’
It would cost three times that to pay me to go, not including lost earnings, petrol and the vast quantities of medicinal alcohol needed to put up with the insufferable chuntering of the clueless , mouth-breathing media graduate fucktards surrounding me making vlogs and being seen.
Suddenly, one of the brighter ones has an epiphany;
‘yaah, why can’t we just, like, get rid of like all the weapons?’
You’d be the first in the bin, Tristan.
Shut it down and lock the gate so the pig doesn’t get out.
Glastonbury
Nominated by Cuntamus Prime.
Hope you cunters will forgive me? I was going to use a picture of some bearded hippies in the mud, but on reflection much preferred the one I eventually chose. C.A.
A little bit more on this subject from Jezzum Preist below.
A warning is out for all the Clarisas and Juliens.
No wellies needed this year.
But do drink plenty of water, heaven forbid that any of you pretentious, overpriveliged, under educated chimps should get dehydrated, resulting in you becoming even more brain dead than you already are.
I wonder how many times the emergency services are going to have to attend this year’s yahyah fest?
While your Gran lies on a cold floor with a broken hip.
