“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s Hollywood reporter Ron Knee bringing you all the latest news and gossip from the glittering world of Tinseltown.

Today, there’s one and only one story in La La Land; yes, the news that’s set the whole town alight is that superstar movers and shakers Harry and Migraine have laid out a cool $3 million to purchase the rights to Carley Fortune’s novel ‘Meet Me By The Lake’. The word on the street, and indeed in securely gated communities in Beverly Hills, is that the A-list duo plans to produce a blockbuster film adaptation for Netflix.

Speculation is already rife about who might play the romantic leads (a couple who, like Hank and Skank, meet in their 30s), with the grapevine buzzing that Tom Cruise and Emily Blunt are desperate to sign up. It’s strongly rumoured however that Markle sees the female lead as being an ideal vehicle to relaunch her glittering acting career, after taking a break to play at being a princess for a while and collect numerous awards for her humanitarian work.

Apparently the Markles were intrigued by the themes which the book explores. As I mentioned, it tells the story of the love which blossoms between a couple in their 30s, and tackes issues such as alcohol and drug abuse. A central theme relates to the struggle of one of the central characters after the loss of a parent in a car crash.
It is understood however that no parallels should be drawn between the lives of the Markles and any characters in the novel, and that any resemblance to any persons alive or dead are purely coincidential.

Naturally your correspondent will be following this sensational story around the clock, and will report any developments as soon as they occur. In the meantime, this is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”.

Express

Nominated by Ron Knee.

 
I would like to serve up a rice and peas, reggae sauce infused cunting for this shit fest that is heaped on West London this time of year.

I used to run a shop on Westbourne Grove once, slap bang in the heart of the action. You literally had no fucking choice but to board up everything at least five days in advance, so as to avoid the (inevitable) looting and robbing.

Then the carnival itself, I could go on forever, so I’ll try and keep it brief:

If you are anything other than a shade of brown expect to get hissed at through teeth at every corner. And offered really shit quality weed and/or other drugs, possibly at the same time.

If you are unlucky to have a apartment in the area that hasn’t been barricaded (as my other half did once), expect various cunts to try and let themselves in. Normally to use the toilet. If they can’t access your own facilities expect your garden/the street outside.

As for the robberies / stabbings (a given), trust me – a lot more goes unreported.

The celebrated sound systems all sound utterly shit, with so much bass and sound clashing between floats that it is just a fucking sonic mess. The kids bit is actually not bad but expect not to see anything because of the crowds.And the cuisine.. fuck me. Have you actually looked at goat curry close up? Hint: You don’t see many urban foxes about in that area in August.

What really has grated my gears though is that when anybody speaks the truth about the above, such as Mayoral Candidate Susan Hall, they get shot down in the name of ‘diversity’ by the usual suspects:

Guardian

Nominated by Coño in Spanish.

More on this shit fest from Lord Cuntingford below

I haven’t been watching the nominations page on this esteemed organ, so not sure if anyone has cunted this year’s Notting Hill Carnival.

I cannot believe that this festival of violence, thievery and sexual depravity is still allowed. I saw some videos of mostly black persons hanging on a bridge and, what I believe, is called twerking (this involves two blacks, with the female grinding her bottom into the groin of the male of the species, and involves much whooping to other couples involved in the same). Seriously, I thought I was watching a zoo. The Tory London mayoral candidate has suggested moving it to a park, away from Notting Hill – based on what I was watching, a safari park may be more suitable.

Also, some senior copper (apparently also black – because white people are no longer allowed to be in any senior position) says something like he understands the significance of the event to the carribbean community, but can’t accept the violence towards his officers. Well matey, this is carribbean culture- violence, thievery, producing offspring with no responsibility.

If this was an annual event of almost entirely white people, then I’m sure it would have been shut down years ago.

Bbc news

Youtube

What is he singer, actor fashion model?
Or just a overhyped cunt.

Singer in a Cowell manufactured boy band, who probably got a few pre pubescent teens wet.

Then a solo artist!! Yep you got me?

Then popping up in films like Dunkirk and getting gushing reviews. For a walk on part.

Then a fashion icon, yeah if your icons look like they been into their mother’s wardrobe..

And finally the permanent marker looking tattoos, who did those, a fucking 16 year trainee.

Is he another in a long line of cunts famous for being famous.
I will let my esteemed cunters decide.

Cosmopolitan

Nominated by Barry zuckercunt.

 
A well deserved cunting for EU fellators Will Hutton, who has called for fellow EuroCunts to “boycott Wetherspoon’s” until Tim Martin personally apologises for supporting Brexit.
Arrogant shite-hound Will Hutton and his fellow cock-suckers-for-Brussels can go fuck themselves with a dried barrel cactus. I will happily go to Wetherspoon’s knowing that I won’t have to listen to the constant whinings of these unconscionable bores who just cannot get their heads around the concept that they not only LOST THE FUCKING VOTE, but that democracy doesn’t always deliver the result they think should be.

You can be certain that had the vote been in favour of remaining, by ONE fucking vote as opposed to the “undemocratic” 1.37 million vote to leave, fuckwit Hutton and his fellow EU-rectum-dwellers would’ve been crowing ecstatically how “democracy won the day” and that the referendum was legally binding.
Will Hutton and his fellow Euro-fellators only understand democracy and free-speech when it goes their way. Cunts and traitors of the highest order.
Anyway, back to Wetherspoon’s, if you look to the link, their shares are UP 44%, no doubt because the rest of us can have a reasonably price pint and a meal in peace without our ears being assailed by the Bores For Brussels bitching about how they need a visa for their holiday home in France, Italy or wherever.

A galactic sized thank you to Tim Martin for so annoying these utter cunts and giving us a EuroCunt free zone to drink in peace.

Proof too that when Cunts like Hutton and others spew their shit, it often has the opposite result.

Anyway here is the link and I’m sure no-one will disagree that Will Hutton is a grade one, brussels-aresehole-crawling, Islingtonista, leftist, CUNT.
Gentlemen, Ladies and the Cockless-pairs of Trans, the case for the prosecution rests.

Allahu-Fucking-Akhfucking-BAH. What a cunt……

guido

Nominated by Sheikh Anvakh.

 
You can always tell its a bank holiday, airports up and down the country announce long delays or even cancellations of flights due to “technical problems”

This bank holiday is no exception with thousands of travellers forced to hang around like bad farts in a lift while the twats at air traffic control sort out the “technical glitch in the Matrix”.

Apparently they fixed the problem (although they never published what it was), but now of course there’s a massive backlog of flights – a classic domino effect which will rumble on for a few more days even though for a lot of travellers it will mean missed connections, delays and all sorts of inconveniences.

But my point here is more to do with how we’re becoming so dependent on technology working 24/7. One little “technical problem” whether its at an airport, an ATM, a supermarket checkout, or even your broadband going offline, can cause all sorts of problems, even though the downtime may only be for a few minutes or hours.

The push towards electronic technology, a cashless society, a chip and pin world where everything is supposed to make our lives easier, falls on its arse when these “glitches” fuck things up and we’re all stumped for a Plan B.

But of course the experts and the supporters will say “It’s just a one-off. It won’t happen again because it super-duper!”

Yes, they said that with Tesla self-drive cars!

Bbc news

Nominated by Technocunt.