Verisure Alarms


There are some Casting Agency young couples who I am sure are totally genuine despite talking like frozen muppets appearing ont’ telly to warn us about the wave of criminality now engulfing our new estates.

“Did you hear next door was arse burgled the other day”

“Ooh we did. There is an epidemic of arse burgling on the estate. I wish we could feel safe in our own beds.’

“We have had a Verisure Alarm fitted. We rang them and they came and fitted the same day. Now we have total peace of mind and they give you a limited time offer of a free door bell arsecam. ”

“What a Graze idea.”

“You’re doing the wrong ad you cunt. Yes you should get one. If you fancy having your arseburgled you can see who it is and let them in. Verisure let you can take control of your own life.”

“Yes you should get one. If you fancy having your arseburgled you can see who it is and let them in. Verisure let you can take control of your own life.”

“What a good idea (fake Co-Op Insurance type smile to partner). We’ll get one fitted right away.”

“Yes do. You won’t regret it. We have no worries now.”

How much do they cost?”

“That is not in my script”

Fake Co-Op Insurance type smiles all round.

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

Seconded by: Cassandra

Along with the likes of Kevin Twatly, whose Key advert for equity release really boils my piss. Has he no shame trying to persuade us pensioners to fritter away our kids’ inheritance? “we’ll tell you if it’s not right for you?” Fuck off – the few applications you do reject is because they ain’t right for Key. These products are invariably a bad idea – except for the mercenary fuckers making the ads.

Same goes for all the other “funeral plans”, “debt consolidation” and “snake oil” products on TV. You know who you are Eamonn and Carol.

Wimminz Football [3]


Yes I know it´s been done to death here but it still pisses me off to find out I´ve been fooled by some headline into thinking there was a match worth watching and it turned out to be wimmin against wimmin. I had heard PDG were to face Bayern Muenchen and Barcelona versus Real Madrid.

I should have listened to my inner voice because this did not make much sense but when I decided to check with BBC Sport what did I find? Si, Oui and Ja – Barcelona Femenino and Real Madrid Feminino then PSG Feminines and Bayern Muenchen Ladies. These were presented as the main results along with the Women´s Super League table as if anyone cares.

Nominated by: Mr Polly

PLC Britain


I’ve had enough of this bollocks. I’ve transferred all my pensions to PensionBee, which soon I’ll be transferring them back out because they were a private company managing others money and now they are PLC. This is all they deal with pensions. I want my pension to make profit not pay shareholders of shareholders. I want people to have a job and be happy considering all the fucking unions wreck them.

How can you have other people making money from people’s pensions other than the people who manage them? It’s the same as retail banks offering all sorts from customers deposits, if I want a loan that should be funded by fellow citizens or maybe a credit card. Which in turn makes interest. If I was to go bankrupt, I’d expect a public flogging. Albeit minor, not no raghead style.

Where people’s money is made is via commercial investments not from direct people… Jesus wept at this bollocks the regulator needs to have a word. It’s some sort of Piramind scheme again.

PS – if you want a busy bee stick Soros head on a fucking bee. He is busy screwing every fucker going.

Nominated by: Clown Clown the Cunty Man

Jamie Wallis M.P.


Ladies, Gentlemen and Don’t-Knows, please charge your glasses of Babycham and Iced Pansy water, to toast the latest MP to gather up his skirts to leap aboard the Tranny wagon, his frilly panties and black suspender belt flashing as he so goes.

This time it is roly-poly Conservative (!) MP Jamie Wallis who claims he was raped last year and blackmailed, because he is a member of the Eddie Izzard Appreciation Society – and to crown it all, he had a car accident and ran away (gathering his voluminous skirts around him, no doubt):

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-wales-politics-60925885

The House of Commons will be a complete Goon show if this goes on.

Mrs. Shufflewick for Prime Minister (*)

(*) What you don’t remember “Workers Playtime”? It was only 1959.

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

Victoria Coren Mitchell


Victoria Coren Mitchell is a cunt, isn’t she.

Intelligent, sexy, charming, funny, fair, modest, are all adjectives nobody would use to describe this tart.

Jimmy Carr does a gag about Hitler killing poîkeys and Coren defends him; a bloke on GB News makes a joke about that Iranian “journalist” and Coren wails like an amputee.

“Nazanin Zaghari-Ratcliffe is Iranian for ‘ungrateful’ ” said GB News’ Leo Kearse. Not a bad gag and something you could say regardless of whether the whingeing ex-prisoner was French, Norwegian, or Brazilian.

Not for this aloof bitch who called it ‘wayy-ciist’ and tediously banged on about it on social media. Coren, best known for her condescending voice, her dull gameshow, and chuckling about thickie Brexit-voters on Radio 4, visted Zaghari’s husband while he was on a hunger strike. Incredibly, he survived the terrible ordeal.

Yes, yes, she’s got an ample pair of tits but that doesn’t exonerate this spoilt bitch. She and her portentously dreary husband seem to be obsessed with GB News and its viewers. It’s almost as if the BBC creates these condescending, haughty, woke cunts in a laboratory.

Metro News Link

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous