Taylor Swift Vienna Concert, cancelled due to terrorist threats.
(Well, if that’s what it takes – NA)

Only one guess is needed here, as to the “religous group” responsible!

How many times do we have to put up with this stuff? Killings at concerts, etc, etc. Mad groups, in countries that they shouldn’t be in, anyway. They need to fuck off, back to where they came from. Isn’t this part of what is now become a big problem? No cunt in power with a backbone, to tell them so. I am not a right wing extreamist, Kier you daft cunt, you are missing the point.

I like so many others just want my country back. England is fucked!

Grauniad. (Link provided by Sick of it)

Nominated by : Lord Scunthorpe

Earlier today the wife and I had a ride out so that she could buy me lunch out of her premium bond winnings.

In the café we ended up in I was much taken with the idea of a bacon, lettuce and tomato toasted sandwich; at least that is, I found when it arrived that the bread had been liberally spread with guacamole. That snot substitute is bad enough on its own, never mind as a pollutant on a sandwich. To make matters worse, the guy at the next table ordered a tuna and cheddar cheese toastie with mayonnaise. The caff also had some horror described as a cheese, chives and Marmite scone on offer. Fuck me, who thought that one up?

There are some really weird combos about that people seem to enjoy. For instance my pal Big Al enjoys nothing more than bacon and eggs for breakfast, but with his own particular embellishments. He mashes a banana in milk to put on his bacon, and covers his eggs in strawberry or raspberry jam. Nothing as commonplace as tomato sauce for the big man.

I’m sure there are many horror food pairings out there, as people indulge their peculiar peccadilloes. The worst one I ever saw was that beloved of a pal at school, who would always save some gravy to put on his rice pudding when his mom made it for dessert.

Weird and wonderful. Must try this one of these days;

Looks great to dip your chips in, don’t you think?

youtube

Nominated by Ron Knee.

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s cultural affairs correspondent Ron Knee reporting. Today I bring you another world exclusive interview, this time with *ahem* glamour model and ‘influencer’ Katie Price, direct from her prison cell no less”

” ‘Allo Ron darlin’, long time no see. Innit”

“Well Katie, you failed to turn up to court yet again to discuss matters relating to your bankruptcy, jetting off to Turkey for yet another facelift instead”

“Yeah well, gettin’ me mug sorted’s very important in mah line uv work, same as gettin’ me teef an’ tits an’ that done. Ah’d uv fought the jadge would’ve granted me a bit uv leniency ander the circumstarnces, ‘specially as ‘e fancies me. Can’t take ‘is eyes of ’em, the dirty ol’ git. Innit”

“The thing is Katie, you keep on doing this. How many times have you failed to show up so far when you’ve been charged for various offences? It’s amazing that you’ve not received a custodial sentence before now”

“Yeah, or even sent ta prison. Bat the jadge knows ah’m a workin’ mam, an’ ah’m a carer fer me poor san ‘Enry. The judge’ll take them exasperating facters inta account, wunn ‘e? Innit”

“Er, your son’s name is Harvey, I believe. But look, one of these days you’ll game the system once too often, and you’ll end up behind bars”

“Harvey d’ya say? On yeah, ‘im an’ all. Yeah well, s’pose it wouldn’t be all that bad. The screws brought me breakfast in bed this mornin’ in return for a flash, an’ ah could do me workart’s in the gym, gavver material for anuvver new book, and plan me next career move fer when ah get ahrt. Innit”

“Next career move? Pray tell!”

“Well ah’m finkin’ uv goin’ inta escort work. Samfink’s gotta pay fer all the work needed ta keep me lookin’ bootiful, know whut ah mean? There’s loads uv rich old geezers who’d lav ta be seen wiv a celebrity like me on their arm, goin’ ’round the casinos an’ posh restaurants an’ that. Farzand quid a punt, hundred extra ta cop a quick feel. There’s real manney in it. Innit”

“But that’s not going to do much for your already, shall we say, uncertain reputation”

“Sorry lav, ‘ere’s me ‘airdresser, cam ta do me ‘ighlights fer the court. ‘Spect the beak’ll let me ahrt on bail again, wunn ‘e? You see if ‘e don’t. ‘Ere officer, show ‘im arht would ya, there’s a good lad. Triffic. Innit”

Oh well. This is Ron Knee,for IsAC, returning you to the studio. Innit”.

Sly News.

Metro.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

Argus.

‘Bugger Bognor’, as the dying King George V said. Nowadays not so much ‘bugger’ as ‘buggered’, apparently.

A Climate Central (no, me neither) report paints a devastating picture of vast swathes of the Sussex coastline being lost to the sea thanks to our perennial favourite, climate change. And poor old Bognor is going to disappear completely, so its council has declared a climate emergency. As you do.

Except read on and it appears that the report takes no account of the town’s sea defences, namely a shingle beach and promenade. In other words, if there were no sea defences, Bognor would get flooded. A brilliant observation when you consider that part of the town is below sea level.

Hey Bognor Town Council, how about declaring a pothole emergency and stick to fixing something within your capabilities?

Nominated by : Geordie Twatt

Chelshit football club are way overdue another cunting.

Fuck me, how many players do these cunts need? In the last two years alone they have signed Jackson, Nkunku, Mudryk, Madueke, Enzo Fernandez, Neto, Omorodion, fuck knows how many young keepers, Malang Sarr, Badiashile, Caicedo, Lavia, Chukwuemeka, Malo Gusto, Dewsbury-Hall, Wesley Fofana, David Datro Fofana, Cucurella… They’ve spent a BILLION pounds, give or take.

How are they allowed to keep getting away with this in the PSR era? It’s a fucking disgrace.

BBC Sport.

Nominated by : OpinionatedCunt