I was recently looking on Youtube for a new recipe or two to try out for a change, when seemingly at random, up popped a link called ‘Top Heaviest Fattest Women in the World’.

Intrigued, I clicked on to view, to be confronted with THIS truly gruesome and grotesque collection;

YouTube.

For crying out loud. I weigh 170 lbs, and the wife weighs 116 lbs. These biffas weigh three or four times our combined weight, and it ain’t a pretty sight.

Now the wife says that she feels pity for these whales, on the basis that ‘they can’t help themselves, nobody wants to be like that’. Sorry dear but I can’t agree. Nobody is born looking like a barrage balloon, it’s achieved over years of dedication to the consumption of pizzas, chips, cake, chocolate and fizzy drinks.

Don’t give me the old ‘it’s my metabolism’ bullshit. Try stuffing your face less and exercising more; make that much less and much more, and then you won’t end up looking like an enormous tub of blubber and lard.

Believe me, you’ll look and likely feel a whole lot better. So will I, not having to look at you. It ain’t rocket science.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

It is a given that most politicians of all parties are thorough-going hypocrites, but I find Labour worse,because they always pretend to be so morally superior. The prize for this weeks biggest lump of shit must go though to “Lady” Chancellor Rachel Fatarse Reeves, who, while she will be denying the winter fuel allowance for a majority of pensioners (and it is already bitterly cold here in Kentish Town in quite early September), is not backward in coming forward with her own claims:

Look at the fact ugly tart. She looks like an aging street woman, looking for clients for her “French Lessons with Strict Correction” business, with her great flabby buttocks wobbling about in her trousers, like a couple of enormous suet puddings she might look quite intimidating in her leather thigh boots brandishing the whip. Of course she has the full support of the enormous bunch of compliant bum boys in the PLP – idiot little Sam Carling, 22, for example, who has never had a job in his life, and of course Wes Streeting – the toadies toady, who no doubt claims his heating allowance along with his boy friend, also an M.P. The bog standard MP “earns” (well – we give them) – £91,000 a year. Ministers, of course, get more. They live on our charity and they get given enormous expenses – as we well know – for the most trivial, paltry purposes Kit Kats, and bath plugs for example.

I just hope the Telegraph repeats it’s 2009 investigation into MPs expenses, to see what this shower of fifth rate shit are claiming for. It would be interesting to see Kweer and Angies.

Daily Fail

Nominated by W C Boggs. Link provided by Ron Knee.

ADF International.

West Midlands Police were forced to pay £13,000 and apologise to Isabel Vaughan-Spruce, a Christian volunteer who was “unlawfully” arrested for PRAYING SILENTLY near a CLOSED abortion facility. The officers arrested the woman for a supposed ‘Public Order’ Offence.

Now personally, I believe in Freedom of thought, speech, religion and expression, as long as your actions do not affect anyone else’s rights to the same freedoms.

We are now living in a country with an oppressive radically ‘Socialist’ government with a huge Parliamentary majority, who have the ability to enshrine new laws curtailing our Freedom of Speech, Expression and Thought.

I do not condone, nor encourage any acts of violence or vandalism….. but..The time is approaching where it is encumbent upon every free thinking citizen of this country to stand together in a massive peaceful, silent, march holding placards stating that we will not accept any further restrictions on our Freedom to think, say, write, travel without State interference or oppression.

Our ancestors fought wars and gave their lives in the Millions to defeat cruelty, opression and State Control. We cannot and must not allow a perversion of our laws, freedoms and denogration of our past, our history, our beliefs and ideals, our national character to continue, lest we find ourselves inside Orwells prophesied totalitarian state, and too late to do anything to change it.

“The only thing necessary for Evil to triumph, is for good men to do nothing”

Nominated by : Lord of the Rings

I’ve just finished watching several episodes of Midsomer Murders ( glad I don’t live there), and I always watch the credits, you know, who played which character.

What really intrigues me, though, is the listing of the behind the scenes people. You know, wardrobe mistress, makeup, special effects, I can understand these.

But what the fucking hell is the “stand-by chippy painter” or the “back-up carpenter”?

Who’s the “best boy” or the “chief grip”, and why on earth do they get a mention in the credits?

Studio Binder link.

Nominated by : Jeezum Priest

‘Baby Baby Oh Whoa Baby Baby…’

I’ve always quite liked music of The Carpenters. Sure, they could be a bit cheesy, but my, that girl had a voice that was as effortlessly smooth as silk.

However there’s one song of theirs that I detest; I wonder if you can guess which it is? That’s right, it the one with the lines ‘don’t you remember you told me you loved me baby/ baby baby baby baby oh baby…’.

Yes, this is a cunting for the use of the word ‘baby’ by songwriters. It’s nothing new of course. Turn the clock back a hundred years or more and you’ll find the likes of ‘and I’d like to be your sister, brother, dad and mother too, pretty baby…’ **.

It’s such a useful little word for a songwriter. It can be fitted in very easily, and that’s the trouble I suspect. It’s usefulness is such that’s become ubiquitous over the years, the lyricist’s cliché of clichés. Even songwriting greats of the modern era such as Dylan and Lennon and McCartney couldn’t avoid falling into the ‘baby’ trap at some point.

Okay, maybe I’m being a bit idiosyncratic with this one. It’s just that the funny thing is, in all my years on this mortal coil, I can honestly say that I can’t recall ever hearing a person use the term when speaking to another. Neither can the wife, or any friend I’ve mentioned this to whenever we’ve been discussing music. Yet it comes up time after time in so many songs that it really gets on my bloody nerves.

I guess I could put up with one or two ‘baby’s in a song, but too many and it just becomes intolerable. I give you exhibit one for the prosecution, that tuneless little nerk Justin Bieber, who seems to be going for an entry into The Guinness Book of Records for use of the word ‘baby’ in his song entitled, er, ‘Baby’…

YouTube.

Of course, Bieber really knows how to gild the lily. Throw some ‘oh oh whoa oh oh oh’s and plenty of ‘uh huh’s into the mix, and round it all off with some baseball capped buffoons jigging away like demented gay ferrets, and you’ve got pubescent girls by the thousand moistening their panties and parting with their cash. So perhaps it’s simply the case that ‘baby’ pays.

Oh baby baby oh baby baby oh yeah yeah hit me baby one more time. Classic.

** I say steady on; you can get done for that.

Nominated by : Ron ‘baby’ Knee