Uh-huh, `The King` himself.

In January, 1956, Elvis Presley sang …

♪♫ Well, since my baby left me
Well, I found a new place to dwell
Well, it’s down at the end of Lonely Street
At Heartbreak Hotel ♫♪ …

That`s just around the corner from Despair Drive, between Anguish Avenue and Grief Grove.

Utter shite.

Never liked the greasy twat with his Southern drawl and bewilderingly black hair dripping with lard.

And as for his sartorially elegant taste in the aesthetics of interior decoration in that massive fucking `house` Swampland – don`t get me started.

If he was still around today I would venture he`d probably look like this …

open art

So, don those crepe-soled blue suede shoes, cunters and get those suspicious minds working.

Thankyouverymuch.

Sam Beau has left the cunting.

alamy

Nominated by Sam Beau.

LA County Jail, you can pay for an upgrade! C.A.

Tourist tax is something I’m familiar with, as Greece and Spain have been levying it for years, no doubt other countries as well, but these are ones I most visited in my younger years.

I’ve noticed, with some disquiet, that this practice seems to have infected the UK.

The most recent place to talk of introducing a tourist tax is Wales.
Now, I ask you, would YOU pay to stay?

There’s lovely!

CNtraveller

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

Roses are cunts.

Alerted by the sage advice of children’s entertainer and end of the pier star. Paul Chuckle, this year, I acted decisively to reject the new Quality Street with their shit eco-friendly wrappers and preponderance of cheap toffees and strawberry creams. Instead, I thought i would try a drum of Cadbury’s Roses. They were my Nan’s chocolate of choice, wrapped in pretty coloured foil, they were an ideal accompaniment to ‘Sale of the Century’ or a game of Newmarket.

Unfortunately, they are now even more shit than Quality Street. New eco-friendly wrappers, and almost all the chocolates tasting the same – waxy chocolate covered caramel flavoured goo – the selection includes:
Golden Barrel (caramel flavoured goo)
Hazel in Caramel (hazel nut coated in caramel goo)
Caramel – (Caramel goo)
Cuntry Fudge (suspiciously similar to caramel goo)

All the best centres are missing:

No Turkish Delight
No Peppermint Cream
No Vanilla Nougat

Fucking horrible. What is it with this country and fucking up well loved Christmas sweets?

And it is not just Roses, this scandal runs very deep indeed…

gazette

PS Where have all the selection boxes gone?

Nominated by Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea.

The “boomerang smell”

Ann Russell, pronouns she/her helpfully provided by her/them, gives us an explanation of what the boomerang smell is.

tiktok

So, all that advertising about scent boosters, best performing washing tabs ever, long lasting freshness up to 14 days was all a load of shite, then?

If only we knew, that no matter what we washed our clothes in, with or for how long and at what temperature, it was all futile, because of the boomerang effect.

So, essentially, you’re saying you’re product is shite, use our new one instead?

Just how stupid do you think we are.
Along with Bud Lite/Dylan Mulvany, Jaguar/bunch of weirdos, I think you’ve just shot yourself in the crotch!

Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

A double cunting for a pair of grasping, self obsessed cunts. Ms Eddy-Evans, yet another pouting airhead, wearing more makeup than Wes Streeting, and with the inevitable double barrelled surname ( her real name is probably Tracey Smith), threw away her ex-boyfriends hard drive (and I bet that’s the only thing the twat has that was hard) from his computer, which contained the key to his bitcoin fortune. The sound of his computer kept the poor little lass awake, depriving her of her beauty sleep. Or at least that is her excuse.

As for James, he looks in urgent need of that money, if only to buy himself a syrup and a personality. He is threatening to sue Newport council because they refuse to let him dig up a large rubbish dump which has now been grassed over to look for it. He does generously say that he will give 10% of his fortune to make the area “the Las Vagas of Newport” (don’t you threaten us, young man). But a verbal contract is not worth the paper it is written on, as Sam Goldwyn would have said.

I suspect all this nonsense will be to no avail. The disk has been buried for nearly a decade now and will no doubt be contaminated and probably corrupted. For all we or he knows that disc might have been buried near something magnetic.

I feel there is more to this story than meets the eye, though fuck knows what it is, these are just a pair of publicity hungry greedy selfish bastards.

I just thought I’d mention it. Makes a change from Rachel from accounts who wants to be an economist when she grows up.

Daily Fail

Nominated by W C Boggs.