A quick ‘it’s a fix’ cunting for those two charmless, gurning wankers Ant ‘Half Man, Half Klingon’ McPartlin and his sidekick ‘Diddy’ Declan Donnelly.

The Gruesome Twosome have been voted ‘Best Presenters’ for something like the hundredth time in a row at this year’s National TV Awards, casting doubt on the veracity of the result. Either that, or the opposition must truly be absolute dogshit.

Apparently the pair teased the audience that they might retire to give somebody else a chance to win. Oh bring it on, as of yesterday. What’s the difference between Ant and Dec and a pencil? The pencil’s got a point to it.

Daily Record.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

With supporting evidence provided by Chuff Chugger:

Ron…….these were the nominees if it helps your nom?
Alison Hammond
Ant & Dec [WINNER]
Bradley Walsh
Claudia Winkleman
Stacey Solomon

A ‘cunt one get 2 cunts free’ in the form of the BBC and Cunt Kier Starmer cunting for the questionably fragrant Laura Kuenssberg.
Admittedly she did ask Herr Starmer a hard question the other day but here we have this which suggests he is avoiding the trickiest issue.

BBC News.

Great I thought, she is gonna point out the burning question on everyones minds is the uncontrolled immigration but nope, not today from Laura K.

She is like the unflushable jobbie that just won’t go away and generally has nothing of any use to say, although… I would very much enjoy a sordid night with her, I suspect she would make some bizarre angry faces but thoroughly enjoy it eventually.

Nominated by : Cunt of Peeblesshire

Every council in the country is facing massive financial problems. How can it be right then that Bolton Council, one of the many Labour councils in run-down areas, sees fit to piss money at the wall to mollify Commie eco-loonies for their monthly get togethers?

No doubt Kweer will approve (it is so nice that Bolton shares the concerns of the Islington wine and Lobelia-growing classes) and be straight up to Bolton, get on his knees and suck the council leaders dick:

Labour-run council funds Extinction Rebellion ‘climate cafe’

MSN Link.

Check this out – NA List of Councillors.

Nominated by : W. C. Boggs

These things have annoyed me for fucking years. I went to Cheltenham for the day today and saw three of the fucking things, starting with the railway station there. A frowning life size cut-out of a policeman is positioned on the bridge over the track, to strike fear into the heart of any fare dodging cunt that sidles past it. The fact that there is a ticket barrier right behind it is an irrelevance.

The obvious message is – we can’t afford security, or, there aren’t enough police to go around. Even the dimmest of miscreants would not be inhibited by the presence of one of these things, surely. It looks even more stupid when you consider that people are now filling up carrier bags with stuff in supermarkets, and then just walking out without paying, with no challenge. Clearly they are not that bothered by actual police or security guards, so why would they give a scabby rats arse about a bit of cardboard?

Maybe if these cardboard things looked a bit more realistic, with a few poorly executed tattoos, a Greggs bag in one hand and were somewhat bulkier, the shoplifter or faredodger would think again?

It makes you think what other occupations could be replaced by a cardboard cut out, but in a lot of cases that would be an improvement.

Nominated by : Mary Hinge

Sort of seconded by Rt. Hon. Dioclese:

Seconded. Whilst trawling the sordid depths of the internet the other day, I came across an ad for a life size cardboard cutout of no less a musical legend than Liam fucking Gallagher.

While anyone in their right mind would want this is beyond me. The real thing is pretty horrible but on the plus side at least the cardboard cutout can’t sing.

Mind you, nor can the real Liam…

Peter Jackson’s adaptation of Tolkien’s ‘The Lord of the Rings’ is my all-time favourite film, and Lord knows, I’ve got a long list of greats that I love. To me, it’s the absolute epitome of the film makers’ art, a sweeping, epic fantasy brought to the screen with magnificent swagger and style by all concerned. In short, it’s a masterpiece.

Now you may love it like me, or be indifferent, or hate it. What you can’t do is deny that the trilogy has had enormous critical and popular acclaim, receiving a cartload of awards (inc. no less than seventeen Oscars) and netting a cool £3 billion to date at the box office.

I wish that this perfect creation had been left to stand alone, but it wasn’t to be. Seeing dollar signs revolving in front of their eyes, the Hollywood suits and bean counters turned Tolkien’s delightful children’s tale ‘The Hobbit’ (surely only a one picture deal) into a sprawling three picture mess. Then Amazon had to get in on the act with ‘LOTR; The Rings of Power’, which is by all accounts a woke abomination, and a betrayal of Tolkien’s legacy.

Just knock it on the head already will you? But no, there’s news of yet another attempt to squeeze a buck until it squeaks with a new two picture project entitled ‘LOTR; the Hunt for Gollum’. Apparently the 85 year old Ian McKellen will return as Gandalf, if he lives that long. Viggo Mortensen might even reprise his role as Aragorn ‘if it fits the story’ or something. Blimey guys, do you need the money that badly?

This looks to me like nothing more than a cynical attempt to cash in on the amazing loyalty of the huge ‘LOTR’ fanbase, and they should be very careful; just look at how badly Disney has pissed off the ‘Star Wars’ and ‘Indiana Jones’ fans.

Of course the new films might be good, but to me the venture’s got box office backfire written all over it. That won’t stop them though, so prepare for ‘LOTR; the Return of the Suits’, and watch them trash another legacy. Again.

Business insider

Nominated by Ron Knee.