It’s that time of year when perfume/eau de toilette adverts are most prominent.
Let’s cut to the chase – (puts on America southern drawl accent) I do declare that perfume adverts are some of the most pretentious, cuntwaffle I ever did see.

In the red corner we have Johnny (I let my missus shit on my bed) Depp trying to make out that he’s some sort of macho, one of the wolf pack, frustrated rock guitarist, rebel hawiking perfume.

Let me just say that I would never buy aftershave from a bloke who’s girlfriend shits on his bed. For some reason I think it will probably smell like shit.

Then we have all the others. I remember the Brad Pitt Chanel advert and the Natalie Portman perfume advert.

I will not be bought by the promise of a movie star saying and doing things I don’t quite understand.

What was that quote from Fight Club?
“We buy things we don’t need to impress people who don’t care”

Nominated by: Harold

My absence for several days has been because I heard this week that my oldest friend who I met my first day (his, too, as a rating) is dying of cancer, This was relayed to me in a Christmas card without self pity or histrionics,

For several years now, since he moved to a different part of the country, and his dislike of telephones the exchange of birthday cards and Xmas cards with notes has been our main form of communication. Just this May when he wrote to me there was no suggestion, beyond the inevitable arthritis, the curse of the senior Briton, that anything was amiss. he became ill in October, and was given the terrible news that he had just a matter of months. As he has a long standing heart problem chemotherapy would kill him.

It occurred to me when I cunt the likes of Starmer, those little trollops Stacey Solomon and Carole Vorderman, the EU and Grieve etc, that they are temporary aberrations. Starmer will get grey hair thanks to his left wing loonies. Vorderman will lose her looks and people will realise Solomon is a talentless tart. Grieve will lose his false teeth and the EU will collapse due to it’s inherent corruption. It will end up like Jimmy Cagney at the end of “White Heat”.

But cancer, a disease that has been with us for centuries remains the killer it is. We waste billions on space travel, for example, and what good has it ever done the ordinary mortal? – it is just a rich man’s status symbol and plaything, like an even more expensive (and equally useless) HS2.

Then there is the six of one and half a dozen of the other Russian/Ukraine war, which will drag on like Vietnam, with billions thrown down the drain to “help”. Would it not be better to spend all that excess money on beating this cruel disease, which affects young and old. The same applies to Alzheimer’s as well, which can make life a living death for years. Let’s spend money where it could help.

My old shipmate might be said to have had a good innings, but he has spent his years of widowerhood caring for cats, who happily live in his workshop where he has been ensconced for years since his retirement, doing repairs of all sorts for his neighbours (at no charge) – Can you imagine me doing that?. He was also a much better sailor than I was as well.

I always seem to hear bad or sad news at Xmas time, which is why I hate it so much. T.S. Eliot said that “April was the cruellest month”. I think he meant “December”.

Nominated by: W. C. Boggs

The Multi National Health Service

A short sharp cunting for the NHS

Having just opened a letter inviting me for Flu Jab there’s an additional 2 pages listing the instruction in no less than 29 languages.

I can’t be arsed to list them all but what the fuck is Tagalog and Twi???

What a steaming pile of Cunt.

Who the fuck speaks that and learn English you cunts or fuck right off back to where you came from.

Nominated by: CuntyMcCuntface

This bell end and his dim witted crew were woken to the cries of migrant scum in the water surrounding their fishing boat. Instead of laughing at them and urinating on their heads, these fucking imbeciles decided to rescue the illegal freeloading benefit sponges. How brave. How humanitarian of them.

It’s cunts like these which are adding to the problem. Those bastard scum illegal savages are dumb enough to attempt to cross the channel in the hopes of entering the UK illegally and with the sole intention of living off the British tax payer. If they then ‘get into difficulties’ along the way, well that’s just dur fromage (hard cheese).

Let the bastards drown, I say. That’ll reduce the number of the cunts getting to the UK and will act as a deterrent to others. A win-win if ever there was one. Thanks to these fucking do-gooders, the problem gets worse. Cunts.

Sly News Link.

Nominated by : Imitation Yank

NHS Midlands Partnership is looking for a, er, ‘Director for Lived Experience’. Now I can just hear you all asking: huh?? What the fuck’s a ‘Director for Lived Experience’ when it’s at home Ron? So allow me to quote from the Trust’s advert in order to enlighten you;

‘the aim is for this post to provide leadership for lived experience practice; bring the experimental lens to Trust Board decision-making, and facilitate the cultural changes needed to infuse and propagate best practice around shared decision-making…’.

Well that’s cleared it nicely up for you. Happy to help. Now we can all sleep easily, secure in the knowledge that the taxpayers’ hard earned money is being wisely and well spent, and that the health of the nation is in safe hands.

NHS News Link

Nominated by: Ron Knee

Seconded by: DCI Gene Cunt

I’d like to second this cunting, or, endorse it, if I may.

Many a time we’ve needed the help of HEMS (helicopter crew), HART (Hazardous Area Response Team), a BASICS doctor, a team of doctors, nurses and consultants waiting for us on arrival at ED, or just another crew to assist with a difficult extraction of a patient from the premises. Never, if I remember rightly, have I, or I’d imagine, my colleagues in the service and at hospitals, have ever required the services of a ‘Director for Lived Experience’.

And I’d wager we never will. Top notch cunting, Ron.