Just like the unflushable turds they are, the East London boy done bad, David Beckham, ex footballer, now media God and spunk donor for a family of publicity hungry scum, and his ugly scrawny wife, who looks as if she is Anal Ease Dodd’s body double, have crawled back into the limelight, sparking rumours that his long felt ambition to get knighted is paying off, here they are – gurning brainless Dave, accompanied by his “dress designer” wife, who looks like one of Henry Vlll’s doomed brides on her way to her beheading, attending the King’s banquet. Two little ignorant grifters, pretending they are somebodies, hoping that Star Fucker Starmer will reward them – you can’t polish a turd but he can try – and he probably will:

the sun

Nominated by W C Boggs.

The worlds oldest bachelor boy has only been messing around with his unique take on making Christmas gravy. The wrinkled rocker uses four different flavours of stock cube, beef, chicken, lamb and vegetable before adding fried onions, teriyaki sauce, Worcestershire sauce, gravy powder and red wine.

“Probably the greatest” gravy recipe in the world says Cliff. Oh really? I can’t see Cliff making anything in the kitchen on his own, isn’t that what houseboys are for?

Professional chefs have described it as “absolutely vile”, not that I take much notice of those cunts. Homemade recipes passed down the generations like a precious family heirloom and local takes on the brown gold are the way to go.

Stick to the wine Cliff you heathen.

Has anyone propped up Miserable and given him some smelling salts yet?

independent

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

Many great things have come out of the US over the years. Rock & Roll music, the beer drinking hat and Donald Trump to name three but festering cat faeces Batman, what the fuckty fuck is spray cheese all about?

The cheese comes in a spray can but is not an aerosol. It squirts out like an oily greasy orange coloured dog turd, with a thick viscous quality sticking to everything like shit to a blanket as the brave or the foolish apply it to their food. It seems a very American thing too, instant readily available and convenient, like going to the fridge to slice some proper cheese is a chore as they squirt away with something cooked up from the devils anus.

Soldiers fighting foreign wars or students studying abroad often get sent food parcels from home with their favourite comfort food in them. Imagine getting sent this abomination? I’d be lobbing it back at the towelheads in Shitholistan along with the RPG’s.

I haven’t actually tried it myself so some input from the General or any other US based cunters would be handy to confirm or refute my slurs on an American food icon.

youtube

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

are cunts

What, in the name all FUCK, does ANY of this SHIT mean … ?

Some time ago, I was born into this world of lovely innocent fluffiness.

Then, several decades later, it appears to have gone all `cunty-booby`*.

It`s truly a Kafkaesque metamorphosis – I went to sleep one night, then woke up the next day and discovered I was in this alternate reality.

Am I still living on the same planet as these sub-`humans`? or is the Darwinian hypothetical of Evolution truly regressing back into the `Cradle of Civilisation` ?

And this, on top of our completely sane and rational `elected` representatives across the planet trying hard determinedly kill us all.

I could go on for fucking EVER.

Perhaps one day we will regress back to amoebas and just spontaneously explode due to natural osmosis.

I am now truly fucked up.

Seriously, cunters, what the FUCK is going on?

*Bowie`s original album title of `hunky-dory`, before the drugs kicked in.

bbcnews

Nominated by Sam Beau.

No not the comedy of jailbirds Ronnie Barker and Richard Beckinsdale.

The government has decided that porridge is a junk food and can’t be advertised till after the watershed.

Porridge, rolled oats, is my breakfast of choice.
It’s full of fibre, zero fat and sticks to your ribs on a cold morning setting you up for a days work.

Remember the Readybrek kid?
His healthy red glow like he’d had two week in Chernobyl?

Why has Labour decided it’s a junk food?
Because it’s NORMAL.
They’d prefer you to eat avocado or quinoa.
They hate normal.

I like my porridge lumpy.
Thick and lumpy and salted.

When Scotland finds out about this they’ll declare war.
And I’ll fight alongside them.
Its a religion in Scotland.

Fuck off Labour.
You granny killers.

Daily Fail

Ps
Some people put fruit in porridge.
And I suppose you technically could do that.
If you’re some sort of arsebandit.

Nominated by miserable northern cunt.

A second bowl of breakfast slops below from Cunt of Peeblesshire.

An unadulterated rolled oats seconding for porridge (porage for the purists) being designated a junk food under the advertising of junk foods ban, Cheers Jamie Oliver you fat lipped cunt.

Obviously gateway porridges such as ready brek and oat so sugary do come under the excessively sugared breakfast offerings category of not porridge but to ban porage in its pure form is somewhat questionable.

By this basis the bastardisation of bread should follow suit, a blanket ban on advertising what we accept to be bread now, but for added measure and this logic, we should also ban any advert for wheat!

I was about to cunt this ban on advertising porridge myself until I seen I could second it and have some other ideas about cunting the state of food in general which I will save for a seperate nom, But this ban is truly ridiculous.
Besides the fact adverts for Iceland and other places selling questionable if not cancer causing food exist and are allowed to advertise their self proclaimed food, To ban adverts for pure oats is ridiculous. Sure, any self respecting Scot will add a pinch of salt, lesser Scots and others will add fruit or honey (note the lack of ban of adverts for those) but still end up with a relatively healthy breakfast.

Included is possibly the only BBC link I will ever use that is to the point and without BBC agenda…

bbcnews