I have no firsthand experience of jail. I have 2 stories, though .. 1 excerpt from a documentary I saw on UK prison life 20ish years ago, and another from a trustworthy friend (ex UK armed forces medic, now a British prison guard).

I’ll start with the latter. Short & sweet. This man I’ve known for thirteen years hates the job, more specifically hates what he observes there. The story I’m sharing happened a few years back. An inmate headbutted a guard during a (routine, for said inmate) violent kicking-off. Guard was bleeding from the mouth, teeth loosened. The cunt that did that hurt himself in the lunge. Skin ripped from hitting teeth. Good-enough for the cunt. BUT…. Outside medic brought in. Guess who was prioritised. Yeah. And the assaulted guard basically got sent home with paracetemol.

On ITV, I saw three early-20’s cunts in prison. The documentary was about drone-deliveries of phones, drugs etc. TO prisons and how nets etc. weren’t stopping them. The three(handkerchief-masked) cunts were rolling themselves some decent looking phatties (one keeping lookout) ..and complaining about their cell’s prison-issue Playstation 2’s. The Playstation 3 was out, y’see? .. and the muggers/carjackers/fuck-knows-what’s .. only had the PS2 IN PRISON. And that was (quote) ‘bogus’. Unfair, they reckoned.

(The fact a ‘prison’ PS2 cost £1000 – more than 2-3 standard PS3’s – didn’t faze this trio of cunts. (The outer casing of the machine, plus the television, has to be moulded from a transport resin, possibly acrylic, .. so shivs and drugs and mobile phones can’t be hidden in them .. and the cost quoted on the doc was a grand for each ‘bespoke’ device).

How’s about a new approach, seeing as softly softly is no punishment at all, bar lost freedom. The amount of which (freedom curtailed)should always be at least twice what it generally is (AFTER sentence passed because of early release for ‘good behaviour’ (pass the fucking sick bag!), and often twice more ANYWAYS, from the outset (soft sentencing .. due to overcrowding .. due to high cost of keeping these cunts comfortable : a vicious circle of stupidity!)

Who ‘decent’ wouldn’t like to see ’em try(for example)….

Whitewashed cell, a 7ft cube. Hole in the floor for piss & shit. You want to smear the walls with it? – go ahead. Then live with shit-smeared walls. Supermarket-rejected fodder twice daily. On the turn stuff, say… and same 365 days a year ; no christmas dinner or anything similar. Suicide ropes PRO-fucking-VIDED. Honest to fuck, I would go medieval on the cunts… prison is supposed to be a deterrent. That angle should be dialled up to 11. Best I leave some room for other cunters to weigh in, though but….

Link. Read it and puke, folks…

Mirror.

Nominated by : CuntemAll

With a concurrent sentence supplied by Cuntamus Prime:

I’d like to second this cunting. Any prison where life in a.cell is more comfortable than a room or ward in an NHS hospital is unacceptable.

My own solution is steel mesh-reinforced perspex boxes, 8′ x 8′ x 7′, allowing guards full visibility at all times. Cells on racks, transportable by forklift/telehandlers.No TV, playstations etc. books only and if they can’t read, learn in any number of workshops, situated further inside the prison.

It’s a disgrace that the taxpayer spends £45k per prisoner per year. The yanks spend $27k a year, because they aren’t holding their cocks everytime they have a piss.

Yahoo News.

Once again an example where two completely seemingly innocuous words, when put together to mean something straightforward gets misinterpreted in a completely over-the-top fashion, and, when a member of a certain demographic complains, the company in question (in this case Sainsbury’s) back down immediately no questions asked with their heads down low (and their knees to the floor?). The offending product is “Grey Reinforced Knee Grow Hem Woven Trousers, 2 pack for children of 7 years of age”. That is Knee as in a person’s knee, and grow as in the trousers will presumably grow/stretch with the child wearer. Neither a 7 year old kid or the average parent would see any specific double meaning in the title of that product. Unless your a cunt who actively looks for this shit just to complain about it of course.

Nominated by : Sir Motley Quim, OBE, CofE, MOD, VD.

Well it may have taken a lot of time and effort, but after an intensive international investigation, the long arm of the law finally reached out and felt the collar of fetid excresence Anjem Choudary.

Yes the infamous Islamist has been found guilty of terrorist offences after a trial at Woolwich Crown Court, meaning that the festering pustule could now be looking at a life sentence for his trouble.

And we all know what that means, don’t we? Banged up in one of HM’s prisons while his (no doubt) extended family rake in benefit money, all courtesy of the weary, hard-pressed taxpayer.

Mmm… there must be a quicker, more cost effective, not to say satisfying solution to this problem. If we could only figure out what it might be…

Met Police News.

Nominated by : Ron Knee

This Just Stop Oil activist was one of several people handed a four year custodial sentence for her part in causing immense disruption to the flow of traffic on the motorway in 2022.

MSN (Telegraph) Link.

I bet Roger Hallam assured the gullible muppet that, at worst, she’d get a fine and a suspended. Bet she shat her knickers when the judge handed down the sentence.

I’d like to buy that judge several drinks, well done!

Anyway, Cressida’s mother has gone bleating to the press that her poor little ewe lamb will miss her brothers wedding.

Oh dear, how sad, anyway…moving on to something more important now.

Nominated by : Jeezum Priest

Seconded by : Sam Beau

I`d like to second this nom please and add another link re the JSO cretins who recently daubed a painting with soup and now face custodial sentences …

MSN Link.

But if only they had used a tin of Campbell`s soup as an homage to Andy Warhol it would have been gorgeously ironic. They never think these things through, do they.

NOTE: The Admin Team does not generate content. The nominations come exclusively from the cunter community. As such these are your nominations not ours. We’ve had a few ‘political unrest’ noms recently, but the goal posts do seem to move on an almost daily basis. Hence another one. Kudos for keeping it civil. Debate, disagree and trade facts but not personal insults. Fill yer boots.
The Admin Team.

Well here we go again. Our illustrious PM blames the recent civil unrest on ‘far right thuggery’

abcnews

Okay Sir Kier, I’ll grant you that there may be an element of that in play. But simply to continue blaming this nebulous ‘far right’ for the outrage sweeping Britain is naïve and disingenuous.

Don’t you get it? People are sick to the back teeth with mass immigration. They’re sick of stumping up £8 million a day to feed, clothe and house cunts who come from who knows where, while they struggle to pay their bills and get a doctor’s or hospital appointment.

There is a massive problem facing this country. The Tories dodged the bullet by the simple expedient of losing the election; what’s your excuse for failing to get to grips with it? It’s just ‘the far right’ causing trouble?

Well it seems that millions of ordinary, long-suffering British people have had enough of being labelled as ‘racists’, ‘fascists’ and ‘bigots’, because they’re sick of it. The ‘far right’ hare isn’t going to run any more,and you’ll just pour petrol on the flames.

But off you go on your hols Sir Keir; keep the stick up your arse and your head firmly buried in the sand. And don’t forget to take the knee to BLM rioters again before you go (oh sorry, I mean BLM ‘protestors’; wouldn’t want to be provocative, would we?).

Nominated by Ron Knee.