are cunts.

We’ve all encountered them. Those individuals whose perpetual droning could send you to sleep. Those whose company you run away from as though they had a dose of the bubonic plague.

A couple of former workmates spring immediately to mind. One was a triathlon bore. He’d stun you into submission at the drop of a hat, going on about his personal timings, the cost of his gear, his gym training schedule or his strict diet. Another was a ‘real ale’ bore, and a twat with it; ‘you still drinking THAT piss? You should try Hopsworth and Trumpington’s “Olde Pisshead”, ABV 8.2. That’s a real man’s drink’ etc.

My own current pet bore is a guy who lives a few doors down. Now Ken’s a lovely bloke, but he could bore professionally. His pet obsession is golf, and he’s got the true bore’s capacity to turn any conversation to this topic in ten seconds flat eg;

Me; ‘Morning Ken, lousy day’
Ken; ‘Should’ve been golfing this morning, but some of the holes are waterlogged’
Me; ‘A waterlogged hole’s not a pleasant thing Ken’

Me; ‘Evening Ken, off out?’
Ken; ‘It’s the golf club agm and dance tonight…’.

Me; *straightening up*; ‘Alright Ken? This weeding’s doing my back in’
Ken; ‘I’m the same Ron, but the guys at the club say that they don’t know how I do it at my age. The 11th’s a par five, but on Saturday I was on the green a foot from the flag in two…’.

In fairness, I suppose we can all be a bit of a bore in our way. My specialist subject is the Villa**; ‘conceded another early goal against the tractor boys on Sunday, defence is fucking shite, should have sorted it in the summer blah’.

So how about you guys? Is there someone who makes you run and hide if you see them coming? Are you willing to concede that you can bore for England on some topic or other?

**My specialist subject would probably be tits, ass and fanny, but I’ve never met another bloke who gets remotely bored by this.

golf/cunt

Nominated by Ron Knee.

Seconded by Norman.

Seconded. Ron.

What I hate is boring cunts who can’t – or won’t – talk about anything.

When somebody asks what are you watching? They reply, ‘A film’.

What are you reading? ‘Book’.

Where are you going? ‘Out’.

Who are you going out with? ‘A bird’.

Dull as ditchwater cunts who can’t string two words together.

A bit short, but we allowed it because this is just outrageous – NA.

These terrorist loving anti British traitors have gone to far this time.

The Sun.

I didn’t see it myself, but the Black Biased Caliphate thought it a good idea to broadcast Ayatollah Khamenei’s Friday prayer speech to the UK population for forty minutes.

No doubt encouraged by the Hezbollah / Hamas / al-Qaeda loving Liebour party, these cunt won’t rest until Britain is destroyed.

Nominated by : Duke of Cuntshire

Cunters for your bile and vilification I give you the fucking Laurel and Hardy of British politics.
The P.M. (In name only) Has given away the to the Chagos islands an American /U.S base in the Indian Ocean. Also negotiating a 99 year lease on the island where we have our airbase. So how fucking much is that going to cost annually you pair of freeloading cunts?
As he is mates with one of these cunts, why were the island just rolled over to them?

Also there is a fund being set up to allow former Chago island residents to visit/return to said islands, who live in the UK apparently.
No doubt the Mauritius government will allow the Chinese a foothold on some island or other.

Lammy the foreign secretary no doubt followed orders re the return of this island.

This will no doubt encourage the Spaniards and the Argentinians to make demands for the return of the Falkland islands and Gibraltar.

Jesus on a fucking Harley, How fucking thick are you Kier you cunt.
YOU are supposed to represent OUR fucking interests you CUNT.

The island he is giving back is approximately !000 miles from Mauritius. Why give it away?

Daily Fail

Nominated by CuntyMort.

Super Injunctions are a cunt. Not because they stop you finding out shit about dodgy cunts, but because they cost so much.

According to an AI friend of mine they usually cost around £200,000 to put in place. Fuck me, that might make even Lord Alli’s eyes water. No wonder Sir Two-Tier hasn’t got one yet (allegedly).

The injunction itself only costs about £50k, but the legal set up costs are in the region of £150k. Who says lawyers are chiselers?

Apparently super injunctions are often viewed as only being available to the super rich No shit!! At £200k a pop, that puts them out of reach of any self respecting train driver.

My advice? Keep your trousers on and save yourself a bundle.

Read more here: Lawhive.

Nominated by : Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea

Auto correct is a ducking count.

Lettuce half a “on this wee can all agree” counting for the piece of shift known as Auto Correct.

IsaC is an on line forum. It is not the Ox cart rebate society. Most of us are not Roads scholars.

We make miss stakes. Spelling, grammar, punctuation extra, extra, extra. Miner miss stakes can be looked over and ignorant as long as wee fake our pint.

Butt ducking Auto Correct…witch is supposed to make our wives wetter…has become an ember ass meant four many.

It thinks it knows what wee want two say. Butt honestly, if yew or eye eight a bowl of alphabet soap we could shit a moor intelligent massage than some A1 auto correct pro Graham wood right four us.

USA Today.

Know pint in betting it too dearth. Wee all no it’s a reel pane in the ash.

If I ever meat the count who inverted auto correct, Ill tell him to his face; duck off other trucker.

Butt yew counters from the British aisles are a bit more defined and police than us Tanks, sew you wood problem ably gist tell him; Got to duck.

Nominated by : General Cuntster