Fake Passports and Driving Licences

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As I’m approaching 70, I’ve had an invitation from the DVLC, to renew my Driving Licence.

Well, I’ve never had one of the new plastic credit card ones, my old fashion paper one is, apparently, no longer valid.
Anyway, in for a penny, I go on line. Do I want my passport details, including photo to be used. Clicked yes.

Anyway, two days later I have a valid DL, which will be useful when I’m tearing round in my modified old person chariot. I shared this with Younger, who says she’s been using her DL photo to update her passport and vice versa for 20 years.

Which leads me to the point of this cunting. If I can do it, and Younger can, how many younger brothers/cousins have walked in here, using an older brothers passport, with a photo that’s 20 years old?

Government Website

Nominated by: Jeezum Priest

66 thoughts on “Fake Passports and Driving Licences”

  1. To be fair you don’t need Id to stroll into this country, just a sob story that would make Simon Cowell laugh in disbelief..

    Still it bodes well for the coming elections where you will need photo ID..
    Especially as every pàķi looks the same, whatever gender they are..

    • I’m due to renew my driving licence this year.
      My current one has hair and is clean shaven.
      Not a chance you’d think it was me.

      It’s the only photo ID I own.

      No passport. No point .

      I hate the idea of the government having my photo and information on file.
      You can’t trust the cunts.

  2. Friend of mine Jeezum, was told by his asian neighbours without any hint of guilt that they only bothered to hold one passport for all the young men in the family. Only one of them would go back home from time to time and every one of them was waved through on the same passport without a problem.

  3. Foreigners,especially any sort of swarthy cunt,should be barcided at birth.

    Then deported along with their entire families.

  4. Talking of foreigners, our new neighbours are from Slovakia. Anyone have any opinion or information on Slovaks?

    • I sat outside a bar in Slovakia watching girls go by. Not one was less than a 9.5
      Fuck knows why they would want to come here.

    • I only worked with one and he was a top bloke. He ended up building his own house, in other words, a grafter. They don’t pander to swarthy types.

    • I have always thought that Poles, Czechs, Slovaks and Hungarians have all of the positive attributes of the Germans and none of the Negatives of the Germans.
      In a nutshell, they are fine by me.

    • Slovaks? They’re the poorer relations of Czechs who are themselves poor and criminal. They’re akright looking until about 29, then turn into your typical East European fat Olga – a face like a walrus and stinking of ham.
      Don’t leave your door open. They have as sticky fingers as Romanians. An awful lot of Slovaks are gýp -see cunts pretending to be normal people.

    • Worked there for a while, good people. They have a brilliant education system and work like hell. Very pedantic about their work as well.
      It would be a great place to live BUT landlocked countries give me the jitters.

  5. Jeezum, How much did the DVLA rush you for the licence? Hopefully the bastards realise I have four years still to go on the old paper licence, I doubt it but heigh ho.

      • JP, get yourself a spaz chariot, mebbee the sacred NHS (Nigerian Hoax Service) will pay for it if you identify as an Eritrean Transbumbder lentil.
        Stick some go faster stripes on it along with handle grip tassels.
        Fuck Peter Fondant.

      • I was hoping to get a small fossil fuel powered vehicle, Pooter, that I could retro-fit with after-burners.

        5mph, fuck that!

    • Once you hit 70, you have to renew every 3 years, and confirm that your eyesight is OK, and you don’t have any medical condition that would prevent you from driving.

      Their rules, so renewal is free.

      • Look on the bright side, JP.
        When you get too old and demented to drive you can always renew your licence using Younger’s photo and details.
        Worst thing that could happen is you might have to self identify as a woman.

      • Probably could, MJB, as there are apparently no checks or measures to ensure that the person applying for the licence actually is who they say they are.

        I don’t know what the solution is, although my passport is a biometric one, so that would be pretty hard for a fake me to use, assuming the biometric airport scanners are actually working!

      • Take it you still drive JP?

        My mam just got her licence back after having a cataract operation.
        She said even though her eye test went well they seemed reluctant to give it back.

        She also said

        ” They want older people off the road!
        Well they can get fucked!!”

        She doesn’t like the DVLA.
        Or Pakistani s.

      • I can drive, Mis, obviously but don’t and haven’t for several years. I was in a horrific car v. lorry accident 10 years ago. I only drove once after I recovered from the physical injuries, but I was so frightened, I was shaking like a shitting dog and my driving was so erratic that, for the safety of other road users, I banned myself.

        Then my partner died, which didn’t help one bit.

        But now, I’m feeling like I should have a licence, because my mobility isn’t great and I might need a vehicle to get around, soon.

      • Sorry to hear that JP.
        It’s understandable that you’re confidence would be shook after that.

        Wonder if you’d qualify for a mobility car?
        Try.
        Can only say no can’t they?

      • That’s the intention, Mis.

        Or a Disabled sticker so we can park on yellow lines.

        I’m sort of sorry they no longer have those blue disability cars, really tinny and prone to blowing over in a strong wind. I wouldn’t have minded one of them!

        I’m hoping to purchase a little 2 seater Smart car, furthest I’d go would be 3 miles, to Morrisons, and the Lass will be old enough to drive in three years, so she can have it and take me shopping.

        ( Her parents are emigrating when she’s 16, in two years, and she’s going to live with me, I already changed my Will, she gets the lot)

      • Allow me to stick my oar in here lads. Our younger has a damaged spine and her left leg is no good as a result. She drives an automatic, no clutch pedal you see. To be eligible for a motability car you need to be on the higher of the two rates of personal independence payment, PIP. The government has tightened up considerably on the requirements to receive this since COVID. The application of the requirements is well known to be grossly unfair with people who cannot walk being disqualified and people as fit as you Mis being awarded the payment, but that’s another story. For another nom perhaps? However the blue badge is rather easier to obtain and is extremely useful. Go for it Jeezum and it may help towards your PIP application in the future.

      • Cheers, arfur.

        That kind of advice is really helpful. I don’t need help to buy a little car, but a parking badge would be helpful.

      • Aah that horrible bullshit rises it’s head again.
        COVID hahaha.
        I fucking piss myself laughing how people fell for it.
        Excess deaths people.
        Is nobody going to apologise to any of us who tried to warn you?

  6. Sent a photo of myself relaxing in a comfy armchair.
    Miserable cunts at dvla said it’s no good, something about no hats sunglasses and had to be a photo of just me noggin
    Went to a lot of trouble to cut the pic to passport size not to mention ruined a perfectly good photo by cutting the middle out of it for the grumpy fucks

  7. You really need to know the system and the consequences of abusing that system to try and use forged or fake paperwork.

    The UK has no National Identity Database as you have no National Identity Cards.

    Therefore, even as they have millions of illegal immigrants and many more waiting for asylum, they really don’t know who these people are or where they came from.

    The UK also, I believe, accept any document from any shit hole country as permission to drive.
    I can’t remember hearing of anyone having to retake a UK driving test to replace a licence issued in another country, regardless of the standard of driving in that foreign country.

    Other countries don’t do that.

    Here you can drive for a maximum of 6 months on a non EU licence.
    You can apply for that licence to be changed to Spanish only if you meet the residential criteria.

    The authorities know who you are as we all have a NIE.
    A unique number issued to all non-citizens.

    If you have been in the country longer than 6 months without a NIE then you will be fucked off.

    You will also have no access to the health system at any time within that 6 months.

    The attraction for immigrants going to the UK is not just the benefits that they can scrounge, but also that there are no consequences for them driving without a licence.

    They can overstay their welcome, get free health care, get their kids educated and commit all sorts of misdemeanors without getting deported.

    You live in a two tier system where the law abiding indigenous people are monitored much closer than the people that really shouldn’t be in the country.

    Well, you certainly don’t want to be called racist.

    • I’m not 100% certain, Art, but I think you can only drive for 12 months in the UK, on a non-UK licence.

      After that, you have to have a UK one.

      I don’t know if you also have to take a driving test to get one, so next time you get in a taxi, your probably being driven by one of arfurbrains neighbours, because if the have a ‘ family’ passport, they probably have a ‘ family’ driving licence.

      • It’s been a while JP but I seem to remember that the one year rule applied to cars not registered in the UK.

        You couldn’t bring one over from abroad on foreign plates and drive around indefinitely.

        Things change.

        The need for a UK driving licence is irrelevant if the police service doesn’t prosecute immos who don’t have one, or any insurance…… Or tax….. Or MOT.

        It’s just the law abiding public that have to pay ridiculously huge insurance premiums to cover the additional risk.

        And then there is the very páki insurance fraud of setting up their own accidents for the payout.

        I live in a city.
        My insurance premium for a quite decent new car is less than 250 euros a year.

        No Pákís and no fraudulent payouts.

      • Now you’ve said it, that’s right Art.

        I knew there was summat about 12 months, bad memory as well as dicky knees, etc.

  8. Fake ID is everywhere.

    Those taxi licenses must be wore thin as each one covers about 20 carpet kissing cousin’s.

    Same with fake currency.
    Lad who works for me showed me a snide £20 note the other day.

    It looked perfect.
    Only when you felt the texture of the paper would you know.

    Modern notes are a bit ‘ plastic ‘ a bit ‘ greasy’ to the touch aren’t they?

    Like fondling one of Katie prices tits,
    Or stroking Michael Jackson’s cheek.

    Fraudsters and counterfeiters are pretty talented you have to admit.
    Albeit grudgingly.

    • Medieval ones especially since they took your right hand if you got caught.

      Imagine if you worked in the mint and gave the king a massive conk or a lazy eye?

    • Many years ago now Mis, a lad I was at school with tried to sell a guy in a pub a wedge of forged banknotes at a discount off their face value. The man he targeted turned out to be an off duty copper. He got two years.

  9. Whenever I require a fresh passport, driving licence or ID card, I make sure the company I’m ordering from is a reputable one using cutting edge design principles and technology combined with state of the art plastic card manufacturing systems. With machinery costing several £s these companies can guarantee your documents will be of the highest possible order. Available at all good sites on the dark web – contact your internet service provider for details.

  10. You are probably lucky jp you did it now..
    Give it five years us plebs will be banned from driving or taking a holiday abroad.

    You will have to go to a stasi like renewal centre to be interrogated as to why you deserve a driving licence..
    Hang on that’s DVLA Swansea I’m describing..

    And as for a passport there will be a 10 year wait as the government has run out, handing them to every piece of filth that Rock’s up on our shore..

    • What, me worry?
      There’ll be no vehicles, let alone roads or filth, after World War 3.
      Coming soon to a country near you. 😊

  11. Jeezum, did you receive one with the EU Surrender flag on it or have they stopped that childish bollocks?

    • The Union Flag, Captain.

      In fact, it couldn’t say ” British” any more obviously.

      UK in large type, the Lion and Unicorn symbol you get on British currency stamped on it, holographic as all get out, I would think it’s pretty hard to fake a UK licence, these days.

    • I can confirm Cap’n that the EU bollocks is gone. My current licence issued 11/03/21 is stamped UK driving licence and has the union flag conspicuous on the right hand side. No sign of EU or an EU flag.

  12. The British Passport used to be prized above all others. It gave it’s holder citizenship of the greatest country in the world. Now it is given to any cunt who holds a hand out. Sunak is a fucking useless spunk bubble. The country has been betrayed by the loathsome, parasitic scum that claim to be our Government.

    (This is a shocking and quite appalling post! The blatant omission of the apostrophe is a form of discriminatory grammarphobia, which will lead to demos in the streets! – Day Admin)

  13. Apologies for the errant apostrophe in the above post. . Standards are dropping everywhere you look!

  14. Ps

    If I misplace any apostrophes or make any spelling mistakes I’m deeply sorry.

    This keeps me up all night,
    And is foremost on my mind ,
    I apologise for any hurt and I’m willing to pay for any counselling or therapist bills that arise from this.

    Unfortunately at school I was busy fingering girls and learning to smoke while casually leaning against a wall.

    I regret this.

    I know correct grammar drives women wild with lust.

    If I’ve misplaced any commas or apostrophes here’s some
    ”’,,…
    Feel free to add them in the right place.

    Once again I sincerely apologise.
    Ahem.

  15. Thank you, everyone who has posted.

    I’ve been laughing so much at some of the comments, but have also got some wonderful advice.

    I’ll let you know how I get on, with the vehicle situation.

    I’d love one of those bubble cars, Spitfires I think, that have the front opening door. My. Older brother used to have a two seater that had a handle on the back to turn it, because it didn’t have a reverse gear, no idea what it was.

  16. My pics were refused. They fiinally accepted one that looked like it should be on the sex offenders register. Fair enough.

    • Cunstable, please!

      I have a dicky heart, there’s only so much excitement I can take, oh my days!

      Sex offenders register, I’m laughing so much, I can hardly type!

      • JP – I like to picture you as Mickey out of Rocky.
        In my twisted mind I like to imagine a training montage where you take a wayward soul (in other words I mean MNC) and train him to become the best removal man in the world by making him doing endless pushups and catch chickens and telling him to “geddup you sunnovabitch! cos Mickey loves ya!”
        https://youtu.be/PADNNRATWCg?t=232

        Bloody hell I think Thomas must have spiked my soup with ‘shrooms.

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