Airport eGates

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I travel a lot and yes, the end of Covid has increased passenger numbers so longer queues are to be expected. But why the cunting fook do we have to suffer these ultra slow inefficient E gates.

I swear that the where to get into the East Midlands airport arrivals barn was literally outside approx 200m long before you even got inside the bloody thing. And then once inside a huge snake of plebs dawdling along.

All because of ultra shit cunting egates and the fact that it takes every passenger 3 attempts before the fakkI’m things let you through if they even do.

I’m seething / 40 mins outside and 50 minutes inside.

Welcome to England.

It would be quicker to stop at Calais and get a dingy.

Cunts.

News Link

Nominated by: MiddleEngland

(More info about egates here: Day Admin – Government News Link)

52 thoughts on “Airport eGates”

  1. I haven’t flown in 30 years so egates are a mystery to me (thanks for the link DA), but my bugbear is people being able to check in from their fucking bed. Next job I get which requires me to clock in, I’m going to insist I do it from home.

  3. What’s that in the photo?
    UK Border?
    Since when have we had one of those?

  4. It’s a bit pointless having any kind of security at any points of entry when we have a wide open Country where anyone can just jump off a dinghy and immediately start checking out local schools..
    Everything I see about politicians, Courts, Judges, the police, the Civil Service and the media convinces me more and more that we need a peaceful revolution.
    The rot started from within, we need to cut it out from within.
    I have used my crystal ball and predicted the future – a crime wave to hit Linton-on-Ouse, most probably caused by waaycism, climate change and the far right.

    • Yeah nowt to do with those poor vulnerable refugees but plod will be keeping an eye on the Linton-on-Ouse Morris Dancing Society and WI book club for potential hate crimes.

    • Linton on Ouse might be a good symbolic spot for the operations HQ and subsequent kick off of said civil protest, methinks.

      *dear plod, should you be reading in 2 or whatever years: I’m not inciting violent riot etc but just speaking as someone in mourning for their near-dead heritage / country etc, I feel that’s legit. If not, fuck you anyway, constable.

  5. I have zero interest in flying unless it involves strafing the Reichstag.
    After unloading the maximum payload over France of course! 😀👍☠

    • How about a convoy of C5 Galaxies full to the brim with peacefuls offloading over Berlin.

      • How about a convoy of C5 Galaxies full to the brim with peacefuls offloading over the Atlantic ocean.

        There. Fixed it for you. 😁

      • I figured a peaceful hitting a Berlin pavement at 120mph would make a more memorable splash, and the results would be visible for longer.

  6. A few airports around the world have those self check in things, where you put your passport in for scanning.

    They fuck up constantly and need the check in staff to stand by the three or four terminals to help people when the things freeze or refuse to read a passport. Which happens every few minutes it seems.

    If they need staff on these terminals, why not just open the fucking desks instead?

    Fucking stupid.

  7. The UK government plan to streamline entry to the UK, no passport check, no customs, completely open.
    Today the first part of the census result, apparently 97% returned the information, so that is 3% who couldn’t be arsed.
    It looks like the England and Wales population has risen by 3 million in 10 years, not counting the illegals (at least 1 million but probably nearer 2 million)

    Fucking e gates, more like free gates 😂

  9. The UK is like the Hotel California……

    🎶 We are programmed to receive
    You can check out any time you like
    But you can never leave
    You can never leave
    You can never leave……..🎶

    I hate that fucking song.

    • I like it.

      But you’re in good company. Back in the ’80s, I knew a born again Christian who had a secondhand record shop and believed Hotel California was the work of The Devil. Furthermore he claimed Satan could be seen on the cover somewhere. As a result he refused to stock the album and whenever cunts brought copies in to sell he would buy them for more than the going rate then go round the back of the shop and burn the covers whilst smashing the vinyl to bits with a club hammer.

      • “on a dark desert highway
        Cool wind in my hair,
        Warm smell of colitas rising up through the air”….

        Demonic.
        The Eagles drank babies blood and sold their souls at a crossroads to the devil.

        A bloke on bitchute told me.
        And I believe him.
        Sinister fuckers

        https://youtu.be/FVsbvFkhzY4

      • How’s it going Mis.

        Yeah great song that and some obvious similarities with Hotel California there. Well for me there is anyway

        Jethro Tull though. What a band.

      • They were just so coked up at the time, all of em and the rest.
        i did like there Californian type rifts though as from a time borrowed

      • Stairway to Heaven isn’t fit to lick the shit off Hotel California’s shoes.

        That said, Page’s guitar at the end is pretty good.

  10. I argued with a cunt directing me to use an egate at hells own airport aka Bristol. I told him the fucking thing wouldn’t work, it never had. And yep when I got to the gate, as per the dozen times before…. It didn’t work. I then had join the back of the fucking que to speak to a human in order to re-enter my own country of birth.

    Anything with a ‘e’ in the name is a bag of fetid dog shit.

  11. I’ve used the eGate at EM several times. If you know which way round to put your passport, and look as much like your passport photo as possible, it’s a doddle.
    Passport photo:
    Number 3
    No specs.
    Current appearance :
    Bald
    Specs. ( OK, I do take them off)
    Fucking biometrics, get it right ffs, thumbprint, or eyeball scan you twats.
    You could reduce queues by 90% if you actually used the technology that’s currently available.

    • It’s comforting to know I’ll never have to set foot in a airport again in my life.

      Sounds dreadful.

      I never have to convert money or have jabs for monkey pox.

      I never have to worry how to order a pint of bitter or chips and gravy in foreign.
      Or have to go to London again.

      How marvelous.

      “Oh you don’t know what your missing”….

      I do.

      • I bet living in London makes a person feel they’re already abroad. I know living in Leicester does.

      • I’m with you on that one, MNC.
        The last time I went abroad was seventeen years ago.
        I have no plans to leave the shores of Dear Old Blighty ever again.
        Capital 👍
        Everything ok, pal ?

      • Good thanks Jack👍

        I found somewhere that has a perfect climate,
        Great cuisine
        Nice Beaches,
        And easy transport links.
        It’s called Great Britain 🇬🇧

        You winning Jack?

      • Yes, MNC, I’m winning.
        Big night tonight.
        Ethel’s out at the bingo.
        Debbie flew into Manchester this afternoon, ( Lear Jet ).
        She’ll be here shortly.
        I’ve got me Brut 33 on, and not a lot else.
        Fun times !
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NO94MYyc7SE
        Oh, hang on, there’s the doorbell.
        Gotta go…… yipee !!!!

      • God, she was achingly beautiful wasn’t she?
        A one off.
        Talent, looks, the whole deal.

        I wish I’d accepted her marriage proposal Jack,
        She’d of made a great bride!
        Oh well , I’m dreaming…
        https://youtu.be/TU3-lS_Gryk

      • The perfect woman.
        She’s just left, as Ethel will be back shortly.
        Gives me a bit of time to get rid of the empty rice pudding tins and raspberry sauce bottle.
        She was fantastic.😍 💋👍
        Like she always is.
        As was I. 💪 😀
        I fucking love ‘ Bingo Tuesday’s ‘

      • Mrs and I stopped flying nearly 5 years ago and haven’t missed it one bit, after nearly 2 million miles we had seen everything we wanted to. No more security wankers especially those cunts in Oz bliss.

    • i held a ferry up once upon a time at Harwich to Oostende after just arriving at Holyhead and train all the way down to Euston for my first experience of the UK where they decided to remove all the waste paper bins at dawn by announcing over the intercom, This is a Security alert in may the year was 1985.
      So i fucked off pretty rapidly after i realised there was no where to quench my fag and onto the next part of my journey which was Victoria to Harwich if i remember correctly.
      Arrived in Harwich without any incident and then had to queue in the “Irish passports only” section, this was all new to my beautiful 19 years going on twenty self.
      I was now at passport control for the Irish only but felt very lonely as my passport was taken away and the official was replaced by someone more spooky.
      i was drilled with questions that repeated and after explaining that i am on my way to Germany on my own, it just lengthened the whole process and all the other people in conventional passport control queues were looking on in, at my lone self segregated isolated until none were left as they were all now aboard.
      The Ferry departed some 40 minutes later than schedule, with my good self onboard.
      i stayed very quiet among the gold sovereign ring wearing passengers for the the entire trip but managed to get a few pints at the bar, so not too bad

  12. Oh, BTW, the last time I went through EM Border control, there was not one white person manning the desks or helping at the eGate.
    There were people, just not white people.
    Just saying.

  13. It’s not the airports fault. It because of Brexit, Covid and Ukraine. All the mudslimes are otherwise employed in baggage looting, I mean handling, and laughably, security. That only leaves Umbongo, who’s intellectual capacity only allows for spear chucking, child abandonment and deep frying chiggun. Therefore passengers will have to live with an automated system with the computing capacity of a 1981 zx spectrum.
    Happy holidays plebs!

    • Just fly them back and Chuck them back out of a plane and then the ECHR can deal with them. Nazis is what they are. Always use the opposite same with LGBT gaurdian crowd.

  14. E-gates never work for me. Never. Same as E-Passport checking – it never works.

    Perhaps that’s the solution to the immigrant crisis. Issue them with E-Visas – they will never get in.

  15. I quite like egates because it means I don’t have to hand my passport over to a scarfhead who then scrutinises it and decides if I can enter my own fucking country.

    This is a petty issue that has bugged me for years so much so that before egates I’d stand inline and work out which immigration officer I’d have to present to, fumbling with my passport thus moving my position in the queue so I wouldn’t get the scarf.

  16. You can use any old passport. Just dress up as a letterbox, no cunt will stop you.

  17. I’m the same.I will never leave these shores of Blighty.No interest in rip off air travel.Sorry fellas.

  18. Every noticed if you run up and down the street shouting “BOMB!” people look at you like you’re a fucking moron.

    Do it on a plane and everyone joins in.

    And that’s why I’m banned from flying…….

  19. Where is my repriation payment oh it it got lost in the post. Don’t worry I’d burn it anyway.

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