Unreliable Tradesmen

Tradesmen who can’t or won’t keep their word

As cunters know I had a recent episode in hospital, getting better but slowly. I arranged for a plasterer and a floor layer to come to Cunty Towers to put up a new ceiling and a new floor. Agreed dates said day arrives.

Where’s said tradesman? Text and phone both no fucking response. This is starting to really boil my piss. No ceiling no floor. In other words, no fuck all. One fucking clown has fucked me around for six fucking weeks. He hasn’t rocked up to give me an estimated price yet!!!!

Guess who is going to get a fuck off you cunt when he deigns to call? When I was self employed I always made sure that I rang customer and verified date. Well, looks like three cunts are going to get one star reviews on trust pilot?

Nominated by: CuntyMort

32 thoughts on “Unreliable Tradesmen

  1. Chickens home to roost!

    B’liar sending every cunt off to Polyversity, to do a degree (😂) in social studies, has left a massive shortage of skilled trades.
    Replaced by feckless European’s who are mostly Olympic fucking bodgers.

    Integrity, honesty, decency and pride in a job well done-now history.

    Take solace from the fact that, if they had turned up, you would have been paying them to drink red bull, wank and fuck about with their phones all day. Probably all at the same time 👎

    The CUNTS👎

  2. Try getting a plumber? It’s easier to get Lord Lucan pop around to your house for a cup of tea than it is to get a plumber.

    • I managed to get a plumber earlier this year, the same firm that installed our boiler 5 years ago.

      Our central heating system was seriously underperforming so he carried out £800 worth of work, replacing valves, flushing the system, installing a fancy magnetic filter, etc, all to no avail.

      As a last resort he called in a colleague who spent 15 minutes fiddling with the boiler and hey presto! the system magically started running properly! Much to the plumber’s chagrin as we consequently decided not to have all the radiators ripped out and replaced which is what he’d recommended should be the next step…

      • Fucking chancer! Some plumbers down in London just go call outs to diagnose the problem, charge you at least 80 quid then don’t do the work fix your appliance! They just drive around London diagnosing boilers then fucking off. Money for old rope.

      • I’ve carried out my own boiler repairs for donkey’s years and from what I hear of other folk’s experiences I must have saved a fucking fortune in plumber’s bills. Truth is it’s much easier in the days of the internet because it’s so much easier to obtain the parts. In the olden days the parts suppliers would commonly refuse to sell parts to ordinary members of the public.

  3. The only trades I now need to finish my house are bricklayer, chippy and plasterer. The two former are family friends, so no problems.

    My plasterer is a gent in his mid 50s. Old school; sand and cement render with a plaster topcoat.

    Always puts you in his paper diary and calls you a couple of days before the job to run through everything so there are no dramas on the day. He tells me he loves his job and his plasterwork is like marble. A real fucking rarity.

    • Plastering is a trade very few young people are taking up these days.Nothing bears an ultra-smooth plastered wall!

  4. When we moved to the Lake District a couple of years ago we needed a spark, gardener, plumber, joiner and a P&D for our home and garden.

    I did think this might be a massive problem given our remote location, but surprisingly with the help of local social media and neighbours, we found the people we wanted, and most of them turned up on time (the one that didn’t did ring up beforehand and rebooked)

    Seems that most of the people in the area are retired or semi-retired from down south, but still do the odd trade job just to relieve the boredom I suppose. All very nice people, and did what we wanted. Might have been a bit expensive, but you get what you pay for sometimes.

  5. The worst to fuck you about, in my experience are builders and gardeners. I have a large piece of equipment in my shed belonging to abuilder, and it has been there for weeks, despite my reminding him several times that it is still there. He is always going to collect it “in a day or two”.

    I had dreadful problems with a garden chappy and a hazel tree, I wont weary you with the details, but had I been a few years younger I would have dealt with the tree myself and saved a great deal of money and temper.

    It’s the heavy work that defeats me, now I am inclined to be ancient – never mind, after the next election there will be plenty of strong, fairly young strapping lesbian ladies – ex M.P’s – looking for work. With any luck.

  6. It could be because most of them don’t speak English anymore. Perhaps “See you on Wednesday around Midday” means ” Go and kill a woman walking on her own” in Albanian.

  7. This is not a new phenomenon. I recall, back in the 80’s, wanting to change the house consumer unit (or whatever they call it now) and rang 5 electricians for quotes. They all gave me a time to come round round to quote me and although one of the fuckers eventually turned up some 3 weeks later (I told him to fuck off) none of the others even rang to cancel. I never did get the new unit.

  8. Law unto themselves these people. I’m renovating a house and the usual suspects have put it back at least 2 months. I’ve done a lot of work myself using my motto.

    No job is too small to botch.

    • Had the same problem with a gang of plasterers who got half way through a big job and then started missing days and half days , leaving their gear everywhere and fucking up the project schedule.
      (They had over-committed and presumably were fucking several other clients over at the same time.)

      Eventually I gave up on them and told them to come and remove their mixer, trestles and tools, but after three days of excuses they hadn’t showed up.

      Friday afternoon I got all of their gear shifted onto the pavement and sent them a picture of it sat in the rain.

      It was all gone by Saturday morning and I haven’t had a peep out of them since.

      I am already practising my sarcastic response for when I receive their invoice for the work they did manage to finish!

  9. A topical, and well deserved cunting, in my case.
    Called several roofers about 2 months ago re. a minor repair- only one of them bothered to reply to the many messages I left- by fucking text.
    He rang on Monday and asked when it would be convenient for him to come and “have a look”.
    “About two months ago would have been convenient, you dopey cunt. I’ve done it myself. Get fucked” was my reply.

  10. In some instances the advent of the internet and YouTube in particular, has been a big help in terms of doing the job myself!

    Obviously any major jobs I would leave to the experts, but with the help of YouTube I’ve managed to save myself a small fortune on relatively straightforwards jobs that back in the 80s early 990s would have been a phone call in the Yellow Pages.

  11. Try beating this one for stress. Last time I moved house the removal people never turned up. Despite calling them and emailing them prior to the day to reconfirm details. 😳

    Luckily, the new owners weren’t moving in for a while so I had time to re-arrange elsewhere and had to sleep on the floor for a few days!

    Tried to complain but the reprobates simply ceased trading in the UK and left all their customers here high and dry. Company called Movinga who pretended to be UK based but were actually set up in Germany. Hopefully no other cunts will be able to do this no we have left the EUSSR.

    Buy cheap buy twice…

  12. I had the reverse experience once. Some silly cow drove into my garden wall. Her insurance company asked for a coupe of quotes, which I soon got. Came home from work a few days later find one of the cheeky fuckers had started work unauthorised by myself or the insurance company. Fortunately for him he eventually got paid, but the insurance people weren’t exactly overjoyed.

  13. We’ve all got a horror story where tradesmen are concerned.
    Me and the Mrs moved into a new build flat 11 years ago and ever since we’ve lived there we’ve had the rain pissing into our flat from the balcony above .
    The insurance company have had various builders erect scaffolding 5 times and assured us it’s been repaired.
    The rain is still pissing in.
    My mate who’s a general builder went up there and said they have done fuck all .
    Looks like we will have to take the insurance company to court.
    CUNTS !!!!

    (Coincidentally, we have a nom due to be published very soon, with a very similar tale of woe and anger as yours, Fenton – Day Admin)

  14. I doubt Lord Fiddler has this problem with tradesoiks. One suspects he threatens them with the Hounds or a 12 bore if they fail to turn up at his tradesman’s entrance on time, lol.

  15. A plumber told me he could turn up next January 14th
    Morning or afternoon I asked?.
    Why? he said.
    Because I’ve got a roofer coming in the afternoon.
    Fucking cunts, most of em.

  16. Being a self-employed IT grunt, I always make it a habit – out of sheer courtesy – to ring or email a client/customer if there is a scenario where I may be late for a booking.
    I would find in incredibly embarrassing to leave people in the lurch purely because I couldn’t be arsed to contact them, regardless of whether my diary was fully-booked or otherwise.
    I just don’t understand the mentality of some tradespeople when they don’t show up, or make a complete mess of things when they do.

    Moreover, I don’t trust those trade sites like MyHammer. More often than not the “good” reviews for a person are probably fake using multiple accounts.

    But then again, look at one of the biggest jobs in the country – HS2. Originally estimated to cost around £40bn and take just 10 years to complete; has now trebled in budget and almost doubled in completion time!

  17. If you are physically able and possess skill of hand, the internet is your friend. Theres a video explaining how to do most things.

    There’s not much I won’t tackle still. Plastering a ceiling a bit of a challenge but was achieved.

    Got a mate with a scaffold tower and going to do me facia board and guttering next weekend, perhaps a re-set of the edge tiles whiles I’m about it.

    Had a plumber out Two years ago to replace a part on my boiler. A sensor. Took a fortnight for him to arrive and two minutes to pull the old one out and place new one £58 thanks cunty.. So when the thing stopped working last spring, swapped it myself with a replacement from the trade shop down the road, less than a tenner. Not blown the place up yet.

  18. Been having the same trouble, never return your calls. The cunt that did turn up looked at the job and said he would send the pricing. Obviously the meant he had to go under the house… Never heard back. There must be a lot of work about.

  19. The latest one is ‘lack of materials’ apparently.
    I’ve heard a few others as well, ‘the van’s off the road’ being a common one.
    Like most people, I’ve also had people turn up to give me a quote for work, then never heard back.
    Tradesmen are a law unto themselves.

    Morning all.

  20. It doesn’t take much to stay in business these days. Just showing up puts you in the top 1% and no need to advertise as word will spread that you show up. A good word and they won’t give anyone else a look.

  21. I’m fortunate to be competent at most trades, bar plastering. I’ve completely gutted my cottage and done pretty much everything, including building an oak staircase from scratch, saved me a hell of a lot of money, and headaches hanging around for cunts to turn up.
    I’m a tradesman myself, locksmith, and I make a point of being punctual and communicating any delays as soon as possible.
    I do sympathise with anyone trying to get , let alone get the cunts to turn up.

  22. Just looked at the plasterers Cuntbook page. Seems it was his birthday last Friday. So it’s taken you 5 days to get over the hangover? Epic Motherfucker.

  23. I’ve a very overgrown conifer that needs removing. Posted on my builder, got 3 to quote. First 2 £1000, 3rd £465, you can imagine who I chose.
    First date, rang evening before, nesting birds.
    Second date, turns up, wrong sort of equipment. Fucks sake, he’d been on site!
    Third date, starts, finds a bird sitting on eggs, so he says.
    Fourth date, just doesn’t fucking turn up, phone an excuse, reply to texts.
    Now got a recommendation for someone else.
    Here we go again.

  24. There are no excuses not to text, phone or email. Never give such turd work. They’re never that busy.

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