A very quick cunting for corporate sharks E.ON.
Who are Eurohuns based in Essen, but in manoeuvres reminiscent of Putin’s sale of state assets to his chums, are part of the bewildering number of companies now flogging power from this country’s once-excellent national grid to those unfortunate cunts who like cooked food and warm houses in winter. Who put their prices up by 8% last time. Who have just created a kindergarten-themed lets-all-be-happy new customer account interface, without consulting any customers, to the best of my knowledge.
The new account is designed to
(a) Maximise the irritation of anyone not wanting a smart meter, and require that customer to do his own meter reading, monthly (see (c))
(b) By means of constant nagging, coerce the customer into a direct-debit arrangement.
(c) Reduce the billing interval from three to one monthly
(d) Cut the esteemed customer off if the cash doesn’t reach the E.ON coffers within a week of their outrageous bills being presented.
All this, under the rubric of “Cheerful Energy”. I kid you not. Sad to say, this makes me feel no happier about paying through the nose to a malevolent corporate whose profits last year were over £9 billion.
I’ve switched. Bulb isn’t a whole lot better, but at least it doesn’t insult my intelligence, and charges less.
Here is my reply to the tragically wounded, though obviously much reproduced, automatic email expressing E.ON’s sense of loss at my departure:
What convinced me to leave was your imposition of an entirely new account structure, with an infantile and patronising customer interface, the loss of 3-monthly billing, and constant pressure to make your access to my bank account trouble-free (for you) as, regardless of any savings you have made by this, your prices continued to rise.
I have switched to a company with far higher levels of customer satisfaction, offering cheaper prices. Although the corporate-friendly business model appears now to be universal, and quarterly billing is apparently obsolete, at least its website does not consist of kindergarten graphics and an Orwellian ‘don’t think about the price, be happy’ message.
There is no such thing as ‘cheerful energy’, playmates. Not if you’re paying for it.
Talking of customer satisfaction, google Mumsnet + E.ON, if you think I’m being too harsh on the cunts. Hell hath no fury…
Nominated by: Komodo
The “renewables” piss me off the most with those bird blenders and solar plates that don’t do shit compared to dinosaur fuels. They would not even exist if not for massive taxpayer provided subsidies to make them “viable”. The more a company tries to sell me electricity because they have more “renewable” power than anyone else I tell them to please just fuck off.
78
Fact check:
At this post’s time and date, wind turbines are supplying 35% of total demand – granted, it’s pretty breezy. Solar: 13%, and it’s not all that sunny. Biomass 3%… total renewables 52%. Coal is supplying 2%, gas 16%, nuclear, 15%, oil, nil.
4
What power company is it that has an advert showing spoilt kids whining “What are you going to do about it?” regarding saving the planet?
I’ll tell you what I’d do about it, you little cunts.
Send you to an African cobalt mine.
Maybe that’ll shut you up and get you back to playing with your dolls?
Fuck off and go to your room, you little shit
81
I’d like to tell Greta that I’m doing my bit…by depleting the world of its excess oil…through having a classic car that has a 6.4L big block and does 9 to the gallon.
Oh, and having a two stroke 750cc bike that literally belches yummy-smelling blue smoke.
77
Bravo Thomas, I have recently added to the Cunty fleet an 850 cc Suzuki shaft drive trike. Fucking lovely, big shiteating grin on my face every time I ride it. Fuck Greta the Mong.. E.on are also cunts of the highest order for shutting a road near me for six months because some mongish tosser didn’t make the district heating pipes for Cuntbrook big enough.
74
I hope it’s nice and loud!
If anyone’s interested, here’s me pulling away from work in my obnoxious beast:
https://youtu.be/R0LzBcPGutk
73
As the yanks would say, “way to go” Thomas. My ’51 reg heap hasn’t quite your capacity or horsepower (who has?) but it’s fast and handles well on Y rated Conti Sport Contacts. when it’s raining and I’m bored I go out beemer-baiting on the rural A -roads. Not more fun than sex but a good second place.
73
Is your stinky two stroke a kettle?
Or maybe one of those Kawasaki triples?
I had a go on my mates kettle in about 1970. The speed of it blew me away. It made my Norton Dominator seem pedestrian.
But the kettle wouldn’t handle well.
It refused to stay down in corners.
Was ok in a straight line.
Whereas the Norton featherbed would come into its own on twisty sections.
73
Hi DVD, it certainly is a Kettle. Has very loud pipes, exactly the same as these:
https://youtu.be/Z3Zmdx336_A
72
Brilliant Mr Cunt engine, a practical form of transport
This winter I’m going to start restoring a TS 125 I’ve had since I was 17, I’m looking forward to the smell of 2 stroke again, and upsetting the bed wetters, who mistakenly believe in global warming.
72
Impressive stuff indeed,Mr.Cunt-Engine….it’s not everyone who can carry off the “Benny from Crossroads becomes Boss Hogg’s chauffeur” look.
77
That kettle sounds great with the straight through pipes. Especially on tick-over.
I wonder if the lack of back pressure would hinder performance though?
Ariel Arrows and Leaders needed some baffling or expansion chambers to be at their best.
Maybe the larger two strokes are less fussy?
The Kettle was a thing of wonder when it first appeared in the very late 60’s. We’d seen things like the Honda ‘Black Bomber’ but this was something else.
We were all very suspicious of the jap bikes though. I thought they would never take off in this country.
Only a minority of folks had them even into the early 70’s.
Ten years down the line I’d chopped my Commando in for a CB 750/4 and the British bike industry was finished.
The CB started every time second kick, never needed oil, or the spanners out nipping bolts up every five minutes.
Took the Japs a long time to sort handling issues out though.
Nothing handled like a Norton.
75
yet you are weirdly doing your bit by reusing the same car everyday that has been going for many years, instead of buying the latest bluetooth german car every 3 years. manufacturing cars has a carbon footprint and all the environmental damage that this does. Doesn’t matter if it is a hybrid, electric or runs on unicorn piss, it still has an impact on the environment. so run those old classics and enjoy because the smug hippies got it wrong
1
Nice one TTCE.
My old 1973 Rover P6 3500 V8 is nice and rotary. Not quite as rumbly as your Galaxie, but sufficiently noisy to piss the neighbours off.
72
Rotary, ffs rumbly
71
Rotary Wankel, I presume?
72
It sounds awfully sad. But I had a mild obsession with the P6 indicator stalk.
It just felt so nice to operate.
A pleasant, soft feel upon application, and a satisfying judder as it cancelled itself.
The sleek, spindly shape of it. With that hammer shaped plastic moulding on the end. Which I think was green?
It was the indicator stalk that had everything.
And yes…..I do need help!
63
Haha, so true. Love it.
60
When I get out of London im going to get me a fuck off diesel generator…………… and a shot gun.
70
Forgive me if I’m telling you what you already know smugcunt but yes, go for diesel. They will burn almost anything including supermarket cooking oil, which I don’t see the politicians restricting in the near future. Also, when you load them heavily they make a hell of a din and turn out black smoke.
71
Come to Wiltshire. All the other London escapees seem to be.
72
Kraut Kunts. Tory tosspot cunts for selling our energy market. I’m with E. ON and the standing charge is more than the gas and electric in the summer ffs. I would change but all want direct debit the cunts, and a smart meter fitted. The customer is wrong now and these shite are king.
7
Thank you for getting my point, Vh. Should have sussed that many would use it as a reason to vent about renewables, but my target was corporate cuntishness.
3
No requirement that you have a “smart meter” VH. Check out the comparison sites, take the lowest price, bollocks to the green propaganda. When they raise the price repeat the exercise.
77
I must admit I do like a direct debit.
If cunts like E.on make a mistake I get the bank to refund me right away.
Energy companies are parasites.
73
Tell your new energy supplier to do one if they want to stick one of their shitty smart meters in. If they tell you it’s a legal requirement to have one that’s bollocks. Tell them you will have a heritage meter put in. No smart meters.
81
Thomas, that was fucking lovely, the trike don’t sound that loud. Pisses the neighbours off though.
27
I left EON years ago after a spat over my ‘honesty’, I submitted a final reading on a property however the new owner submitted a different opening one.
I called customer service and was passed to some cunt from a ‘special team’, this cunt was aggressive from the start and seemed to think that his new customer was somehow right and I was wrong with no evidence at all, after a little discussion I told the cunt that I had my estate agent witness the final reading a could therefore prove that I was correct. The twat said he wasn’t interested and the new customer reading was beyond any doubt.
After writing to the CEO, with the sequence of events and the rudeness of the ‘special one’ , copied in the email from the estate agent confirming my reading within a few hours I had a reply from one of the CEOs team with an apology, a refund for the extra charge plus an inconvenience payment to cover my time and phone calls.
I replied to say that I thanked him for his reply but after the way I had been treated by the ‘special cunt’ I would never use EON again.
Cunts!
43
SOI@ – Whenever I am told I have to provide a meter reading I state that as the equipment is theirs they have a legal responsibility to maintain it and read the meters – and if they want me to read it they must accept this is an estimate which is not legally binding as I am not trained or qualified and it will cost them an admin fee of £50.00 and a consultation fee of £50.00.
Amazing how fast they get someone down to read it.
13
It’s not that easy when you are completing on a sale to get someone on site at a specific time which is why I asked my agent to witness the reading.
The main thing that pissed me off was the cunt assuming someone who he hadn’t spoken to was somehow right and I was wrong, it was obvious that the new owner didn’t take a reading until several days after he moved in.
I am sure these disputes happen from time to time but the only evidence they accept is day/time stamped photo of the meter reading, I asked if the new owner had done this and cunt said he didn’t need to…. WTF.
😂😂😂
4
“Government” states that electricity prices set to Biden up by £138 this year due to a “rise in wholesale energy prices”.
But hey – in our Carrieland green utopia we make electricity from the tears of unicorns and it doesn’t cost anything.
I hate politicians more every day.
10
Only in modern Britain could heating your home or switching on a light be regarded as a luxury. Privatisation has simply created a cartel, aided and abetted by Ofgem. These fuckers can afford to be patronising and treat us like spacca’s. After all, isn’t global warming all our fault?
9
Well… we kicked off the Industrial Revolution, so it probably is our fault.
5
It was the right call at the time 😂
2
👍 Indeed!
2
if only we lived in a capitalist society rather than a crony one controlled by tory party donors.
4
SSE are as bad as these cunts. Kept pestering me about having a smart meter. When I told them it was for their convenience and not for mine and I wasn’t interested, they began to bombard me with requests for meter readings. Emails were exchanged and they backed off, but they still ask for three times the number of readings that they used to.
2
All bragging and showing off.
Look at me ive got electrickery.
My wife cooks a full Sunday roast by candle and in winter we just huddle closer,teeth chattering like casternets.
And gas?!!
Well, la-di-da.
Oh Rupert light the gas oven!
Fuckin gas.
Thats just dinosaur farts trapped underground.
Im happy with rubbing Deepheat,® into my thighs come winter.
Flash cunts.
3
You must look forward to winter Mis, all that thigh rubbing 😉
4
Too right.
Gurn an rub!👍
3
Ask the tunnel visioned Green cunts what they are going to do with tens of thousands of un recyclable turbine blades. Which are made from petrol chemicals. No answer, leave that for future generations to worry about. Fuck em, fuck em all.
8
HtB@ – Or what happens to the enormous amount of toxic concrete they set the wind follies in, which will break down and release some seriously unpleasant chemicals.
Wood burner and a waterwheel on a stream for me! 😀👍
British Gas are the worst, they are truly Reptilian.
6
BG are extreme cunts indeed. I hope the bastards are feeling the pain of all the customers leaving them.
2
MNC@ – Strutting around with a candle all to yourself? – you posh upmarket type you, I can see you now, sat in a Chesterfield in Sir Fiddlers with a copy of Country life and a snifter of the finest Cognac (tip – keep topping up the level of the bottle with cold tea, Fiddler will never know!).
It’s a mystery to me, how the other half live and all that! 😀
Gone too far – off now! 🏃♂️🏃♂️
2
I’m with Eon Komodo, have been for many, many years.
Will seriously think about changing thanks to your post.
Have been contacted and threatened numerous times about having a smart meter installed, and have just ignored them.
Last guy came to read the meter unannounced, stupid cunt wasn’t able to read it so they sent another guy round a few days later. He couldn’t read it either.
Don’t know for sure but would have thought the ability of sight would be a prime requirement for the job of meter reading.
Had the British Gas gas man to read the meter only last week. He is also clearly having problems as according to the statement received a couple of days later I have only used around £100 of gas in the last 12 months and am now several hundred pounds in credit.
Useless wankers
5
Apologies Komodo
Off topic and not really worthy of a nomination.
Yesterday in Ipswich both carriageways of the A14 on the Orwell Bridge were closed for more than four hours (from approximately 4.50pm to around 9.30pm).
Ambulance, lifeboat and coastguard crews were also sent to the scene shortly after 5.30pm today.
Motorists – including many travelling home over the bridge from Ipswich Town’s home game against Morecambe – were stuck in long delays while police dealt with the incident.
Shortly before 9pm, police said they were turning trapped drivers around.
A police spokeswoman said: “A man has been detained for causing a public nuisance. That’s all we can say at the moment.
That’s it. Nearly 5 hours of traffic jams and utter fucking chaos caused by one man. Why the fuck did it take so long to get the cunt arrested and what the he’ll happened as nothing further reported.
5
Moved from E-ON to Octopus, E-ON have been a nightmare, as I was in credit. Getting a final bill & refund out of them is like holding back an avalanche. Ombudsman next week. Not that Octopus are much better. They’ve fitted smart meters but the gas one isn’t working. They had the fucking nerve to ask me if I’d stand outside & press buttons to activate it!
1
I am more interested in how the coastguard and lifeboats managed to paddle their boats up the A14
1
The Big6, British Gas, Eon, Edf, Scottish Power, SSE and Npower (Now Eon-Next) are all to blame for fixing the market. They need to piss-off because customer’s are the ones losing due to privatisation. In my field, im seeing small businesses going under everyday because the Energy Prices have gone up by 25% since the start of the pandemic.
0