Windows 11

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Despite words to the contrary, Microsoft has released the latest Windows OS, and OMG what a complete shitshow they’ve made of it when it comes to finding out if your current PC/Laptop is capable of the upgrade!

Windows 10, was rolled out in 2015. Microsoft insisted that there would be no further versions and that W10 would evolve over the next 10 to 15 years.

Us tech-heads knew that was bullshit because MS can’t help themselves with releasing new versions every 5 or 6 years (good versions that is!) And surprise surprise, 6 years after W10, here comes W11.

However, the PR department at MS really have dropped the ball in terms of letting existing users know if their machines are compatible using their PC Health Check app, and their W11 System Requirements Documentation, both of which came into direct conflict with each other.

Without boring you any further with details, your machine probably won’t be good enough for the free W11 upgrade if you have an old CPU and/or lack TPM2.0 because MS want you to dump your old machine and buy a brand new one with W11 already installed.

Cynics think MS are in cahoots with the big PC manufacturers into wanting you to spend hundreds or even thousands of pounds on new tin just to be able to run W11. Moreover, it also means that a lot of perfectly good PCs will be dumped either into landfill sites or fly-tipped – not very good for the environment (think of poor old Greta!)

MS fucked up the release of Windows 8, and followed up with a half baked 8.1
It then released W10, but every time they rolled out new updates it fixed some problems and created many others, to the point where W10 is wholly unreliable. Which may explain why the guys at Redmond want to brush 10 under the carpet and replace it with W11.

But if they can’t even get their upgrade apps to work correctly, what hope is there of W11 being any more stable than its predecessors?

My advice! Don’t bother with W11 for at least another year. There’s no need to upgrade because quite frankly having installed W11 on my VMware it just ain’t worth the bother.

Linux is the way forward, but if you’re totally dependent in Windows, then stick with 10 for the foreseeable future until the fuck-monkeys at MS get their shit together.

Is My PC Compatible?

Nominated by: Technocunt

and this from our old friend Dioclese

A good few years back I was offered a contract with Microsoft at the ‘campus’ near Reading. Three months, good money, close to home. What could go wrong? Well, they hadn’t a fucking clue and after a week I deliberately caused a ruckus and got my self kicked out.

I remember a banner across the huge developers office. It read “Remember – the future of the world is in your hands today” One night – and no it wasn’t me – someone took a big fat red pen and wrote across the bottom “We’re fucked then!”

Watching the ensuing witch hunt was truly delicious…

51 thoughts on “Windows 11”

  1. Even better, you have to have a webcam to install Windows 11 I’ve heard. Lying cunts!

  2. I am in the tiny minority that still use Windows 7.

    Had window 10 on one of my phones and absolutely hated it.

    Have always purchased good anti virus/hacking downloads and never do online banking on it.

    You can get shell programs that turn the utter shit that is the Windows 10 interface into looking like Windows 7. You don’t even have to know anything about PCs to do it. Google classic shell. – DA

    • Thanks DA.

      Didn’t know that. Mind you, I am a total cunt when it comes to computers.

      And some would say many other things.

      I know fuck all about computers, I chanced upon it when Windows 10 came around and annoyed me to fuck with the interface. – DA

    • I’ve turned mine into XP using that method DA. It’s made Shitdows 10 somewhat usable for me (well, aside from the bloatware induced crashes).

      • I also used the shell to transform the utter shitshow that is W10 into XP.

        The only issue I had was refusing updates.

        Therefore printers and other bits ceased to cooperate.

      • Fuck me I’ve only this year pensioned off my old XP laptop and that was only because the last USB port finally crapped out!

  3. You will need at least 4gb to run 11 apparently (that’s the old HP Stream out then).

    I thought 10 was going to be the last numbered “upgrade” because it was so wonderful they couldn’t make anything better. That is what Microsoft said, or certainly implied.

    I am thinking of getting a Chromebook. That or an old Windows 3.1 machine

      • Very much so Vern.

        To be fair to old Dollar Bill, he’s far too busy concerning himself with the health and well being of entire planets population and on helping them all survive a cold virus than to be able to focus on his day job of shit computer software.

        The absolute fucking maniac.

  6. Bad though it may be I’m kind of glad Windows is releasing another new OS. Not just because I loathe 10 but also because as a child of the 90s the cycle of new releases has always had a pleasing familiarity.

  7. Techno, is there any way I can run Windows 7 on my Elitebook without it being slow or unstable? 10 has crashed my laptop again and quite frankly I’ve had enough.

    • Grossly overpriced and they also have opetating problems. Basically all tech companies are out to fuck the gullible public.

      • If all you do on a computer is email and web browsing, grab yourself a Raspberry Pi.
        Cheap, cheerful and more powerful than you might expect.
        As someone who pushes hardware to its limits (3D modelling and animation) I use fairly high end machines.
        All OSs are cunts, which is why I have machines running Mac OS, Windoze and Linux. That way I can choose the best one for the task of the moment.
        Choose your poison!

  9. What happened to the win 10 update? Thought that wS the way forward. Never installed it.

  10. I tried Win10 on my, now 7 year old, desktop. It was shit so I went straight back to 7. When support stopped for 7 last year I did a clean install of 8.1, found a free key and it works fine. Fuck 11, and 10 for that matter. I’d still be using XP or even 98SE, given the opportunity.

  12. I work in accounting. I don’t have many clients so manage okay with a small PC. My colleague on the other hand has several big clients including McDonald’s UK and in preference to a small PC he uses a big Mac…

  13. Completely agree with this nom.

    I play the RPG Kingdom Come:Deliverence and it’s incredibly resource-heavy for my old gaming laptop but in the last 7 months, whenever Windows 10 would force through an update it would either cause massive frame rate stutter during games or just blue screen altogether.

    The issues with Windows 10 updates meant that even graphics card producers like AMD and NVidia were releasing unstable driver updates and so I have to use a stable Nvidia driver from early December.

    Now I’ve reverted back to a Windows 10 version from late last year and periodically have to pause updates for a month and also disable updates in services.

    Windows you fucking suck! And the reason you suck is that you’ve monopolised the PC market and you know that you don’t have to be good. Luckily though the Linux operating system is now (or is soon to be) able to run loads of games on Steam so hopefully more gamers will dump WIndows and go for Linux.

    Fuck you Bill Gates.

    • If Linux can run Football Manager then that’s definitely an idea worth considering.

  14. My mate is always at the end of a phone line to help any drug addicts experiencing problems when setting up their computer.
    He works in high tech support….

  15. M$ are cunts, Apple are cunts, as are all appliance manufacturers, car manufacturers and any other major software company; its all about obsolescence and/or getting you to buy something new that you don’t bloody need so you keep their cash rolling in and your cash rolling out to them.

    All the major software companies have moved from a buy it once license to an extortionate subscription basis – utter cunts. Luckily there are such things as free software if you look hard enough e.g. I was after some graphic design software, took one look at Adobe Illustrator and thought fuck off because of the price and found Inkscape. Similar with photo editing; found something for free – ok it isn’t Photoshop but it suits my needs to add sexy lighting to my product images.

    • The Gimp is absolutely free, comparable with Pshop, and available for Windows and Mac. If you have to…get a Linux distro and enjoy free just about anything.

      • Yes Gimp is great; I have that too.

        I can ‘go’ Unix – ‘LS’ and all that. As you rightly say, way better community of free stuff. Ultimately Windows is for mongs. I have a Windows 10 laptop!

      • Gimp for image manipulation.
        Darktable for raw photo editing
        Inkscape for vector graphics.
        Scribus for page layout.
        Blender for 3D modelling – it also has powerful video editing capabilities.
        All of the above available for Mac, Windoze and Linux.
        The bill for all of them comes to a grand total of fuck all.
        Hard to beat that price point.

    • Dead right in your first paragraph cuntologist. Never buy the latest/newly introduced version of any appliance, car or anything else. Next year it will be priced at half what you paid and sometimes it will prove to be a lemon and worth nothing. Remember Vista?

    • Legally got my copy of Windows 10, I should add! 😀
      Don’t want Dollar Bills goons hassling me and above board is the best way to go.
      Still ain’t paying Microsoft though.

  17. The Simpsons (cunting accepted) summed it up years back with the Talking Krusty the Clown doll.
    Pull his string and he says
    “If I break, buy another one…”

    Modern technology is plastic crap…

  18. Having had Windoze 7 and 10 inflicted on me at work, at the next PC change I got IT to put Ubuntu on the box. No longer was I fighting an outmoded random collection of patches on a mediocre 80’s PC concept, glued together by Internet Explorer, but a system designed and intended to work on a network.

    I have an old XP SP3 laptop now I’m retired, solely to run old hardware applications for which Microsucks failed to include backwards compatibility. Otherwise I’m a Mint penguin, and apart from its inability to format SD cards without going into the terminal, it’s absolutely fine, fast enough, stable, and (touch wood) reliable.

    Linux. It works. And most variants are free. I received no kickbacks for this post, not even from GitHub…

  19. Windows makes me a living. Users may want a stable secure OS but not enough to buy a MAC the cunts.

  20. i’ve been using a Mac for years but i have to use windows at work.
    It’s a fucking joke , it all sort of works and looks like it was made in some geeks bedroom, lots of sub menus and constantly trying to remove malware and viruses.

  21. I have converted to Mac years ago
    It was a total cunt at the start to understand the symbols
    After a year or so i learned and love it
    No more constant updates that Microsoft have to do , the minute you switch on.
    I had my fill with Microsoft and I know apple are cunts as we’ll
    Late 2013 iMac on Catalina the latest OS ,and the first apple air iPad and all perform beautifully to this day
    Mind you ,I keep the em cleaned
    They will probably stop supporting these sometime soon but I got a good run so far.
    I smashed my fucking iPhone recently and am coping with a piece of shit for a phone, but fuck me an iPhone is expensive

  22. TPM2.0 will have a back door to all you security keys. The moment they say China can’t be trusted with 5G because it’s go back door then you know we are already doing it. Point you finger at somebody, now look, how many fingers are pointing back at you?
    So why do you think they need to protect you so much by having to use a security chip with their OS? Because they want to have access to your PC even remotely.
    I mostly use Mac and hate Windows with a passion.
    Will be dumping both Mac & windows including their smart phones very soon because I do care about privacy, I don’t want my relatives to have died in the war for nothing.
    Or should I be thinking ‘I you have done nothing wrong the you have nothing to worry about’ Paul Joseph Goebbels.

    • Do you post telepathically?

      Made me think of a friend of mine’s response to sales calls ……
      ‘You must have the wrong number, I don’t own a phone’
      Seems to throw the call centre cunts off the script!

      • Hehe I should try that what your friend does when someone from sales rings. 😀

        I don’t have a computer but I do use mobile phone for internet.

        I sometimes use the computers in the library for internet and writing letters etc and printing them.
        🙂

  24. Good to hear from Dioclese who is fighting his demons. Stay strong old heart.

  26. This is a bit like Tesla, telling cretins in 2016 that when they buy a new one, it has everything needed for ‘full self driving capability’ (a lie, as it’s called ‘full self driving computer’, but can’t actually do that, or legally be called that in Europe as it’s misleading)

    Fast forward to today, and they are telling people with 2018 cars they need to pay $199 per month for FSD subscription (again, a lie as the NRTSB in the US won’t allow it to be used as is on a public highway) and they need to fork out for Hardware 3.0 as version 2.5 can’t cope…. For an extra $1500, for a car that supposedly ‘has all it needs for full self driving capability’….

    Now, fair play if your customers are utterly deluded and stupid cunts who will keep paying for something they already supposedly own. But Musk is a Cunt, Tesla zealots are cunts, and people who talk about self driving cars as the immediate future are Uber cunts.

    Oven ready, Uber cunts.

  27. I have really been fascinated and interested in this thread – I’d just say my favourite computer was one I had at work back in the 1980s – an Amstrad PcW 8512. No internet, no bugs, no Russian whores looking for a sugar daddy – you just typed a report or whatever, pressed one button and the printer on the top of the machine, reacted instantly, and you had a print out – draft or “Near Letter Quality”

    You really only needed Locoscript, and “Fleet Street Editor” (DTP).

    Why can’t we go back to simplicity and sanity, to the days before everyone started a sentence with “so……..”

    • I think Alan Sugar is one of the biggest cunts ever to immerse himself in shit and come out smelling of roses. But those Amstrad computers were damn good value, and pushed the limits of what you could do with a Z80 chip. If they’d used standard storage protocols, their descendants might still be around today. Whoever designed them, it certainly wasn’t Zucker.

  29. I’ve used Classic XP Shell for years, since I was forced to upgrade from XP to Win 8.1. Didn’t bother with Win 7, or the dreadful Vista, and Windows 9 was so shit, they went straight to 10.
    Good luck with 11.

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