Ford Escort Enthusiasts

This is a slightly niche cunting, but hopefully understandable.

Growing up in Ian Smith’s UDI era Rhodesia, we suffered very badly from sanctions meaning few countries would officially trade with us. But I really wanted a 1600 escort sport, so I traveled down to Pretoria and in February 1979 bought a brand new one all the trimmings and brought it back to Rhodesia.

I still have the car as it was shipped over (fuck knows why as I wasn’t allowed anything else). My beef with these enthusiast cunts is that recently I was looking to buy one due to their simple engineering and reliability to replace mine that needs a full rebuild and respray.

Could I find one for less than 10 grand? could I fuck. The reason is overgrown balding man-child types buy them for “customising” and racing round like cunts on dual carriageways. You know the types that go to Aldi for their food because they’ve spunked their money on a fucking Dixie horn like a 17 year old who’s just sniffed his first bag of Gorilla glue, thus depriving the good Captain of an opportunity for a cheap easy to drive motor of which I’m familiar.

Saw a “yooful” kaffir in one the other day, must of sold a lot of dope and “biatchees” to pay for it, cunts to man and beast, “shove you burn outs up you arse” fucking oafs

Nominated by: Captain Quimson

46 thoughts on “Ford Escort Enthusiasts

  1. You would be better off refurbishing your one, selling it for a small fortune and then buying something decent with the proceeds.

  2. I had a a red XR3 and then a black XR3I back in the late 80’s. Wish I had hung on to them as excellent examples go for up to nearly 20 or even 30k now I think. Also had a 1981 Fiesta Supersport which I definitely saw an example of recently go for over 30K. I am a cunt, I’d love another XR3 now better still I’ve always wanted a mark 1 Fiesta XR2, again your looking at 30K + for excellent examples.

    • Never liked them that much, know some do.
      Didnt really give much thought to vintage cars but did a job for this Aussie bloke, he had a Aussie ‘ute'(utility vehicle to us pommies) and 2 Wolsleys.
      I fell hard for one of the Wolsleys a beautiful car, leather interior, loads of character, really nice.
      Could see the appeal for restoring that.

    • I always wanted the group B RS200 rally car.

      A mate had one back in the 90’s that he paid £40k for. At the time, that was the price of a 2 bed terrace house.

      Now they start at £150k for a tidy one and go upwards of £200k for a rally spec version.

  3. Value classic Ford’s can still be had if you go down in your expectations and step slightly away from ebay and shit like that. I got myself a mk2 Cortina last year for 3.2k a couple of months back cos it’s only a 1.3 deluxe not a 1.6E and it’s a bit rusty. Still goes alright though. And it’s wonderfully shit to drive. And dangerously underbraked. Heaven!

    • Thomas, I remember being ferried around in the summer of ’76 in my dad’s white mark 2 Cortina with black vinyl interior. Lost many a layer of skin being peeled off that fucker. 😃

      • Just remembered; we came back to the car from the beach late one afternoon and the dash had actually melted. Fucking excellent!

  4. Indeed. Cars from the late 70’s and 80’s go for a small fortune nowadays. A escort Mexico went for over £50000 at one auction last year. A Sierra cossie went for nearly the same.
    You’ll definitely get more now than you paid for it and it will probably be restored to its original condition as will make shit loads more as Odins Balls states.

  5. Anything with the oval blue Ford roundel on it from the 60s or 70s or even 80s in the case of the Sierra Cosworth, will fetch serious cash. Capris, Granada MKIs – all serious wedge.

    If I had a time machine, I would go back to around 1990 and buy up all the MK1 banger Escorts and store them for 30 years. I would be sitting on a nice little pension.

    Quimson, most of these Escorts being 40-50 years old now will need rebuilding – wiring, paint, trim, rubber parts etc. However if you have a rust free shell from all those years in sunny Rhodesia, you are already halfway there and would be better off spending some cash getting your car restored.

    • Unfortunately Paul, sunny Rhodesia was 20 years ago, and being on the coast, no amount of wax oil can stop the dreaded rot, amazingly I was offered a 1300 16 years ago for £500, should of ripped his hand off!

  6. In the world of motorcycles things are strange. Men 50 something pay £5k for a Yamaha FS1E moped ! I could have bought a Panther 120 for £20 in 1970. The things were Stone Age engineering from Cleckheaton in Yorkshire, 650cc single invariably used to pull a sidecar the size of Fiddler Towers. The bloody things now change hands for £6000. I still cry when I recall selling my Velocette Venom Thruxton in 1972 because the insurance was £25.
    Off to ride around the Peak District now on the Guzzi California; that should make me feel better especially as there is an Aline Vulture flapping about .

  7. I read somewhere, that Ford always named their motors after top shelf magazines for some reason. “Escort”, “Fiesta” and this bloke was riding round in a Razzle readers wives special.

    • I drive a ford Hairy Red Minge. More up to date named for the internet age.

    • Christ CCC – Razzle Readers Wives Special. Brings back memories of a hormone-charged 15 year old, thumbing the pages and hoping for some foxy, toned Milf with nipples like chapel hat pegs.

      Instead – the reality of the wankfest was some overweight, pre-menstrual old Doris from Doncaster with a body like a burst sofa and a hairy axe wound like a hastily prepared BLT sandwich.

  8. Sorry Captain but I cant get enthusiastic about a Ford Escort. Used to have an 1800 Citi Golf. That was a great car.

    • I just got all misty eyed for a motor I had years ago.

      The Renault Apline A610. Paid £6k for it just before the millenium and kept it in tip top nick all the time I owned it. It was polished and waxed on a regular basis and everything was original.

      Ended up selling it quickly for less than I paid because of moving back to blighty.

      Just seen a very similar one for sale… £20k.

      Gutted.

    • Ford all the way with me until recently CC, Citi Golfs are good cars and simple, they weren’t very common north of Beitbridge though, after 1980 it was what you had already or a fucking Datsun!

  9. Was never much into cars, especially since the turn of the millennium when nearly all standard road cards look the same and devoid of any character.

    The only car I really remember was the old Ford Capri. I loved the design, especially the long bonnet and the sporty looks etc. And of course was it the Sweeney or The Professionals where someone was driving one around chasing bad guys in knackered old Cortinas?

    It had its faults, but bloody hell it was a one of a kind in terms of character.

    • In the 1980s I bought a mk1 Granada Consul GT for 40 quid.
      In bronze and on an M plate (73-74).
      Same model, colour and year as Regan’s ride in The Sweeney.
      Wish I still had it…

    • I remember certain cars of the noughties that were supposedly popular with women because they had arses .
      The Megane and the Ka being two examples.

  10. I used to drive a MK2 Escort 1100 (not the quickest!), always liked the 1.6 Harrier – understated but capable and had classic good looks.
    If I got one now I would want to hoof a Sierra Cosworth engine and box in it, upgrade the brakes, suspension etc but try and keep it looking as standard as possible – that will be fun when the lights change! 😄👍
    I used to buy Yamaha RD’s for about a hundred quid and cane them until they either grenaded or I crashed them beyond repair and I would buy another – now for a running original one I would need to pay thousands.

    • Just finished rebuilding a Suzuki GT200X5 and an X7 is next in the queue.
      I hope to poison little Greta Cuntberg with some 2 stroke fumes… 😁

  11. “Could I find one for less than 10 grand? could I fuck. The reason is overgrown balding man-child types buy them for “customising” and racing round like cunts on dual carriageways”

    It’s the same with old computers. I have some software that is unique, but could only be used on the trusty Amstrad PCW series. At one time people were selling them for a fiver, now you are lucky to find one under £100 and though the software is good it is not worth that sort of expenditure. I recently saw one on Cuntbay for £400. Greedy bastards.

    • I still have an original Sinclair ZX80, ZX81, ZX Spectrum, Dragon 32, VIC20, Sharp MZ80A and an Amstrad CPC464. All packed away in their original boxes up in the loft someplace.

      No idea if any of them still work, but perhaps one day I might flog them for a smallish fortune on WankBay

      • I’ve not been into cars much apart from helping dad when I was a child. Passing bits to him as he fixed it. I was interested in the workings of a car.

        Matchbox, Dinky, and Corgi cars however, I loved them.

        I loved playing Chase HQ on the Spectrum.

      • Afternoon Spoons. Stick with this site. You know it’s good for your soul!
        I hope your nom makes it. I remember the topic being very successfully done last year.

      • The ZX80 is worth a Kings ranson I know that because only 50,000 of them were made (there were 3 million 81’s but they still fetch a good price), working or not. The Dragon and Sharp’s were also not made in great numbers so you would get a good price for them on comparative rarity value.

        My son used to have an “Aquarius” – a terrible Spectrum spin-off that was only on the market for six months. Silly little bugger swapped it for something, these days if you can find one you are talking hundreds. Like his dad, Mark was never good with money.

      • I remember the Aquarius, but never bought one.

        I did by an Oric-1 computer back in 1984. It too was a Spectrum spin-off, not half as good, although it did have a slightly better keyboard.

        Never kept it because the motherboard fried.

      • Retro computers. Love it!

        I bought a Commodore 64 off wankbay a few years ago. Got a bunch of old school games with it too. I mostly wanted it because I have a listing of the original Commodore PET game called Nightmare Park. I had dreams of keying in the old BASIC code and getting it to run. Haven’t got around to it yet. I want a PET, but a decent working one is stupid money.

        My first computer was a VIC-20. I also owned a Spectrum at one point. Those little rubber keys were annoying so I bought a full sized QWERTY keyboard which the Spectrum actually fit inside. Fox Electronics was the company who sold them if memory serves.

        One of those home computers ran Forth as the OS, rather than the built in BASIC. Was it the Oric-1? May have been the Lynx. Perhaps the Dragon 32. Can’t remember now.

        Also remember my first PC. It was an Amstrad. Black and white screen. Single 5.25″ floppy. Can’t remember much else now. You could boot it to DOS or use the GUI loaded from floppy. GEM Desktop it was called (pre-dated Windows of course) and it was crap! I stuck to DOS.

  12. I have a tendency to buy old cars and sell them just before the prices goes stupid.

    I had a couple of Mk2 XR2’s almost had to give them away, now £5k, then I had a Triumph Stag which I sold for £3k back in 2012 then 2 years later a rust bucket would set you back double that.

    I’ve currently got a couple of Rover Sterling’s, ones a coupe and one of the last one built and it’s a belter and a keeper.

    I determined to sell it for more than I bought it, so will probably need to keep it another 10 years at least.

    It’s true though the Ford thing is ridiculous and as CQ says it’s down to middle aged blokes reliving their youths with more cash in their pockets.

    Petrol runs through my veins so It’s a subject close to my heart.

    At 49 technically I’m one of these people And back in the mid 2000’s was seriously going to buy a MK 1 RS Turbo Custom.

    The Mrs played fuck as I already had 2 play cars so backed down.

    I was bidding at £3k and it went for £4k, now you get no change out of £25k.

    A couple of years ago an RS1600i went for £65k at auction. It had about 1000 miles on and some clever bloke did actually buy it as an investment so fair play.

    It’s the same with Mini’s, shitty Mini City’s £5k. Just fuck off.

    I know The chap who owns RACE Motorsport which specialises in race preparing Mini’s.

    He once told me back in the late 70’s he cut up an original Cooper and got the council to come and move it, today you’d pay £50k for and original restored Cooper.

    Just madness.

    • I think it’s the fact that so many were scrapped has pushed the values of certain classics up, I think the biblical recession on the horizon will get the prices down somewhat, if the sheriffs are knocking on the door it what your given!, who the fuck can afford to pay £50,000 for a fucking mini?, I don’t actually think they can!

      • Definitely.

        The thing with the classic market is its being inflated because interest rates are basically fuck all, that plus as you say it’s a rarity issue.

        So people with a bit of cash look for ways to invest and the Classic Car market has always been one of those outlets.

        Interestingly the price of gold is almost at a new high.

        Always the sign of impending doom💥

    • Look up David Brown automotive.

      A refurbished mini, brought into the 21st century will now set you back the best part of £100k.

  13. When I was 17 and had just passed my test I bought a ’78 Fiesta mk1. It was one of my dad’s firms cast offs and I bought it for the preferential price of £1400, but I wished at the time I could’ve afforded a mk2 Escort in decent nick which would’ve been around £2900 back then. 40 years later, I still want to realise the dream. Crazy isn’t it, when you think a 10 year old Skoda would handle better, but I still yearn for that metal and vinyl dash with the eyeball vents and the postage stamp size warning lights. The crisp lines and the small rear lamps. Oh yeah, and I used to really dig the houndstooth seats on the ‘L’ spec. I’d happily have one as my second fun car. It’s eccentric and it’s a bloke thing.

    But, alas, I should’ve taken action a few years back because now even a wreck is going for big money and then you’ve got to do it up. I’ve never been into the customisation of old cars, preferring originality and despair that what’s left of any decent standard versions will end up £40,000 Halfords Honkers.

    Good ‘niche’ nom this, but it arf gives me a pang. Middle aged balding Escort adulteraters stick your chrome plated wide wheels and fucking ugly mutated body panels where the sun can fade them. Go and make some other 70’s classic look like a Tonka toy on steroids you cunts.😂

  14. Wonder what will happen to prices once the old gits to whom the cars are relevant start dying out? My 21 year old son just looks at them as shite old 70s cars, which they are. Can’t see his generation keeping the prices up.

  15. I saw an XR3i convertible not too long ago.

    A bit of a wankers car in the 80s, but they look pretty cool now.

  16. Never had a MK1 Escort but had MK2 which disintegrated alarmingly into a mound of oxidised powder, but was mechanically dependable.
    Followed that with a nearly new MK3 CVH 1300 which was a flimsy vibratory rattly pile of shit that ate two steering racks in 12 months, whilst oxidising before my eyes.
    I miss the Cortina…

  17. Mrs Yank and I are working our way through each series of The Professionals at the moment. I love watching retro telly and seeing all the cars I remember as a kid.

    Doyle has just shown up in a white RS2000. Instant hard on. I was already drooling over the 3 litre Capri Ghia they drive around in sometimes. Car porn.

  18. Excellent Nom, CQ.

    When I was a lad, it was either Ford or Vauxhall (That utter fuckwipe piss-stained gobshite cunt Clarkson was Ford, obviously)

    Fondly remember the mid 80s, tear-arsing ’round North Wales in my Chevette 2300HS, with my mates, on in his Talbot Sunbeam Lotus, the other in his X-Pack RS2000 Escort Mk2.

    All worth a fucking fortune now, had we kept them… Sigh, where’s QDM’s Nom on regrets ??

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