Guiness

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Guinness are cunts.

Just seen their advert waxing lyrical about Gareth Thomas coming out as gay.

What that has to do with Guinness it doesn’t say. Someone from The Guinness marketing team care to illuminate on this.

If the idea is that the sight of a gay Welsh rugby player is going to send us all rushing out for a Guinness there could be a flaw in that plan.

If they are just trying to capitalise on the fact rugby is homoerotic and Guiness suspect that many male rugby fans are in the closet it might be a clever bit of marketing.

New Guinness slogan?

Gayness is good for you?

I could use a drink but it won’t be a Guiness in case drinking that shit is now code for I’ll have an anal chaser……

Nominated by: Sixdog Vomit

55 thoughts on “Guiness”

  1. I wish I had read this yesterday, it would explain a lot today.

    Had a few Guinesses with a chum last night, when i woke up this morning had a very weird coloured (are we allowed to say coloured anymore?) shit and a strangely sore arse.

    You are right about the closet benderism in Rugby, probably even worse than the obvious latent homosexuality in the football hooligan era back in the 80’s. Raving benders the lot of them.

      • It usually gives me a tarry-black stool which is like extruding clay, even if the evening ended with a vindaloo.

        Guiness used to be my go to pint when there was no real beer or – failing that – Newcastle Brown available.

        I’ve not had a Guiness in years so maybe they’ve modded the formula to lube the auld back passage in line with the new advertising campaign?

      • Ah yes, it did sound like a flock of starlings taking off.

        guiness is hard to come by and rather expensive so a rare treat over the pissy lager that is popular here.

        Not sure i’ll bother again if it turns one into a dirtbox donkey.

    • It gives a whole new meaning to the saying “fucking hell, that Guinness doesn’t half make your arse sore” – and now we know why. It also explains countersunk turds too.

  2. Said it before and I’ll say it again. Rugby is a fucking boring load of shit, played by closeted, square headed, no neck public school fuck-wits. Complete cunts the world over.

  3. Who on earth came up with that idea? Hey let’s support gay rugby players, that won’t impact on sales will it? Did no cunt say ‘well it won’t sell any more and it can only associate us with gay people and that will not be good because they all like a babycham ringwash so we might sell less, so let’s not say anything?”
    If I was anything to do with Guiness I would have been on a sacking spree the moment I saw it. Bunch of new thinking all together all loving each other spunkbrains.

  4. I like the term Rugga-Buggers for rugby players and fans.
    I’ve never got my head around supposed hetrosexual men watching half naked football and rugby players.
    I love watching womens football 👍 oooo yer!!!

  5. And just whilst I’m on the subject, cunts telling me “but, you’re from New Zealand, so you must love rugby?”. Err, no. It’s fucking shit. Most people I know think it’s fucking shit. In fact, I’ll take a punt that there’s more NZ’ers that think it’s fucking shit than those who enjoy it.

  6. I drink Guiness,watch rugby,indeed only gave up playing a few years ago,and have to admit Guiness can have a terrible effect on the bowels. After one weekend in Dublin,watching the rugby,and drinking port and Guiness I went,stupidly,to work on the Tuesday. After having 2 shits in the morning,I was fairly sure that I was empty of the foul,black water that was erupting from my arsehole. I was wrong. Feeling another spasm coming on, I stopped the tractor,and quickly dropping my boilersuit and leggings,I let rip. It shot out of me like a fucking water-cannon,I could feel the splashback on my arse-cheeks. Finally the last drop ran out of me.and I wiped my ring with a dock-leaf,pulled up my leggings,and finally my boilersuit. That was an error. The fucking stuff had squirted at an angle out of my ring,and filled the boilersuit which I had just pulled up.The stinking fucking swamp water was dripping off me.
    Just to complete my day,the lad on the winch-rope had come to see what was happening just as I peeled off my shit-soaked boilersuit and shirt. “Don’t worry,I wont tell anyone” he spluttered as I fled to the pick-up to make my getaway. The cunt told every fucker for miles around,and I had to endure incontinence pads and nappies as gifts for fucking weeks after.

  7. Rugby’s ok if it’s a close game. At least they’ve embraced technology like cricket and tennis. I think it adds to the tension of the game then everyone moves on. Not with stoopid cunt football tho. Oh no, our fucking refs are much fucking smarter than any old fucking camera. Cunts! I’m not saying stop the game for every little query but have 2 reviews each half. In the time it takes the cheating poncy cunts to roll round the pitch for 40 secs the incident’s been dealt with. And have a 10 minute sin bin instead of sending off for two innocuous yellows. Refs are the weak link in the game. Biased cunts most of em.

  8. The gay has adopted this tipple as his own,In some sort of sick twist if you buy a Guiness you will be seen to be a disciple of the gay or at worst be seen to be of gay.

    • The things you can learn on this site are amazing. Thanks for the tip-off ANDZ, I’ll ditch my usual Guiness,and order an Appletini in a frosted glass next time I’m at the rugby club. That should warn any pooves that I’m not a disciple of the Gay….perhaps if I demand that the telly is put onto the ice-skating instead of the rugby,that might scare those fairyfied rugby players off.

      • Probably not,Mahatma,the perverted buggers night use the empty bottle as some kind of sex toy on the unsuspecting tippler. Better safe than sorry.

      • Afraid not Mahatma, one whiff of the woofters tipple of choice will lead to a rugger buggers tumescent member up your back passage before you can shout ‘Oi! Get off me you fucking bender!’

      • Yeah the Nigerian strength stuff is mustard. 4 for £6 at Tesco – providing the “peaceful” militia working there will serve it to you…

      • The empty bottle has the purfect length and girth for the gay to a practise with,Thats why its become so popular with them ,Shall we just say its a tool of their trade,Any spillage is just occupational hazard,Come on guys its not rocket science,they love it,Im not a homophobe but these are just some of the little things that they practise ,In the house of commons bar they sell out every night.

  9. Women’s sport on the whole is pretty dire, the exceptions being beach volleyball and topless darts…..

    Any barperson who has ever drawn a shamrock in the head of a Guinness is a cunt….to be sure….

  10. Personally I think Guiness is overpriced shite and Heineken? Fuck That Shit, Pabst Blue Ribbon!!

  11. For me McEwans Champion is the best. A nice dark ale which also “gets you there” courtesy of a 7.3% ABV. Also 4 for £6 at your local Shariah Tesco outlet.

    • McEwans Champion is very good stuff but recently I rediscovered the Black & Tan. For younger cunts, this is half Guinness and half ale/beer. It was the first pint I ever purchased underage, as I thought I would be thrown out if I ordered a poofy lager, which would have been clear evidence of my tender (under)age of 16. So, in the context of this particular cunting, which equates drinking Guinness to a liking for playing the pink trombone, am I bisexual then? I’ll have you know that this is utter nonsense and such a travesty of thought that it could only have be imagined by a cunt. I’ve a good mind to tell my rugby club friends about it,
      I do agree that the advert is total shite, as are the other recent Guinness adverts. Obviously the advertising agency are run by and staffed by outer & inner labia.

      • Black and tan was a de-rigeur working men’s club staple when I used to drink in there of a Sunday dinner (cos pubs used to be shut then back in the day).

        Snakebites were commonplace but another (one I only know from the Midlands) is a “Mickey Mouse” – half ale half lager. Sounds puffy but not when it was Old Speckled Hen (the 5.5 stuff before they dumbed it down) and Stella!

        Another fave (in our Staffy circles: Stoke, Newcastle-under-Lyme) was Marston’s Pedigree with a can/bottle of Gold Label barley wine. I don’t even know if that one had a name but I’d call it a “Penn and Teller” because it was fucking magic!

    • Boddies (before they closed down the Strangeways brewery), or Joey Holts… Vast quantities of Bass light ale consumed this Xmas, courtesy of my girlfriend’s dad… He must have a lorry load of it…

      • Me Uncle Bob used to say: “Boddington’s – looks and tastes like prisoner’s piss, because that’s what it is!”

        He used to pick me and me Nan up at the bus station (on our National Express excursion from Stoke – we knew how to live) and every time we went past Strangeways he used to have me Nan going with: “There you go mother, best hotel in Manchester that!”

        She never twigged. 😁

  12. Have to say I am a fan of rugby league and I prefer real ale and a Jack Daniels…….or two. Not bad for a southern softy.

  13. I was going to mention a Bishops’ Finger but not sure if I should. Oh ffs I have just mentioned it.

  14. Stones fighting ale all the way for me. Best served in Stoke, surrounded by dim witted TSB’s. It has two effects on the average male, the first being you believe you have become the terminator and want to beat the living piss out of everyone, this generally ends in a severe kicking or a free night in the filth hotel. The second effect only kicks in when mixed with a couple of 100mg viagra and you believe you have become Ron Jeremy and can bum 2 hookers one after the other for an hour. Having experienced both aspects the second had longer lasting effects resulting in my cock resembling a blind cobblers thumb.

  15. In my drinking days Guinness was often breakfast , lunch and dinner – it was the nearest I got to solid food . I remember doctors in hospitals prescribing bottles of Guinness to new mothers amongst others.Maybe it was good for you , but it could be fucking awful too!
    PS , never ever drink Jack Daniels before Guinness – lethal.
    Best pint in Ireland – Tandragee Golf Club .(Co.Down).

      • They do say that Guinness doesn’t travel. I’ve had semi decent tar in England but to be honest , I used to love visiting all the fantastic Country pubs in England and sampling the local brewery ales. I remember once emerging from a Devon pub , having consumed 5 pints of Badger’s , into the sun-light on a summer’s day . Spasmodic paralysis of the legs seized me , much to the delight of the natives with whom I had hitherto been bandying my own brand of sophisticated wit . From Noel Coward to Norman Wisdom in 5 seconds flat.

      • Too true Simon, when I was in Dorset I was knocking back Doom and Jack Daniels. Totally fucking out of it once I hit fresh air.

  17. I’m on the moderate but adequate Abbot Ale this evening alongside a wee Scotch chaser (no that’s not code for a “modern” rugby player).

    Got the telly to myself in the living room (for once instead of fucking Home and Away, Hollyoaks and all that shite), darts is on, chinese has been consumed. Barney & Phil on the oche. This is what Xmas is all about!

    Poor fucking telly, when I reached for the controller I’m sure I saw the cunt wince and as soon as I hit 403 in the Sky controller I heard it say: “Thank fuck for that!”

    Telly Lives Matter! #LEDfreedom

  18. Well cunted, Sixdog, spot on with the poof/rugger connection too I reckon.
    Some time ago an Oirish cunt made a habit of squeezing my arm just below the shoulder. It’s an old GPS (posh school in Australia) rugger coach thing – meant to determine one’s strength I suppose. Any rate I politely asked that he not do this to me, and of course he kept at it. I asked again, he did it again. And again, and again. Finally I told this consequence of Oedipal lust in a way that could not be misunderstood and he stopped immediately. However not long after he grizzled to me that somebody (who I only know of) who has spent several years behind bars for violent crime was intimidating and harassing him. My response was brief and singular … “You’re surprised about this?”
    Stinking, immature Oirish cunt.

  19. I haven’t followed this much, but living my formative years in an affrican nation that now exports Guinness to the uk and used to sell decent B&H probably best not to comment.

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