What can I say? Every fucking ad break on the channels I do not watch as a non payer of the telly tax, appears to be advertising funeral plans from some dodgy grifting cunts pretending to be ‘empathetic’. Well, I can tell you now that I am in no way persuaded to pay you 3 grand to stick me in the waste disposal bins on my expiry. I intend to have a magnificent bier of plumed black horses to fly tip me in a location unacceptable to the majority of the population and whoever I decide to leave my not inconsiderable inheritance to can fucking we’ll pay for it.
(Links hopefully added by you magnificent fellow cunters)
Nominated by Kunte kunty, link by Unkle Terry.
I like the funeral adverts.
They are the only adverts on telly without any wógs.
Good morning.
8
True enough – if they did do one showing a traditional funeral from that culture it would show a woman being burned alive at the stake whilst being spat at and having stones thrown at her.
6
that’d be good 👍
6
If a funeral director went into providing services for young robertsons stabbed to death in London, he’d do a roaring trade.
As would wreath-makers who made their presentation with the legend ‘he was a good boy, he wasn’t in a gang’.
As none of them ever are.
7
“Rest in peas sojah, U is wiv de angles now.”
10
A gang,or a Troop ?
3
“He wuz a good boy, turnin his life around, n sheet”
4
,They’ve got it completely wrong.
what sells a funeral isn’t this
‘ and think of the burden to your family …
no, ‘what sells a funeral is the buffet.
only reason people attend.
They should get into partnership with Farm foods orr Iceland.
big display of sausage rolls, mountain of vol au vonts,
if it’s a cremation, throw some jacket spuds in too,
maybe let the grandkids toast marshmallows.
Funerals are for the living.
the dead don’t care.
6
Alright MNC ?
Since ‘ retiring ‘ I find myself scanning the local press, on a regular basis.
I’ve been to some splendid funerals, no one I knew of course. 😁
There’s nothing like the sight of grieving relatives and glistening pork pies to give a gentleman a raging appetite 🥮
I’m averaging three a week.
Saving a fortune on the weekly food shop 👍
Plus the added bonus when the collection plate comes round.
Couple of Zloty’s in.
A fiver out 😃
Life’s good.
Good morning MNC / All 👍
0
All my family have signed up to a no frills funeral package,
you snuff it, taken and burned,
come back in a cardboard box,
no ceremony
no church
no fancy coffin
no vicar..
Like a fuckin pet rabbit.
Accept me.
I’ve not signed up.
got nothing in place.
Once I’m dead I’m someone else’s problem.
They’re going to have to put their hand in their pocket or get busy with a shovel.
5
I’m sure it won’t be long now before the govt offer a subsidy to these cunts,offering a discount if you decide to “voluntarily” die just before state pension age.
Good morning.
4
The mother in law watches a lot of GB news so I’ve seen the adverts on that channel of outrage,definitely one of these adverts had a wóg in it.
I advised the old dear to cut the plug off her telly but she didn’t hear me.
Deafness can be a boon I suppose.
3
I see Transport for London have banned some funeral ads from buses and the tube for having the potential to cause offence.
How an about this?
‘Proposed adverts from Beyond showed beachgoers running with coffins rather than surfboards – with a pun on “roasting temperatures” and cremations’
Mildly amusing, perhaps.
But if you’ve recently lost a loved one or are facing death yourself, it’s most likely downright distasteful.
The money grubbing cunts!
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-45018525
2
On the subject of adverts – I’ve noticed a recent trend towards ads that feature mixed race brats who are coldly indifferent towards or embarrassed by their white grandparents.
All in the name of good humour mind
I imagine John Lewis and the team are putting a new, anti white Christmas ad together for 2026 as we speak.
Cunts.
Good morning.
4
whatever way I go, either put in an ⚱️ along with the other people’s ashes or buried in the soil for an insect feast I will be disappointed if anyone leaves the do sober 🍻🍷🍾 obviously with an argument or two as regards the ⚰️ being regaled with a BNP flag 😩…. I’m on the highway to hell 🎙️🎸…ooh er vicar
2
I should like to be buried in Østre Kirkegård in Roskilde please.
With a simple granite headstone from the stonemason on the corner of Kornerupsvænge and Jernbanegade. Opposite the flat where I first moved into when I hit Denmark.
I’m only telling you lot because nobody else listens.
2
TV ads went to shit around about the same time the restrictions on sanitary products were lifted.
Once one taboo is overcome, it’s a small step from discussions about flow and absorbency at teatimes, to bombarding pensioners with ads about funeral plans on daytime telly.
The worlds gone to shit.
2
Here, to save money, people leave their bodies for medical research.
So many in fact, they are now charging people for doing so.
The cunts.
3
The NHS can get fucked.
I don’t want some curry scented twat to receive my eyeballs after death.
I’ve signed the opt out for my organs to help others.
by others they mean sooties , ramjams,
etc
I don’t want my gorgeous juicy organs put in some inferior race!
1
I like the funeral companies that offer you a free biro when you sign up to a ‘plan’. Or is that the life insurance scam? Whatever, they used to be fronted by Parkinson. and Aspel,
Good morning, everyone.
3
Campbell Mandelson, Funeral Directors, still do things the traditional way, in addition to laying on a ham buffet, they will take you through every step, from calling in old Emily Thornberry (dressed in a turban and stockings with holes in them) to do the laying out of your loved one, then when we get it to the parlour, their makeup man, Wes Streeting will make them look as fresh as a pansy. Toolmakers son Keir will make the coffin and stain it (perhaps even put some Ronseal on the wood), they can arrange for the Revd Bryant to officiate at the service, which of course will be in the capable hands of Andy Burnham who will walk in front of the cortage. Phone to make an appointment with Angela Eagle, who has been their receptionist, man and boy, for 50 years.
3
Don’t forget this will be a horse-drawn affair with Jess Phillips sporting respectful brassware and shiny black leather blinkers.
2
Not forgetting the magificent feather plume attached to Jess’ black leather bridle.
0
Wankers
1
Pure Collections.
Red bin on a Wednesday.
3
A cracking nom and one that this bone idle cunt was even thinking of making himself.
What REALLY pisses me off are the smug, smirking and sanctimonious bastards in the ads saying, “It’s what he would have wanted”, or “To save his distraught loved ones all of the trouble of arranging a traditional and costly funeral at such a difficult time”.
The grasping twats. It’s nothing of the sort. It’s all about leaving more for them and fuck the old cunt who’s grafted all of his natural to give them a decent upbringing, Anybody taking the devil’s shilling for appearing in those ads should be given a Zoroastrian sending off.
After all, it’s what, “He would have wanted” for the ungrateful bastards,
1
I never get caught watching adverts, mainly because of not watching channels that display them, with the exception of Talking Pictures Television that is. The best nostalgic channel for the likes of me and even then they are prerecorded on my Q Box, by telling it to move forward to avoid the shite. The ones who watch must have a gluten for punishment, or just love complaining. Even knowing from you lot what they are showing is annoying and had to scathe over some of the complaints. Anyone in the same room as me would be shot watching them, that’s why I live alone. You’ve been warned.
1
well it’s not me.
I’m gluten intolerant.
0
some funerals are vanity projects.
an I get it.
Don’t forget me now I’m gone!
shiny marble headstone,
maybe a statue?
mortality is a bitch.
But I’d like to be buried at the bottom of kinder downfall.
simple grave with a few words
” Fuck off”.
0