The treatment of British nationals at holiday destinations is a disgraceful cunt. PS so are Ryanair.
Mrs E/cunt and I have recently been away for a couple of weeks to the Canary Islands. Get away from the bullshit in the news and the fucking weather. It was great apart from check in where Paddy air only open literally one or two check in desks for hundreds of passengers. This leads to massive queues to add to the already long queues taking your shoes belts watches etc off before passing through an x-ray machine and the watchful gaze an ethnic security bod.
That is on the UK side. On landing in Fuerteventura you are herded into a queue were they take your finger prints and another one were a machine reads your passport and takes a photo of your eyes. We are not finished yet because we join the long and winding road to queue for Mr sunglasses himself Spanish plod so he can fucking stamp your passport. When he isn’t on a cigarette break.
A decent holiday then takes place before the real nightmare begins. Ryanair send you lots of reminders on the “APP” not to be late or they will leave you on the tarmac so to speak. Stories of this circulate around the resort and youtube.
We arrive at 2 pm and our flight’s gate closes at 5 pm. Loads of time to clear the first lot of queues and then Mrs e/cunt can wander around the duty free.. My fucking arse. Just before 3.30 pm two dumpy looking Senoras turn up. Two there are supposed to be 4 desks open. Dream on. We are near the front so avoid the worse of the rugby scrum. Then off to the strip off shit and because of the time when we’ve passed trough this ordeal we head towards our gate which is a good mile away. And of course when we get there Mr sunglasses is on a fag break with around 400 of us cunts wishing to get through. Without a word of a lie we get to the gate 5 minutes before paddy air call us to board the plane.
I would like to think that our British government would tell Johnny Foreigner to up his game but of course our government have a spine like a jellyfish.
If this doesn’t improve on our trip to Menorca in June then they can fuck it and it is Cleethorpes for Mrs E/cunt and I.
Nominated by : Everyonesacunt
Sounds positively ghastly.
All that to go to fuckin Spain?
Your not a drugs mule or fugitive from justice are you mr Everyonesacunt?
Ive never been to Spain and never will.
North Wales for me,
Costa del Cymru.
14
Ps
One of my cousins in Yorkshire is going on holiday to… Ghana.
Fuckin Ghana!! .
Brixton by the sea.
WTF, malaria, hepatitis and dengue fever all available in the gift shop.
Fuck that
13
Spent several months working in Ghana, lived out in the bush with the natives at a place called Kokrabete near Accra. Did ok, they made me a member of their tribe but the food was dodgy to say the least. What’s this we’re eating I asked one day, Umbongo looked at me and said better you not know.
8
If I ever meet you Major I’ll know what to say –
‘Dr Livingstone I presume.’
6
It was terrible MNC, much as I like a drop of sunshine and a cold beer unless it improves they can fuck it. The drug cartels will just have to get a bus of school kids to bring their stuff into the country
6
Canary Islands, pah.
Take Mrs E on a motorcycle tour of Iran, Every.
The authorities there are so welcoming they’ll give you a free 10 year extension to your trip, all accommodation paid for.
15
How sad.
I can fast track through any Spanish airport using my DNI.
No passport required.
¡Buenos días a todo el mundo!
7
Spain is shit. When the indolent Spaniard isn’t enjoying his unemployment, he’s injecting a bull full of chemicals for their impending death in a bullring to some posing, coiffered pónce. Manuel wasn’t a stereotype; none of them work that hard.
Qué
17
Fat chance of the British government doing anything to challenge our shit list status with our European friends. Naturally swivel eyed Starmer’s response to the current energy crisis is to conclude that this of course confirms that we should reverse Brexit and jump straight back into bed with these cunts, in the process presumably writing out a blank cheque of apology and signing a form requesting that we become the recipients of some extra special beauracratic bullying just for us. Some of us would venture the opinion that an alternative response to being found with our pants down in a chronic fossil fuel shortage would be to pursue our own domestic energy security by digging out of the ground what’s on our fucking doorstep, commissioning more nuclear power, and setting fire to all the wind turbines and solar panels to keep us warm on those dark winter nights. But no, it’s let’s get bummed by the EU and let’s sink yet more billions into a green energy scam that will never come close to meeting our energy needs.
Sorry, might feel a tad off topic, but this mentality comes from a masochistic bunch of Communists desperate to be bullied by the European apparatchiks responsible for much of the experiences detailed in the nom…
19
every single cunt in the establishment did their damndest to make sure Brexit never worked. We could have been THE superpower in Europe – low tax, low regulation, our own energy coming out of our ears (coal for power, oil for export, gas for domestic use). But, oh no, let’s make sure it never fucking works. On the plus side, Ed Madbrain says I can now buy plug in solar panels and B&Q. Generating a massive 1.5kW/hr – so I could maybe run my iron on low for an hour when it’s sunny. FFS
14
We are consistently lied to about wind and solar power anyway Lord C. I am informed by my contact who works for Rolls-Royce where they know a bit about big fans and air movement that the efficiency of such devices follows a cube law. In plain English this means that the windmills are only useful over a narrow range of wind speed. When the wind drops slightly they produce fuck all power. When the wind increases slightly they have to be shut down or as can be seen on YT, they would explode and burn in spectacular fashion. I stood in my mate’s garage where he has the inverter for his solar panels. When the sun was out the inverter buzzes like the dentist’s drill but much louder which is why it’s in the garage. When a cloud obscures the sun the noise stops and the needle on the gauge drops to zero.
12
Don’t worry everyone, Rodney is massaging his jaw as we speak, for a full on tonguing of every European leaders arseholes.
Give them everything, and get nothing back in return..
Fat,weak, brittle quare..
Still makes a change from blowing peacefuls on a daily basis..
12
Totally agree with the airport experience me and Mrs gelderd are going away next Tuesday to Málaga and then Palma in may and we are seriously considering making it our last two ventures abroad…. we’ve become airport fatigued with all the hassle of all mentioned aggravating circumstances just too get a bit of currant bun and rid ourselves of the same boring weather and faces of our downtrodden nation,full of moronic half wits and multi 🐂 💩….but as stated it’s looking like 🌧️ Costa de lake district or the 🌬️ moors of Yorkshire getting an airing in future….breetish passports dees way, dees way you dogs 😩
8
As we wonder why when Mexicans speak Spanish it sounds kinda cool?
“badges? We don need no stinkin badges!”
“hey Blondie, don die,
You tell your ol friend Tuco where the gold is”
Mexicans are great if not breaching your border to pick up cash in hand agricultural work.
Yet spanish spoken by a lisping spainard always sounds a bit Camp David?
A bit mr Humphries?
” do you hath these hot panths in pink leather pleath?”
8
The Mexican accent is the most easy for us to understand.
It’s pure, almost posh if you like.
I think that the Mexicans don’t want to see themselves as a poor relation to Spain, so they have adopted a very clear way of speaking.
When talking to a Chilean, they of course understand you, but the way that they speak and the words that they use, make you wonder if they are speaking Spanish at all.
7
Bit like Americans speaking English then Artful?
I’ve got relatives in Valparaiso but I’ve never been there or met them I’m afraid.
5
Probably, but I liken it to a broad Scottish accent with all of the strange Scottish words and phrases thrown in.
Impossible for a person from London to understand.
I used to have the subtitles on to watch Rab C. Nesbitt.
It’s also the ignorance Arfur.
When a Chilean sees that you don’t understand, they don’t change any of the words they are using or even speak slower.
They just repeat their garbled dialect louder.
6
Or British citizens speaking English
4
I never had to go through all that rigmarole because I’ve never flown and don’t need to get away from the depressing news or any other such things. Ignore information you don’t want to see or hear. It would be a busman’s holiday for me anyway, due to living by the sea. Fortunately none of the illegals have been dumped near me and its most unlikely anyway after all this time.
7
Ive flown Sammy.
Its rubbish.
You were right.
6
I entertain myself, Mis, by pretending to be on a flight that’s been disrupted by unruly selfish cunts, whilst watching those YouTube programmes. I most likely would be flung off with them due to getting involved.
6
There’s no entertainment where I live, just simple fresh air, sea and sand. All the people who live here who want the hustle and bustle, fuck off elsewhere.
6
I entertain myself Sammy.
Masturbation, whistling,
Yodelling, and salacious graffiti.
Never get bored me.
23
Some people, Mis, would have to do all that in an iron lung.
5
I knew there were things we had in common Mis.
As for flying, you should try a trial lesson in a light aircraft. The instructor would give you the controls most of the time and you feel the varying loads with unassisted manual controls. Ask him to demonstrate a stall with full rudder and some flap, an experience you won’t have on a commercial airliner. Or if you do you could assume you shortly are going to die.
Worst thing about commercial flying, as alluded to here, are airports. Universally fucking ghastly and the bigger they are, the worse they are.
9
Didn’t mean to be sarcastic, Mis, because I saw it happen.
5
All this down to the decline of Great Britain of course. Within living memory we had the biggest empire the world has ever seen. Now we’re pushed around by any greasy foreigner. No, I must correct that statement. They don’t need to exert themselves to push. They tell us “Jump!” and we delay only to ask “How high?” British MPs. I’ve just flushed a couple. Big and brown and pointed at both ends they were.
8
If we hadn’t interfered with other countries, arfurbrain, in the first place, we wouldn’t be in this mess. Ironically we are allowing it to be done to us.
4
Depending on where in Spain you decide to visit, you may get more fun and games.
The younger generation are fucked off with not being able to afford homes in their local areas.
Foreigners are buying second homes and pushing the market prices up.
They also can’t rent properties.
Anyone with a property to rent will make far more money by short term letting to tourists than they can every make by long term rentals to Spanish.
It should sound familiar.
Youngsters in Britain can’t even afford a deposit on a home and landlords make a huge amount of money by renting their properties to the councils to put immigrants in.
So I have a certain amount of sympathy.
They are taking to the streets and making their feelings known.
¡Al venir tú me tengo que ir!
How pleasant it would be if the younger generation in the UK protested about the immigrants in the same way.
But the youngsters here, just like in the UK are an entitled bunch.
They are not prepared to do the jobs that their parents did and they certainly aren’t willing to travel to find work.
They all seem to want a job on their own doorstep.
My Spanish neighbours took in their new son-in-law the day that he married their daughter.
The idle, useless cunt is now in his 50’s and is still there.
He presently works as a part time barman in the international hotel at the end of our street.
Previously he was employed by a local supermarket to help shoppers weigh their fruit and veg.
Since they were a young couple some 30 year’s ago I have never seen them out in any local bar or restaurant.
They have never taken their daughter, who is now in her 20’s anywhere, not even to the beach only 20 meters from their house.
The guy is wasting his life and waiting for his mother-in-law to die.
Her husband carked it a few years back.
If he has got any strong views on the subject then he is not entitled to protest.
https://www.npr.org/2025/06/16/nx-s1-5434829/spain-tourism-protests-water-pistols-barcelona-mallorca
6
You cant blame them eh Artie?
Double edged sword of tourism.
They need the revenue but it fucks up housing for the locals.
Same thing in Cornwall and Devon,
And parts of wales.
Can understand the resentment
6
They are not bothered about tourism MNC.
That’s essential for the economy and they know and understand it.
The protests are directed at foreigners that own second (or even third or forth) homes here.
They are the ones making things difficult for the dwindling number of locals.
The tourist on holiday are just getting caught up in the crap.
6
Big problem in Cornwall Mis is that the Duchy owns most of the parts which are commercially viable. Falmouth rates as second or third largest natural harbour on the planet. It should resemble Rotterdam but while the monarchy owns the foreshore and the Helford river it’s not going to happen.
5
Coming back to blighty from a motorcycle trip to France despite wearing an open face helmet, waving a British passport, on a GB registered bike.
The uniform wearing cunt says ” helmet off” . I thought hmm say something..!
I did notice every van / camper van / coach was searched.
Yet, jump into a fucking rubber boat cross the channel with a black fucking non English speaking voice and Bob’s your fucking uncle. Bingo, freebies for life.
CUNTS.
16
I sometimes wonder what it would be like if I were to visit the UK (ha!).
I would have the same frustrations as Everyonesacunt had in coming here.
The difference I think, would be that he had to run the gauntlet of the lazy Spanish and I would probably be interigated by some smelly cunt in a badly fitting uniform, wearing a turban.
And that’s a big difference.
8
To replicate the Ryanair experience put a eu flag on the wall and then ram yourself against it in an uncomfortable chair, have someone whistle gently in your ear for four hours and some fat bint to come round half way through and sell you luke warm tea in a dolls house cup for £20. For added realism, strap yourself to the chair with a belt and get the ear whistler to rock it violently. If you pay another £20 you can get to sit in the chair an hour earlier.
6
Me and Ethel haven’t been abroad for twenty odd years.
Passports lapsed.
I used to hate the airport rigmarole, although Schipol was a pretty slick operation.
Anyway, who needs to go abroad, when this country is full of foreign cunts.
Fuck them.
What a lovely day.
A tune……https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kUUA0Fdw_6Q&list=RDkUUA0Fdw_6Q&start_radio=1
Good morning
7
Morning Jack.
Indeed, its a small wonder you and Ethel found the time to work with this packed calendar.
NaturistLife
5
I think I’ll skip the Dean’s Bottom one, in May.
Sounds a bit fruity to me.😁
Afternoon LL 👍
4
I’ve been roped into going to the Algarve.
I expect it to be nothing but a load of fucking mither.
Airport cunts.
Good morning.
6
I dont fit in plane seats.
My legs dont fold backwards like a fuckin pigeon.
And my shoulders are as wide as two seats.
Meaning no fucker wants to sit next to me,
In front of me
Or behind me.
Most inconvenient being on something designed for african pygmies.
Luckily i dont want to go abroad.
I dont like the people
Dont like the food
Dont appreciate other cultures
Dont like hot weather
Dont like sitting on beaches.
Why i didnt get the job and Judith chalmers did.
9
” Hi, and welcome to wish you were here,
With me your host Miserable Northern cunt.
This week im on the beach in Ghana.
I fuckin hate it.
Full of macaroons
Hot?! Like a fuckin blowtorch on the back of ya neck,
Ive got sand up my balloonknot
And i want to go home. “
6
A lot more watchable than that bitch Joanna Lumley.
Everywhere she goes is “fabulous darling”.
She walks into someone’s shack, with a bucket in the corner as a toilet and a pile of rocks with a fire made of sticks, serving as a kitchen on the floor.
She then tells the owner that she has “such a beautiful home”.
Tell it like it is.
5
Yeah, johanna Lumleys easily pleased.
Slums of soweto or the shanty towns of Liverpool.
She doesn’t give a fuck because the moneys cleared in her account.
4
Only posh people allowed, we are running out of Jet Fuel, can’t have the rank and file flying around…..
Private Jets a priority 😉
5
I’m surprised our useless Government hasn’t banned foreign travel for the duration of the “fuel crisis”.
It’s the kind of half-arsed witless guesture they’d make, as if stopping planes flying would ensure your Tesco’s order would be delivered.
8
All this airport security hassle is avoided if you can get yourself an eu passport, irish is popular, or German as farage got for his children, it’s yet another brexit benefit lol
3
Fuerteventura, whose English translation is “Lucky Fart” is not a bad place to go. Been there myself with her lady’s hip four times now, although I will never use Ryan Air. Sure, for a flight taking only four hours to get to some real warmth & sun anytime of the year, add up all the fucking about, with a possible three hour check in, security, transfer time, & of course, your own means of reaching the airport & it could mean the first day of your holiday is swallowed up. All this to be will repeated in reverse on the return journey.
6
It used to be one of my favorite destinations my Lord. We have been more than a dozen times since I packed work up. The weather ranges from pleasant in the winter spring and autumn to baking in the summer. It started to go down hill post covid and if this passport madness is not rectified then they can get to fuck.
4
Her lady’s hip was a great spell check there!
4
Any kit I use Lord S, first thing I do is disable the spell check and predictive text. Drive me fucking crackers. Like motor cars which want to steer and brake for me.
4
This one was an exception, it made me chuckle so I let it be.
2
Devon/Cornwall for me..🏄
FUCK THE EU.
FUCK STARMER.
BOMB THE THIRD WORLD CUNTS BACK INTO THE STONE AGE DONALD..!
13
BOOM..🔥☠️
7
O/T, Eton for paki-s.. 😒
https://www.oldham-chronicle.co.uk/news-features/139/main-news/160006/tommyfield-outdoor-market-approved-for-use-as-new-etonbacked-school
7
Why would l wad to fly abroad when I can’t even tolerate the cunts where I was born.
4
Idiots of the world united..😂
BBC News – World Cup tickets: $11,000 tickets put on sale for final – BBC Sport
https://www.bbc.co.uk/sport/football/articles/ce8lzj0rprpo
7
Quite beyond me Doc. Anyone pays those prices must be certifiable.
5
They can shove it up their arse.
11 grand is a lot of money.
You could fill up at the forecourt for that.
Or get a weeks shopping.
Price of foods mindboggling!
Missus Miserable likes lasagne.
I dont.
But being very nice i bought her one,
Only a little thing, meal for one,
Fuckin fiver!!!
They had bottles of elderflower cordial in there,
Being refined i like that,
But that was a fiver too!
🙁
Cheeky bastards.
4
The price of food is shocking…do you get any freebies from customers, Mis?
I do quite regularly and am not choosey about it. Just today I got some posh M&S hot cross buns and a couple of random mini Cornish pasties. Tomatos and cucumbers from a big greenhouse and homemade raspberry jam. Bloody magpie, JP would love it.
4
Hi LL,
Normally get tips,
Or dinner bought for us.
Occasionally i get bottles of whisky
Normally near Christmas.
Best thing i got given by a customer was 2 horse troughs.
A old boy ran a riding school.
His mind was fine,
But his body had given up on the physical work.
His family were keen as fuck to put hom in a sheltered housing scheme.
🙁
He enjoyed mine and my dads company while we were clearing out the stables,
Had a laugh,
Nice old bloke.
Anyway he said i should take the stone troughs.
He didnt want the new people to have them.
About a grand if i flogged them.
But never would.
And get some nice furniture sometimes when working in posh parts of cheshire👍
4
Muslims don’t like Easter…🤬
https://www.gbnews.com/royal/buckingham-palace-king-charles-easter-message-update
NOT MY FUCKING KING…!
8
If you wolf whistle at a fit bird from today you can get sentenced to 2yrs in prison. 😮
For a wolf whistle.
A wolf whistle is meant as a compliment not harassment.
And some girls would feel flattered.
Jess Phillips welcomed the legislation.
Jess whos never in a million years been on the receiving end of a wolf whistle.
Oh, and this was drawn up by the tories when they were in power.
Fuckin tories, labour lite.
1
I never thought for a moment that in my lifetime I’d go from absolutely loving flying to absolutely hating it.
I flew for the very first time in 1990 on a 747, Gatwick to Minneapolis. Since I was by myself, the lovely crew upgraded me to the little first class cabin upstairs. It was ace. There I was, young, nervous, leather jacket, tour t-shirt and jeans sitting amongst the wine sipping blazer and cravat types desperately trying to blend in. And failing miserably. Hahaha.
The last time I flew back to the UK in 2017 (sorry mum & dad) it was awful. Queues, aggravation, cramped seating, noisy cunts everywhere. I was glad to finally arrive and get off the plane. Then more shit from cunt staff who weren’t even English. For whatever reason my old EU passport never liked those electronic scanning machines at passport control. Some gupta directed me to said line of machines so I politely explained I’d prefer to join the queue for in person passport checking and more importantly why. That was a waste of my breath and they insisted on the e-Passport crap. Disgruntled I placed my passport on the scanner and guess what. Big red X and a sound effect similar to a wrong answer on Family Fortunes. I found the gupta and told the ignorant cunt what had happened and advised him he should refrain from wasting any more of my time. Yeah, I get belligerent when authority pokes its unwelcome nose into my business. Nice guy on the in-person desk who even welcomed me back “home”. When asked if I was travelling with anyone I said I was with my American wife. “Where is she?” he enquired. “She’s way over there lined up in the ‘Rest of the World’ queue, said I. “Get her over here” he said. So I did. Moments later we were both officially on UK soil. Sorted.
Return journey was worse. Some short arsed bespectacled piece of Indian descent filth accosted us in the security line. In some strange dialect she’d picked up in some back street takeaway, she gave my American wife, holding an American passport, flying back to America, a seriously hard time, insisting on knowing why she was flying to America. I’m not making this up. She’s American you stupid cow, why do you think she’s flying to America? Fuck’s sake! Then it was my turn. “Wot iz it you are doing for leeeeeeving”? Erm….what now? “How are you leeeeeeving”? Erm…..how am I leaving? I’m getting on a plane you daft bitch. Back and forth this went, before I eventually twigged she was asking what I did for a “living”. I’m sorry, what fucking differences does that make to the price of fish – a rotten variety of which you stink of? Fuck off. Since we both argued she eventually dropped it and let us through. I did subsequently email the manager of Heathrow to complain about such shockingly intrusive, rude and unprofessional behaviour and to his credit, he replied and apologised. Who would’ve thunk it?
Don’t know when I’ll be back next, but I’m better prepared. Got a brand new UK passport (none of that burgundy EU tripe) for getting in as a “native” and a shiny new US passport for getting out again, arriving the other end in US of A also as a “native”.
3
Fuck me, not only are the paki-s taking over, the fucking Romanian pikeys are at it as well..!
GB is FUCKED. 🤬
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cx2djymn70zo
1