Yesterday, Good Friday, was the opening of Grantham Garden Centre and I was chatting to a customer who had gone and had a look.
“Oh it was heaving, loads better than the old place and they had that celebrity Adam Frost there too cutting the ribbon and answering questions”
I had never heard of Adam Frost. Celebrity bloody gardeners! I’d have him crying in the van by ten o’clock tea and biscuits. Turns out he is some arsehole off Gardener’s World. Not even a Titchmarsh or Ron Knee’s love rival, Monty Don. Celebrity cunts really will turn up for the opening of an envelope. Usually some ex-soap ‘star’ or 90’s kids TV presenter that hasn’t been seen for twenty fucking years,who most people thought was either dead or been hovered up in Operation Yewtree. Not famous enough for ‘I’m a Celebrity….but enough pulling power to draw a crowd of saddos.
Never anyone interesting or unpredictable though? Huw Edwards opening a youth club in Llanddewi Brefi or Harvey Price opening anything anywhere. No scissors though!
Needless to say myself or Jack the Cunter were not even considered.
Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.
How about a bunch of darkles getting a good old banjoing.
4
Let’s think of all the plebs suitable for this job and invite them simultaneously without them knowing to this one event. Then blow it up.
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It’s all pretty uninspiring, the reopening of a garden centre.
Hardly caesars palace.
Then again the people who go to things like that, will also stand at the side of a road for twelve hours, for a glimpse of that jug eared cunt Charlie and his fucking offspring..
Still we will need a big name for the opening of the new guillotine at parliament square, for the execution of the quislings.
Im thinking Danny dyer..
19
Ricky Tomlinson opened a park event over the road from my mum and dad.
Friendly, willing to mix,
Not up his own arse.
Everyone liked him
Did his PR profile good.
A politician wouldnt be able to do it i don’t think.
Although on the same park Tommy Robinson did a meeting and that went okay.
But doubt Darren Jones or Ed Davie would get away with it.
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I used to live near Malcolm Tierney. Tommy McCardle in Brookside. He was a nice bloke, and not up his own arse.
However, one thing used to get on his nerves. Mal was in the original 1977 Star Wars (he also had a speaking role in it). And, Star Wars fans can be very sad and mithering bastards, their fanaticism bordering on lunacy. Even in Whitefield, he wasn’t safe from the odd Star Wars super nerd.
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When did gardeners become celebrities?
Why doesn’t Radio 4 have a Plumbers Question Time or Toilet Cleaners’ World?
If they’re all slebs now, shall we have a return of Superstars with gardeners competing against each other?
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Top idea Maggie.
Call it “The Ace of Spades”
And they win a gold welly.
These greenhouse malingerers move up a league table,
Points given for pruning, composting,
Potting etc.
I think they only want fame for the hoes.
2
And meeting other celebs…Kate Bush, Guns N’ Roses and Green Day.
1
Shed seven
Fjork
Pulp
Hothouse flowers
1
Never got why lads fancied that Charlie Dimmock back in the day. Just did not fathom it at all.
Same goes for that Anna Ryder Richardson off Changing Rooms.
She looked like he has been coated in Ronseal.
1