are a cunt. Don’t know could be worse, see above C.A.
Has anybody else noticed how inadequate toilets are nowadays? Thomas Crapper must be rolling in his grave.
This is a technology that they perfected in the Victorian age, and yet we seem to have gone backwards. The old ones had a a flush like Victoria Falls. Lay down the law, pull the chain, and off you go. Job done.
The new ones have these pathetic little cisterns that are incapable of flushing a log properly. All in the name of “saving water” no doubt. Except… it doesn’t save water. Instead of one flush involving ~9 litres of water, I am having to do two or three flushes involving 6 litres each. Because the other factor is that they have stupid designs that try to help the insufficient amount of water.
Wasting my time… waiting for the stupid little tank to fill up. Then flush again… sometimes having to flush a third time. Plus needing to use more bleach.
It wastes water, it is worse for the environment, it wastes my time and it pisses me off.
Doesn’t this seem to sum up modern life? There has been this unmistakable sense of degeneration in all areas, under the dead hand of this bureaucracy we labour under. With its endless, unnecessary meddling that just makes everything worse and spoils our quality of life.
Quite why we need to save water in these rain soaked isles is beyond me, although I suspect it is something to do with us having too many unwelcome guests using the limited infrastructure. Another form of sewage we seem incapable of dispatching…
No doubt the manufacturers of these awful products lobbied the usual corrupt alcoholics, sorry commisioners, in Brussels. Wining and dining, brown paper envelope and… voila! The European Parliament is asked to rubber stamp EU Directive 4639854002 “Water Resources Regulation”… ostensibly intended to save water and protect the environment. What really happens is something quite different.
Just imagine what this grubby process does across hundreds of thousands of products, processes and services, most of which you are completely unfamiliar with. Misallocating resources, driving up complication, slowly strangling our civilization and ruining our lives.
Everyday life has been turned into a kind of Orwellian black comedy. As we stand there, in the smelly room, spending what remains of our time on this earth, trying to flush a turd. We are being mocked. The fact that they offer two buttons, as if to suggest that we have a meaningful choice, only adds to the communist humour. Who the hell would want half of a weak flush?
Of course you get these penny pinching imbeciles who are desperate to save 14 pence a year, but unless you’re willing to have piss and shit sitting in the pan 24/7, the new toilets aren’t going to help.
Anyway, I suppose I ought to find a link to support this, before returning to the WC to finish off that flush job I started earlier… easier said than done as the useless media outlets seem oblivious. Will this AI summary do?
Nominated by Sir Foxtrot Oscar.
I only use our khazi for reading and a leisurely shite.
I tend to piss in the kitchen sink.
10
I remember you saying Mis, that you are slightly taller than average, whereas I have to stand slightly on tiptoes to do the kitchen sink piss.
5
I usually phone Angela rayner, and make an appointment to use her.. it helps to wash the taste of pàki spunk out of her mouth.
7
I have the standard two flush system, one long flush for turds and the shorter for the piss. The one above is the one the French prefer. But doesn’t cater for people who suffer from being unable to sit unaided. At least you wouldn’t be having your head shoved down it.
5
It’s not the sitting that’s a problem Sammy, it’s the standing up after spending too long on the khazi reading this website.
Good Morning
6
My dad used to take the radio into the khazi and listen to the Test Match.
If we kids heard an exclamation of pleasure we didn’t know if it was due to the fall of an Australian wicket or the fact that he’d just squeezed out a James Corden.
10
By the way, water is measured in gallons, not litres.
10
I wonder if James Corden’s turds are little facsimilies of himself, complete with double chins?
Morning GT/all.
6
Morning Mr Cunt Engine. In the interests of scientific research I have just asked AI to search turds which look like James C. The response was ‘search results do not contain images of turds resembling James Corden’.
Which just goes to prove AI’s limitations as an image of any daily log chez Twatt would show an uncanny resemblance.
6
Yes Thomas, coming out with a load of crap either way.
2
I hear they smell better.
1
There’s nothing to worry about.
Once Starmer or some other cunt has handed us over to the ragheads the water will stop flowing altogether and it will be customary to shit in your neighbours hedge.
Excellent.
The fucking Cunts.
Good morning.
9
At least darkıe shit is easy to flush. KFC for the nıg-nọgs and curry for the brownies produces a fibre-free slurry, not a proper English nutty log that needs dismembering with a fire axe before a pathetic modern flush’ll choke it down.
5
A mate from School had an old bread knife wedges down the back of the cistern for just this purpose.
Apparently his Dad was capable of backing out a five kilo steamer with the shape and dimensions of a rugby ball, which would need a bit of bladed encouragement before it had any hope of disappearing round the U bend.
5
Boring clarification incoming.
Due to the water regulations and the code for sustainable living, minimal water is to be used at the point of delivery.
If you live in a new build, this will be immediately apparent by the lack of flow (not pressure) you will receive from your outlets.
Currently, cisterns are set up to deliver 3L and 6L for the small and big flush.
kitchen taps are regulated to 6 L/m and showers are meant to deliver 8 L/m. which is so weak, it’s like having a tramp piss down your back.
My advice, if you suffer such reduced service is to check the flow curve of the outlet (shower head / tap etc.) and look for the exploded diagram of said outlet to see where the pressure reducing valve is located and balance this out to give optimal flow.
A number of manufacturers also have an in line flow restrictor, which can easily be swapped out for one with a higher flow rate.
The code for sustainable living, dependent on location advises that each person should use no more than 80 -100 L per day. Tank sizes are calculated on this figure before the first brick is laid.
Hope that helps.
6
Good Morning Odin, that was interesting. I suspect that would all be due to the overpopulation of this country, it is a benefit of cultural enrichment.
2
It absolutely is, Wanksock. Good morning to you too.
The long and short of it is that our reservoirs and aquifers can no longer cope with the population explosion.
Likewise, our water treatment (sewage) plants can no longer cope with the amount of human waste. Hence the ‘accidental’ discharges of raw sewage into rivers and the sea.
If the government wanted to reduce water usage, the strain on the HV grid, violent crime and the resurgence of third world diseases which are draining the NHS, the answer is an obvious one.
0
Excellent stuff sir. That’s exactly what they should be teaching in school lessons, inventive young minds would then find innovative ways to circumvent the regs.
That’s what’s made us great.
0
Our modern ‘democracy’, in which what we eat, drink, drive and illuminate our homes with is becoming more and more regulated by the government, has also encroached on the sanctuary of the khazi.
Due to water use regulations, the floater, once an occasional aberration, has become a regular occurrence.
Which means you have to flush at least once more.
How does that save water?
Not only that, there’s the social embarrassment.
Now, I’m not one for having a crap in other people’s houses, but it is possible to get caught short.
So there you are. You’ve crimped off a sizeable Richard and all is well.
Your friends have a gleaming, modern push button cistern and you press the double flush, only to see it swirl around like a chocolate Swiss roll on a turntable and then float like a cork.
Everyone down stairs has heard the flush. Plus, you can’t see a bog brush.
Now you’ve no choice but to wait as the cistern fills with a dribble.
5 or more minutes later you try again.
Fuck! It’s still there!
By now, it’s apparent to everyone downstairs what has happened, you’ve yet to have another attempt.
Cue silence or piss taking as you descend the stairs.
Surely this is in violation of our human right?
I bet Starmer’s khazi flushes like Victoria falls.
The hypocritical cunt.
5
I believe after a third failed flush, it’s perfectly acceptable to fish the log out (using your hosts flannel to ensure your hand remains unsoiled) & throw it out of the bathroom window.
4
Are you a Mackem, SG?
4
As long as the “Dreadnaught” has a clear line of flight into the clump of Marigolds or Sweet William. Large lump of shit slithering down the conservatory roof is a big no no but can be a point of interest if conversation has become jaded.
4
Welcome to the UK (No longer Great Britain) on official’Government’ Paperwork and website.
A most welcoming country to the scum of the world, but where the indigenous population are told ‘NO’ at every turn.
0
Don’t worry yourselves about pathetic modern bogs, do what the locals do in 21st century GB..💩
https://youtu.be/p0hqz3TabD4?si=sY1KsUJE28JfMJzW
5
Dirty cunt didn’t wipe, fucking savage.
2
When I go out I use Pampers you can’t trust public toilets these days 😩….
3
Theres nowt finer than slacking your bladder outdoors,
A hot jet of piss like a shirehorse
Whilst the breeze gently caresses your testicles.
Marvelous!
How God intended.
And if the High Peak ladies auxiliary happen to be passing on the way to a picnic?
Give them a wave.
Or a shake.
They love it! The little scrubbers.
6
I never thought I’d see the day when we’d end up with two sets of overpaid cunts, one in Brussels and the other in Westminster, legislating over how we are allowed to shit. Jobbies for the boys.
4
I’m ‘Lucky.’ my health is so poor now that I’m using wee wee pads. No worries about flushing anymore🎉🎊
4
Most likely joining you soon, getting old is a double bastard!
3
The antidote to modern, underflushing bogs:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eSpWpPJbRy4
2
Pack the bangers and mash down with the bog brush, breaking up any monster logs, hold them down and help them along with the brush and they’ll be gone in one flush, use a bit of centrifugal force to get rid of any Klingon’s, this gets rid of the claw marks at the same time, a dash of bleach and job done.
2
Just a gentle reminder Major, there’s no such thing as “centrifugal force.” It’s angular momentum.
0
They are useless.Mind you replace these for our “Government” instead 😉
0
I just had to lie down for 5 minutes, triggered by the header pic, it brought back the sight, sounds and more importantly the smell of the bus station in Heraklion 40 years ago.
As for the comment about water usage and our invasion, apparently Thames Water have a better handle on population numbers than the home office
0
Well, when in London……..
YouTube
0
Not wishing to get bogged down talking a lot of crap…
Over head cisterns for a good down pour, and a chain with a proper wooden pull not a fancy bit of silken cord and painted plastic ball.
Anyone else remember the underground Gents at Shepherds Bush,? China cisterns with glass windows so you could see all the water and copper ball-cock. Victoriana at it’s finest.
Saw a square bog and lid the other day, what’s that all about?
I wash me hands of the whole thing, and the couple of bob in me pocket leaves me feeling flush.
Mornin’ all.
ps remember an airframe fitter coming back after using one of the ones in the header, “I need a clean boiler suit, I’ve just crapped in mine”
0