With nothing on the telly on Sunday night I reluctantly tuned into The Repair Shop.
The programme started with the camp chippy telling the equally queer book repairer that they had to wash their hands for the first visitor.
They were then shown at the sink with soap and water, making a great deal about getting their hands clean.
The first visitor was a Muslim woman clutching a beaten up copy of the Koran.
The 2 repair gays were in awe.
I was surprised that they didn’t perform Sajdar in front of the woman and her book, prostrating themselves on the ground in submission.
They thanked her for honouring them with the Koran and the book guy set about his work.
He had to take the entire thing apart but he explained that he couldn’t write the page numbers on the now disassembled book in easily removed pencil, as it was a sacred scripture.
Instead he had to mark the pages with tiny bits of paper that could not cause any damage.
He eventually finished his work.
When the Muslim woman came to collect the repaired Koran, the book guy told her that he was really upset that he couldn’t read the beautiful scriptures as the book was in Arabic, but he had rejoiced in the holiness of it anyway.
I doubt if he would have been in such reverance had it been a Bible.
According to the link below, the viewers were in awe.
Not this one.
I almost put my foot through the television.
Nominated by The Artful Cunter.
Bet most cunters have restored something on here?
Maybe a classic car?
Old shotgun?
Old tools?
Furniture?
Its quite rewarding.
Good for the soul.
You get satisfaction from saving a item and giving it a second life.
Ive done a few bits.
A old British billhook
A 2handed viking axe
A farmhouse table
A welsh dresser.
I brought the dresser home,
Covered in wax, dirt,
Itd been in a cellar for years.
Missus Miserable moaned like fuck.
But…
When it was done,
New wrought iron fittings,
Recessed lights
Painted (farrow & ball elephant’s breathe grey)
And her mates admired it
It became something WE
Restored?!
Although her contribution was saying
” itll look rubbish”
And stood watching.
15
Have you tried painting an old table, but doing one leg in a different colour, Mis?
Most satisfying.
I learned it off some dark key on the telly.
Apparently he’s a furniture restoration expert with a ‘degree’.
10
My dad hates mr Blades for that FMC.
” tired after doing one leg.
The lazy cunt.
Never a speck on that shirt.
He should advertise washing powder the black cunt..”
Hates him😁
14
Anytime a bus load of foreigners goes over a cliff, it restores my faith in god..
14
I collect Roman antiquities.
I’ve got a lacrimarium which is about 2.200 year’s old.
Glass and incredibly fragile, I managed to break the top off when moving it for Mrs Cunter to dust around.
A couple of drops of superglue and it’s as good as new.
Fuck The Repair Shop.
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The women repaired it with their fanny batter and renamed it the Karen.
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What a charming CUNT…!
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jay_Blades
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From that Wiki page: “He later enrolled at Buckinghamshire New University as a mature student to study criminology.[5][9] It was only then, aged 31, that he was diagnosed with the reading ability of an 11-year old.[10]”
How the fuck can you be admitted to a university as a mature student if you have the reading ability of a child?. Genuinely astonished. Even us poor Matelots years ago had to pass reading and writing tests, and that was decades before Blades.
9
As a former Killick Sparker myself WC who scored respectably on his NAMET, I would like to be able to say I’m also astonished, however, I work at a university in the north west and I wouldn’t trust 90% of the student body to sit the right way on a lavatory seat.
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If only the old black cunt had damaged it beyond repair and all the muslimbs had gone out to kill all the blacks. Its the book of IFS for me.
9
He’s not the sharpest tool in the repair box, is Jason.
When his missus cleared off she left a ‘Dear Jason’ post-it note on the fridge door. As he can’t read he got a neighbour to read it out for him, and it said
‘This isn’t working. I’m going to stay with my sister’.
Jason opened the fridge door, the light came on and the milk felt cold. So he decided she was wrong and in fact the fridge was still working.
But he still couldn’t work out why she would go to her sisters just because she thought the fridge was knackered. Especially as it wasn’t.
23
Dyslexia is a serious issue Geordie, affecting ten out of two people in the UK.
18
It curtainly does.
11
I wonder if Jay Blades had thought he had signed up to present The Rape Shop?
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Dyslexia rules ko!
9
Never seen it. I understand it’s got something called ‘jay blades’ on it, a drag queen one assumes with a name like that.
It is I suspect the idiot lantern ‘must see viewing’ for Lib Dem wimins who own cats and the gays.
That is all, I busy reading the NASA report into the Boeing Starliner capsule failures and just how close that Butch Astronaut and ‘her’ companion were to being lost in space. Boeings DEI policy over the last few years has infected all aspects of their business.
3
I dont think hes genuinely dyslexic.
Probably just ignorant, bit simple.
Why he wears massive specs.
Make himself look intelligent.
Like van windscreens
14
He is culturally appropriating a flat cap too.
You aren’t a peaky blinder and you aren’t a 19th century farm labourer.
15
Its to channel his inner Andy capp while fighting with his wife
10
Perhaps that explains why he’s as dim as a foggy night. He’s been hit over the head with a rolling pin so many times that his brain cell has dislodged.
11
He’s a fucking massive tool …. yet he still doesn’t know how to use one.
I can’t stand the chirpy cunt.
He should go join the Greens. like that dumb bitch who pretends she’s a plasterer ….
2
Wash their hands before handling a copy of the Quran. Bollocks if they are followers of the brown path they would need to do a lot more according to those who value this work. As for reading the thing, well most Muslims cannot as it’s written in an an ancient dialect of bollocks thou some profess the ability to read this. This does not include the average goat mechanic of course. If as they claim this is the true word of God realayed by the angel to their prophet then after extensive reading and studying I conclude a. Your God is right weird or b. either the angel or the prophet should get a fucking hearing test. Ali bongos bicycle shop.
PS Have heard a whisper that the next project will be refurbishing the knives used by Isis wank for decapiting people they didn’t like. One too watch. Fuck the lot of them everyway possible in a 3D dimension. Bastards
12
I suggest king Charles sends the crown jewels to be restored and cleaned up.
He might find brother Andrew has replaced a
sapphire with a peanut MM,
Or a ruby with a cherry bonbon.
The price of pizzas,
14yr old escorts, and
Flights to Epstein island being what they are.
15
I do wish the firm would hurry up and do a ‘princess Di’ on Andrew’s Range Rover.
Hopefully they can engineer it that, through a series of hilarious ‘coincidences’, the vehicle ends up killing Andrew and running over Sarah Ferguson’s head in full view of both their spoiled brats.
15
If princess Anne is reading this – I can help sort the ‘accident’ out for you. I have the know-how and engineering capacity to subtly rig the car.
13
One of Andrew and Fergies girls looks a bit ‘duelling banjos’
Doesnt she?
Like shes from the backhills of kentucky rather than the British royal family.
Wonder if Fergie has any male cousins?
Maybe she tried afghan marriage in windsor great park with cousin Cletus?
15
The dark-haired one isn’t hideous but the ginger one has bulgy eyes, like Marty Feldman.
16
Yeah,
Think theres a Ferguson Hollow,
In the US that some of the family live,
Moonshiners.
The kid with bulging eyes is a throwback to that side of the family.
Probably born with a tail too.
11
An two sets of adult teeth
11
If someone asked me to ‘restore’ a copy of the Quoran, I’d rip the pages out – wipe my arse with them – then poor lighter fluid on them and apply a match !
That fucking filth has no place here – this is a Christian country.
Keep your Islamic text where ut belongs – in your backwater shithole countries.
These fuckers want to come here & turn this country into the samw backward intollerant piss bucket they’ve come from.
I hope they fucking drown on the way over, the bastards !
2
The “Rapeair” Shop.
Raypee beast Jay Blades splits unwilling female visitors to his shop and then helps them repair their bruised and torn labia with vinegar and brown paper.
*Fucking sex case
*allegedly.
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And if that doesn`t work, try the `Antiques (Black & White) Minstrel [Road] Show` …
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0016ckx
9
Fiona Bruce has spent a bit too long at the tanning salon methinks.
8
A Christian can’t preach the bible in a Christian country..🤬🤬🤬🤬🤬
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-15582043/moment-police-defend-christian-preacher-muslim-area.html
STARMER YOU CUNT..!
20
How come on the repair shop they all look so clean?
They fuckin Swedish or summat?
An dressed like theyre going a wedding rather than to do a days work.
You go to a tradesmens workshop they dont tend to be super neat.
A carpenter or chainsaw artist will tend to have sawdust all over him.
Blacksmith will be dirty and have singed eyebrows.
Theyll have oily hands and a tidemark around their neck.
Shabby clothes,
Not a brand new white shirt and a
Pristine leather apron.
It lacks authenticity.
And they never suck their teeth an say
‘might be doable.
But itll be costly…’
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Any visitors to my company knows they can trust us, MNC.
We don’t employ a single pakı or Robertson’s.
13
I dont employ
Sooties
Ramjams
Midgets
Flids
Stutterers
Lispers
Heavy breathers
Camp davids
Cross dressers
Doubtfires
Or any other undesirables Thomas.
Its my business.
Employ whoever i want.
The government can get fucked.
1
I have little piles of shit, I know what is where and what it is.
Thursday I fixed a petrol pressure washer with a piece of a high pressure hose I salvaged off a fucked one about 12 years ago.
It is organised chaos, to the extent I recently repaired replaced an anti Luce pin on one of their HGV’s with one from a smashed up component another driver had hidden in the yard a good few years back.
4
To add to the above regarding the gargantuan mountain of steaming shit that is the bbc, did anyone catch silent witness recently?
Absolute dogs cock of a script to a show that has been acceptable and mildly entertaining over the years. It contained every stereotype, and painted ‘slamic parking stanleys as 100% reasonable, victimised and generally persecuted for unknown reasons. Obviously patriotic folks are illustrated as mindless thugs etc..
Cunts.
10
Ps.
If i found out anyone had a underlying health issue id sack them.
‘ doctor says ive got epilepsy…
Fuck off.
Im not paying you to lay about twitching and wriggling on the floor.
Your a health and safety risk.
And no you cant drive on the way home😡
9
I bet you’d not get rid of someone with Tourette’s, MNC?
They’d be fucking hilarious!
MNC: Shall we get a coffee?
Employee: Fucking beaver’s labia!
8
Gosh no Thomas!!
Theyd be a valued and cherished member of staff.
Ive never met anyone who swears more than i do.
And him shouting PISSFLAPS!!!
At some social care worker with a lanyard would be brilliant.
” sorry luv, its his disability.
Your not seriously segesting i tell him off are you?!!
Thatd be discrimination against the disabled.
I think id best speak to your HR manager.
7
Here’s one whole minute of Tourette’s wonderfulness:
https://youtu.be/fRV7BCjSi9c?si=AouYorixJ1GFudH1
“We’re gonnae crash!”
1
Mis you would love this, one of my customers employs the local Nazi, when I say Nazi, he wears a field cap with deaths head and a field tunic under his work clothes.
He started the job on his final written warning, has strict instructions not to speak to any of the clients and in some cases is stood down unpaid due to potential friction with a client on a job, its funny as fuck.
A person I know, looked after the company whilst the owner was on holiday and by week 2 looked visibly stressed and was more than happy to hand the workforce back.
3
What happened to my post?
It got moderated for some reason. I released it – NA.
0
Your dogs got tits!
😂🤣
5
These kinds of programmes and other such types with too many people in them tend to have some cunts I won’t like. When I watch films I usually look at the cast first to make sure there aren’t any blacks for a start and others undesirables at the same time.
5
For a nation of engineers and doctors I am amazed they didn’t have any one capable themselves.
bit of gold from Jimmy Carr
https://youtube.com/shorts/K99P5LKrva0?si=tPtH3gUS3yrnU3ao
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I think Jay Blades has been artfully removed from many episodes and is not a presenter in more recent series, with other repairers doing the meet and greet. His apron was always immaculately clean as if it had never seen a days work.
It would have been funny if the obviously gay paper restorer Christopher Shaw – who looks like Vic Reeves’s character Tom Fun – had “accidently, on purpose” burnt the Koran with the radio repairer’s soldering iron, drowned it in a bucket of piss, shat on it and then said “I’m sorry – this is beyond repair”. Think of the riots that would ensue!
BBC Light Entertainment – that’s another story.
1