With nothing on the telly on Sunday night I reluctantly tuned into The Repair Shop.
The programme started with the camp chippy telling the equally queer book repairer that they had to wash their hands for the first visitor.
They were then shown at the sink with soap and water, making a great deal about getting their hands clean.
The first visitor was a Muslim woman clutching a beaten up copy of the Koran.
The 2 repair gays were in awe.
I was surprised that they didn’t perform Sajdar in front of the woman and her book, prostrating themselves on the ground in submission.
They thanked her for honouring them with the Koran and the book guy set about his work.
He had to take the entire thing apart but he explained that he couldn’t write the page numbers on the now disassembled book in easily removed pencil, as it was a sacred scripture.
Instead he had to mark the pages with tiny bits of paper that could not cause any damage.
He eventually finished his work.
When the Muslim woman came to collect the repaired Koran, the book guy told her that he was really upset that he couldn’t read the beautiful scriptures as the book was in Arabic, but he had rejoiced in the holiness of it anyway.
I doubt if he would have been in such reverance had it been a Bible.
According to the link below, the viewers were in awe.
Not this one.
I almost put my foot through the television.
Nominated by The Artful Cunter.
Here’s a better idea – hang it up in the netty and wipe your arse with it.
16
Then wash your hands.
🧻
5
That section on the program could’ve been immeasurably improved by replacing pages of the koran with bacon and have it delivered to the muzbitch in the mouth of a dobermann or rottweiler.
They hate big black dogs more than anything.
Or that Gay Blades fellow could’ve simply taken a big, steaming dump on the book.
It’s what it deserves.
Despite what he said about being unable to read the book because it was in arabic, he couldn’t have read a bible either as no black is able to read anything other than a KFC menu.
16
The only reason they can read the KFC menu is because it’s in pictures.
When ordering, just point and grunt at the picture of your choice.
6
To be fair, that’s also how lazy, ignorant white Brits order food at restaurants in any other country!
Morning Odin/all.
9
As they Say in Benidorm:
“Oi Pedro! Dos full Englishes and dos Stellas! Kalispera! Chop chop!”.
While taping on a laminated pictorial menu (in English).
People like that should be drowned on a septic tank of their own shit.
Morning Thomas. Morning all.
5
Estoy de acuerdo.
2
Aloo akbar ! (potatoes are the greatest).
🥔…🍟
5
If they really wanted to showboat their cultural fluency I do hope they took the opportunity while they were at it to check over the switch on her suicide belt and tidy up the scarring of her mutilated genitals
7
Passed through four generations, that’s about 40 years in the pèdoʻ peaceful world.
Wash you hands before touching it. I would of been wearing elbow length gauntlets, while touching that. The religion of peace and arse wiping are well known.
Did the whole production crew go on a fast in honour of ram-dam-ding-dong.
8
The Repair Shop is one of those programmes which should be on in the afternoon, because it is cheap and tacky, like Escape To The Cuntry and those amateur auctioneer programmes.
That said, any esteemed ISAC follower who just happens to have the first Boggs Pornographic Film Productions (East Acton) catalogue Limited from 1955, long before we transferred operations offshore, will know their copy is now in a dreadful state because it was printed on Izal lavatory paper. I would urge them to take their copy to the “equally quare book repairer” for repair because they are sitting on a fortune, Only 300 copies were printed on an old Adana 5 x 3, with second colour overprinting courtesy a John Bull Printing Kit, yet the admittedly poor black and white photographs will show the late Vera Lynn in a scene from her very first skin flick (she was fairing badly after the war) ascene for “In Which We Serve” – no not that one, the one set in a Bethnal Green brothel, some “art studies” of Diana Dors and a teenage Emily Thornberry in her very first nude performance at the Windmill in 1949,
Forget the Koran – this piece of culture is worth thousands.
7
Funny you should mention that.
I have a vintage copy of Mayfair from 1988 featuring Mel out of Mel and Kim.
I wonder if they can unstick the pages and restore it to its former usefulness?
I definitely suggest wearing marigolds for this one.
7
Unrestored that’s worth about £10 but in pristine condition Odin about £1000 no-one could resist a good wank on seeing Mel in the buff.
I use to love Mayfair, especially the quest articles in the early ‘70s.
As for The Repair Shop my foot would have been through the telly as well at that episode. I thought Jay Blades was out of it for some misdemeanour or other.
The BBC can’t help themselves even the MSM has caught on to their travesty of an adaptation to Lord of The Flies. They are not even subtle about it, it’s like being hit over the head with a shovel.
5
I have searched the web and have been unable to find any Boggs rip off clips being uploaded so far. Any posters have link?
2
You have to appreciate Triton that the bastards who pass our work off as their own don’t give the WCB credit. For example, here is the audition tape darling Emily Thornberry did for us back in the 1970s. It was called “Big And Bouncy”:
https://www.fuckvideos.xxx/v/hide/550281/gorgeous-big-saggy-tits-on-curvy
1
Thinking about it, I reckon that it was set up.
I don’t think that any Muslim would hand over a copy of their Koran to an infidel for any reason.
And considering that one of the guys was black, the other looks a bit Hebrew and they both are possibly closet póófs, there would be no way that the book would have been handed over.
10
Decades ago a god botherer at our door wanted to give me some passages to read from the bible. When I told him we didn’t own a bible he seemed completely astonished. He departed with a stunned expression. I wonder if he still would be today?
8
I see the Afghans have aligned their cultural practices with those of Bradford now and made it legal for cousinhubby to thrash the missus.
Unfortunately I missed this episode of Repair Shit, but I wonder, was Mrs Mo draped in full Darth Vader kit? I presume so, as it wouldn’t have looked too good if her bruises from Mo’s love punches were seen on the idiot box. That’s not quite the message the BBC wants to get across.
7
The whole programme is shit.
The níg nóg that wanders around doing fuck all but is always there to take credit for other people’s work.
His only contribution to the programme is when a client walks in. “Ellllllooooow, ‘ow yer doin”
As he is the token wóg the producers don’t tell him to vary his greeting, so he says the same thing at least 8 times during the show.
The fact that almost everything that they repair is totally worthless crap.
If what the punters bring in is a much loved family heirloom then why is it in such a terrible state?
I would tell most of them to fuck off and shove their crap in the skip outside.
All the repairers work so well together.
“Steve, can you give me a hand with this?”
“Certainly. What would you like me to do?”
More realistically would be the reply, “Fuck off cunt, I have my own work to do and I think that you nicked my sausage roll out of the fridge”.
When a punter tells them that whatever shit they have brought in belonged to a granny who died 5 year’s ago aged 98, the repairers put on a sad face and whisper, “I’m so sorry to hear that”.
What?….. She was going to live forever?
There are only 2 reasons for watching this crap and unfortunately they are not on very often…….
A fit, huge titted Greek called Angelina Bakalarou who restores paper.
And the half Iranian Sonnaz Nooranvary who works on furniture.
She is a little bit coy, but prodworthy nevertheless.
6
If i was a artisan restorer on the repair shop ( and i easily could be)
And some elderly tarrytoot shambled in with some heirloom my first question would be
“where did you nick it from?
Then phone the police.
Is Jay Blades the wife beater still on it with his immaculate shirts an leather pinafore?
Speccy workshy cunt
6
Do you reckon they’d repair my hammer?
“This is a nice tool,” says Gay Blades, “I understand you bought it at an auction; what are doing to it today?”
“Well,” I say, “I’d like the bloodstained handle cleaned and re-varnished and the metal needs the old bits of hair and flesh removed.”
“And this hammer, who owned it previously?”
“The Yorkshire Ripper.”
9
Morning MNC….. Ow yer doin?
If you want to see real repairers at work then have a search for the programme, “Japan’s Master of Restoration”
This zipper head father and son team work on priceless ceramics.
Their work is so good that even after extensive repairs the item’s value is not reduced.
They take months restoring one thing……. Perfectly.
Their repairs are totally undetectable.
They make The Repair Shop team look like a bunch of cunts.
5
Morning Artie,
No, ive not seen that.
Theres some very talented people out there.
I used to watch The Restorers and there was a old guy who was a wizard with leather items and a blacksmith in a welsh forge who created amazing stuff.
They took great pride in the work they did.
Those japs of yours are at the peak of their trade,
They probably took it up after failing theyre driving test 10 times and gave up on the idea of being a lorry driver which is a mans job. 😅
4
An easier solution.Burn it.
4
And afterwards, seek asylum in the USA.
I’m looking forward to see how Hamit Coskun,s case pans out.
1
Cunt Engine should go on to get the leather on his love dungeons spanking bench repaired.
5
Yeah, but then it’d lose all its character (by which I mean smells). In fact, it’s probably only the accumulation of hardened bodily fluids maintaining its structural integrity.
6
The repair shop are frauds, I took Rodney Starmers reputation in last week.
They told me they can knock the dents out of his arsehole,but religious resurrection is beyond them.
6
Id be tempted to just take “aunt ethels jewelry’
Straight to Cash Converters and pawn it.
Buy a new leather pinny.
Just tell the weepy gullible customer it was repo,
So you binned it.
Doors over there luv
2
The repair shop should turn their attention to the corporation that employes them, now that would be a monumental restoration 😩…as for that book its got to be first porn mag for 🫛 do’s…😍
1
Jay Blades reminds me of the fella that Chequebook Chelsea FC have recently hired as their new gaffer.
Liam Rosenier.
Mixed race, bespectacled, chip on his shoulder and absolutely clueless.
2
Jay Blades is an absolute cunt.
I was watching a documentary called “Gods of Snooker” a while ago and for some reason, the arsehole was on that an all.
Giving it large about how Alex Hurricane Higgins was busily sticking it to the snooker establishment because it was full of crusty old white geezers innit.
The BBC basically wheeled this clueless cretin out to play the race card and bang the woe is me drum for the oppressed on a fucking Snooker documentary.
Blades clearly knows as much about Snooker as he does about repairing stuff. Fuck all.
And I imagine Alex Higgins would have hated him.
3
Morning HJ…Higgins would’ve also hated the proliferation of bet-cheating dog-eating chınkies all over the modern game.
The tiddlywinks might be technically competent but have no flair or out-of-the-box thinking.
Although I’d still rather watch them than Mark fucking Selby.
3
Morning Thomas.
I agree. Ican’t stand the chinky players if I’m honest.
They’re just robotic with zero charisma.
Jimmy White, Alex Higgins or Ronnie O’Sullivan they will never be.
The problem the game faces is that we’re going to see more and more of these slippery little runts dominating the game because they’re the only country really producing young players.
Any snooker clubs, Social clubs or public places where there’s even access to a snooker table in this country, is going the same way as everything else.
What’s that ? A Royal British Legion?
That’ll make a lovely block of flats for foreign men if I can get in touch with my local Labour MP, slip him a brown envelope and we demolish it.
2
I bet they wouldn’t treat my grandads personally signed copy of Mein Kampf with such awe and reverence.
5
I know reality telly is heavily scripted and anything but real, but this is so transparently contrived as to be laughable.
If you told their production team you had a book of handwritten lyrics by John Lennon, Adolf Hitlers missing second volume of Mein Kampf and an original copy of the Magna Carta, they’d ask you if there was a sob story to go with it, or ask if you wouldn’t mind inventing one.
Because it’s not about the items being restored.
It’s all about the tears at the end and, hopefully, a chance to moralise.
Speaking of which. Perhaps Mrs Blades could bring in some cherished heirloom that her estranged hubby smashed up during one of his domestic tantrums.
There’d be a moral to that story.
Namely, when employing a box ticking, illiterate dark key with an invented background and a ‘degree’ to present a BBC show, it’ll most likely end in embarrassment.
Indeed.
4
Indeed.
A bunch of overpaid leftwing frauds fawning over a tatty Islamic rag?
Got to be Our BBC.
It’s quite possible that capital punishment is long overdue a return to Britain but a more realistic,far more inhumane punishment for criminals would be to make them watch BBC1 for a few hours.
The cunts would hang themselves with their pillow cases.
2
That could possibly be an option UT.
However, seeing as most of our prison population are dark keys and park keys, and that’s the demographic the BBC fawn over, would it have the desired effect?
0
Slightly off on a tangent, but an indication of how telly works.
A mate of mine auditioned for Deal or no Deal years ago when Noel Edmond’s presented it.
He had to speak into the camera at a screen test, carry out script read throughs in a group and all sorts of other shit.
He soon learned that the majority of the other hopeful ‘contestants’ were on the books of theatrical agencies, and not exactly what you’d class as Joe Public.
If that wasn’t bad enough, he was then asked for a sad personal story.
Any deaths recently, serious illness or disabilities in the family.
Apparently, they weren’t impressed when he said he couldn’t think of anything.
That was the end of that.
I bet the same applies with the Repair Shop, and just about any other tv show about ‘real people’.
2
I’d happily tune in and pay the license fee if someone had shoved the book down the raghead’s throat.
3
When she came back they should have given her a pile of burnt paper and explained they had consulted with the Koran expert Hamit Coskun on the best solution.
3
Yet again I offer up thanks that I don’t have a telly.
It’s life not books that’s taught me all I’ve learnt. Woops my rice pudding is getting burnt.
Mornin’ all, milk and two sugars please.
2
I could of restored that koran.
Piece of piss.
To protect the pages you waterproof them in pig fat.
Leather can be repaired by sewing in bacon with invisible stitching.
Then finish with a light coating of the sweat from my arse crack.
Sorted👍
5hrs labour +overtime+vat= £380.
3
They sent it to the wrong programme. Blue Peter would’ve repaired it in no time with their sticky-back plastic, performed by John Noakes on top of the Eiffel Tower.
4
Oh ! fuck, Shep’s gone and eaten it.
2
https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0013wcj
I rest my case.
Oven.
Good morning.
3
The personification of the BBC DEI hire.
1
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c9318dj1q22o
Guilty,no appeal.
Hang the cunt.
1
…and you paid for it with your TV Licence and gave it your time and attention too.
1
This book whatever its called, was it the first porn mag ?
1
That Hello article made me chuckle.
‘Who are the experts in the Repair Shop?’
Jay Blades: Presenter and furniture restoration expert.
Says who?
Watching other people do stuff doesn’t make you an expert in their field.
It does, however, make you a fucking chancer.
Which is quite an apt description of Mr Blades.
0
Bet most cunters have restored something on here?
Maybe a classic car?
Old shotgun?
Old tools?
Furniture?
Its quite rewarding.
Good for the soul.
You get satisfaction from saving a item and giving it a second life.
Ive done a few bits.
A old British billhook
A 2handed viking axe
A farmhouse table
A welsh dresser.
I brought the dresser home,
Covered in wax, dirt,
Itd been in a cellar for years.
Missus Miserable moaned like fuck.
But…
When it was done,
New wrought iron fittings,
Recessed lights
Painted (farrow & ball elephant’s breathe grey)
And her mates admired it
It became something WE
Restored?!
Although her contribution was saying
” itll look rubbish”
And stood watching.
2
Have you tried painting an old table, but doing one leg in a different colour, Mis?
Most satisfying.
I learned it off some dark key on the telly.
Apparently he’s a furniture restoration expert with a ‘degree’.
2
My dad hates mr Blades for that FMC.
” tired after doing one leg.
The lazy cunt.
Never a speck on that shirt.
He should advertise washing powder the black cunt..”
Hates him😁
1