Strange Attractions

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Can be cunts.

Being nosey like all women, the wife can’t resist peering over my shoulder when I’m at my laptop, just to see what I’m actually looking at. So she just caught me again, pouring over images of, er, Rachel Reeves. ‘Christ’ says she, ‘you’re weird, you’ (which is good, coming from the woman who gets hot under the collar watching that cunt Monty Don polishing his prize cucumber on ‘Gardener’s World’).

In all honesty however, I have to admit that she’s not wrong. The fact is, I hate Rachel Reeves the Labour politician and all she stands for, on top of which, she has to be the most useless Chancellor of the Exchequer of all time. The problem is that in spite of that, and in spite of the fact that she’s absolutely no looker, I find her as sexy as fuck; don’t ask me why, I just do. I reckon that he’s hotter than a navvy’s armpit.

It’s a strange attraction right enough, and I can’t explain it. I was seriously thinking of cunting myself for this perversion, but then I started to wonder whether such a taste was actually all that odd. For instance, my pal Big Al once owned up that he ‘wouldn’t say no’ to Nicola Sturgeon (yes, I know). Then there’s a very old female friend of mine who admitted (as we were on our third bottle of wine) that pug-ugly Geordie lad Jimmy Nail would be in luck if the chance ever presented itself. ‘Bloody hell, he’s really rough’ I said. ‘Yes’ she replied, licking her lips lasciviously; ‘really rough in an Armani suit’. Then there’s another old friend of mine who owned to fancying (get this) Gordon fucking Brown. ‘I want to be re-incarnated as his underpants’ she admitted, and she wasn’t joking; honestly, I kid you not.

So I’m wondering if I am indeed odd, or pretty much the same as everybody else. Are strange attractions a cunt? Come on cunters, what do you think, and who will you own up to having a weird hard-on for, under cover of the anonymity of IsAC? Tell your Uncle Ron all.

bing

Nominated by Ron Knee.

80 thoughts on “Strange Attractions”

  2. Rachel Reeves yes.
    The others you’ve got to be joking.

    Either there’s something weird in the Brummie air or you need new friends Ron.

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  4. Blokes having a thing for female politicians seems somewhat prevalent nowadays.
    Yes, they’ve got younger in most cases, but they remain thoroughly unlikeable wimminz.
    Liz Truss, for example.
    Totally self absorbed and self unaware and, by all accounts, arrogant and rude to her staff.
    She had a decent arse and legs, with cracking tits, but is that the attraction?
    Maybe it’s, without actually realising, the power bit that attracts too?
    Just imagine yourself, perhaps from the rougher fringes of society, having a go on that. Or Rachel from accounts.
    Imagine the uproar and whispers within the establishment as you conduct acts of the filthiest manner in their ministerial flats of an evening.
    Like say. There could be more to it than just bums and tits.
    Meanwhile, I think I’d better retire to the bathroom.

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    • Priti Patel is one who does it for me Field Marshal, especially since I found out she was effing and blinding too her civil servants. Fuckers got her out for that. Priti can bully me any time she likes. Even with that dirty look on her face.

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    • my mate gav claims he was shagging theresa may all through her premiership, says he got her on the buckfast and thats why she made such a cunt of it, had to change his number as she still phones him sobbing down the phone.says boris was raging when he moved into Chequers as he had to pay for a skip for all the empty bucky bottles and had to throw the matress away

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  7. Reeves, it must be said, goes out running and has at least a reasonable figure.
    But I’d bet that Ron and every bloke who’d pull Reeves on like a fisherman’s sock would be doing it out of utter malice.
    “Fuck the country, will you Reeves? You cunt, I’ll fuck you even harder!”
    I’d try and time my jizzy explosion* to be the exact moment I’d finished strangling her and her soul took wing directly to hell.

    * more of a pathetic, low-energy hiccup

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  8. Nicola Sturgeon is particularly exciting in her Nazi get up. Claudia Wiinkleman would look brilliant in a nurses uniform. I have always thought Her Majesty the Queen quite saucy – dressed in jodhpurs and her crown, obviously.

    As you can see, I have given this nom considerable thought, Ron.

    Good morning, everyone.

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  9. Definitely an outbreak of mental health issues on this site given some of sexual fantasies being admitted to…

    Rachel from customer services.🤮

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    • Ive a impeccable taste in sexual partners,
      The only odd one out would be corpulent pissed up gardner Charlie Dogmuck.

      The fact she was a bit of a slag appealed to me.

      I imagine throwing her onto the compost heap, ripping her jeans off,
      Her big angry red inflamed clopper glistening in the sunlight eager for my engorged manmeat.

      Like a shire horse id mount and pound her shooting my baby gravy deep into her axewound,
      Her big drunken face all sweaty and red
      Eyes not quite focused.

      Shed love it.
      An id buy her silence with a can of special brew.

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  12. Ron, you are without doubt the most unashamed man in the UK, it’s one thing saying Rachel is sexy but actually looking at pics of her…. Well I have no words.

    The are some very attractive middle aged women but Rachel is way down the bottom of the barrel.

    Mrs Knee should take you to the doctor, get some medication 😂

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  17. You find her ‘sexy’ because you want to find her ‘sexy’. You’re bored and you need entertainment. Find something else to do and occupy your thoughts with something better and you’ll soon find your infatuation subsides. I’m not saying it’s easy but that is what you must do.

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  20. I must admit I would like to see Emily Thornberry dressed only in rubber boots commit acts of appalling depravity on fat poof Streeting, sitting on his face, coiling out a turd on his nose leading him round on a dog lead and farting in his face, making him lick her lavatory seat clean before disemboweling him with a sword, and pissing on his face. It would be the ultimate Boggs Pornographic Films (Taiwan) Limited snuff movie, an the final one. We couldn’t improve on that. My retirement film.

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  21. The Asian female robots, where their chests are opened for the tat monitors everything you do wrist watch that’s advertised on YouTube…or have I been on the mushrooms again?

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    • You need to be careful with those, the sizing is rather off and they are about 1.2m height, however they do fit quite nicely in the wardrobe.
      well that’s what the bloke down the pub said anyway.

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  22. Georgia Meloni… Oh aye.

    Although there’s nothing strange about wanting to shag Georgia because she’s as fit as fuck.

    My guilty pleasure is none other than Kamaltoe Harris.

    I know I know.

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  23. David Lammy.
    He`s like a gigantic liquorice jelly baby filled with primordial ooze.
    Can you imagine anyone sucking him?
    🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢🤢

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  25. Politics is show biz for ugly people. And it isn’t even as if that is compensated for by their personalities or intellects. Her from Complaints sounds like a rem and has a deluded sense of entitlement. I’ve no doubt she is reading from a script given to her by treasury officials. Just like all the other clowns pretending to be ministers. Personality… yeah, the post coital chat is going to be riveting with that one. Frankly, I can’t imagine anything less sexy than these arrogant, frumpy idiots who litter our sorry political scene. Did somebody mention Kamala? My god. I’d need to use ear plugs and a blind fold, and just hope the head is half decent. The only one who comes close to consideration would be Penny Mordaunt a few years ago. Big tits, pretty face. But even then, I can’t get along with the idea of a woman pretending to understand politics and civilization. Are they any good at being useful and making a sandwich? There’s far better on free porn sites than there is in politics.

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  28. I’d quite like a go on the big blek arse of the Leader of H.M Opposition.

    I think it’s the posh voice,and the very strong chance a member of her family would no doubt try to defraud my bank account.

    Such adventures!

    Then again I imagine it’s very possible to buy a monkey online and bum that instead.

    Good grief,the HoC isn’t what it was.

    Wouldn’t mind deforming the ring of the Home Secretary while we are on the subject.

    You all should be thoroughly ashamed of yourselves.

    Good afternoon.

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  29. I’d have picked ‘Action Woman’ Penny Mordaunt from the other side. Especially in one of those uniforms she wears. While blowing bubbles in those big titties I would be fumbling in her jungle, checking out the humidity level.

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  30. Wimmin are especially strange when it comes to fellahs.
    The birds I have known or been out with, and who they see as ‘sexy’.

    Angus Deayton, Jimmy Nail, Monty Don, Des Lynham, Paddy McGuinness, Richard Whitely and – worst of all – Steve Coogan. I mean, for fuck’s sake….

    I have never really had any attractions I have viewed as really strange. But, I get it.

    Gina Carano as Cara Dune in The Mandalorian wasn’t my usual type. But, for some reason, she did give me the horn.

    Penelope Wilton in Ever Decreasing Circles also made the Norman horn play a tune or two.

    70/80s TV regular and impressionist, Janet Brown had magnificent tits. And, 90s female comedienne Ronni Ancona also made the tadger twitch.

    And, Katey Sagal in Married With Children and Eight Simple Rules was always a favourite.

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