is a cunt.
Required:
The patience of a saint.
Elbow length gardening gloves ( the kind you wear when removing brambles/nettles.
A drawstring bag, preferably heavy duty.
Method:
Lull cat into a sense of false security and attempt to feed tablets.
Apply antiseptic to clawed arms. Put on gardening gloves.
Corner cat, stuff in bag, tighten drawstring.
Loosen drawstring until cat pokes head out,
Retighten drawstring.
Attempt to force tablets into cats mouth.
Try again, and again, and again.
Answer door. Explain to police officer you are not torturing a baby, or a cat, or anything at all.
Give up. Release cat
Take cat to vets daily for next 10 days for injections.
£679, and counting.
Nominated by Jeezum Priest.
JP@
I’ve the feeling you’re going to get some abuse for this nom😁
Not by me though,
Crush the pill to fine powder,
And mix it into some dairy cream.
Cat laps the cream,
Unaware its taking a antibiotic,
You save just shy of 700 notes.
Try forcing a Growling akita to open its gob and take a pill,
It certainly makes you aware of how fond you are of your fingers!!
10
To get the rottweiler to take his worming tablet, I used to hide the tablet in a pound of lean steak mince.
Don’t feed them one meal beforehand and that mince gets inhaled and doesn’t touch the sides. Along with the worming tablet.
6
Morning mis
That’s what I do with my cats, crushed up into a liquid cat snack. no problem with antibiotics but worming tablets must taste so bad to them that they won’t touch it, luckily it come in liquid form now
.
3
Morning Sir Mali,
Your right,
Doesnt always work.
Think they can smell some pills hidden in stuff.
Think theyd make all cat/dog medicine in liquid form wouldnt you?
4
Always check with the vet first before crushing any tablet, as some are time release, & could become ineffective or harmful to your pet.
6
Didn’t know that.
Cheers scunny👍
4
Nor did I Mis, till I checked it out. I used to crush up my huskies worm tablet, then sprinkle into a bowl of Guinness, before giving it a jolly good stir. He was very crafty, but he never sussed that trick out! & the tablet course worked as well.
3
Surely the easiest way is to pretend the tablets are yours and the cat will automatically take possession of them.
Cats have a lot of traits like dàrkies. Lazy,Surly and everything is theirs..
And they don’t mind cutting you for it.
20
I always thought cats were more like teenagers.
They sleep for 16 hours a day and treat the people who feed and house them with utter contempt.
15
100% 👍
5
Fascinates me Jeezum how different they can be. We’ve had cats who would sit in your lap and take a pill without any problem. We’ve had others who once they comprehend your plan adopt a defensive stance and give you the look which says; “Don’t even think about it, you’ll lose an eye.”
7
Shove a pill up the cat’s arse. You don’t need to go anywhere near the cat’s head and teeth.
Cats spend an inordinate amount of time licking their own arses and it will think that it’s a cling on and swallow it of his own accord.
The disgusting cunt.
No need to thank me.
Good morning!
13
I was poking fun at myself, at the same time pointing out what gouching twats vets are.
However, Dex is still having problems with a reoccurring infection, which has been going on since September, and I’m now up to £1.5k+, with no sign of it clearing up.
He’s scheduled for dental surgery at the beginning of February, and if that doesn’t work I’m going to have no option but to have him put to sleep. I can’t keep on forking out this kind of money if it doesn’t result in a cure.
I’ve had cats for over 35 years and with a couple of tragic exceptions, they have all lived into their late teens. Dex is only 10, so fingers crossed for us both, folks.
7
Your cat is clearly un economical Jeezum and it’s now time to do the right thing.
I suggest a claw hammer or a sack and the local river.
Don’t pay the shyster vet for doing the job for you.
Use the money that you save by not paying him to buy a better, improved cat.
Or perhaps a dog.
8
Art, the Berserker has already offered the traditional method of cat disposal, should it come to it.
I quite like Dex, though. He’s part Bengal and a stroppy shit, to boot, so I hope it won’t come to it, but one has to be pragmatic.
I have a dog. He’s neurotic, semi-continent and insomniac. Yes, he’s a chu.
5
Sorry to hear that JP,
Hope it doesn’t have to come to that.
Sure fellow cunters will have a whip round to help?
Like a Blue Peter appeal admin could list the contributions and whos donated!!
Anyone who doesnt can then be targeted with cat shit through the letter box.
5
Thomas as our resident joey deacon could be the figure head of the appeal.
4
Hes minted is Cuntengine.
Probably pay JPs vet bill for him.
Admin@
Please could you email Thomas and ask if hed be willing to pay JPs Vet bill?
In exchange for me not giving evidence in court against him in the future?
6
Each to their own… I’m a doggy man personally, not fond of the feline species unless they are roaming on the Serengeti on the lookout for some young bantu learning his young warrior badge as ordered by the tribal bone man …’ukanu has not returned’ 😩
7
did I ever tell you about the time I thought I had killed the wife’s cat?
Fundamentally the cat was nice, very good natured but looked like Dougal from magic roundabout but grey.
Any way cat came in through the cat flap on night with a lot of shit on in, horrible smelly stuff and it needed a clean up.
As mentioned it had hair like Dougal, well we I had saved a split container of hand wash from work, (a sort of very effective liquid soap) thought that it would do the job .
So I wrapped the sharp end of the cat in a towel and proceeded too wash the cat in the bath with the shower head, fucking liquid soap was ace, cleaned it all off, and said cat now looked like a lion with mange.
So as per normal we went up to bed and went to sleep, I was woken quite early in the morning by what I can only describe as a dead weight on my chest.
Fucking cat had decided to sleep on me, so I gave it a proper fuck off poke, cunt didn’t move after about 3 jabs I realised that this cat was more than non responsive, and I vaguely remembered the cat licking itself after its wash.
Fuck was soap poisonous ?
Well that’s fucked up my sleep hasn’t it, 3 am the cats fucking dead, wife is going to be really upset, I need to be up at 6am what do I do?
I am sure you are all familiar with the path of nature and I know that the 3am dead cat will still be dead at 6 am but I will be short of 3 hours sleep.
So I went back to sleep!
6am the alarm goes off, I brace myself for the storm, and no fucking cat!
I was pretty sure it was dead and dead things don’t tend to walk off, so I had a good look for it ( no cat) .
Wife got wind that something was not right and questioned me and in my relief I confessed to finding the cat dead at 3 am, she asked me what I had done and I told her.
She was not happy! mainly at the idea that I was happy to sleep with a corpse on the bed, just to get those much needed 3 hours of sleep.
Yes she was really pissed at that, However I had not killed the cat!
5
What is the point of owning a cat?
11
A question I ask myself every day C.
Problem is, the wife thinks that the sun shines out of the idle fat fuck’s pencil sharpener.
10
Our little fucker is with us because her original owner took her to the vet as a kitten to be euthanised, siting that she was too feisty for them, the useless cunts.
Fortunately the vet was not the type to kill an animal for no reason & she ended up with us. Yes, she’s a selfish little shit that costs money & an aggressive little fuck, but she also kills rats & mice & I happen to think that she has a good life, which is pretty much all that any of us want.
8
No-one owns a cat.
8
Cuntrarian on January 21, 2026 at 8:52 am said:
What is the point of owning a cat?
They are a never ending source of fun as you move cookers and lift sofas to retrieve mice.
Personally I gave up with that shit and used to shoot the little fuckers with an air rifle, lot easier to catch a dead mouse than a live one.
2
Detailed instructions about how to give your dog a tablet;
1. wrap tablet in cooked bacon slice
2. throw in air in vicinity of mutt
Morning all
6
I haven’t had a cat for years and years but remember as a teenager being asked to give the family cat tablets and he had an amazing knack of carefully eating all around it, until it was left on it’s own in the middle of the dish.
Going off on a tangent but a friend who now lives down in Cornwall, on the coast, told me how he deals with seagulls congregating on his roof, making a racket first thing in the morning and waking him up. He bought a cheap sliced loaf and the hottest mustard he could find, made mustard sandwiches and lobbed them up on the roof. The seagulls came down and swiped them all, then he says, you’d see them flying along and suddenly drop like a stone. He did that for several days, after which none of them came near. Quite right too, the filthy cunts.
1
Cats are their own boss and not like dogs who have to be cared for like new born babies.
5
“Corner cat, stuff in bag, tighten drawstring.
Loosen drawstring until cat pokes head out,
Retighten drawstring.
Attempt to force tablets into cats mouth.
Try again, and again, and again”..
Substitute the word cat for Prime Minister and cheer yerself up.
Then imagine throwing said bag containing cunt off a very large cliff.
Perfect.
Rude health to all pets.
Good morning.
9
Great idea, UT. Used to do a spot of boxing in my early youth & have always had the urge with people I despise, to ram them in a canvas punchbag & have a good workout with it. The Toolmaker’s Son would be the perfect filling & I think that even in my advancing years I could push myself to carry on until the bag stopped twitching. 🥊🥊🥊
6
Indeed sir.
If memory serves another colleague here wished to “take to the cobbles” with the cunt.
Form a bareknuckle queue gentlemen (& ladies of course).
It’d stretch from Westminster to the Scottish border in an hour or two.
The oily Quisling Cunt.
6
A few tasty treats in the palm of your hand with the pill mixed in, usually works (maybe split the pill in half)
2
I love pussies, me.
4
Ditto PM, with the exception of the sphynx. A pussy without fur isn’t to my liking. Something unnatural about it.
4
I’m in total agreement, Dickie Dribbler.
0
A lot prefer the sphynx pussies these days, but I’m old fashioned and long for the Persian pussy.
0
I’m anything but a fan of domestic cats but I do hope you can find a cure to your pet’s ailments JP.
Having to have a relatively young pet euthanised is horrible.
7
I’d much prefer to force feed a black some shite whilst pointing a gun to the cunts head. Anything for a laugh.
3
Buy yourself some smooth liver pate. Crush the pill into a powder and make a small ball of pate. Drive a needle into the pate and pour the powered pill in the hole. Seal hole.
The cat will gulp the pate down.
7
Our cat is a fickle little bastard, one minute purring and lovey, next minute trying to rip your face off …and I love the little shit for it, especially when she turns on Mrs TSG for pushing her luck!
Can your vet not give you a liquid suspension & small syringe? Even with our little satan, I get a firm grip on her scruff, lift her up and squirt the liquid in. Never spits it out & job done. Just be sure to stand clear on release!
Hope you don’t have to put Dex down though, always the worst feeling in the world.
4
I would rather give my dosh to a robbing vet to pay for the cat than give it to a robbing Gov to give to an immo.
Mornin’ all.
8
I would pay to have the channel scum euthanised
How much is a bullet for a 44 Magnum 😂
5
Neutered and spayed would be a start. The Arab slavers always de bollocked their captives before they went to market which is why there are very few ghettos in the carpet kissing lands. A solution that works. Proven over a bloody long time. Pretty sure that the knowledge your tackle is going to be removed would deter most boaters.
3
I have cried for days when we’ve had previous cats put to sleep, and I’m not ashamed to say it. It’s when you open the door and they’re not there to greet you which gets to me the most. I just love the different characters of cats and how athletic they are (when they’re not sleeping 18 hours a day).
8
We use to have a Bengal called Cody,
Mr Frapples.
A more graceless, clumsy, creature you would struggle to find.
He fell out of the daughters bedroom window.
Luckily the bushes broke his fall.
Id get the dogs lead and harness and hed be there.
Wanting to come with us.
The dog looking embarrassed
Hanging out with a supposedly natural enemy.
Got to say i was fond of him
6
Funny you say that Mis, there’s a woman with a Bengal on our road, has it on a lead and takes it for walks. Even has its own pram! They also have a ginger cat that follows behind on the pavement but never runs off, just follows them slowly behind.
2
Agreed Bob. We’ve been fortunate that our cats have all expired naturally – got old, gone inactive & we’ve kept em warm & comfortable until they go.
The dogs have been different though, I’ve had their heads in my lap while the vet does the deed & it’s terrible. I always take heart that I’m helping them through it, but it’s still a shitty feeling.
However, the idea using a machine gun on channel vermin doesn’t raise much emotion in me for some reason…
8
When I started with cats I was told to hold it with a towel wrapped round it and put the tablet in its mouth. I knew better than to try. Putting the tablet in its food didn’t work, the cat wouldn’t eat it. As far as worming is concerned, you can now get it in liquid form and put it on the back of its neck, as long as you leave it a few days before applying the flea stuff.
4
O/T.
Donald says we’d be speaking German without the US. He’s absolutely right.
But we wouldn’t have a fucking Muslim problem.
There would have been a solution for that..☠️
8
@Jeezum why didn’t your vet give the cat a long lasting antibiotic injection? Ours have been given these since the 1980’s when the cat has been either too difficult to handle/in pain etc. They last 10 days and cost almost the same as a course of tablets. I feel your frustration tho. There’s always one little furry cunt that just has to be awkward.
4
He did, Jill.
But like an unloved relative, the infection came back, so a short acting antibiotic was administered along with a course of tablets.
The little shit had the first 3 doses crushed in cat Likkistiks, then refused it. I’ve tried pate, cream cheese, mixed with ordinary cat food, you name it. No chance.
The only choice was a course of daily injections, seemed to work, then back it came.
Went to a different vet, recommended as a cat specialist, who says he needs some kind of dental surgery, so here we are.
1
My solution….
Don’t have.a cat in the first place.
I ended up with my daughter’s cat for a while.
Ever so glad when I gave it back. Now, all my clothes are free of cat hairs.
2
I have a pet plan thing for my two, Jeezum
17 pound each a month, but it does cover everything.
Stronghold for pests, boosters, antibiotics, worm pills.
My cats are also alright where medicine is concerned. Good as gold by cat standards, I suppose.
Good luck with yours, pal.😼
3
You fuckin old jinx JP.
My dogs limping.
Bit of Arthur in her front leg😢
Resting up asleep at the moment.
Thats two vet bills Cuntengine has to pay now.
Hes not going to be happy…
2
Oh no! Poor Freya.
I hope you can get her sorted. I don’t know what dog arthritis feels like, but human arthritis sucks big style.
2
Sorry about that, Miserable.
A dog can be more loyal than a lot of human beings. That’s a fact.
My knees are feeling it now and all. Every morning they both click like a pair of Rubiks Cubes.
3
Yeah doubt either are much fun.
Letting her rest up.
Got a bottle of Metacam a liquid anti inflammatory.
Gave her some earlier.
Funnily today a woman shouted me in Aldi car park,
It was the woman i got her from.
Nice lady, a teacher,
She remembered me from years ago picking up Freya as a puppy.
The Best dog ive ever had. 👍
2
Cheers Norm 👍
Yeah tends to be joints doesn’t it?
When its really cold a few of my toes and fingers that i broke as a youn man throb a bit.
Loyalty? Spot on.
Nothing like a dog for loyalty!!
A virtue i admire greatly.
I try and repay it in kind.
And pork ribs😂
3
Ps
Akitas nearly died out as a breed.
During WW2 the japs started to struggle a bit,
They ordered all pet dogs to be handed in for food.
A lot of owners hid their pets in the mountains,
And the modern Akita is from the survivors of that.
The japs value them for their unswerving loyalty and have statues and festivals dedicated to the Akita.
The best known being Haichi,
A akita whos owner died while away,
For years the dog returned to the train station waiting for its owner who obviously never turned up.
That Richard Gere did a film about it.
But for fuck sake don’t watch it!!
I scriked my fuckin eyes out.
So did the missus.
5
Having pets is mostly a pleasure and it always comes as a shock how terrible they are as patients mostly.
There’s people who abandon their pets once they become ill or elderly and there’s those that go through the hard times with their pet because of their devotion and inherent good character.
2
Trouble these days with having pet’s..
VETS..£££££
1