Elton John (14)

is a cunt.

Just when you thought he was on his last legs, Elton John makes a miraculous comeback.
Having been out of the limelight for all of 6 months, it appears that Fat Reg needs the attention of his adoring public once again. Not to mention their hard earned cash.
Reg and his ‘husband’ David, have produced an alcohol free fizz to help them with their teetotal lifestyle of dinner parties and whatnot.
Apparently, they liked it so much that they thought it would be a nice idea to flog it in Sainsbury’s at 10 quid a pop.
Certainly a great idea if your the ones raking in the profits.
Most 75 year olds with something north of one hundred million in the bank wouldn’t bother, but people like him can’t help themselves. They can never earn enough.
And to cap it all off. Far from Glastonbury being his ‘final’ performance, he’s playing the rock in Rio festival this summer.
Doubtless for another fat cheque.
That’s if he lives that long.
Which he fucking well will, without a doubt.
I fear we’ll never be rid of him.

standard

Nominated by Field Marshal Cuntgomery.

25 thoughts on “Elton John (14)

  1. He can’t sing anymore,he sounds like someone’s granny after a night on the sherry.

    Not that that would bother him,nor it seems the likes of Paul McCartney and Rod Stewart.

    Always puzzles me why they don’t just stop and live a life of indolent luxury.

    Perhaps it’s because most of them are egotistical cunts.

    Good morning.

    • I agree Terry.

      The fat old poof hasn’t been able to sing for a couple of decades.

      His singing voice back in the 70s was probably unrivalled but he should have quit while he was ahead in that regard.

  2. So someone into chem sex and baby oil paddling pool romps is tea total?
    Fuck me tell it to the vicar, and if he likes it chances are it probably has a slight hint of knob to it, so regardless of price or figurehead I will give that one a miss.

    Has Bono done anything lately?, sort of tempted to put Mr Beast out there for his waterholes for Africa flop, but as it was his own cash maybe I should leave him alone.

  3. I can’t say that I liked or disliked him at all, he didn’t appear in my personal top 20.

    However, he absolutely shat the bed for me when he put new lyrics to Candle in the Wind and churned out that mawkish dirge at that funeral.

    I’d have admired him more if he’d done a ragtime version of Second-hand Rose.

    • Im shocked at this vicious slander of a National Treasure and bone fide rock god.

      Sir Reg encapsulates everything about rock n roll.

      Unfettered greed, anal sex,
      Stomach turning wealth,
      Shameless fawning to the establishment,
      And pot bellies.

      I for one love his insipid saccharine muzak,
      And as a massive fan can name at least two of his songs.

      Live fast
      Die young
      Born to be wild🤘

  4. I owe fat Reg a debt of gratitude because when i was in my teens i bought a bird “ Yellow brick road “
    and on the strength of that i got my leg over

  5. Goodbye yellow brick road is about Regs time working laying tarmac in Brighton as a young labourer.
    Ripping up york stone flags and selling them.

    He laid the car park and driveway at his mansion himself whilst David baked fairy cakes.

    Candle in the wind is about farting on a toddlers birthday cake.

  6. I hate piano ballads.
    Rubbish.

    If you was picking a instrument to play it wouldnt be a fuckin piano.

    Imagine carting that around to gigs?!!!

    Youd think elton would be a natural flute player?

    For me, itd be drums.
    Let out all your energy banging away like John Bonham or Keith moon.
    Or bagpipes,
    ACDC did it,
    As did wings.

    Marvelous.

  7. Ps

    Elton claimed ‘ saturday nights alright for fighting’
    Encouraging street violence in the UK.

    Hes probably right though.

    He wrote that about his time as a Teddyboy in a street gang with Cliff Richards, Tommy Steele,
    And Lionel Blair.

  8. Never really understood the appeal of the vulgar, fat, narcissistic fuck.

    A few nice toons and albums in the 1970s, and that’s about it.

    A sort of camp, upmarket Leo Sayer. Or downmarket Nilsson. Not that I gave a fuck about those cunts, more a Blue Oyster Cult man myself.

    Goodbye England’s Rose… what a fucking embarrassment!

  9. Candle-up-my-arse Reg’s lionising of Pat’n’Mick Music reminds me of Private Eye’s ‘Great Bores of Today’. Back in Richard Ingrams’ time when PI was funny, a Michael Heath cartoon would be of some boring cunt spouting a load of waffle.

    This is from a book of said bores published in 1976. The cartoon is of an ageing self-appointed music ‘expert’ droning on in a record shop. This is his spiel verbatim:

    ….of course Heavy Jelly has never really recovered from the loss of Rayne Fullbright I mean I respect his decision to explore new fields but a lot of the tightness has gone and though they remain one of the funkiest around their new album ‘Brabazon Has Wings’ although full of good intentions lacks the grit of the early Newcastle sound for which of course the late Bo Jabes deserves a lot of credit if you compare Dave Watson’s acoustic version of ‘Nimble Wanker’ which you can only get in the States you realise why this formerly much neglected artist has become a cult and for my money Jelly remains one of the top exponents of Wet Rock through the live albums from the Dusseldorf Farm when Noddy Grimble joined forces with T T White on rhythm bassoon….

  10. Never liked this cunt.

    Has always seemed like a right mardy uppity uphill gardener.

    Didnt he do a sort of fly on the wall documentary about himself a few years ago called Tantrums and Tiara’s?

    That tells you all you need to know about the cunt.

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