Rachel Reeves (8)

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“I think I’m in love,C.A.

“Good afternoon. This is IsAC’s political correspondent Ron Knee. I’m joined now by Chancellor Rachel Reeves, to discuss the ramifications of her Autumn budget. Thanks for joining us Rachel, or *snicker* may I call you ‘Thievin’?”

“Beast! Can’t you say something nice? *Sob* I’m going to cry again…”

“Something nice? Well let’s see… erm, you’ve got a great arse. I’d love to-”

“You awful sexist beast *sniffle*. I’m going to report you to the police for hate crime!”

“Blimey, how can saying your arse is fabulous be hateful? Anyway, least said, soonest mended. Now about the budget…”

“Keir says it was a positive triumph. A budget for the people. A budget for Britain!”

“Hang on. A budget for Britain? Growth down the toilet, inflation up, unemployment up, borrowing and debt at record levels, more broken promises on tax, another massive transfer of resources from those in work to those shirking at home and churning out kids, that’s a budget for the people?”

“Well look, times are hard. I fixed the public finances in my first budget and said I wouldn’t be back for more, except that now I am. But it’s not my fault. It’s all the fault of Brexit. And Covid. And the war in Ukraine. And fourteen years of gross mismanagement by the Tories. And economic headwinds”

“I see. Erm, what exactly are ‘economic headwinds’ anyway?”

“Well let me make sure I’ve got this right. They’re challenges or obstacles that hinder economic growth, such as global uncertainty. Or something. That’s what they tell me to say anyway, those people at the Treasury. So you see, any Chancellor would be standing here now, saying the same thing, it’s not my fault”

“So what’s your message to the increasingly hard-pressed, demoralised, and angry citizens, the workers and entrepreneurs who make up alarm clock Britain?”

“My message is that somebody’s got to pay more so that the feckless on Benefits Street can lounge about watching ‘Homes Under the Hammer’, eating pizza, drinking and smoking, and having more kids. Somebody’s got to pay to fund all those billions we spend on illegal migrants, net zero projects and foreign aid. This is what our rabid back benchers want, so dig deep, shut the hell up and get on with it”

“Well thank you Chancellor. Perhaps we’ll be here having the same conversation this time next year. But more likely not… Anyway, for now, this is Ron Knee, for IsAC, returning you to the studio”

the sun

Nominated by Ron Knee.

75 thoughts on “Rachel Reeves (8)”

  1. Blimey I’m on a roll with noms! Apologies to anyone who thinks I’m a cunt for hogging things.

    As far as I’m concerned with Rachel, the good news is that I think she’s sexy as fuck.

    The bad news is that she’s a lying, utterly incompetent Labour tosser who’s doing a great job of wrecking the economy and making most of us poorer.

    Morning all.

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      • Good Morning

        Without your nominations Ron this website would be a bit thin on the ground.
        How you can inject a bit of humour into the latest shitshow this government has produced is a bloody brilliant.
        Rachel is so out of her depth and consequently so mentally troubled the decent thing would to be to take her along to the vet and have her put down.

      • I agree Sixdog V. Look at the size of its hands and forearms in the nom pic. And that voice 😬😬

        Plus, as a Wimmins, I spot these things – the amount of ‘work’ it had done on its face, hair and make up to deliver the Budget on the day. If she’d put that amount of effort into delivering a decent budget, we might not be in such a shitshow now.

        All on expenses and tab picked up by taxpayer, of course.

        Out of depth, gurning, incompetent socialist traitorous illiterate cunt. 🤮🤢

      • That makes two of us.

        Between her and the hot as fuck Julia I’m just about climbing the wall. The wife says I need help. That’s a good one coming from the woman who’s got the hots for that cunt Monty Don.

        Er anyway… back in ten minutes (possibly sooner).

    • Agreed, and what’s of alarmingly great concern is that she just doesn’t seem able to see the truth of it. There’s an old expression roun’ these paaaaarts ‘As thick as thieves’ that’s been replaced by ‘As thick as Reeves’.

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  3. I still say Reeves ought to be stripped naked (well, alright, she can leave her TenaLadies on) and be paraded down Threadneedle Street so everyone can have a good laugh, then the Governor of the Bank of England should put her across his knee and give her a damned good spanking. After that the stocks for the rest of the day.

    Reply ↓

    • Ive no time for ditherers,
      Or stutterers.

      You cant trust a stutterer.
      Fffffact.

      They lack self confidence leaving them open to being influenced by others,
      Its not a matter for a speech therapist
      Its a major character flaw.

      I always finish their sentences for them.
      Fuckin time wasters.

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  6. i must admit i now find her strangely attractive now shes grown her hair longer and i would definitely fuck her in the shitter and let her piss on me after.

    Reply ↓

      • Fair enough really, after all, she’s just fucked you and the rest us right up the shitter

    • There must be something in this.

      My mate Big Al, who’s got this fantasy about being pissed on by various women, says that Rachel is on his list to perform, along with Maggie Thatcher (good luck with that one), Megyn Kelly, Ursula von de Leyen (pushing it!) and Penny Mordaunt (absolutely).

      I thinks it’s a ‘power women’ thing.

      Reply ↓

      • I have been lucky in my life , that I have had 3 previous girlfriends who have
        obliged it for me. 👍 . Regretfully I’m at the age now that any woman near my age probably couldnt help pissing herself without any encouragement.

  7. I am concerned.

    First Ron, then Boggs and now CC all fancy a crack at Rachel’s fish mitten and / or barking starfish.

    It’s like the biggest case of pervy financial Stockholm syndrome this site has ever seen!

    I warn you now. If any of you did manage to give it a back scuttle, you would awaken from your post-coital doze to find her trying to rip out your gold fillings with pliers.

    Reply ↓

    • I wouldn’t touch her with a bargepole. I just want her to be humiliated to the point where she will fuck off from public life forever, and her appearing naked would do the trick, I think. The same applies to nearly all of the rotten cabinet – just imagine Lammy stark bollock. Or perhaps not as it is nearly lunchtime – his pot belly and enormous buttocks probably stink to high heaven.

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  8. Unfortunately for me I saw an interview with her on Sunday.

    If it was the first time a normal person had seen Our Chancellor they would swear it was an android..

    A shit one from North Korea that was only programmed with three responses..

    “Stability to the economy”

    “Half a million children lifted out of poverty”

    “I’m asking everyone to pay a little bit more”…

    The lying bitch mislead the entire country,again,with her fantasy blackhole bullshit.

    Luckily and unsurprisingly,the idiotic cunt has the full support of the uncooked pound land sausage that is our Heroic Prime Minister.

    Nobody on this Gravy Train will own up to anything ever.

    Tax Free Oven.

    Good morning.

    Reply ↓

    • There’s only one group of people responsible for lifting children out of poverty and it’s the bone idle, shag-happy cunts that put them there. Not fuckin’ me,

      Reply ↓

    • “The lying bitch mislead the entire country,again,with her fantasy blackhole bullshit.”

      you can only be mislead if you believe, I for my part was not mislead.

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      • Arse always seemed a bit gay to me Chuff, why use the tradesmen’s entrance when you have a nicely decorated front gate?

      • ….error, I was referring to the proximity of hair, rather than a preference as to where you wish to plonk the pork sword good sir.

        I do recall a girlfriend of mine loved it I’m the backdoor, and I was happy to oblige…..once, as she had one hairy aresehole, put me right off it did. May as well have had a pair of bollocks down there.

      • I have a beautiful speaking voice.
        Its true.
        Rich, timbreous, like Richard Burton or something.
        An yet i rarely do public speaking.
        People are entranced by my sultry voice
        ” is he a actor?”
        “, ooooh i could listen ti him all day,
        Wonderful isnt he?”

        Labour mps do nothing but public speaking and every one of them has speech defects.

        Lispers, stutterers, permanent blocked noses,
        Ummming, aaaahhing, errmming..
        Useless.

        They need a adapted minibus for conferences.

        That or a lime pit and a gunshot to the back of the head

      • They need an adapted minibus! Brilliant, I can just see a fleet of them for their next conference. God knows why they want to give so much to the feckless.
        Slightly off topic, did anyone see that Katie Hopkins was threatened with arrest for calling herself a spaz??

  11. ‘I’m asking everyone to pay a little more’

    Except for the benefits brigade and the preferred (over Brits) asylum seekers.

    This time next year there will be another million on benefits, well it’s the only ‘job’ with a lifetime security.

    All the cunters who want to fuck Robot Rachel, what are you on 😂

    I would rather shag a side of beef 👍

    Reply ↓

      • A pair of dole scrounging benefit breeders with three kids are now on the equivalent gross wage of £70k p/a.

        Meaning it takes at least two people on £100k salaries (taxed, obviously) to support one family of scroungers.

        It’s unsustainable.

      • Benefits aren’t classed as income so are tax free, get on that gravy train and start living the life, and why not it’s ‘free money’
        No wonder younger people with a bit upstairs are fucking off to pastures new, more money and less tax.

        It’s the future 👍

        10 years from now and the UK will be a non flushable toilet.

  12. I note the sleight of hand with which they’ve brushed under the carpet her mass defrauding of the country and the increased funding of workshy scum, by forcing out the head of the OBR and then, lo, someone else from the OBR, looking for a nice fat promotion in a cushy civil service gig, comes out and says she didn’t mislead anyone. He’ll be having his name plate drilled to the door as we speak.

    Fortunately for all of us, however, Labour are the party that is driving sleaze out of politics (and making it centrepiece of their Stalinist tyranny instead).

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  13. I think Robin Rachel who does the arse about face of Hood, should be watched night and day to see what she gets up to. Looking like that and not yet fifty, she must be up to no good.

    Reply ↓

    • She’s not getting my money. It’s all tied up. My only job now is to stay alive long enough to steal from her, the thieving twat.

      Reply ↓

      • The cheeky twats have my one-off winter fuel allowance, but like I said I’m getting it back in more ways than one by staying alive. Take that you comedians in charge.

  14. What time have you lot to be on here?

    Get back to work! There are people on benefits relying on us.

    Won’t somebody please think of the children!

    Reply ↓

    • I’m too busy to work.

      It’s a full time job “maximising my tax free allowance”.

      Oh and Joe Root has just scored his maiden century in koala land.

      Bloody Good Show!

      Reply ↓

    • The new Lefty buzz word is “Humanity”, LL.

      Be it the Gazan filth, tranny nønce rights, the dinghy pirates, Trump removing the illegals, oil and gas protesters, the Filton 24 and any other worthless bunch of shit licks. You will be reminded by the left to think of the humanity.

      Unfortunately for lefties, I see all of the above as sub-human and therefore I remain immune to ‘the humanity’.

      Try it. It’s so liberating.

      Reply ↓

  15. OT, the wife does some contract work for a company which has just been taken over by a guy from India. He’s disappointed with his new Britsh employees. Unlike those in India they don’t address him as “Sir”……

    Reply ↓

    • I think he’s just married to an attention addicted, money grabbing media whore, who sees him as a meal ticket and a path to gain access to Hollyweird ‘royalty’.

      She doesn’t give a fuck how he cheapens the Windsor name, as long as there is something in it for her.

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  19. Sly offered us extra footy in multiview. Which gave us more dark coloured faces to try and ignore. I would prefer to budge them from the White Cliffs of Dover.

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  20. I think I’ve caught the lurgy from Ron. I saw the photo and unintentionally got the horn. It’s so unbecoming of me that I’m getting anxiety issues.
    I’m off to my “safe space” now my Cocks been triggered. Poor soul.

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  22. Reeves, 26th out of 34 does not make you a chess champion..!

    But it perfectly explains two things.

    1 : you embellish your meagre achievements in life ( lie).

    2 : You are crap at maths. ( Budget, more FUCKING lies)

    Is this the best GB can do these days ?

    Given we are a vastly diminished country, probably..!

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  24. Reform UK has received a record £9m donation from a cryptocurrency investor.

    He could have housed the dinghy rats in a four star hotel for a night with that.

    Oh well.

    Reply ↓

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