Many years ago in my younger days I met and fell head over heels in love with a beautiful girl.
We spent a decade together and spent most of the early years in particular, living in each others pockets, such was our fondness for each other.
We had a baby daughter together and were happy for a long time but later in the relationship, cracks started to appear and things just gradually deteriorated.
Poor lass had had a particularly troubled upbringing and her behaviour started to become a problem.
She was running up severe debts unbeknown to me and was drinking a bit too much despite it not being good for her.
I was certainly no angel either and probably didn’t help matters at times, being an immature cunt in his 20s.
We eventually parted company and the split was horrific when I look back.
I genuinely tried my best to keep things amicable but she was seemingly just permanently on the warpath.
She eventually moved a few miles away and had apparently moved on with her life, meeting a new fella and having another baby to which I was actually happy for her.
This new relationship unfortunately broke down and she sadly spent the next several years in self destruction mode.
Sadly the poor lass died recently of what I believe to be alcohol related complications and I attended the funeral along with our daughter and I can honestly say it was the saddest occasion of my life. Seeing her Dad looking old and confused, my daughter being devastated and my ex’s other little girl so upset just added to the feeling of utter melancholy.
They put on a slideshow of old photos at the service and some of them featured yours truly, 25 years younger alongside this beautiful girl looking like a happy family.
To say my heart has been broken would be an understatement which brings me on to the purpose of me writing this nom up.
I feel because she was an ex from yesteryear that I have no right to feel such pain, guilt and regret because it’s nearly 2 decades since we separated- but I do.
I also feel uncomfortable crying in front of Mrs Jelmet who has been supportive but at the same time, I don’t want to or feel as though I should.
I’m sure most, if not all of the people reading this have experienced some severe grief at some point or other.
I’ve lost close old friends and more elderly relatives but can say that I have never felt this sad at a bereavement.
There’s no link or anything with this nomination as it’s just me rambling about how heartbroken I’m currently feeling and wondering how long it will take to start feeling better.
Thanks for reading.
Nominated by : Herman Jelmet
Herman – Wishing you peace and acceptance from all of us at Admin Mansions – NA.
Morning, Herman.
Grief is always personal and, ultimately unquantifiable, so it would be crass to offer any suggestions as to its alleviation. However, you do have my sympathies. My mother died over twenty years ago and the world has been a darker place for me ever since. Nevertheless, none of us can have the past back and must make the very best of the future – if not for ourselves, then for others we love.
Good morning everyone.
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My thoughts are with you Herman. Grief is an all engulfing emotion, overwhelming at times.
Maybe it’s time to dig deep into why you feel so grieved, then maybe you can unravel stuff.
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My thoughts too Herman. Grief is the penalty you pay for love. Things will get better for you and your daughter.
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You’re grieving and grief carries its own weight. My dog died in early September. Not just a dog but my best friend for 13 years. I was devastated, inconsolable at first.
Grief is something we don’t have a choice about and there’s no appropriate level that can be touched to any particular loss.
It’s possible you didn’t properly grieve for the relationship at the time and your ex’s passing has opened a door you forced shut.
Maybe a grief counsellor could help.
Take it easy on yourself.
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It is strange that for so many of us our closest relationships have been with those with four legs rather than two.
I am not religious but last year when I faced an operation in which there was more than a bit of a chance I would come out toes up I was quite calm about it because I seriously thought if the worst came to the worst I would see all my dogs again and they would be lined up waiting for me.
Both Herman and Sixdog, time doesn’t heal completely but it does help an awful lot.
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I lost my dog to cancer, he was only 7.5 years old. It was destroying to be honest. We had been through so much together, he gave me a reason to get up on some shitty days. losing him hurt more than losing my nan, and I was there. I think it’s a mixture of accepting someone who is 93 and suffering from cancer, won’t make it, and knowing the pain is over. It was very different with my dog because I blamed myself ect. Obviously I couldn’t have done anything different, but a dog can’t tell you they are ill. The little buggers don’t like to show pain, almost like they know it will distress you. In the end I’m glad to have had time with him and my grandparents. My dad has prostate cancer and it’s always in the back of my mind, but I can’t let that take away from the time iv got with him. and no one should ever take anyone they love for granted, when your cards up it up.
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I wish you well sir.
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Best wishes Herman👍
Grieving is hard.
The loss of someone is a bitter thing.
Why i sometimes envy those with faith.
Chin up kid👍
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Ps
That Venezuelan president Nichola Madura,
Hes the absolute spit of Bob Carolgees.
Trumps gonna make his life hard.
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I thought that Venezuelan lad was Saddam Hussein relocated to Latin America. Like Joe Mengele and the boys…
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He’s the Spic Stalin
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I’ve lost both my parents but I truly still miss my mam more than dad no doubt because he pissed off from me and my two brothers when I was about 6, leaving mother to raise three kids on her own…she grafted in the cotton mill as a weaver and worked her fingers too the bone … I’ve every praise for what my father did in the war as a navigator in Halifax/Lancaster bombers and the bravery he and countless others went through, but I’ve not got the same feeling of loss for him … it’s a strange thing grief and it’s probably peculiar in each of us how it comes through…I can only say perhaps concentrate on the good things that occurred when you were together Herman..👍
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I have lost both my parent (no I did not loose them they died) any way I have almost had my first year in this planet without parental criticism!
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If any cunter has elderly parents, I would urge them to get that relative speaking on video.
Simply because I did that with my mother, so I can hear her voice.
But my father died long before thr proliferation of smart phones, some 25 years ago.
Over the years, I have, alas, forgotten what his voice sounded like and I regret not thinking of doing it at the time.
A solemn good morning to one and all, especially HJ today.
Hope you will feel better in time, my friend.
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I have some old video of my late mother but I can’t bear to watch it.
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I know what you mean, SV.
I do get a lump in my throat when I hear her voice.
It’s certainly bittersweet, but I’d rather have the footage than not.
And it’s nice for my grown up kids to hear Grandma’s voice too.
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One can totally relate to this. It, too, will pass. Don’t feel guilty and stay strong.
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Hi Herman.
CuntyMort put it perfectly; ‘grief is the penalty we pay for love’.
We’ve all been there at some point mate, be it grandparents, parents, siblings or friends. I live in absolute dread that my beloved wife will go before me, selfish as that perhaps sounds.
It cuts to the bone but you’ll make it though, I know. For what it’s worth, I’m sure I speak for everyone on here when I say I say hang in there friend. Our thoughts are with you.
Ron
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make it through
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I can only ‘get’ this one by understanding grief when an animal I’ve known/’owned’ dies… but when people die – anyone – relative, anyone I knew? .. nada. Indifference.
Had a friend killed at 13 by a hit & run cunt driver and remember being upset then, .. but never since. Have to think something clicked in my 13 y.o. brain re: human mortality.
And any notion that there is such a thing as a benign overseer, of course.
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Morning Cuntemall.
Y’know, up until 5 years ago, I was the same as yourself.
A committed atheist, I poured utter scorn on the notion of both a celestial creator and man-made religion.
Until I acquired some psychedelics and on my fourth trip, was transported directly into God’s presence.
It was a profoudly ineffable experience and blew away my atheism instantly.
Accepting the existence of God (whilst still decrying the despicable synthetic nonsense of man-made religion) has made me a deeply spiritual person, not that you’d know it through the spiteful shite I post on here!
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Did God mention me Thomas?
Does he want me to kill anymore prostitutes?
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God said he wants you to know that your country cream gates are shit and his heavenly gates are miles better.
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Hey, Thomas.
Atheist doesn’t even begin to approach it for me. I hold the world record for misotheism .. Against the *notion* of it all, even.
At the same time, I quantified Poincare Recurrence Time at it’s upper boundary a few years ago, though. That was the equivalence of a psychadelic trip for me – (made my brain hurt like a marathon runners legs must hurt after a 26 mile run .. ) but pure science & maths, no god required.
On the grief front I DO walk around stunned for weeks after a rescue-turned-pet dies, though… any speccies – and literally had that revelation about 2 years ago, in the aftermath of the loss of one of my critters … “oh! .. so THIS is how people feel, who are affected by other people’s deaths”.
Genuinely.
So other cunters might not like my outlook but it’s literally hardwired in, at this stage ..
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And there is no gravy in Heaven.
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There’s a sub-heaven, LL.
It’s for anyone north of Leeds.
And anyone from Wales.
There’s plenty of gravy there, as well as drizzle, dreary landscapes, heroin and incomprehensible accents.
MNC’ll be in his element.
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Sorry to hear you’re going through it Herman. I’m not sure what’s the best way to deal with it as everyone is different. Hope you can enjoy things with your loved ones and that the feeling dampens down.
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What a lovely post and warm honest replies. Thought I’d stumbled upon ‘Isn’t a Cunt’!
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‘Tis only only a momentary reprieve, MW…we’ll be back to ϟϟtarmer and darkıes tomorrow.
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@thomas…. already set my alarm ⏰ 🫡…. hopefully it’s something/one who deserves a good kicking all this grief counselling is getting in the way 😁
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I feel for you, Herman.
Turn your face to the sun at every opportunity and remember only the good times.
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Relationships are always complicated, especially when you are the third leg in that relationship.
I do understand the grief and can relate to it.
This Christmas as with all previous, my wife’s son will be spending the day with his in-laws with their beloved grand child, neither grandparent has had a Christmas with the child.
So fuck em, My wife’s ex would spend the time on his own and maybe go to a pub, so this year I have booked a table for all of us down the pub for Christmas dinner.
being the third leg is sometimes good 😉
And my heartfelt condolences at your loss and what once was.
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Sympathies Herman, I hope you can work through your grief and keep positive mate.
O/T….I have just seen my first cunt wearing a face nappy for this new ‘superflu’, unless it was a Hiroo Onoda style holdout from Covid, but whatever, Bellend!
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I doubt there’s a contributer on this site who hasn’t lost a family member or close friend ( human or otherwise ), whose passing has left them absolutely knocked to the ground.
I’ve no insights to offer, other than time is indeed a great healer.
I hope that you are finding it a little easier to cope since you wrote this nomination, and hopefully the act of writing about it has helped you, even in a small way.
All the best Herman.
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I lost my Dad when I was 34 in a road traffic incident. Grief is different for every single person in my humble opinion. As the years have passed I find myself thinking more of the good times, the laughs we had. I obviously feel sad on occasions but I know my Dad would want me to lead a full life. Life is so very short. My condolences Herman, I hope you will remember your ex with a smile as time passes.
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My brother (knocked down by a car) and sister (cot death) both within weeks of each other was an apocalyptic pisser. Took the family years to get back to any sort of normality.
That’s why I despise these cunts who cry buckets over somebody they’ve never met or known. Whether it’s Diana or anyone else. I have no time for it or them.
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By pretending to care about the late princess Diana’s untimely passing, I managed to shag two different birds in late ’97 in my mid-twenties…result!
What a pair of silly retards.
Diana’s death opened the gates of emotional spasticity in this country.
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Afternoon Cunt Engine.
Imagine if social media was around back then? Some of these grief jackers who were laying flowers and were pictures of emotional incontinence must be thinking they missed their equivalent of the World Cup.
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Then there are cunts like this, is there nothing sacred and private anymore that cannot be exploited?
BBCNews
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From LL’s supplied link .. after the ‘sobbing’ bit…
‘Thankfully, the rest of the tour proceeded without incident’…
oh. So that’s okay, then.
More tea, vicar?
🙄
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Keep fighting, Herman.
Don’t let the bastards grind you down.
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I think a large part of why you feel such grief after decades is that you share a child, so you not only have at some point shared the joy of welcoming your daughter into the world, which is such a unique bond, but you are witnessing your daughter’s grief too.
I’m not in the least religious but it is a bit like they say, you are bonded forever if you have a child with someone.
wishing you all the best
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Grief can certainly be a very strange thing. Take my neighbours for instance, married for over 60 years. When the husband suddenly died, without any apparent illness, (these are usually the worst ones to deal with) all the widow said within an hour of finding him dead in the armchair to the ambulance driver was “Get him out of here! He is no longer with me, he has gone.” Everyone said “ It will hit her hard later on,” well it didn’t. As a result people talked about her having no remorse, but I think she handled it all pretty well, considering her age, & the time they had both been together.
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I agree Lord S. She handled it her way as she had every right so to do. People talked? Fuck ’em.
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I think the thing going on here was that she was put out that he had left her. This is how she handled it Arfur.
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As far as I am concerned. it’s a vault that stays firmly shut. Same as my dad on the subject. Neither him or me mention them or went there. Not because we weren’t bothered, but because it’s too painful and thinking of what might have been.
I think of both Andy (our kid) and Margaret (my baby sister) when their birthdays come round or the days they died. Funny, how my mum and my sisters talked about it more and clung to them (which I understand), But me and my old man couldn’t and wouldn’t do it.
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Good afternoon fellas.
Thanks very much for the kind words of support.
I know this esteemed site isn’t exactly the place for sob stories or sympathy votes but there are times when you lot let your guards down and show the world what big softies you really are.
I’m pretty much on the mend now although there are those moments when I’m stopped in my tracks.
I would also like to apologise for such a sombre nomination on a Friday.
Thanks again though Cunters 👍
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Imagine a braless Sydney Sweeney’s tits bouncing freely as she jumps up and down on ϟϟtarmer’s shifty, pasty cunt of a face.
That’d put a smile on anyone’s mug 👍🏿
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Anyone have Stanley Baxter in the Dead Pool?
RIP.
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You pretty much told my life story there. She died in 2020 of vodka. I couldn’t even be there thanks to Boris, who I believe was at a party the same day. Never get over and it’s poisoned everything before and since.
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My condolonces Herman.
It is pointless to offers advice, because one persons grief is very different from anothers.
Only you can know how you feel, and sometimes we don’t know or understand how we are feeling, although we think we do at the time.
My personal grief when my partner died suddenly and unexpectedly was something I was unprepared for…unbearable which then led to a deep depression, which is impossible to explain or describe to anyone who hasn’t been through their own personal hell.
My own experience was that counselling was both difficult to access or prohibitively expensive, although I would encourage it to be tried.
It was many years before I was fortunate enough to see a mental healthcare professional who diagnosed part of my problems to PTSD.
Although it sounds crass, Time is indeed a healer, but don’t expect miracles overnight. Healing is a long term process, but don’t expect to be the same person you were before this happened.
Grief changes you forever.
Good luck and May God go with you.
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I can’t relate to your sadness regarding your ex. I’ve reached the point where I no longer have any contact. My kids, reluctantly, do stay somewhat in touch. I guess it’s hard for a child to completely cut out their mum.
My ex turned out to be a cheating witch and became an alcoholic while we were still together.
Here’s tthe thing that killed any feelings I could possibly have…..
She managed to gain full custody of the kids and used it as a weapon against them and myself and extracted as much cash as she could, over the years.
The final nail was when she invited a total cunt into hers and my kids live. He had 2 sons who decided the pretty little girl next door would be good to diddle on a regular basis and even when things started to come out she still didn’t throw the fuckers out. My kids had an inkling regarding what was going on and were terrified. Both didllers did end up in juvenile institutions a couple of years later for similar activities with other nice young girls. Their first victim hanged herself at the age of 19.
I can’t forgive or forget the devastation she was responsible for. If she goes before me, I’ll piss on her grave.
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Let me know when and where, I’ll join you.
I have a deep, abiding hatred towards anyone who weaponizes their children against the other parent, and/or facilities child abuse.
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