Apologies to the admins for the brevity of this cunting but I’ve just spent the last 10 minutes putting one of these fuckers on.
Elasticated bed sheets are a cunt. Especially when you are trying to fit a single bed sheet to a double bed. When pissed. I purchased badly but fortunately had a back-up sheet.
Slightly confused Dark Key, are the sheets to be used to keep the bed dry when you are pissed? C.A.
Nominated by Dark key Cunt.
I’ve never had a problem putting sheets on beds.
It’s Mrs Twatt’s job.
You should stick to putting the bins out mate.
18
Sounds like our house Geordie. Also I admit I can’t cook. I maintain and repair the car, the central heating, the plumbing and electrics,, the kitchen machines, you name it. I do the same for the neighbours. Sometimes I’ve been given a couple of cans or even a bottle of wine…..
5
Add to this changing the duvet cover.
I’ve tried all the so-called hacks, but still end up with a lumpy bit that won’t lie flat, no matter what.
By the time you’ve finished wrestling with the fitted ( ha! ) sheet and the duvet, you’re hot, sweaty and exhausted, and need a brandy and a nap.
P.S. I bought a duvet cover that unzips on three sides, you just lay it on the bed, put your duvet on top and zip it in.
Pricy, but worth every penny.
12
Indeed JP.
When I was younger we had a cat who thought it was great fun to go duvet diving when you were trying to put it on and more than once ended up with the cat inside.
10
Same here, our late cat was a cunt for that, or climbing in under the duvet when we were in it.
3
Serco will do it for you every day,for a small fee.
The vile cunts.
Good morning.
11
Fine cunting.
Folding them properly after laundering is the real cunt. Carefully tucking opposite corners into one another is the way to go but you need telescopic arms. The winceyette winter sheets are a fucker to stop from creasing before they go into the airing cupboard. As you have probably divined I have a doctorate in domestic science.
Good morning, everyone.
7
Has this turned into a gayness site?
Laundering, folding, ironing and making beds!!!
Pull yourselves together.
You are a disgrace.
Good morning.
19
Fitted sheets, when not handled correctly, can cause broken fingers:
http://www.handandwristclinic.com/article.asp?article=122&submenuheader=0
I hope that this dimension of bodily injury in part de-homs the nom, but agree we are in danger of kicking the day off on a particularly mincing note.
6
All my sheets got donated to the Klu Klux klan charitable trust.
Now i use a tarpaulin.
Easier to clean.
9
I am encouraged by the direction the nom is now taking, it just goes to show one should never be too quick to judge on appearances
6
Is that a tip you got from TtCE?
2
Interesting site, Balsy.
I suppose you could consult it for wanking injuries too.
🤌🏻
5
Fuck me! I have been lucky, a life of manual labour with crushed, cut, mangled fingers, never put a sheet on.
I could have got mallet finger!!! Dodged that one.
5
COOEEE Artful, love you. XXX
3
No problem with the fitted sheet at the Doctor’s surgery until, Mrs S went out and bought a MATTRESS TOPPER..🤬
10
Is this the sketchleys homepage or a cast meeting of upstairs downstairs.
I’m like Sting I use it once then I throw it in the bin or shoot it.
Rodney has rubber sheets on his bed, as the sphincter control on his prolapsed arsehole is shot to bits.
9
Fitted sheets!….I sleep on the floor 💤…. usually pissed 👍
9
My bed was made for me by this bloke in Pot Shrigley..
Id broken our bed,
And missus Miserable bought some shite one from Argos
I broke it the first week and she had a meltdown and told me I was buying a new one 😟
Massive heavy timbers,
Itll outlast us, our kids,
Its real value for money.
British craftsmanship at its finest. 🇬🇧
9
You really shouldn’t have been bouncing on the bed at your age, MNC.
12
She wasnt happy Thomas.
Got a right bollocking.
Not my fault beds nowadays are made for Ethiopians.
7
It wasn’t him Thomas, it was the two ton of coal.
It’s true, all northerns keep their coal on the bed.
7
In the bath surely Soi? Many years ago in Walsall where I was born and raised, the days when the council would periodically check their housing stock was being properly looked after, they found in one house a donkey in the bathroom and the bath filled with coal.
6
Only posh northerns actually had a bath, the poor had a bucket and sponge in the back yard
6
Indeed, SOI.
We were also sown into our wooly vests and long John’s in October and not released until May 1st!
Ah, happy days! 😁
1
Hey JP, not wishing to be impertinent but do you wear longjohns?
The finest undergarment for gentlemen ever.
Maybe not the most flattering but definitely the most comfortable!
Missus Miserable takes the piss but shes not the one out early walking the dog in the woods or loading the van in the rain.
For little skinny Sheffield pensioners theyd be ideal.
Stop you shivering like a RSPCA dog.
Theyre wonderful.
9
I most certainly do , Mis, and thermal long-sleeved vests.
I wear them to bed, an’ all.
I have daytime ones and looser nighttime ones because I hate feeling like I’m bandaged up like a mummy in bed.
One thing I cannot thole with, though, is bed socks! No, a hot water bottle takes care of the feet.
5
I want some of those old fashioned red ones JP.
With a flap on the arse for when going to the lavatory.
But got to order them from the US.
Ive put them on my list for father Christmas.
7
You’ll look like an old time gold prospector Mis.
7
Sorry, but I seem to have blundered on to Mumsnet by mistake.
Sorry ladies.
Get To Fuck.
10
I resent that.
But im busy ironing my pinafore.
Or id give you a tart reply.
12
Indeed.
If my hands weren’t covered in flour as I’m making a Victoria Sponge I’d certainly give you a stern telling off.
Yes I would.
Your health sir (and a nice piece of cake with a cup of tea).
8
I wonder if Mandelson, Streeting and C. have shitted bedfeets…
8
Co.
0
Don’t buy fitted sheets, get flat ones and find a nice buxom nurse to make hospital corners.
Or for Ron Knee get Rachel the tea lady to do it, she has to be good at something.
Ron peeping through the crack in the door as Rachel bends over to tuck them in 😉
11
She can tuck me in any time Sick.
https://www.alamy.com/mp-rachel-reeves-seen-during-the-interview-outside-the-bbc-before-appearing-on-the-andrew-marr-show-at-broadcasting-house-photo-by-phil-lewis-sopa-imagessipa-usa-image407922559.html
She’s as sexy as fuck. Not quite Julia levels of hot, but up there.
Morning all.
11
I have great sympathy with Dark Key re this nom.
Anything to do with making up a bed is frustrating, esp trying to get a fucking duvet cover on.
I do love just lying in though, snuggling the wife, esp this weather.
10
That’s the use of having a wife in the winter Ron. Send her up to bed first. Bed nice and warm when you go up and then you can warm your hands between her thighs.
8
That’s the general idea arfur.
She sometimes waits me out tho, then takes great delight in getting in and putting her cold feet on me, the little minx.
8
Whilst on the subject of bed sheeting,
Mr Beau`s gentleman`s appendage is a veritable drill !
And somewhat shaped like a pencil.
On the night of our wedding,
It pierced the bedding,
And shattered a chamber utensil.
11
Positively Byronesque.
5
I find that once fitted, they dont like any tossing & turning, especially, like me when they are old & wrinkled.
6
I’m sure the dinghy rats get the finest Egyptian cotton bedsheets.
7
Sleeping bag, a tent and the.West coast of Scotland,
Duvet, wincyette(sp?) Sheets, hospital corners, fitted covers. Wot a lot of softies, ‘spect you will be talking ‘lecky blankets and water bottles next.
Strong like lions!!
Dandelions
Mornin’ all
4
Wheres Sammy?
He was moaning the other day about the noms always being political in nature.
Get a nice nom about bedding sheets he ducks off.
Bet Peter Mandelson has black silk sheets.
And manacles on the bed posts.
14
Johnny Depp had a litter tray specially sewn into his bed sheet.
For his ex-missus to use.
7
That was a coincidence Mis.
4
With a rubber under sheet in case of ‘seepage’?
5
Mandy Probably needs fitted, plastic, sheets to stop him wetting the bed.
I went to the school, at 13, where we were shown how to do hospital corners, you got slippered if you couldn’t do it within a week. I spent 6 weeks in hospital last year, the sheets were changed every day to prevent infection, not one fucking hospital corner in sight.
Good Morning
5
Herumph, last pithy comment moderated, wonder why?
1
Have you ever tried putting sheets on a bed of nails ?
Neither have I.
It must be murder.
3
Everything I say goes into moderation suddenly. Has the forces of evil penetrated our defences?
1
Seeing that we’ll be here all day, the sheets are going to need changing by nightfall and I’m not going to use those crude nylon ones that are fitted. My bed came from Warren Evans the professional bed and pocket-sprung mattress makers. Its the finest cotton sheets for me.
5
We’ve got one from Emma sleep.
Memory foam I’ll have you know.
3
I really don’t find this a problem, more a challenge, anything that has a procedure and I’m in. All those years of making and mending and fixing things be it airfix,bicycles,cars,motorbikes,plumbing, electrics and running a manufacturing business has stood by me fine, good old dad always has oily fingers.
5
I’m afraid we’re a dying breed though Dc. Most of the people I know who are decades younger than me literally couldn’t wire a thirteen amp plug. They don’t own tools of any kind and use kitchen knives for screwdrivers. But of course a great part of the economy runs on this widespread ignorance in the general population. We have MPs who pay electricians to replace light bulbs and laws have been enacted which ban you from carrying out most electrical and plumbing work. It’s illegal to replace your own windows and people have been prosecuted for doing so. Starmer is pleased to tell us his father was a mere toolmaker. It gives away his opinion of the lower orders, people who work for a living.
0
Thought it was going to be a nice relaxing day in bed ?
Ah well. We’re back to other people’s troubles. I’ll just have to sleep on it.
4