I know it’s called the silly season. But why the hell do people buy those extortionately priced calendars at this time of year?
Whole stalls and shops appear with these damn things full of them. Long gone bands (Beatles, Queen, Wham!), current shite (K-Pop, Chappel fucking Roan, Sabrina Carpenter), sci-fi (Star Trek, Star Wars, Doctor Who), every animal under the sun (dogs, cats, horses, pigs), and every superficial celebrity twat and Hollywood cunt known to man. Plus loads of other shite like Harry Potter and gay rainbow bollocks.
And, these cunts cost 10 quid or over. What sort of knob pays that for 12 small posters that will last a year? Calendars are pointless anyway. The date can be found on the phone or computer. Calendars are obsolete, it’s a great big racket.
And, they never have what you want anyway. As I was in Bury,’s Millgate Centre last week, one stall seller asked if I’d be interested in the 2026 Taylor Swift Calendar. I replied ‘Have you got one where ‘Tay Tay’ is full monty billy bollocks in several lewd and lascivious poses?’ You should have seen their face and their ‘Errrrr…. No’.
Bah, bloody Humbug…
Nominated by : Norman
Great nom Norman.
I always have to get a ‘bonnie Scotland’ one for the wife at about twelve notes a pop. She’d be badly disappointed if I didn’t. She always gets me a diary.
As far as I’m concerned, any picture calendar I’d be interested in would be totally unavailable for open sale.
As an aside, I see that ol’ Sir Cliff’s still putting out a calendar. Somebody must them buy them, but who?
Morning all.
6
I’d suggest Mr Richard himself and the twelve toothless old ladies who remember giving him a blow job in 1958, plus the thousands of chorus boys from 1959 onwards and Anthony Blair, who gave even more blowjobs buy them, Ron.
I think Norman is being a bit of a misanthrope. I love my Dogs Trust calendar each year – it helps a good cause, and – well – business is business and Boggs Printed Media Productions (Kentish Town) Limited want you to buy our 2026 extravaganza – called Red Topless it features twelve lovely naked Labour lovelies in a series of “art” poses”. Thus you have bouncy Lady Nugee wearing just a big smile and a pair of fur boots in January, buxom Lisa Nandy, hoeing her garden au naturel in May, Jess Phillips in Doc Martens on a nude Gay Pride March in June, and little Yvette Cooper playing nude conkers in October, wearing just a mischevious smile.November sees Rachel Reeves covering her modesty in just her red budget box.
Of course these pictures were taken earlier this year and we can’t guarantee Rachel woll still have her budget box in November.
All that raw beauty for just £15.99, including postage, to be sent in a tasteful plain envelope.
5
Those desperate for a gift for Granny, Great Aunt Alice and George next door ( such a nice man ) because they’re all huge Cliff fans
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The Cunt Engine Yuletide Calendar Extravaganza is available for purchase (cryto only) at your favourite dark web emporium. 2026’s offering features AI reditions of:
• ϟϟtarmer being full-depth Lubbocked by Giant Haystacks
• Reeves drowned in a slurry pit by dozens of irate farmers
• Mayor Khan being fed a conveyor belt of sausages and bacon whilst being raped by a gay pig wearing a yarmulke
• The House of Commons being filled with sarin gas, the cannister being opened by a suicidal Debbie McGee
And many more! Order now, only £9.99
13
Count me in 🤣🤣🤣
5
I’ll have two please
0
Burn them all 🔥🔥🔥
3
The Labour Party Calendar Girls 2026 publication is a winner. Get hold of a copy if you can.
Trust me cunters, you’ll change your opinion of Analease (May’s centrefold) for ever after you’ve seen her posing coquettishly behind a couple of cherry cupcakes.
I’m off for a wank.
5
We had to reject the one of AnalEase shaving her arsecrack, Geordie, and one of Angela Rayner applying her Canestan cream with her legs wide open.
3
I heard you had to scrap the one of Jess Phillips as well when she exhaled and the photographer was overcome by the toxic fumes.
4
Very true Geordie – the September photo featuring Miss Phillips was taken on a farm with her muck spreading wearing a scarecrow hat – it was hard to know where the muck smell ended and she began.
2
Talking of dates, years etc, I am a nostalgic old cunt, and I sometimes look at the BBC Genome website to remind myself what I was listening to in years gone by. Quite often, the ultra woke BBC will not allow you to see the details of a programme, hiding it with a yellow warning sign – you click on this at your peril, for example, it might be a Bandstand programme and the unfortunate participants might have been the “Black Dyke Mills Band” – two possible causes of offence there,
Can somebody enlighten me on what took place 50 years ago yesterday on Wireless 4 at 1945?. Click the yellow warning sign if you dare. I have racked my brain all night but t I cannot find a single offensive connotation in it. Can you?
https://genome.ch.bbc.co.uk/schedules/service_bbc_radio_fourfm/1975-12-25
4
Roy Plomley’s Christmas Island.
It’s riddled with far-right bigotry Boggsy.
Three non-diverse, white guests and Roy P on a programme with ‘Christmas’ in the title, therefore offensive to ragheads and contravening Starmski’s impending Islamaphobia law.
It will be banned in the name of Free Speech.
6
I recall the Beatles series that was on Disney Pus – sorry – I mean Plus.
An actual warning preceded the programme, which went like this…
‘This film shows men using explicit language and also men smoking cigarettes. Viewer discretion is advised.’
Straight up. a serious ‘warning’ about a couple of F Words and the Beatles smoking ciggies.
I knew Disney were demented woke bastards. But that was taking the piss.🤣
5
I learned last night, after enquiring of ye intranets, .. that ‘in some markets’, Noddy’s pal ‘Big Ears’ has been renamed.
USA, for example .. the jug eared cunt is now called ‘Whitebeard’.
Seriously. Check if you want.
It’s outrageous.
Did nobody consider the feelings of jimmy kimmel’s ‘wife’, for example?
0
Don’t know if they still do the calendars with the fully clothed attractive lady for January and you go through every month to watch her strip off.
I still remember years ago when News Papers would have a strip cartoon character of their own, such as Andy Capp. The one I remember was called Little Sport and he was in a prison cell which had a similar calendar on the wall, of which the young lady stripped off each month and by the time it got to the final removal in December, Little Sport was dragged out of the cell kicking and screaming on his release.
5
Reminds me of the cardboard with packs of nuts behind the bar in a pub, each sale revealing more of a scantily clad lady. It would probably have paint thrown over it these days by a blue haired minger.
2
I can remember when pretty girls like that one in the header pic would have been flashing her gash, & threepenny bits!
6
And with a proper full bush Lord S.
4
Hear hear.
It’s so much more rewarding having to make your way through the undergrowth to find the treasure.
3
Phone numbers would be written on the pub calendars in the past and a dirty chat was guaranteed.
1
Good nom, Norman.
Tommy Trinder calendars are really hard to find this year. ‘You lucky people!'”*
*Oher cunts’ calendars are available.
2
I like January, could keep me warm all year
What ever happened to those calendars that were present in all workshops and other places were blokes congregated.
Probably banned like everything thats not inclusive 😢
5
All went woke
4
Mate of mine worked for Birmingham council for many years Sicky. The guys who actually worked i.e. fixing the roads and pavements, unblocking the drains etc, used to have those calendars on the walls in the buildings from which they worked. One morning they arrived to find the calendars had been taken down and laid face down on adjacent chairs. It was made clear that they must not go back on display.
On the subject of Brum I’m informed that the bin men who have been on strike for months are being issued redundancy notices.
1
Methinks me and norm aren’t too far apart in miles 👍…my hometown of bury’s black pudding fame has a very good market which fortunately has held it’s own in testing times…not what it was but what is now in our sceptred isle 😩… unfortunately only a cock stride from the outskirts of the market it’s prime streets of 🇵🇰…
4
I lived in Walmersley for 10 years. The east of the town was turning peaceful from the 70s. I expect the fuckers have taken over now.
2
Just remember the packets of peanuts behind the pub bar that were stuck to a picture of a naked woman and when you ask for a packet the naughty bits were revealed, but the barman did his best to keep her coveted until the end. Crafty way of making money.
2
Don’t think of them as calendars, think of them as the representation of – in some cases worryingly large – percentages of the remainder of your life, with tits or pandas or porsches or whatever one you got this time around to look at every day to distract you from the aforementioned inevitability they actually represent, albeit passively.
🎵 ’tis the season to be jolly tra la lalala la la la …
3
I suspect a 2026 calendar of the British Cabinet being hanged would sell like hot cakes.
Closely followed by the Royal Navy Gunboat massacre of Dinghy Dung.
All proceeds go to Mr Mountbatten-Windsors solicitors “fighting fund”.
Dear me.
6
I think that has some legs, Terry. The Taliban calandar, depicting twelve ministers. Kweer in his orange jump suit with his head half way down his back, Wes Streeting falling off a tall building, Miliband hanged from one of his own windmills, Rachel Reeves strangled with one of her own stockings, Philipson dangling from a school rope with her throat cut………
4
Jess falling head first into a large pile of pig slurry 🤣🤣🤣
0
Why hasn’t it happened yet for a drone to hover over wankeir and douse the cunt in petrol and set fire to the cunt. That’s one way the bodyguards wouldn’t be able to protect the fucking twat, in fear of them copping it themselves.
0
Go to any Chinese restaurant in December and they will give you a calendar for the following year.
I have no fucking idea why.
Mrs Cunter always gets one and hangs it up in the kitchen.
It will stay there for the entire year and nobody will look at it.
0