Now this is a cunt in itself, somehow, I mentioned flowers in a conversation and the wife chirped up “You haven’t bought me flowers for 3 years” (I never knew she had set a timer).
I looked at her and asked her to explain the pansies and cyclamen that I purchased two days before and planted the window boxes with (to replace the tomato’s that have gone over).
Well apparently, they are “Plants”, I took Umbridge at that and pointed out the various green objects around the house that have no real function except to harbour spiders and in my opinion look suspiciously like “Plants”.
Whereas the shit I have planted outside have lots of pretty umbrellas on them that I have always thought of as “Flowers”, but they are plants unless I decapitate them and then I will have a “Plant” and some “flowers”.
The wife declined my offer of plant decapitation to rectify the problem; I also put this scenario through too several colleagues both male and female to gauge their thoughts and it would seem that I am not the only one with this line of thought.
I did buy the wife a nice bunch of decapitated bushes the next day and she was thrilled
Nominated by : Lord benny
Pansies in the window boxes?
That sounds like a Labour MP talking.
Good morning everybody
6
Morning WC.
I of course shower my missus with flowers on a daily basis.
Its a small price to pay.
And one of the perks of living next to the cemetery.
10
Very right and proper, MNC. I am sure stabby Paki’s frequently give their wives Love Lies Bleeding
1
fucking slugs ate them so don’t worry.
0
The wife prefers plants to flowers.
To her, flowers are a waste of money because they only last a few days.
Plants last for years, if not decades under her care.
We have some that are so rare and mature, they are worth up to £800 and we have had some stolen out of the front garden. I could figure out why until the wife told me what they’re worth.
5
Yes it is amazing what people nick, I have a blueberry that fruits very well, but the pot it is in weighs a ton so for the time being it is still with us.
2
The centre of that flower looks like a floral version of the newborn alien/Ripley hybrid from Alien Resurrection!
https://share.google/OePPsh4lkpxYR7CaJ
Safe pic.
Good morning to one and all.
4
Showing off my horticultural knowledge Thomas (I am after Monty Don’s job), I think that the rose pictured is a new variant of the old Blue Moon called “Twice In A Blue Moon”. I have one in my garden:
https://www.ashridgetrees.co.uk/products/twice-in-a-blue-moon-hybrid-tea-rose-plants#:~:text=Twice%20in%20a%20Blue%20Moon%20is%20far%20and%20away%20the,and%20deep%2C%20moisture%20retentive%20soil.
I might apply for a job on Kweer’s stone farm – I’d be milking the Carnation, while I watch the pansies prance……. It can’t be long now before Dirty Ange puts him out to pasture.
0
Female logic chez Twatt dictates that something in the shops that is reduced in price becomes an essential purchase.
Would anyone like some nice coasters and placemats?
We’ve got 20 sets going spare.
6
Mrs Cunter reminded me recently that in a few weeks time we will have been married for 38 years and together for 43.
I am proud to say that never once have I brought her flowers.
I find the whole idea appalling.
Flower shops are probably owned by shirt lifter’s.
I would have to chose what I think that she might like and then carry them to the car.
I might as well have a sign saying “Available for Bum Fun”.
No, I will buy her a new frying pan instead.
Good morning everyone!
7
The trouble with buying the wife a frying pan AC is its potential use as a weapon, along with rolling pins, saucepans and knives.
I’d rather play safe and get Mrs Twatt a pair of oven gloves.
I do like watching all the pussy whipped cuckolds buying bunches of red roses in Tescos in the run up to Valentine’s Day. I get Mrs Twatt chocolates so I can scoff half of them.
3
It is quite surprising what a pissed off woman can weaponise, Geordie.
My mates Dad got caught having an affair when we were at school.
His missus broke his nose and knocked out his front teeth with a frying pan in a surprise attack and then caught him again with a pot of boiling gravy while his back was turned.
Let this be a lesson to never get caught.
2
@odin…I trust he repaid her with a nonchalant aaaaah bisto remark 😆
0
That’s a very bold move , Art.
Did it myself, just the once!
Let us know how that works out for you.
0
We have Moroccan cunts that come round the bars and restaurants trying to sell single roses to daft punters.
Of course they home in on all the couples.
Their first price for a red rose is 5 euros.
You would be amazed at the number of guys who try to bargain them down while their girlfriend or wife is sitting next to them.
They probably wonder why they don’t get a blow job when they get home.
3
Imagine if you were “Mr.” Jess Phillips. I don’t think a red rose would be appropriate. A Stinking Helebore would be more appropriate and match her breath.
1
Diet coke was invented for female logic.
Don’t try to understand women.
Women understand women, and that’s why they hate each other.
5
This nom reminds me of a letter to Viz from many years ago:
The wife told me how I should make more of an effort with her sister when she came to stay recently. But you wouldn’t believe how much shit I got for waking her sister up in the middle of the night slapping my cock on her face.
Honestly, I’ll never understand women.
6
I’ve never seen a skull flower, my darling beloved ( she who must be obeyed) would appreciate a bunch of those..
1
Aren’t flower gifts a form of guilt.
0
Women can read us like a book.
1
Yeah, War and Peace.
0