With fuck all worth watching on the telly at Casa Cunter, I had a flick through some of the 4.000 or so channels available but never explored on my IPTV app.
I came across a programme called Marooned, hosted by a guy called Ed Stafford.
Apparently there have been several series of this drivel, with Ed being put in inhospitable environments where he is expected to survive and even thrive for 10 days.
In this particular episode he was abandoned in the Gobi desert.
With nothing but the shorts that he was wearing and a camera so that he could film his adventure.
After 3 days of searching he came across a puddle of water which he eagerly stuck his head in and started to drink.
Call me sceptical if you want, but to find surface water in a searing desert is a little unlikely, and if you are going to drink it then the resulting bouts of the shits will dehydrate you and kill you even quicker than if you didn’t find water in the first place.
Amazingly he also found a tin can in the sand.
It had been opened with some precision and had no sharp edges.
It was completely undamaged, not even a dent, just a little dirty.
That, he explained, would be his cooking pot.
He found a few plants bearing fruit. Without knowing exactly what they were, he ate them anyway.
He dug up roots, mixed them with his berries, put them in his tin can with some of the water that he found and brewed himself some tea.
This gave him the energy to go and look under rocks for tiny lizards which he also ate.
He also smoked some rodents out of their burrows and ate them too.
I know who watches this rubbish.
People like me who are bored with nothing else to do.
But who would be stupid enough to believe that any production company would put a presenter in any danger at all?
At the end of Ed’s ordeal he was picked up by a car, so he wasn’t that far away from a road or, I suspect, the local Pizza Hut.
As I was pointing out these things to the lovely Mrs Cunter she accused me of being a ‘miserable bastard’ who spoils everything for everyone.
Yes, I suppose that’s true.
Nominated by The Artful Cunter.
Stick Ed in an union jack suit and send him to Ilford for a week.
He could battle rats for potato peelings, make a shelter out of discarded bin bags.
Try to strike up a dialogue with the backward savages that infest the land.
Now that’s more realistic.
14
An excellent suggestion Barry.
If the cunt survives then have him try opening a synagogue in our fully enriched capital city..
Or a full episode of the silly cunt having a debate at Oxford University about men in dresses.
That will learn him good and proper I suspect.
6
Silly me.
The fellow needn’t have his production company go to such lengths.
He could just post something on “social media” disagreeing with men being allowed in the ladies toilets.
He’d get 5 years in Belmarsh.
5
Send him to Birmingham instead 🐀🐀🐀
0
Ive seen this.
There used to be one called Dual survivor.
It featured two experts with completely different approaches to outdoor survival.
One,
A yank ex special forces expert.
” fuck lets do this! Yippeekayyay!!!!”
Only it turns out hed made it all up and was a fantasist who just liked camouflage.
The other was a hippy type with long pigtails who never wore shoes.
His name was Cody Lundin.
And theyd bicker all the time.
I went to a show in Staffordshire few years ago and it was all outdoor, camping and off grid stuff.
Cody was a special guest.
Unfortunately Cody thought he was a fuckin film star or something and disguised himself with dark glasses and a hood,
And didnt like to meet the public.
Me and my mates had been drinking all day.
I shouted hello to Cody who ignored me.
“, hey!
Hey Cody!”
Nowt.
“Oi, you you cunt!
Im talking to you!”
Some laughed
Most gasped.
But he survived it.
10
What the cunts suffering from is being born in poverty and wants to keep it up, pretending when he was truly loved during childhood.
5
They could make the ultimate in survival programmes for a fraction of the cost if they recorded it in the lavatories of Lammy, Mandy & Starmer. Just imagine surviving the evil smells that would emerge from their festering arseholes. No gas masks or other breathing apparatus allowed. They could have a womens version with Lady Nugee and Dawn Butler
5
I love licking women out who haven’t washed down there for ages.
3
Oh ffs. I hope Jill or Sam skip past this one Sammy. It borders on overtaking Thomas for depravity!
82
It just comes perfectly natural to me, EGC.
3
Would it be possible to watch him suck diarrhea through a sweaty sock and watch his reaction.
4
Cheers Sammy, I’ll think I’ll give lunch a swerve now.🤢🤢🤢🤮🤮🤮
8
When you get appetite back CuntyMort, you’ll enjoy it all the more.
2
Ray Mears is top man at this game.
Woodsman and survivalist extraordinaire, Ray uses his bushcraft skills handed down from our ancestors through the generations to survive in the most inhospitable of environments.
Then when filming ends he’s driven to the nearest town, sinks 6 pints, scoffs a couple of quarter pounders and fries, then kips in the Premier Inn.
Which is why he’s such a fatty.
9
Idea for a new survival program.
*Escape from Epstein Island*
6 stage school 15yr olds are airdropped onto Epstein island in swimwear and have to get across to the other side without being dry bummed by politicians from the Uk and US.
13
The cunt wouldn’t have kept up the pretence if he’d suffered just being born
during wartime and only managed to escape poverty into the late sixties like I did.
3
June 1970 in my case Sammy.
7
Well done arfurbrain and I bet you just took it in your stride also.
1
Anyone can do what this twat is getting paid for and then opt out at will.
2
Living off grid? Fuck that! Along with many other cunters I lived in piss-poor conditions when I was young and I have no desire to repeat the experience. Our house is always nice and comfortable, we have machines for all possible tasks and one luxury I love is the ability to roll off the bed in a morning and into the shower. Also having a car is a massive plus in modern life. Fuck cycling. I will certainly not be competing with those folks who want to rough it. Mind you, if we don’t get shot of Miliband soon I think we’ll all be roughing it on a rota basis.
5
The survivor series I enjoyed was Bush Tucker Man Les Hiddings.
5
I’m a regular viewer of ‘Outback Opal Hunters’. Some of them are in remote camps living off-grid but are not survivalists but something much better, bushmen. They can MacGyver anything mechanical and turned their hand to mustering cattle, shearing sheep to earn a buck. And for food they hunt wild goats or shoot wandering abos.
5
Hello Liquors, my reply to you went below.
Psh
2
Me too LL.
Got to admire that Can do attitude.
Les is one tough old dude.
3
I couldn’t begin to list my anathema to this kind of fake, shit T.V. or anything in the same vein.
Equally worrying is the fact there’s an audience of millions. Millions that don’t see through the fakery.
A quick example that annoys me to this day? .. Top Gear with Clarkson, May and Hammond. Driving Aston Martins and similar through Europe. One night they supposedly – for ‘honour’ refused to stay at their booked luxury hotel because it was a former n@zi stronghold or somesuch. Possibly Colditz. Elected to sleep in their 3 cars. Cue them looking awkward trying to get comfortable for the nights kip blah blah.
Fade to black.
Fade-in to morning. The men awake in their cars, and alight to discuss their nights sleep. Cars interiors spotless. Windscreens, windows … spotless.
Now I don’t know if you’ve ever kipped a night in your car, cunters, .. but if you do so and don’t have the windows at least halfway open, .. you will have a steamed-up condensated car that will take hours driving to dry out properly. Literally drips of breathing-caused water from the angled windscreen. Streaks to fuck if you try and dry it manually. Would have been a fucking shame to do some to the high end horseless-carriages they were being paid a fortune to gallivant around in.
Bottom line?.
They stayed in the hotel. But faked this unnecessary all out ‘patriotic’ crock of shit.
And how many MILLIONS of viewers lapped up insincere shit like that for near 2 decades, without the gumption to see through it?
4
That should keep the numbers of Abos down, and keep the fuckers out of public places swigging from their foilbags of the cheapest, shittest vinegary wine ever made, then berating tourists and white folks for having the nerve to pay their dole-bludger money.
5
Never mind dreamtime more like winotime, Cap.
4
Now I remember talk of Ray Mears getting put up in hotels when things got a bit tough. I would call that cheating. There is this chap called Karl Bushy who is currently “walking around the world,” although he started in Chile in 1998 & his destination is Hull from where he comes from, but he can’t physically do this if you take the Atlantic Ocean into consideration. He can be picked up, then stay wherever he wants anywhere in the world, to relax & also sort out Visa’s, then go back to the exact place from where he left, & continue. He walked the Bering Strait in 2006 & swam the Caspian Sea in 2024, it was the only way, because walking around it at the time was not an option due to political tension between Russia & Iran. He did get support from boats & two national Azerbaijani swimmers. It took him 31 days to reach the other side, a distance of some 190 miles, an amazing fete. Given permission he hopes to walk the Channel Tunnel when he eventually gets to the French coast.
2
& that other cheat Bear Grylls who regularly stayed in plush accommodation during the filming of “extreme survival.” Like when he claimed to be on a desert island, when he was staying in a motel.
3
‘Bear’ edward michael grills is an absolute cunt.
Prick is to ‘survival’ as that cancer-balled cunt armstrong was to cycling.
A fucking charlatan.
Yet he persists, while a T.V. guy with his heart in the right place towards nature like Steve Irwin is near 20 years dead as I type.
Irwin was worth several ‘edward-michaels’.
5
Round up all the MP’s, drop them on an uninhabited island somewhere nasty and leave them to their own devices.
It would be interesting to see what emerges from the trees after 20 years or so.
4
If I had my way Major,I’d let them cannibalise each other for a few months then airdrop leaflets telling them the U.N was on the way to save them and assemble on the beach for rescue..
Then napalm the cunts.
Just like those sand wòg evil cunts in Gaza.
Perfect.
4
Looks like the useless tories are doing their own survival show, by all joining reform. Uni-party here we come..
4
Sydney Sweeney stars in ‘Naked and Afraid…in Cunt Engine’s Love Dungeon’.
She would be an honoured guest, though. Nothing but high quality kebab meat, not one but two blankets and fresh straw every day on the floor of her VIP suite.
5
The way this country is going, a documentary series of how to forage for food, how to purify water and how to fend off a mass attack by smelly third world invaders using everyday household items would be far more useful.
5
He’s no survivalist because he’s not had too endure ‘im a celeb’ with the two cardboard cut outs and ‘d’ list no marks 😩…now that’s hardship in a nutshell 👍
4
Anyone got Robert Redford in Deadpool?
Deadford.
R. I. P
3
Rest in peace
0
I want to be marooned in a 5 star hotel with a selection of lovely young ladies, now that would be survival challenge.
The epitaph ‘He died with his pants off and smile’
2
Excellent idea.
I have never understood why people want to retire to little cottages out in the countryside.
For me it would be above a Bangkok knocking shop with a bar next door.
A big jar of Viagra in the drawer next to the bed.
4
* I believe the bar girls are both more attractive and clean, it seems there two levels of service, long time and short time.
‘Long time, at my age, you are having a a laugh’
Please note * not from personal experience but what I have seen on YouTube 👍
3
Anyone have Robert Redford in the Dead Pool?
Proper superstar and fanny magnet extraordinaire.
RIP
5
From an era when Hollywood actually had movie stars.
3
Crumpeteer par excellence.
🍑
2
He was in The Great Gatsby. Not the shite, camp one, but the proper one.
2
Mrs Twenty got well into the survivalist shot about a decade ago. She read all the stuff by that bloke Andy McNob. The cupboards were filled with huge bags of rice, pasta, tinned goods, bottled water, and so on. Beer popcorn and chocolate were out. (except for the 80 per cent cocoa stuff. Enough food to last around a year. Also she took to building up a large collection of hunting knives. When the government comes to kill us we are fucking ready.
4
A few typos above, apologies, but I’m fucking anxious.
5
We rather like a survival programme called Alone.
10 people (first series was 10 men) are dropped off at different locations in some inhospitable place with their chosen 10 items and camera gear. That’s it.
The object of the exercise is to stay as long as you can and document it. Each person has a satellite ‘phone and can call to ‘tap out’ at any time. There are also medical checks for each person at certain intervals and people can be yanked for all kinds of medical conditions, including too much weight loss.
It’s really good and so enjoyable to watch people struggle to find food, make shelter, stand up without getting dizzy all while we sit on the couch munching pizza and quaffing vino.
Highly recommended.
8
I bet this pretend tough twat would’ve enjoyed me and my family going to town markets for food when the stalls were just packing up to go home and throwing all the fruit & veg they couldn’t sell into the street, because it had gone off, or the fruit was bruised to fuck and stank. We did some of the street cleaners work for them by taking the stuff home, otherwise we’d starve.
4
Forgotten to mention the period being the 50s, supposed you already knew that.
4
Load of bollocks.Flusg down the crapper 🚽🚽
1