a unique blend of composts that will enrich your garden and improves clay soils
well that’s what it says on the bag.
Having a shit clay soil I thought I would buy some, 3 bags in total.
With the promise of rain I spread it over the veg beds and hoed it in quite nicely.
my initial thoughts on opening the bags was that it smelt like creosote, I can live with that.
Day 2 the creosote smell has gone, replaced by a very distinctive smell of shit, farmyard muck heap, possibly pig shit, shit smell.
one of the beds is right next to my neighbours front door, and I put two bags on it, it really smells of shit, still no fucking rain!
The dog thinks the stuff is fantastic and tries to eat the larger pieces, but as I have said it stinks of shit!
so to condense my statement, I seem to have wasted £15 making my flat and garden smell of shit!
Now that’s cunty!
Nominated by Lord Benny.
The give away should of been the word enrich.. politicians have been throwing that line around for years.
” are you not enriched, are you not enriched”
6
You put compost on your garden.
Compost smells of shit.
What exactly was your aroma expectation?
8
And what’s all this bollocks about it hasn’t rained yet?
If you haven’t got a hose pipe you must have a watering can.
Are you sure that gardening is the thing for you?
Get down to Lidl and buy your veg.
11
Trip to Lidl is the best advice Artful …
And as for Benny’s dog eating the lumps of the shit – well, fuck me, that’s what dogs do !!!
But it gave me my mornings laugh …
1
Peat free compost is the kiss of death for horticulture – it doesn’t even sustain dandelions.
4
Nowt wrong with smelling of shit.
Just ask Saddiq knan.
You need a compost bin Benny.
All your fruit and veg scraps and peelings,
Green waste etc.
Once its wriggling with worms your golden.
Do your soil good.
Ps
If your neighbour mentions the smell of shit,
Act innocent.
Say ” i thought it was you!”
6
To make your compost heap really hum, piss on it as well whenever possible. Extra nitrogen, and completely free.
And don’t worry about the smell Lord B. However bad it seems, it’s not as unpleasant as the pong Rodney had to endure sat next to him in Cabinet before his token chav was forced to resign.
3
Kweer’s breath must be a bit rank with his tongue for ever up Blair and Mandy’s arseholes.
2
He wants to live The Good Life but is put off by a little pong.
There is a huge urbanisation which is about 100km from me.
I have to go there often for work.
There is a small pig farm just outside.
In the summer it fucking stinks the whole of the area up.
They say that your sense of smell is your weakest sense. You soon get used to smells to the point of not noticing them.
I suppose that’s how Pákís can live together in the same house.
The people who live on the urbanisation happily sit and eat outside of their properties.
They will hang their washing up to dry.
Whenever I get back from the place I have to have a long shower and my clothes all go into the wash.
On the way home from that smelly area there is an enormous pig farm.
They keep the liquid pig shit in what is like a lake.
When you drive near it you will need to roll up your windows and shut the air vents or it’s difficult to breathe.
That’s how bad it is.
Farmers will come along with their tractors and bowsers to buy the stuff.
You can smell the place from 30km away in the summer.
So there is no need to complain about a slight whiff from a few plastic bags of compost.
Pull yourself together man!
7
We’ve got a foul-smelling urbanisation here as well AC.
It’s called London.
9
Indeed, when the farmers do their muck spreading round this way, it can smell like you’re living in a fart-bubble. But it’s wholesome, the smell of the cuntree. And it contributes to nice food the following year (if spuds and beet are your thing). Hopefully your neighbour will appreciate being wafted off to the sticks, nasally 🌾
2
Now that you can’t buy a peat-based compost any more I invested in 3 bags of Miracle Gro for my polytunnel. It looks and feels like a mixture of wood bark and pubic hair.
Mrs Twatt said it’s called Miracle Gro because it’ll be a miracle if anything grows in it, and she was right, it’s a load of fucking rubbish. I’m just going to make more of my own compost in future.
4
The garden smells of shit and is completely arid?
Has Tony Cunt Bliar been appointed Viceroy of it yet by the U.N?
A bed of roses thereafter.
Good morning.
6
Will that awful ‘woman’ (Blare’s wife) then be the Viceregal Consort or Vicereine?
A pair of fannys!
3
Not yet terry, but it seems the new brit card will be run off an app made by a company called multiverse..
Whose founder is none other than tone’s son Eeyore..or whatever his name is.
3
Get some artificial grass instead and eat more meat 🦖
3
For older readers… “The answer loiys in the soil” (spoken in a BBC Rural accent)
Mornin’ all
2
Arthur Fallowfield: “you can’t beat good old British muck”
1
I once had a tannery near me, that finally closed after many years. I now have a sewage farm, which on occasions, with the wind in my direction can be rather smelly, with all these foreign cunts now invading my town. I guess I am unlucky.
3
Yes I sometimes have the same problem, when the wind is from the South West (which is often) it’s a job to keep food down in the summer. Our creaking outdated fucked sewage treatment plant is on its last legs. Supposed to have been updated 10 years ago but suddenly wasn’t considering there have been just over a 1000 new builds in the las five years Surprised there is not a shit volcano instead of a processing site. Oh well I’m sure it will come good never.
3
I use new horizon multi purpose and it works with everything.
Sling a bit of Bio bizz Bio heaven in the watering can and everything shoots up.
1
Ahh m’lord how green will be your valley. My dog has a liking for such soil conditioners as well which makes the vet very happy.
3
My cat pisses and shits in the flower beds, everything grows very well.
He can be hired for a small fee 😂
2
Maybe Levingtons are using the ordure of our ever growing ethnic population.
Drive past Slough sewage works on the M4 and you’ll find its aroma much richer than most other places.
My dear departed mum always reckoned it was because of all the park keys that live there and the ‘foreign muck’ they eat.
I think she had a point.
1
I recently had a similar experience with WD40.
I bought a can to clean up a rusty bike chain and loosen a couple of sticky calipers and now my bike and my garage smell of WD40.
I’m fucking outraged!
I’ve a good mind to write to my local MP about it.
If only I knew who the fuck they were.
2
It can only mean Sod’s law.
1
My theory is, plant the buggers.
They grow.
They die.
Next time I don’t buy the ones that die.
1
You could always try hydroponics – the “compost” there is inert like Perlite, which looks like tiny bits of ceiling tiles:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hydroponics
A lot of tomatoes produced for supermarkets,and, I believe, strawberries, atre grown by that method, which explains their longer season as it is conducted indoors.
Loads of useless information that’s me
1
Ive got a bumper crop of apples in the garden at the moment.
Just harvesting them.
Cooking apples like.
Fresh apple pie!!!!
Yippee
0