Following on from the recent post re Jurgen Klopp and his impossible teef we present to you an internet chancer’s solution to cracking the problem, namely the Jasseem “one size fits all” Comfort Denture – and if you believe that and the guff in this online scam puff then you deserve all you get. Caveat Emptor.
Historically we find the Pharos laid to rest with wooden teeth and gold and silver replacement dentition goes back to the dawn of civilisation. Also wooden dentures with inset human teeth reclaimed from the carnage of the battlefield or what came to be known as Waterloo Dentures were a much prized feature pre NHS. (Note dentists did a particularly roaring trade after the bloody battles of the French Wars. Teeth were one of the prizes claimed by the harridans that travelled with the baggage trains of the winning side).
So onwards and upwards we now find ourselves bombarded with magic toothpastes, cosmetic whitening and arse lift, tit lift, trout pout and veneer and tooth implant clinics and all at astonishing prices. Then there is always the cheaper option of a Turkish holiday/cosmetic procedures combo followed by months of agonising corrective surgery back home in Blighty on the NHS. Into this pageant of dodgy vanity enhancement steps the One Size Jasseem Next-Day Comfort Denture. Not as environmentally enhancing as the plastic free Waterloo Denture perhaps but to reassure the doubtful thus the Mission Statement from the jaspers that punt out Jasseem Dentures:
“With the idea of “green and healthy” embodied in the whole process of product development, we aspire to create innovative and effective products for global customers seeking for beauty and health by adopting the most advanced technologies”.
All smile for the camera please.
Nominated by Sir Limply Stoke.
Maybe it’s just me, but I find the idea of a ‘one set fits all’ set of nashers about as convinving and practical as the notion of a ‘one size fits all’ wooden leg.
Odd.
Morning all.
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False teeth through through the ages have always been controversial items. Wooden sets were passed down as family heirlooms. The ninth Duke of Wellington, Charles Wellesley still wears the set worn by The Iron Duke during the Peninsula War (1808-14). Of course old Arthur used to carry a spare pair, until he lost them somewhere on the Torres Vedras. If you are on holiday in Portugal you might come across them. They would be worth a few bob (7,978.6 Euros at today’s prices). If you decide to go treasure hunting, you should be aware that you are liable to bump into the British plod as they continue the search for Maddie. Be sure to give them a wave.
Good morning. everyone.
12
I can see a great future for this product as no one can find an NHS dentist or afford a private one these days.
Along with DIY kits for root canal work, fillings and extractions.
What could possibly go wrong?
5
My understanding is that dentists have moved into cosmetic work i.e. selling people teeth like Shergar, because the traditional work of extractions and fillings has been greatly reduced due to recent generations taking more care of their teeth. It seems to me that the services of a dentist are required only if you are in pain. Reminds me that when I was a lad in the fifties it seemed that all adults had false teeth.
6
And the real reason there are no NHS dentists anymore is of course because supplying Shergar teeth is much more lucrative.
7
Good Afternoon
If you’re considering getting implants fitted then be aware that there is a direct link between implants and atrial fibrillation (heart disease). I had heart problems last year and a veteran nurse was chatting to me one morning and asked if I had implants. She said it normally takes 9 months to present and asked when I had had it done (March) and when had I first thought I might have a problem (Christmas). She was told about it when training at the Royal Brompton in the early 1970s so they have known about it for a long time. With dentists flogging implants like hot cakes, in recent years, it would be interesting to know if there have by corresponding increases in heart problems. I guess a small minority of people have problems but I certainly wouldn’t have implants again.
5
To paraphrase Neil Kinnock, I am the first Baker in a thousand generations not to require dentures or false teeth.
6
Remember the tortoise on creature comforts?
Well. When my dad got false teeth he looked a bit like that.
He came home wearing them and we all fell about laughing
” you look. Like that vicar on Dick Emery!!”
Said my. Mam.
He never wore them again.
8
My dad did have false teeth and he somehow lost them at the beach in Cornwall on holiday. We joked for years after that some invertebrate had them on its back and was living in them.
6
Invertebrate living inside them?
Was only thinking earlier that we haven’t seen Boris Johnson in a while.
4
Ive only got a few teeth left.
Wont be long till i need dentures.
Dont want to look like the missing Beegee though.
Can you get custom ones?
Like a dogs?
Big canine teeth.
Thatd be good
5
Maybe get a set of Janet Street-Porters
4
O/T, never a fan of Thatcher. But..!
https://youtube.com/shorts/oz9P1DXsrOg?si=LpVbnMpzTCkR2RTK
8
My teeth contain more metal than tooth material, a bit like the Jaws character in the bond film.
The one size fits all denture set seems like a cracking idea, I am thinking of promoting a new slimming style diet plan called The Fat Bastard Diet.
You prepare your lunch, anything you like as many calories as you like, you put it on a plate smell the lovely food and then get some fat bastard to eat it for you.
I think it will catch on.
10
Hey Sicky, that’s the Lenny Henry Diet Plan from a few years ago.
5
Oh no, please don’t report me for cultural appropriation 😂
5
I’d like to know how Sir Limply got hold of Sir Kweer’s false teeth. He isn’t a Romanian male model is he?
7
Teeth are overrated anyway.
Theyre for yanks really.
I never wanted to look like a fuckin Osmond.
Teeth should look like a old enamel brew mug,
Stained and a bit chipped.
Shows age and life lived.
Never trust a man in his 50s with big pearly choppers.
Hes a wrong un.
9
You’ve got these so-called Turkey teeth that look ridiculous on older people, with the brightness making it even more ridiculously obvious that they’re false. Is that’s why they’re cheap for one gleaming set for all.
8
Jess Philips looks like a braying donkey.
She would have to apply for planning permission and erect scaffolding to get some new falsies.
8
And a good/brave Stonemason to carry out the lengthy procedure LL
7
Never mind the halitosis Herman.
7
Both my Grandmother’s had full sets of dentures back in the day.
Got the lot whipped out when they were quite young, which I was led to believe, was fairly common place at the time, although I’m not so sure about that. (maybe some older cunters can confirm)
Old people dentures always looked ridiculously false to me but it would appear that we’ve gone full circle to the point where walking around in your 20s or 30s with a set of pearly white obviously false gnashers, is now the latest thing to do.
Everywhere you look, from some thick chav in the street to some dumb bint on the telly to every premier league footballer. All there grinning like Dick Emery.
Daft cunts.
12
Yes, it’s true Herman.
A hundred years ago or so many people used to have all their teeth out, even the ones that weren’t rotten. My grandparents had theirs out in their twenties.
11
As Geordie says Herman, perfectly true. Pulling all of someone’s teeth was a regular for dentists and commonly referred to as a “bucket job”. It wasn’t a hundred years ago either. I’m only 74 and I knew it well. It was also a time when virtually everyone past puberty smoked and I mean cigarettes of a strength not sold today.
8
Often given as a wedding present. I often dreamed how great a blowjob wouybe when the Mrs lost her teeth. Of course she won’t go anywhere near it nowadays.
5
With the cost of dental treatment now gone beyond ridiculous I can see a market for these Jürgens 😬….a quick couple of 👊 from a faaaaaaaaaaar right thug and your pearlies on the deck, whip out your new gleaming chompers and 😁 ….back of the net 👍
7
If you can’t afford dental treatment, just wear a mask, like it was 2020 again.
Here’s the mask I wore during Covid…it got a lot of attention from passers-by.
“Oi, cunt face!’ they’d say.
Can’t imagine why. It looked more like a Manta Ray.
https://images.app.goo.gl/3jMTP
90% safe pic.
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Afternoon Cunt Engine.
During Covid Wes Streeting just wore what he usually did on a Friday night.
rubberjohnniesmasks
7
I wouldn’t want him sticking his nose into my business LOL.
Alright LL ?
Everything tickety boo ?
7
Fine thanks mate, staying busy.
You and Ethel crossing off those tearooms?
6
LL@. We certainly are !
We were in Worcestershire at the beginning of the week.
Where we stay, there’s a lovely old pub in the village. Massive Oak tree on the green outside, a duck pond and a moderately slutty barmaid, who likes showing her legs 😍💪
It was all rather lovely, really. 😃
5
Thomas @. One can almost feel a tinge of pity for your love dungeon victims, as you move into intimate contact, ready to transport them to a world of bemusement and profound disappointment 😀
Although I must say that the cunningly concealed smear of salmon paste in your fanny mask, for that whiff of authenticity, is a masterstroke.
Good afternoon.
6
It’s a fucking nightmare to park in a city here but that’s what I had to do to get my 2 implants sorted.
I first had them done by a Scandinavian dentist relatively local.
Nearly 3 grand (euros), which I am told is cheaper than the UK but around average here.
They fucking fell out and the cunt dentist told me that my jaw was receding.
Yes, of course.
Strange how none of my other teeth were coming lose.
I always knew that the Spanish people from the cities don’t drive to the tourist areas for dental work, so I found an excellent dentist in the city who is presently putting things right.
All good dentists in Spain are Argentinian.
My new ones have the most modern clinic I have ever seen and they are cheaper than coastal regions.
6
You should have told the cunt you were in the Albanian mafia..
Being Swedish he would know how they operate..
You’d have new teeth and spares plus a full refund in case his surgery “unfortunately exploded”.
Dentists are either sinister perverts or psychopaths.
Good health.
3
I’m surprised peoples teeth aren’t more fucked up with all the hidden sugar in everything, yellow teeth full of mercury fillings are patriotic especially in the colonies (except in Yankland) the natives teeth are like new piano keys, that’s how you spot the fuckers trying to ambush you on night patrols!
9
Just bring back Colgate Toothpaste from the 60’s adverts, & their “Ring of Confidence,” & fresh breath!
5
Interesting, m`lud.
As per your reference to the above …
Quite a few years ago, a couple of friends of mine were vacationing in foreign climes when their room was broken into and everything stolen, with the exception of their camera and their toothbrushes. Considering themselves fortunate to have retained the camera with their vacation photos, they returned home where they had the film developed.
Two pictures were a bit odd – something like an aerial view of two mounds of dark earth with poles in between. They later realized, to their horror, that it was a photo of their toothbrushes sticking out of someone’s arse.
They laughed about it later, in A&E.
🪥
5
You should have told the cunt you were in the Albanian mafia..
Being Swedish he would know how they operate..
You’d have new teeth and spares plus a full refund in case his surgery “unfortunately exploded”.
Dentists are either sinister pervêrts or psychõpaths.
Good health.
2
Dentists like putting their tools in your mouth.
5
Especially the ones that don’t have a single real tooth.
3
In production soon!
The Jasseem Next Day comfort pile-free arsehole ™!
Got painful piles? Not for much longer!
Simply send £5 to imnotaconman.co.uk and I’ll send you a customised link to our newest, one size fits all new pile-free arsehole!
Shit without fear that the entire contents of your lower colon, including the colon, will appear in the bowl!
2
On that subject, (sorry to be graphic) I’ve had blood on the bog roll when I wiped today. Do I need to be worried.
Haven’t eaten anything out of the ordinary. Tbh I think my diet is better at the minute because I’m eating more fish and white meat and not touched red meat in abaaaaht 3 weeks.
Cook my own meals. No ready meals and haven’t properly had a drink in a while. Only an occasional glass of red with the missus which has made me horny rather than anything else.
(just so you know Cunt Engine I bummed her last weekend. I was having heart palpitations at one point during it haha.)
3
TMI, last paragraph.
Blood after a shite, especially if not seen before, should always be taken seriously. See your GP ASAP!
Bowel cancer isn’t something to joke about. However, if the blood was fresh, ie, bright red, and just on the tp,
It’s more than likely that it’s the result of a slight anal tear due to straining to give birth to a logonaught.
3
Sorry about that JP. Just thought that our resident deviant would be salivating like a dog outside a butcher’s shop looking at the strings of sausages hanging up when reading my last paragraph and it made me laugh a lot.
Apologies for the TMI but I’ll get checked out but know our en-ay-chess I won’t get seen until about 3-4 weeks from now.
2
NP Harold.
I doubt it’s owt to be worrit about, but get it checked mate, eh?
2
Your GP will probably prescribe a “motion softener”, in other words summat that’ll make you shit through the eye of a needle for up to 48 hours.
Hope you work Monday to Friday!
Top tip, put a roll of bog paper in the fridge.
2
Apologies for the toilet talk but I think it’s more to do with me going twice in one day and perhaps I should invest in some quilted bog roll rather than the cheap stuff from Lidl.
1
See above, Harold, lad.
1
Or a bidet and soft hand towels.
0
Met this gorgeous looking bird. Her only problem was having the one tooth. I called Wahneta.
1