I think the answer lies in the soil, as Arthur Fallowfield often said**
Well squeaky voiced gardener/radio DJ/lifestyle magazine TV presenter seems to think that we do not pay enough for our food!. Clearly he hasn’t been in one of the many big supermarkets lately, and seen the prices rise, quicker than Dirty Ange’s frock when she sees a football team or army barracks.
Only a man who has got rich on sofa TV and rewriting the same gardening book and articles for forty years could possibly think that. Let them eat (carrot) cake, eh Al?
**Arthur Fallowfield was the old rustic who used to appear on Beyond Our Ken on the Light Programme in the late 50s and early 60s. He was played by Kenneth Williams. I really am feeling my age today!
Nominated by : W. C. Boggs
Up the arse of the royal parasites. Cunt.
11
Boss-eyed creep. Does he still write wimminz porn?
9
I remember him from Ground Force and was constantly disappointed that Tommy Walsh didn’t tap him on the head with a lump hammer and dispose of him underneath the patio they were laying.
16
If this wonky eyed playing safe cunt had said, have you seen how expensive it costs to buy black puddings these days, he’d be cancelled before you had time to get to Bury Market to find out.
6
@sammy…if I see him on bury market(I live 5 minutes walk away) I’ll surely smash a said pudding in his mush with extra mustard on 👍….😁
5
Interesting, Gelderd-ender. I used to live in Heywood on the Darnhill Estate. After moving from Bradford Manchester, when the local houses were demolished, that would’ve been slap-bang in the middle of the Etihad Stadium. Chuck a few puddings in for me whilst you can.
3
I’ll bet you went to the Richmond Club..🕺
4
Titchy’s weekly provisions cost a desultory £1000:
https://www.fortnumandmason.com/the-windsor-hamper
4
He’s a cock
7
Anagrammatically : Anal T Shitcharm.
Thats all I’s got on this one…
12
I read the link since.
Obnoxious motherfucker got off lightly earlier, on balance.
One and a half million gardens? That’ll sort the country out. 🙄
***
Shit T AnalCharm?
5
Another BBC “CUNT”…!!
10
…and ITV, too.
3
Ah yes…The Alan Titchmarsh Show on ITV.
Its rumoured that Osama bin Ladens safehouse was given up after a prisoner in Gitmo was forced to watch reruns.
7
Why do tv companies pick presenters that have speech impediments?
1
Alan’s a national treasure!
Amazed he hasn’t been knighted.
Considering how far up the arse of the British Establishment he’s been over the last 40+ years.
Fuck him.
10
That, sure as shit, is what he’s angling for …
I think he was well pissed off when he only received the ‘derisory’ CBE in January.
4
He reeks of oestrogen.
‘Men’ like him make me want to puke.
4
Mrs Twatt shares your view, Termujin.
And she puts Aled Jones in the same category.
5
Well, you’ve got a good’un there Geordie lad.
How a woman can be attracted to that fckn excuse of a man I’ll never know.
Deep down, they’re not. Oh yeah, they like the money, swanky dinners, hoighty-toighty shite. For a while.
But that pathetic mess is never gonna leave her naked and breathless, gagging for more, is he?
He looks like a sausage jockey to me. I bet he’s wears an apron in the kitchen. And Marigold gloves, pink ones. Wanker.
An embarrassment to masculinity worldwide.
4
A gardener who writes gardening books.
Pay more for food, just switch from Aldi to M&S 👍
6
He has also written a novel called Mr McGregor, about a TV gardener who is a sex symbol. I think we were supposed to imagine it is a daring expose of his own sex life.
I know a woman who fancies him like mad. If I found myself having thoughts like that, I would ask the family to have me committed.
0
Hopefully the commies in Londonistan will take him at his word and treble food prices.
They’d all be dead within the week..
Watching this cunt swinging from a stout oak tree would certainly bring on thrusting patriotic joy.
Hrs just bitter as that Charlie Dimmock got all the male attention I suppose,though she has gone somewhat downhill of late..
Still would mind you,right up her arse in the potting shed (said the vicar).
Posh Cunt.
6
Sorry Unkle, by Charlie Dimmock wouldn’t be able to squeeze into the potting shed.
You’ll just have to settle for dogging her in the vegetable patch.
https://www.hellomagazine.com/film/552500/inside-charlie-dimmock-13-year-relationship-john-mushet-ground-force-affair/
4
Never got the mania for Dimmock, Geordie.
When the words ‘Thinking Man’s Crumpet’ are used, it’s usually an unhealthy and strange yen for a mnger.
Unless it was the delightful Joan Bakewell on Late Night Line Up, of course
4
Oh my goodness, state of it.
Reading her bio reveals that she’ll shag the sound man, cameraman etc, all whilst lying to her long term fella. Kind of girl that shags the drummer in a band.
What a fat, ugly, thick slut. And shame on the blokes that lowered themselves to ride that disgusting ginger whale.
5
Well I don’t give a fuck what Titchmarsh says, JP and I are relying on Miserable’s first crop from the allotment to see us through next winter.
I’m expecting the IsAC discount by which I mean free.
MNC’s Country Cream Gate range isn’t so much grown and nurtured, more gravitationally descended from a large commercial vehicle. Free to some, but probably not to you. You know how he is – NA.
6
You’re welcome to have some of my crop, LL.
Probably best not drive for the next couple of days after consumption.
4
The new face of dignitas.
4
Check out the size of Charlie Dimmock nowadays!
What a beast:
https://images.app.goo.gl/pTqFX
Safe pic.
4
Used to be a bit fit in a ginger sort of way….
https://cdn.images.express.co.uk/img/dynamic/130/590x/Charlie-Dimmock-681598.jpg
5
I just sicked in my mouth.
1
Oh dear!
1
She`s probably more fertile than a bag of manure.
Certainly looks like a sack of shit.
😷
5
O/T, Perhaps she wasn’t that bad…!
https://youtube.com/shorts/L6S0N6d5vYM?si=l-_6Ww2cxcnWsCWs
3
This lying cunt has always denied dying his hair so why should anybody believe a thing he says? Garden incinerator.
1
I reckon Titchmarsh and McCartney use the same hair colouring.
3
Cuprinol wood stain.
5
Never got all those lads in the 90s and 2000s, wanking over Charlie Dimmock.
What the fuck was all that about?
File with other inexplicable ‘pin-ups’ like Emily Maitlis Victoria Coren Mitchell, Kate Moss, Lucy Worsley, Kay Burley…..
4
Bunch of fuckin’ amateurs anyone looking at that lot, Norman…
***
For a connoisseur of the ladies such as yourself might I suggest Faye Grant as Julie, ‘V’ 1984 … eh?, eh? …. 😉
2
Indeed, Cuntemall, Faye Grant was stunning.
And Phylis Daviis from The Love Boat.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gZe1wwYpuGs
2
Phyllis Davis had tits that Bonham could have played ‘Moby Dick’ on, Cuntemall.
https://www.instagram.com/p/C8hUK4vuZxz/
1
Cuprinol wood stain.
2
I also remember a 90s fan club for that Anna Ryder Richardson off that Changing Rooms shite…
Never got that either. She put me in mind of a demon woman from the classic Japanese series ‘Monkey’.
5
Oops – posted in error. Partly due to old age but mainly because I’m a thick cunt.
3
Blokes gardening? 🤔
There was a ‘dozer pulling up a ditch 10 years ago. Guy lifted a tennish-year old tree and it came up in one go, rootball and all(slightly damaged). I got the thing, dug a hole out the front garden and it took root. 20ft tall now, and healthy. One drought-y month in the decade I gave it a few buckets of water that’s my effort all told.
And I ‘get’ it maybe a percent or two. For a tree. Not flowers and the likes. And one is plenty. I prefer my mannlier hobbies.
Juggling chainsaws and the likes.
4
Drinking, smoking, fighting and shagging should be national curriculum subjects for lads.
Proper hobbies.
8
Is he still doing his pound shop Alan Bennet impersonation?
Giving it all that whimsical Yorkshireman bollocks.
Another of those ‘Anything to be famous’ types who, like a washed up alternative comedian, remarkably end up as novelists.
God forbid anyone suggest that most of their output is ghost written.
I’m surprised he hasn’t become a cast member of Casualty yet.
And remember this Al my son. Lecturing the public about what they should pay for life’s essentials when your fucking loaded makes you a cunt.
6
And he’s a lying cunt too.
I remember him on Ground Force wittering on about how relaxing and satisfying gardening is.
If that’s the case, why is it that I end up fucking knackered with a sore back after pulling out twelve dozen dandelions, only to find there’s another twelve dozen popping out of my lawn 48 hours later?
Relaxing and satisfying my arse!
5
Tarmac is your friend.
4
Tiichmarsh full of himself A big buddy of the King he therefore has a sense of entitlement. Watch this space he will be knighted next a part of the old boy network.
These type of folk are not in the real world make a fortune doing absolutely nothing then come out with stupid comments we should pay more for food do me a favour grow up and smell the coffee I never know who watches this wanker on the tv utter utter garbage Another one come the glorious day will be swinging from a lamp post 👍
3
I well remember seeing Titchy smarming around the arse of some royal or other at the Chelsea Flower show. Most decidedly, not a pretty sight.
Evening all.
7
Alright Ron.
Mrs Knee isn’t a fan of Alan then? Its weird how men can spot a Titchmarsh type from twenty paces and declare him a cunt but for some reason these ‘housewives favourites’ get some women going.
Nigel Havers, Tim Henman, Cliff Richard too off the top of my head.
3
Nah she hates him LL.
It’s that Monty Don she goes for (Gawd knows why)
3
I agree, Ron. Certain blokes over the years, who strangely make the ladies go mushy.
Hugh Grant, Cillian Murphy, Rod Stewart, Gordon Ramsay, Monty Don, Richard Whitely, Angus Deayton, Benderdick Cuntberbatch.
1
Titchy was the prototype lazy, useless makeover show presenter, the forerunner of Jay Blades.
Charlie Dimmock and Tommy what’s his face did all the work while the lazy, simpering prick thought he sounded clever by calling plants by their Latin names and generally poncing about.
A bit like Carol Smillie pretending she was 8 months pregnant on every series of Changing Rooms.
The most physically demanding task she ever did was hold on to Handy Andy’s drill bit.
5
Well played, FMC. An excellent summary:
“simpering prick thought he sounded clever by calling plants by their Latin names and generally poncing about”
‘Nuff said.
3
Carol Smillie wasn’t all bad.
This, for example…
https://fapello.com/content/c/a/carol-smillie/1000/carol-smillie_0012.jpg
3
Carol should have hosted Changing Rooms dressed like this…
https://s1.pictoa.com/media/galleries/057/960/057960557ae26d96a23/1793176557ae26fdd19f.jpg
1
Evening Norman/all.
That pic is very interesting if you zoom in on the focal point of her knickers…she looks like she’s carry some serious flappage down there!
Although not as much as this lady:
https://images.app.goo.gl/5QiD7
1
Titmarsh is no gardener.
Gardeners have dirty fingernails.
That cunt always looks like he’s just got out the bath.
Being a pansy doesn’t make you a gardener.
Give him a shovel
Ask him to dig you a hole, 3x4ft.
Cant do it.
Carry a few paving slabs?
Can’t do it.
Set some fence posts
Can’t do it.
He’s a designer.
Reads books on plants.
He’s a delicate blossom.
2
The answer must be to:
Dig a hole.
Put this posh soppy cunt in it.
Fill it in.
Put many hundredweight paving flags on top of it.
Then put a rerun of Ground Farce on,eye slapper Charlie’s Spitfire Pilots Thumbs and sup a Timothy Taylor Landlord.
Cheers Alan!
You cunt.
2
Uphill gardeners have dirty fingernails too.
7
Don’t be impertinent Mr Cuntengine.
There’s a good gentleman.
Or ill move to Wootton Bassett
and tell everyone you invited me.
Watch your house price tumble with me in the neighbourhood. 😁
4
I think you’d be exposed as an imposter pretty quickly, MNC.
A wild, frightening beard, intolerant of others, doesn’t like tran§bumders…why, you’re almost a muslım!
1
Give me three weeks.
Id have the locals eating out the palm of my hand,
Probably be mayor with 8 months.
Natural Northern charm.
I’m irresistible.
1
Alas, us west cundry folk bain’t be understandin’ your weird, alien voice, moi luvver.
We think that anywhere north of Worcester is the third world.
Although my neighbours might be interested in the palm of your hand…it’d be the only one in town without hair growing in the middle of it!
0
And writer of smutty books:
https://www.theguardian.com/g2/story/0,3604,215961,00.html
Soon to be made into a blockbuster film by Boggs Productions.
2
Bloody Hell, Thomas.
That’s fucking bad.
0
Ho ho, indeed so Norman!
Put it sideways and it looks like David Lammy’s lips.
0
I’ve always suspected Titchmarsh as being fond of uphill gardening as the pillowbiter. Either way he’s a back pussy cunt. Treeshredder would be to good for him, he needs something slightly more medieval!
2
Titchmarsh was a lazy cunt on GF. Tommy Walsh and Charlie Dimmock did all the heavy lifting, whilst this soppy cunt muttered on about flowering perennials.
Fucking helmet.
3
Charlie Dogmuck still does the heavy lifting.
Lifting 20 pints in the pub
And piss sodden jeans in the morning.
2
Does the florid ginger bitćh still give ye the horn?
I seem to recall she was the apple of your aye at one point.
She’s mine now,I lured the lass with the promise of a pork pie and case of Olde English Cyder.
Frothing like a fermented Wensleydale cheese…
Chrisț.
1
Nowt wrong with Charlie.
Likes a session on the ale,
Knows her way around a pie,
Not offended by swearing
Finds farting funny
And will give you a nosh behind the potting shed if you share your chips with her.
OK, she may now resemble Clyde from Any which way but Loose,
But in the day had a fine pair of thruppennies.
A hour ploughing Charlie atop the compost heap,
And they ask me if I’ve got green fingers?!
2
Great lass.
Great big barrow breaking lass.
1
Bet she’s great in the boozer?
Right laugh.
Getting her big freckled udders out and swearing.
Shame she looks like a hybrid of Mick Hucknall and giant Haystacks now ☹️
1
JP was saying only the other week that he was finding cutting the grass hard going.
Charlie Dimmock isn’t working much on TV now and would be grateful for the £5p/h JP is willing to pay. He’ll chuck in board too, a couple of hay bales in the tiki hut.
0
Titchmarsh’s tools are probably as spotless as the day he was given them for free by a sponsor.
2
They were a 2 for 1 deal with Jay Blades leather pinny.
1