Now It’s personal.
Along with most road users I have never been enamoured by the antics of BMW drivers.
They don’t indicate their intentions, they drive on your bumper and overtake aggressively and often dangerously. They lurk behind you with their shark-teeth radiator fins like predators. As a Jaguar driver I also thought they had an inferiority complex(!)
However, up until recently I managed to avoid any conflict with them. I just thought they were show off twats.
But…one day last week I pulled safely out of my lane and a speeding BMW then followed me out of the village on my tail up to the junction with the main road where not unreasonably I stopped. Good job I did as traffic was passing. The BMW then whacked into the back of me. He wasn’t doing a great speed but left it too late to brake and when he got out of his car he announced it was down to his wife as she has just rung him!
We inspected the damage of which there appeared to be none to mine but the valence on his BMW was broken. He couldn’t wait to get away but I insisted on exchanging details. He tried to get my agreement that my car wasn’t damaged but I said I would need to check properly later. He then sped off with me making sure he was in front this time. I didn’t want the git behind me again.
To be honest I might have let it go after bollocking him on his driving manners. But a week or so later I realised the rear parking sensors were no longer working which was obviously the result of the bump.
Now insurance claims are a hassle even if you are not at fault. So I rang the guy to discuss the options. The polite, apologetic young man had obviously disappeared. Now he was rude, arrogant and aggressive (just like his driving behaviour). It was all my fault as I’d braked too sharply. I’d agreed to take no action (I had not). His wife on the phone was a witness. Now all this is total bollocks of course and his appalling attitude put an end to any negotiation. He’d already had his car repaired at his own expense and he will have to explain that to his insurers.
I rang off, sent him a text telling him what I thought of him without threats or swearing. Blocked him. Then I submitted my claim against him.
I do hope this will hurt him financially at least. But the experience confirmed my beliefs about BMW drivers and let’s be honest Audis as well. I don’t like vast generalisations and I’ve no doubt there are many exceptions to the rule including a close friend of mine who has a beamer and is a gentleman of the road.
Yet the facts don’t lie.
Nominated by Lord Helpus.
I bought a 14 year old car a few weeks ago so I had some form of transport other than legs. Almost the first thing I did was fit a dash cam with both front and rear facing cameras.
14
Just make sure Moggie they are active 24/7, in case some cunt hits you overnight, then fucks off. Not all cameras have this option, & you will probably need a decent battery.
6
I park on the drive but both cameras record 24/7, they’ve already drained the battery once.
6
Fourteen years Moggie? Flash bastard. My Mondy’s closing fast on it’s twenty-third.
6
My Mondy is just 14 years old, 235,000 miles and the only problem has been a new alternator.
6
Vorsprung durch Käfer !
🐞
11
You getting rid of the old charabanc Adolph?
https://www.newsweek.com/adolf-hitlers-car-will-be-sold-auction-who-would-buy-it-756783
8
Ja. Couldn’t get the parts.
9
Never mind, your fellow Ubermensch Ferdy von Zeppelin has come up with a much better transport option.
Give him a call and don’t worry, hydrogen is perfectly safe.
8
Apparently the Toyota Pius is the car in most UK accidents.
No chance of a BMW driver riding up my chuff around here. Everyone goes at 30 to 40 miles an hour on the 60 mph roads.
9
I think that’s a Prius. I guess in ‘electric mode,’ this little car is dead quite, so no one will hear it coming, hence the most accidents.
4
With all due respect Lord S, I think it’s more likely that it’s because they are only driven by prats.
11
I’ve called it The Pious since SouthPark gave it that name in 2006. Pretty apt.
14
Maybe, a “Piarse,” because every poòfs got 1!
2
No, a Pius, because the owners think they are holier than thou.
Twats.
7
Given it away Mrs C. Now we know you live in Norfolk.
7
Went camping there. Noel Coward was right, it is flat!
7
But stand on an orange crate, and you can see for miles and miles!
7
I do like vast generalisations and doubt there’s any exceptions to the rule.
They can’t fuckin drive
And it’s a wøgs car.
As for your Jag,
Maybe he thought you were Arfur Daley?
On the way to the Winchester to see Dave about a dog and pick up Terry?
12
I wasn’t in my Jag during the shunt. Otherwise Mr BMW may well have found himself nursing a flattened nose as well as a broken bumper.
I thank you.
10
Is that why the BMW is known as a black man’s Willie?
11
@jill….mines a mini, no hang on a micro ooooh er missus meant a Micra oh FFS ….beep beep 😩
7
In Sheffield, Jill, they are known as black mans wheels.
Audi drivers are also arsehole.
8
arseholes, thank you autocunt, I know what I mean.
5
In south Africa, they are known as ‘Break My Windows’.
9
Splendid!
5
Also Break
My
Windows
4
I always picture Jag owner as part Terry Thomas, part Mr Daley, in a nice Yellow coat, brown brogues, golf bag in the boot, and the oft refrain at the bar/hotel/restaurant, “Oh my I seem to have left my wallet behind, do you mind awfully putting it on my tab”. One thing I will say about Jags, terrible reliability but really comfortable drive behind the wheel, much nicer than German marques.
1
Is there any link between BMW drivers and Dark types, it’s a well know fact that they can’t fucking drive so obviously they will be rude because of their inferior skills.
In our area have a sooty who delivers for parcel force, fucking hard acceleration and hard braking when the cunt is only going about 50 yards, gives white van man a bad name.
10
I love my old BMW.
For a number of reasons it’s by far the best car I’ve ever owned.
I’ll cry real tears when it’s time comes.
I’ve never been in, or caused an accident of any sort whilst driving it either.
Although a woman in a oversized Range Rover once scratched the sides off it while it was parked.
We’re not all bad.
8
I did say there exceptions to the rule and you are obviously one Herman.
6
I have my 2010 diesel X5 on the drive. Was like a big comfy armchair. Fond memories. Went to Scotland and Norfolk in iit. Still works but the tax is a bit steep these days and the cost of tyres are eye watering so it just sits there. Must sell it! It looks so old and screams ‘low rent drug dealer’.
9
Aspiring architect Chris kaba was a careful audi driver, before the wicked police ventilated his enormous brain.
No only traumatising the black community but putting a huge dent in the resale profit on the car..
Those Bulgarian car wash people are good but brain matter is a bastard to remove.
Just ask Vincent and jules.
14
Ex-Audi driver here. Sold it because I was skint, didn’t really need a car, and decided to put the money into the house and clear some debts. I loved that thing, though. Until recently, I’d easily have had another Audi for the next wheels.
Unfortunately, knowing my brand is associated with Tree Swingers and kebab shop grooming gangs, I may well defect to something less, erm… “diverse”…
Like a Volkswagen. Or a Toyota. Or a Škoda. Or a Dacia.
9
Elders just bought some type of Toyota, a CZ summat.
Right land shark it is.
It’s great! It parks itself, fuck me!
It’s got heated seats, and I can tell you that after 3 hours at Crystal Peaks, she had to use a crowbar to get me out. I was nearly asleep and my backache had almost gone.
8
Hear hear, Jeezum. I second everything you said there. I had a Toyota Yaris Cross as a day rental on in Estonia a while back.
Lovely little car that was. Comfortable, well built, good on fuel. Night and day compared to the God-awful VW T-Roc I’d also had during that trip.
Good cars, Toyotas. Underrated.
6
I’ve owned a couple of Toyota Yaris and I don’t have a bad word to say about them.
Lovely town cars, nippy, economical and a joy to drive.
6
Not if you are driving and one of us is in the passenger seat.😁
4
Now, now Mis.
How dare you deride my driving skills.
I never caused an accident in all the years I was on the road.
I stopped driving after I was in a horrendous RTA, and I was a passenger at the time. It just shook my confidence. I drove once, after the accident, and had to pull into a lay by because I was in such a state, I couldn’t drive safely.
I cannot tell you how much a near death experience alters your perspective, and I sincerely hope you never have to experience it.
8
Remember you telling me that JP.
Friday rush hours the best time to see a accident.
People get a bit puddled and impatient to get home.
And the Christmas week tend to notice bad driving.
People not paying attention.
Head full of Christmas.
Bet there’s a study somewhere that backs up what I’m saying?
You winning JP?
5
Well, I ain’t losing, Mis.
I’ve a daughter whose just started a fortnights holiday, at home, is already bored senseless, has a fabbo car with electric arse warmers, and is looking for entertainment and company.
How can I lose?
6
Good stuff 👍
3
I have to admit I’ve been in a number of RTAs in my time, one day I’ll sit down and add them all up. Two of them put me in hospital but I couldn’t give up driving. I’m not a tough character by any stretch of the imagination but I guess I just don’t have the wit. When the doctor tells me I can’t drive any longer I’ll walk down to the local cut and jump in the lock pound.
6
Christ arfur.
Several RTAs?
Just the one, Mrs. Welby.
Absolutely did me in.
I loved driving, did my test in a Mini, when you had to use the choke ( and not to hang your handbag on it), every car had a manual gearbox and double-declutching was as natural as breathing.
5
I’m a bit older than you Jeezum so no explanation required for all that. Took my test in a Mk1 Escort. Bit different now. I read that 50% of driving tests are now taken in automatics. So many younger folks will settle for a restricted licence and second best it seems.
7
I’m visualising a future where all the people with life skills die, and all that’s left is folk frantically jabbing at their i-phones and wondering why they can’t get a signal.
6
A Jaguar driver you say, m’Lord. Do you suffer from the gout perchance? Every Jag driver I’ve met has been a bit gouty and carries a waft of claret and sick, even if they were wearing tweed.
I agree BMWs have a certain image because their owners tend to be a certain type, but I do have a soft spot for an E39 5 Series or an E38 7 Series. Absolute pure class.
Mercedes became the prick’s brand since Lewis Hamilton got involved with them. Shame, that.
7
No gout CC but yes I do often sport a tweed jacket currently adorned with a poppy of course to commemorate the fallen of our once great nation.
9
Full respect, Sir!
7
I was in a shopping centre today, with Elder, and I had to give her a kick at 11am, because the silly cow was still sampling fucking lipsticks when the 11am reminder bell rang.
It’s like the family brains skipped a generation. I have high hopes for the Lass.
5
Had a battered old Volvo 745 estate complete with tow bar. Everyone seemed to keep their distance, often no one would park next to me in car parks Wish I still had the old beast it looked like it had been dragged out of a scrap yard. Was a laugh though
8
I had a Volvo tank ( estate) in the wicked winter, when even the main roads were solid ice.
What a beauty, everyone was crapping theirselves, but Baby Blue kept rolling.
5
As a German car reflects the owner’s tinkle, so does my Austin Allegro:
Small, ugly, underpowered and coloured brown.
19
The brown allegro, the dullest of the dull.
As for your winkie, you have just spoiled Jill’s fantasy of you having a huge throbbing knob 😂
11
Jill need not worry SOI, my tongue can more than make up for it, being a chameleon-esque 14″ long and it can tickle a lady’s fallopian tubes.
16
The mind boggles 😂
10
😱 I am truly shocked by your and Thomas’s comments. FILTH! 😂
7
Forgive me if I’ve posted this before;
Some years ago a friend of mine drove his Allegro from the West Midlands to London on the M6 and M1. He was travelling at about 20mph in Hyde Park when the front offside wheel departed taking the whole hub assembly with it across the grass. His wife sitting beside him on seeing the wheel rolling away remarked;
“Ooh Ray, look at that.”
To which he responded as he fought to keep the car upright;
“It’s our wheel you dozy tart!”
He gave up on it later when it burst into flames as he was driving it.
15
Ho ho, splendid Longbridge build quality indeed, Arfur!
My Allegro is significantly worse to drive in every way than my mk2 Cortina, which is 12 years older and in terrible condition.
I bloody love it.
13
Mk2 was the Cortina to have Thomas and if it was a 1600E, maximum respect!
9
Nope, a 1.3 ‘Deluxe’, poverty-spec; only about 30 of them left, I believe. I still drive it once a fortnight.
9
Does it take that long to start it?
7
Laughed myself silly over that story arfur, a genuine innocent laugh for a change!!
It’s not the Allegro, but the Ambassador did have this stirring musical tribute written for it:
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=vNCAcKybSfE
2
It’s Black Migrant Wankers again.
11
Just drive an old Defender.
Galvanized steel front bumper.
Hefty rear crossmember with tow ball.
It’s amazing how respectful people are, when they see the dents and the nonchalant ” don’t give a fuck ” attitude of the driver. 😁
BMW ‘ s are shit anyway.
The last decent vehicle the Krauts made was a Tiger tank. 💥😃
Good evening. 👍
14
Tiger tank, brilliant!
Thanks for the laugh, Jack.
8
Alright JP 👍
How’s things ?
1
BMW
Audi
Tesla.
Drivers…
From my observations are with the very odd exceptions….
Selfish up their own arse cunts….!
14
Most pricks drive Audi these days but BMVV still has a loyal fan base of impatient knts. Nearly bought a used 3.0 litre ZM3 coupe in blue once, for about eight grand but when I sat in it, my hole was touching the tarmac and had difficulty getting out of the thing, it was a weird test drive though, the power delivered from sitting over the rear axle was like no other yoke on the road.
9
I much prefer drinking to driving and it must be said no BMW every spilled my pint.
The Boxhead Cunts.
9
#metoo, Unkle.
Cheers!
6
Seems strange everyone thinks the same as drivers of these marques
No smoke without fire?
All blacks are criminals
All Muslims are criminal scum.
9
And exactly when did anyone intimate that?
Do share, BTW Mumsnet is that way. ⏩
3
Audi seems to be the new cuntmobile of choice for the ‘Look at me! Look at me! Look at me!’ lower echelons of society. Having driven quite a few, they are bang average.
The BMW is now driven by overly aggressive Joe Daki wannabe gangster with that Dumb and Dumber type hairstyle with the pudding bowl fringe.
weaving in and out of motorway traffic, heavy braking, hard acceleration, until inevitably they end up in the back of someone or upside down a hundred yards across a ploughed field.
Having driven quite a few BMW, they are also bang average.
Much like Thomas, I like quirky cars that have character and like being sworn at.
9
Alright, Odin,
Bob on. I love odd cars like a SAAB (even the GM ones were still comparatively weird…) or a five-cylinder VW/Audi. I think it’s great when car makers used to so something a bit unhinged because they could.
I also have an immense soft spot for Ladas and other assorted autoshite from ex-Warsaw Pact countries.
8
I have been eyeing up a Lada Nova Cossack, brand new for that exact reason.
Although I love my sporty little Italian number and don’t really want to part with it.
8
I wouldn’t be seen dead in a BMW.
I suppose they’re ok if you’re going to mosque or pick up some crack cocaine from Brixton?
No, I like to edge my bets on the road.
Bit of weight and 6 tyres to the tarmac.
But the cars I dislike most are sports cars.
Always some fuckin coffin dodger or footballer mong in them.
I once saw a lime green neon Porsche (Lamborghini?) with some extra from Cocoon behind the wheel wearing a big grin and a Porsche .(Lamborghini?) Baseball cap.
I was completely embarrassed for him .
The silly old twat.
5
I wouldn’t be seen dead in a BMW.
I suppose they’re ok if you’re going to mosque or pick up some crack cocaine from Brixton?
No, I like to edge my bets on the road.
Bit of weight and 6 tyres to the tarmac.
But the cars I dislike most are sports cars.
Always some fuckin coffin dodger or footballer mong in them.
I once saw a lime green neon Porsche (Lamborghini?) with some extra from Cocøōn behind the wheel wearing a big grin and a Porsche .(Lamborghini?) Baseball cap.
I was completely embarrassed for him .
The silly old twat.
3
I was stood behind someone earlier, the Jacket had automobile Lamborghini on it. from a distance it looked like it read cuntmobile Lamborghini. That did make me laugh. he was a Joe daki type so probably got it of the market somewhere. either way he’s a cunt!
2
Then the best bit when the mangled remains of dumb and dumber are hosed out of the wreckage. Fuck them all
3
I really do hate those flash cunts who think they’re the top bollocks because they drive a BMW. Black and white cunts alike.
‘Am in me Beemah, innit.’
Complete and utter knobheads.
They remind me of that joke Oz tells in the classic original Auf Wiedersehen Pet.
‘What’s the difference between a Hedgehog and a BMW?
A hedgehog has pricks on the outside.’
11
And that other classic Oz joke.
Heavy:
“If I catch you stealing from me I’ll be wearing your arse for a hat.”
Oz:
“It would suit you, mind.”
3
Here’s my dream car
https://images.app.goo.gl/GKmbxZeUv7ywwE7SA
Give the yanks fair praise they do make beautiful vehicles.
The fat cunts.
4
Just needs some Trump branding on it Mis to give it the all-American finishing touch.
6
That would be Maganificent in Mar e Lago orange,
8
Yeah!
Shotgun rack in the cab and a big grinning Donald sticker on the tailgate 😁👍
8
Off topic for a sec, my apolojizz…Gary “immigrant lover” Lineker is being dropped by the Beeb.
https://www.thesun.co.uk/sport/31632179/gary-lineker-sign-huge-match-of-the-day-deal/
Hopefully he tops himself.
Fuck him and them.
17
@tce…..back of the net 🤣
8
Also that awful cunt Justin Welby is facing calls to step down over his covering up for a child sex pest.
Even Kier Starmer has refused to back him.
Justin was sweating and said he didn’t know about sex assault of young boys.
He mopped his brow with a handkerchief only to find he’d reached in the wrong pocket and it was a pair of Marvel Avengers undercrackers.
16
I’m hoping he will suicide, I’ve got him in DP.
Go on Welby, you know it makes sense.
8
Hasn’t he got an evil twin, Met Police Commissioner Rowley, another piss poor cunt? 🤔
6
I hope he gets bored and becomes a U.N “ambassador” or some such shite and decides to lecture some savages in Botswana about climate change monkeypox famine slavery Grenfell reparations and they quickly decide just to bum him mostly to death then boil his jugeared noggin in a big pot,the blek fuckers.
Good show.
13
Oh, Happy Days!
9
Nah, Thomas.
He doesn’t have the guts to kill himself.
And I dare say the slippery little woke turd with pop up somewhere else. Probably on a foreign cable channel. One thing’s certain, it won’t be GB News. Much as I hate to say it, I reckon Lineker could fall in the Ship Canal, and come up with a salmon (and a super injunction) in his gob.
I dread to think who the Beeb will replace Lineker with on Match of the Day though. The words black, shouty and woman spring to mind.
13
There was a time when the sight of a cunt in a German car driving on a British road would have caused it to be annihilated with a hail of machine gun fire.
They might have been living in a bomb shelter surviving on rations but at least they had proper values during the war.
15
BMW. Black Man’s Wheels
Even my 14 year old daughter thinks BMW drivers are cunts….told us the other day ‘I will never go out with someone that drives a BMW. Good girl’
…as Clarkson once said on TG. ‘Rough BMW’s are driven by rough people’
He’s not wrong (and so are newer one’s nowadays)
10
She’s obviously a Lambo girl.
Well done, that lass.
Nice to see someone instilling appropriate values, Chuff.
7
And Bob Marley (and the) Whalers
I’ll have to add Range Rover sports to the list too, additional outside lane pestage
Strangely and with zero kudos to them, I’ve seen umpteen Hyundai konas being driven like town centre dodgems of late, old folks, colonials etc.. budget bellend mobile, styling that dated immediately after leaving the showroom
8
Where I live is nothing special but there are more Range Rovers than dog turds round here.
3
Yup. I can confirm over here in a different zone that BMW drivers are complete cunts. A lot of them drive their Daddy’s BMW’s to the High School my kids went to. or the Middle School if held back. Indicating they are dumb as well. 🙂
My oldest who was a right Cunt for a while totaled his Dad’s Beamer. Beautiful coupe type with a sun roof. Tragedy.I had to go rescue him at 1am. He managed to crash it in into a wall just short of an off ramp. Rolled it down and lost a wheel. Dickhead. Blamed another car that shot off. The irony was I wasn’t allowed to drive it often in case I totaled it. 🙂
I might be tempted to exchange my modest fuel efficient Buick for a BMW at some stage as I understand the temptation. Risk becoming a Cunt.
10
No, Cali.
Wait until they have left home, permanently.
Then buy a cherry red Firebird.
10
Oh yeah! My heart just skipped a beat and then sped up when I googled it.
Cherry red Firebird. On the bucket list 🙂
7
Here you go
Joe Biden
Walking on the beaches looking at the peaches
https://youtu.be/JMFviwDNhq0?si=46BZGZgRGEQaT26Q
Smooth.😂
7
https://youtu.be/U5Mwc12LtRY?si=t4nDgjC5vUCSbvww
Joe Biden fighting gravity.
What a fuckin berk.
8
https://youtu.be/QlQbYLcSRkk?si=qMXDlT_DJiWTbeIy
The frank Spencer of US politics.
7
Its sad to witness but then again he was a corrupt yes man all his life in politics, with a nasty streak, ask Scott Ritter.
Neo Cons favourite muppet even when a string or two had snapped
9
Quite a few years ago, I was driving my kids to school.
In front of me was a high end Beemer that I knew belonged to the owner of the largest BMW dealership in my area due to the vanity plate.
Didn’t stop at any stop signs (I’m in Canada), didn’t signal any turns.
When I got home in the evening I availed myself the services of 10 minute email – don’t know if it still exists, but simply, you got to send an email from an address that only existed for 10 minutes.
Sent an email to the dealership….
I was considering buying a BMW (not true) but I was behind one this morning and notice that the signals didn’t work and obviously, the brakes are poor as it ran every stop sign. I think I’ll consider a Merc.
By the way, the plate read….. vanity plate.
Pretty sure it went into general sales mail.
Still gives me a smile
8
My lovely youngest sister in law drives a BMW.
As she is an exceptionally attractive lady with smashing knockers, she is forgiven ❤️💋💪😍🤪
Good morning 🌄👍
3
Pictures, or she doesn’t exist.
6
I do have photographs moggie.
Including saucy, with aforementioned knockers on show 😛
They’re in a very safe place 👍
And for my eyes 👀 only 🙂
Settle down now.
6
Pictures or they don’t exist.
5
When does the Black Man’s Willy cease to exist ?
1
I 💖 my BMW. Proper car, engine front, drive rear.
There is something about that does make you drive like a nutter. The car is better than the driver is my conclusion. Damn car gets me into trouble, it just wants to go fast – all the time.
They are also a hoot in the snow and ice with the traction control off.
2
Had a M140i up up until 2 years ago ,drab colour, mineral grey , no logo… the only give away being the exhaust pipes and lack of fog lamps. Enjoyed sitting in it looking like a doddering old pensioner leaving the boy racer in the fast lane looking absolutely bewildered in my rear view mirror. Nice B58 straight 6 , frightening wheel spin on wet roads.
Would like another petrol 6 cylinder, but happy with my 3 litre diesel..
At the risk of being a worse cunt than I already am I couldn’t go back to 4 cylinders.
Back in 1977 my brother lent me his Wolseley 6/110 which reacted nicely during kickdown
Performance a bit pathetic by today’s standards …. would probably struggle to keeping up with a VW Polo.
1