Dalmatians, how did they get their spots?

Worry no longer, fellow cunters. Within four years we will have an answer to this puzzling question that keeps us all awake at night.
The Leverhulme Trust have awarded teams of researchers from Lancaster University, and the University of Bath a grant of £498k to solve this riddle.

Yes, nearly half a million pounds!
Money well spent, obviously.

“Hello, Leverhulme Trust research grants department? Oh, hello, me and a few of my fellow researchers were wondering if we could get a grant.
What for? Oh, we thought a ground-breaking genetics study into why zebras have stripes might just pinpoint why they have their distinctive black and white patterns.
You’ll send me the application form?


Nominated by Jeezum Priest.

71 thoughts on “Dalmatians, how did they get their spots?

    • So long… That’s the non believers and kuffars trying to gain access to your property via the drainage system mate.

      I recommend flushing some special brew and a bacon medallion down the shitter to keep them at bay.

      If that fails, play Cliff Richards the millennium prayer on repeat whilst flushing.

  1. Before dust sheets became popular, a painter and decorator would use a dalmatian when painting the ceiling…

    Use to be all different colour spots back in the day..
    Nowadays it’s done in a factory and like the model T only comes in black..

      • That would make sense, Barry. Which is probably why they replaced them with the Dulux old English sheep dog as they are clearly more absorbent with a greater surface area to cope with excessive drips.

  2. A scientific question that has puzzled me for years.

    Give em the funding.
    In fact give them a open cheque,
    See if they can solve a few other philosophical questions

    Do fish ever get dehydrated?

    Do elephants sneeze in the note of A minor?

    And do bats ever go blind?

    • A minor is a key so they could only sneeze in A minor if they farted at the same time.
      Now where’s my research grant?

    • Your mention of dehydration got me wondering …

      Drowning must be a terrible way to die…

      … But would it be a percent or two not so awful if you had been REALLY thirsty before you fell in ?

  3. I’m applying for a research grant where I aim to discover the optimal cup size for a young woman to hold an ice lolly/’mini milk’ and stick vertically in her cleavage.

    Application forms have been sent out to modeling agencies, manufacturers of lingerie, theatrical/music colleges for candidates.

    Applicants must consent to ‘vigorous boob sucking’ after each cup size is tested to remove melted ice cream/lolly juice.

  4. Dalmatians are clearly white with black spots. But, has there been any research done into whether Zebras are white with black stripes or black with white stripes?
    Bothered me for years has that!?🤔

    • Well, Threecees, I hope, with the help of my (ahem) fellow “researchers”, and a £m pa grant, to solve that conundrum in about 4 years.

      That OK chaps?
      What’s that? Don’t mumble, LL.
      Ah, OK. Initial report only in 4 years.

      Further research will be needed.

    • Me too, CCC, … but more specifically : same question, but if you’re seeing a photographic negative of one of theirs reflection in a mirror 🤔

      I don’t think half a mil will cut it, at today’s rates.

      Maybe Lancaster U should ask the same original question, but re: ladybirds instead for that half million pittance.

  5. Due to the fact that I think all dogs are complete and utter cunts, with the exception of working dogs, I can live without knowing!

  6. A grant to start an ultra right political party with a great chance of getting elected please.
    Apparently the Dalmatians look like they do to avoid confusion with other dog breeds.

  7. Dalmatians look a bit too showbiz, a bit camp , like something designed by Elton John.

    I would feel a bit embarrassed walking one.

    As a kid I watched the more manly alternative
    A hundred and one alsatians.

    They’d look better without the skin condition.

    As the great comedian and funny man Michael Barrymore said

    How’d you like your Dalmatians?

  8. I doubt the rinky dinks are fussy about a few spots on their dinner.

    Its probably marketed as some kind of special vitamin for their tiny cocks.

    • Chinks aren’t fussy what they eat , period.

      Dirty bastards.

      They’d suck the snot off your handkerchief like it was a 10p mix.

      If your ever in a air crash or stranded after a ship capsizes,
      Kill any slitty types first thing.

      They’re the first to turn cannibal.


      Once they’ve eaten any bugs and worms, they’ll start plotting in their devious yellow minds how to get you in a wok.

      • That’s right Mis.
        You can see their slitty minces eyeing up all around them then mentally planning cuts for maximum portions.
        Humans, cats, dogs, shit, snot.
        Nothing they won’t eat, they are not to be trusted.

      • According to my brother, who has visited the place, they do serve up some ghastly shit.

        Hong Kong is better, but that’s because we set some standards when we ran the place.
        That’s the style we get over here -Cantonese.

  9. Thought provoking nom.
    I mean, who gives a fuck how Dalmatians got their spots?
    With the exception of a few eggheads wishing to expand the sum of human knowledge,
    Fucking no one! That’s who!
    All us ignorant plebs need to know is that God done it.
    Like he did all those fiddly bits round the Norwegian fjords.
    That said, you never know though.
    By studying Dalmatians spots they might inadvertently stumble upon a cure for all known diseases!
    Like when they sent a monkey to the moon and discovered non-stick frying pans
    And velcro fasteners.
    Fuck them.

  10. As an engineer in real life, I’m allowed government grants to further England’s standing on the world stage and attract continued investment.
    Using my grant money, I have invented a machine that improves women no end.
    The willing lady enters the enhancement pod as I sneakily pocket the extra £5k from her overjoyed husband.
    The machine is essentially a photon ray that reduces a woman down from her original body into a form that’s far easier to get along with and contains only the aspects in which a gentleman is actually interested.
    Here’s a snap of my previous participant:

  11. Great value for money… compared to the £500million the government has spent on their Rwanda bollocks. Not to mention the £480million they’re paying the Frogs to stop the 25 year old child migrants crossing the Channel.

  12. A better use of grant money, would be a study into a way of combining buttered toast and cats.

    Only problem I see is the toast will land butter side up, but it would be covered in cat hair..

  13. See him leaving court holding mummy’s hand?

    Fuck me.

    He’s a crack head
    Shags his brother’s missus
    And as a final indignity
    A fuckin mummy’s boy.

    • You don’t hear much about our PMs kids really? More stupid than criminal I suppose, Mark Thatcher getting lost in the Sahara or a teenage Euan Blair getting arrested for being drunk and disorderly.

  14. Seems a good way to spend some cash….

    Perhaps they could launch some research as to who put the cunt in Scunthorpe…. That question has vexed me for years, ever since I read it on the bog walls at work…

  15. Ummm they got their spots because they were selectively-bred to have them over thousands of years. There, I solved the enigma, the answer for which has been known for longer than I’ve been alive. So where’s my fucking grant?!

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