Vaginal Reconditioning



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Pussy Past It?
Sloppy Snatch?
Manky Minge?
Cunt Can’t anymore?
Mummy Makeover?

If yes to any of these questions then The old Lady Garden may be in need of a bit of a lop and crop. The Old Man getting lost in an overgrown thicket of meat and slime? Love’s Last Dream foundering in a whiff of rancid fish and cheesy feet? Dyna-Rod can’t shift it? Then time to call in the Ear Nose and Cunt Brigade AKA the Cosmetic Cunters. Forget those so last year Boob Lifts, Rhinoplasties and Blepharoplasty (tits, conks and eye bags).

Get on trend My Dears, The topic of choice in fashionable circles and so easy to spot – just keep an eye out for the Duck Walk in the salon and on the dance floor. Go for a two for one eco friendly deal where the buckets of hacked out fem fat and gristle (no keep the gristle Doc, that makes for a challenging penetrating experience for the seasoned cocksman) are recycled into extensions and fillers for the Old Man’s Old Man.

Should you encourage (note I did not say Pay For) the old MemSahib to have a bit of internal plumbing and decorating to feel sixteen again? Note I did not say twelve again Mr Edwards and Mr Glitter (allegations and legal niceties acknowledged). If you go for the two for one deal be advised, normal service may not be resumed for at least three months. Delicate areas my dears.

Cost always a consideration but a DIY solution is possible. Any Cunter who can use a lathe and recon a motor ie resurface valve seats and rebore a cylinder and crankshaft is in with a chance. “Ali’s Vaginal Rebores”. Rent a lockup in a railway arch and away you go. It’s an income stream.

Daily Mail

(Parental supervision advised)

Manhattan Centre Surgery

(Cunters please note. The spoilsports will now not allow a direct link to the meat pics. Follow the link as posted, click on Before and After tab at the top, confirm you are an adult by clicking on the pop-up flash and you are in – as the actress said to the bishop.)

Nominated by: Sir Limply Stoke

65 thoughts on “Vaginal Reconditioning

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  1. I have a perfect pussy. No giblets hanging out or saggy floppy flaps. My vagina is perfect too😁

    • Oh good shot sir,beat me to it.

      A lady friend of a friend has just had this nip and tuck done.

      She’s a “bit of a sport”…apparently she said the “cunt is out of bounds for a week but the arse is still available”.

      Bloody good show.

  3. This has long been overdue.

    Poor Katie price who’s snatch is like a carrier bag full of tripe that’s been kicked across a barber shop floor.

    Now? Like a little rosebud!

    Elton Johns funding research to see if they can do his bomb bay doors,
    The elastics gone.

    He farts and it sounds like Albert Steptoe eating chips.

    • She got it done on the national health but the cost was shared with London’s infrastructure budget.

  4. Poxy comments playing up.

    I’ll try again (said the actress to the bishop)

    Properly men are not concerned with such frivolities, as long as it touches the sides, we’re all good.

    You don’t look at the mantelpiece when you’re poking the fire.

  5. No knickers Ange has had it done.
    Essential for doing a ‘Basic Instinct’ on Boris.
    That’s why she claimed it on expenses.

  6. I need help sliding in my cylinder sleeves. They’re either too tight or I need more lube.

  9. Why have the manhattan centre surgery posted sadiq khan’s whole families passport photos online..

  10. Morning all.
    I’m normally quite lethargic first thing in the morning, but I’m fully awake now.
    The gallery of “witch’s caves” and “ripped out fireplaces” is fucking hilarious.
    You have to wonder what the rest of some of these beasts look like.
    This has the potential to be one of the truly great noms.
    Thank you Sir Limply.

  12. The before pictures look like various road kill in different stages of decomposition.

    A lady’s front bottom should be a thing of wonder and delight.
    It would be awful if they all looked the same.

    But that’s exactly what the surgeon has done.

    He obviously has an obsession with coin slot machines, and that’s not art.

  13. Its not the facade that counts, its how it feels when you’re snuggled up inside. I’ve been up many that don’t need any friction from yours truly, but to nestle inside and the snatch work quilt will do the rest, just like having the old man lay inside a nest of worms.

    • …… all whilst looking into the lovely face of the owner. Tell her a few jokes at the same time, which gives you that tight grip on the John Thomas. Lots you can do when having the experience.

      • It must also smell of natural goodness of arousal for when giving oral. That’s another thing I love, spending an indefinite period of time eating away, giving pleasure to multiple orgasms.

  14. A cheaper and more tasty alternative is to shove a ham shank up there, then remove the bone.

    Result !

    Slap some piccalilli on it……lovely 😍

    And it’s non halal 👍 🇬🇧

    Capital.

    Good morning 🌞 👍

  15. Some women should never be granted access to a Ladyshave.
    That’s the type of haphazard construction you can expect to see when you rip the thatch off a medieval cottage.

  16. The before and after pictures of the reconditioned old fannies doesn’t work. All I got was images of peers from the House of Lords.

  17. Rat’s cocks! I’ve got clients in a few minutes and can’t partipate in this nom.
    Sorry Jill, you and your perfect pussy will have to wait until later.

  18. I’m not into that shaven flange thing.

    I like a hairy muff.

    Like Bob Dylan with his teeth out.

    • I am pleased that the baldy craze is gradually on its way out. According to my extensive research on Pornhub.

      It’s got to be a Brazilian landing strip for me MNC.

      Done properly.
      All superfluous hair should be lasered away so there is no irritating stubble.

      I am quite fussy about these things.

    • Absolutely. The men who like bald fannies are latent p*rvs, they imagine they’re shagging a prepubescent girl like pakis do for real.

  19. What hapoened to Sir Limply’s vernacular and upper working-class accent? ”e’s gawn all straight talkin’. What’s happened to the ‘yours truly’ geezer of afor’ times?
    It’s just not Pinter.

    • High shall do me best to accommodate you next time Cap’n. One had no idea one had fans. Difficult enough to get one’s little paras of mirth posted as is.

      • Hats orrf to you, Sir. YT looks forward to more hexcellent scribes.

  21. I understand that as they get older, some women’s vaginal areas come to resemble the face huggers made famous by the Alien films. Anyone going too near will be suckered as if by a sink plunger. Once trapped, tiny sets of teeth with masticate until, upon release, the unfortunate’s face looks like a dripping bag of full fat mince. It is however, by all accounts, a not unpleasant experience.

    Good morning, everyone.

  22. There is a “beauty salon” (I use the term VERY loosely!), by the wife’s business, run by a couple of fat, orange, botox filled pie keys, who offer a “vaginal tightening” service. The state of some of some of the haggard looking slags that go in there is a sight to behold. Lord only knows what goes on in there but, the wife refuses to go in and find out for me!

    This kind of shit is just another display of how society is going to ratshit. “Made a mess of yourself? There’s a pill or procedure for that so you don’t need to endure the consequences of being a cunt!”.

    • Whilst sitting on my solarium with my telescope which I brought to explore space, I sometimes look out on the beach.

      Just out of interest, you understand.

      As is the way here there are plenty of people who prefer to get an ‘all over’ tan.

      I have noticed, with the help of a zoom lens that the younger ladies all seem to have reasonably tidy sausage pockets.

      That makes me think that for the older women, a gash that looks like a stamped bat must be the sign of neglect.

      They only have themselves to blame.

      I will continue with my research.

  23. Sometimes when down there for the duration, I’ve had to hang on for dear life, like being on the roller coaster at Belle Vue with water gushing everywhere.

    • I also don’t wash my face afterwards. Its like having the lady friend wrapped round your chops.

  24. Dear Gods looking at these is enough to almost turn a man to the dark side

  25. Young kid walks in to bathroom while his mother’s showering, spots the pubis mons in an instant … ‘what’s that, mommy?’ ..

    Mother panics ; blurts out first thing that comes to mind. “That’s mommy’s hedgehog, .. and all mommy’s have one”. Kid is fine with that … toddles off again much to the relief of the mom.

    Couple of weeks later grandma is staying over. Same scenario ensues, but granny is not as quick to think as the mother had been, when she realises the kid is staring. But the kid saves her by asking “is that your hedgehog, granny?”

    She had no idea of the logic but decided to go with it hoping its the quickest way out of the scenario

    “Yes it is”, she says. ‘Oh’ says the young fella.

    But granny’s mind wanders a bit. Grandad’s been dead for decades. And she unintentionally blurts out ”but unfortunately granny’s hedgehog is dead these days”.

    Youngster snaps her back to reality by saying
    “I thought so”.

    Curious, now, she asks “Why did you think grannies hedgehog was dead, little man”?

    “Because its guts are all hanging out”.

    🦔

  27. Fuck me, some of those pics looks like the alien from Predator with his mouth wide open.

  28. We’ve also done the pretend laughable rapes, tearing off clothing not fit for the jumble sale. Some good sports will dress up as school girls, giving you all the innocent patter for more excitement.

  30. If only they could do the same service for rectums – half the shadow cabinet – Eddie Izzard, Stephen Fry, Alan Carr and Mandy, Lord ButtPlug himself, would be busting a gut to get into the clinic.

    • Marc Almond and Andy Bell, or are their back passages now so cavernous they are effectively inside out?

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