UB40 – There’s a Cunt in the Kitchen

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(Wearing shades, trying to look cool-with-da-kids, innit – Day Admin)

UB40 are cunts, aren’t they!

I’ve just heard these talentless turds are making a comeback to inflict more dreary bum gravy for our ears.

What could be worse than a bunch of dreadlock’d Hash Brownies playing that dull, bass-heavy chukka chukka reggae? That’s right: Hònkeys doing it.

Whether it’s doing shitty covers of classics (Falling in Love with You, Red Red Wine, Many Rivers To Cross), whining about being unemployed or shouting about”old Faatcher”, these lumpy Brummie shitbiscuits took the piss with how dire they were. Repeating “Der’s a ra’ in me kitchin wot am ah gonna doo” in a pretend Jamaican accent should have been enough to put them in prison.

It’s amazing to think there are TWO breath-taking cunts called Al/Ali Campbell in the world. One’s the Remoaner who gave Blair stress-relieving hand jobs and the other’s the zombie who sings like an amputee for these tedious drab cabbages.

Reggae is for cunts. However, this monotonous dirge is even worse. It’s not even for wîggers. It’s music for people who loathe music.

Nominated by: Captain Magnanimous

68 thoughts on “UB40 – There’s a Cunt in the Kitchen”

  3. Despised them first time around, now they’re back?

    Eagerly anticipating the coming Labour government, no doubt.

    What a horribly depressing thought.

  4. I’m surprised they went away in the first place..

    I heard a rumour the government want to change the name of this country to UB40.

  5. A mate of mine said UB40 was black music for white people. He said the same of Motown as well.

    I think it sounded silly coming from a pasty fan Radiohead and Muse. What did he know about black music, an Indie kid from the south coast.

    I take some pride from being the only kid in my class who knew what the fuck my North African French teacher was going on about singing about rats in kitchens.

    I’m culturally enriched.

    UB40 weren’t great, but better than half the shite in the charts in the late eighties-earlie nineties.

    Low on the cuntometer for me.

  6. God I hate this band.
    Especially ‘ red red wine’.

    Just awful.

    They deserved to be on the dole,
    work was scarce in the 80s,
    Who’d want some Brummy plastic rasta as a employee?

    Like a band formed by a community action group .☹️

    I remember once being 13yr and some of us hanging around and this lad had a ‘ ghetto blaster’
    But he only played 2 tunes on it.

    Thriller by Michael Jackson
    Red red wine by UB40

    I never forgave him

  7. dirge for dirges….. drop the cunts into the briny to sing a shanty with some wolf pack kommerades….🇩🇪 altozgether nowz ved ved vine 🍷 …

  8. They never really went away.
    They just started performing to ever decreasing audiences.

    Mrs Cunter and her friends went to see them a few year’s ago performing on the beach in our local city.

    She enjoyed them, but we are hard up for quality entertainment here and even an average bar singer has some following.

    Other notable has-beens that have tried to earn some money in Spain are The Jacksons, I don’t think that many people turned up to watch.

    Rod Stewart, his first performance in Almería was a flop. I think that he pulled out of second performance last year because nobody brought tickets.

    Black Eyed Peas. I don’t know how they got on.

    On the after dinner circuit we had Willy Thorne the snooker player.
    He did so badly that he reverted to scrounging before he died.

    Shakira did well.
    She sold out her concert before she hit the big time.

    The only person other than her who was making a regular wage was one of the Bay City Rollers.
    He worked as a pot man in a local bar.

    Cilla Black carked it here.
    I don’t think that she ever performed, thank fuck.
    She was a nasty bitch apparently.

    • I was once offered a backstage V.I.P pass to see them play in Manchester then a after party where the band could sign my CD and t-shirt.

      Didn’t bother.
      Got distracted by the ducks in the park.

      Then had a early night 👍

      • A signed UB40 CD eh Mis?

        Well its not John Bishops old floorboards, I can see you only deal in A-listers.

      • Wo-ho yeah-yeah

        There’s a duck in the park
        what am i gonna do,
        there’s a duck in the park
        what am i gonna do.

        Im gonna feed that duck
        thats what i’m gonna do,
        gonna feed that duck.

    • John Bishop stayed in the hotel over the road where I drink lots of Amstel. He was tiny!

  9. I never thought much of this group, but wished I had grabbed a large stash of those U.B. 40 forms from the Dole Office, having signed on following redundancy in 1979.

  10. I thought Ali Campbell had a massive, spiteful falling out with the rest of the group and they parted company?

    The only stuff of theirs I thought was OK was the early stuff from around 1980/81 when they were genuinely hard-up musicians, angry and struggling for cash. As soon as the cash flowed in, they turned MOR with their murder of Red Red Wine and then onto other soppy shite.

    I’d rather chop my own oversized log up in the toilet bowel with a bricklayer’s pointing trowel, the morning after a particularly heavy night on the barbecued meat than listen to the bellyaching voices of Ali Campbell, Robin Campbell, Campbell’s fucking meatballs etc.

    Fuck off.

  11. I’d also add Bob Marley .

    He got lucky and died otherwise he’d just be some cunt without a comb.

    Ps
    I don’t care how he liked his doughnuts.
    Fuck off.

    • There were problems at Marley’s funeral because the coffin lid kept jammin’…. Coat.

  12. Hey Paul Maskinback!

    We both posted Fuck off at the same time!

    Like the angry young men and rebels that we both are!

    Punk rock 😂

    • Yes indeed MNC me old china plate – they were great and ‘Revolution’ was a grand tune. It wasn’t some BLM-type shit neither, just a plea to stop being a cunt…..I think.

  14. I see in the nom pic they’re all dressed in black – is that a nod to the music of becuase wearing black hides fat bellies.

    Perhaps they drank too much Red Red Wine.

    Although of a different genre, I place UB40 in the same group as Simply Red, cunts.

  15. Ali Campbell reminds me of adenoidal sneering Manc Terry Christian.

    I wouldn’t pull either from a burning car.

    UB40 and Level 42.
    Music that should never have happened.

    • Level 42, or Greatest Hits FM’s house band.

      Faackin hell, Ken. change the record.

      Once.

    • Yes, terry christian is indeed a fucking wanker. Isn’t he always on some bbc radio shite?

  16. Drivel music, woeful covers too.
    Saw a tv inerview with them a few years back, and the dumb fucks thought that Red Red Wine was a reggae number by Tony Tribe, when actually it’s by Neil Diamond.
    Made right cunts of themselves.
    Probably have tax bills to pay, so good luck with that, as they don’t recieve any royalties from most of their ‘hits’.
    Kunts.

    • I met one of the girl singers from Boney-M.
      They were shit but had a load of number one records.

      She told me that they got no royalties because all of their stuff were cover versions.

  17. Brummies pretending desperately to be Jamaicans. Why? Ah is tinking day is just soundin’ like cunts, innit.

  18. There’s nothin wrong with reggae, what these wannabe’s play is not reggae, it’s white men putting on silly accents and murdering reggae.
    They are and have always been cunts. Had to put up with their shite for an hour when I went to see The Who last year.

  21. Funny isn’t it, white blokes doing reggae.

    Like opera singing Euro pikeys or heavy metal nig nogs.

  22. Well this struck a nerve. Fantastic Nom! For ‘lumpy brummy shitbiscuits’ you are King for a day.

    I have always hated this collection of gash….. and I always will. They should do a duo with Mick Hucknall……I would cut my ears of, eat them and self combust.

    Red red jam rags. 🙉

    • I see someone already got laid into Prick Fucknall above. More gash.

  25. “It’s music for people who loathe music.”

    Spot on, Capt. M.
    I’ve always hated them, along with their overexposed cod-reggae version of Red Red Wine, which is how they first entered my unfortunate consciousness.
    Ali Campbell has one of those faces you’d never tire of punching.
    Along with Jimmy Somerville and Mark King of Level 42
    (another band that really makes my teeth itch)
    Anyway, UB40 were dreadful by any meaningful measure.
    Fuck them.

  29. No point inviting anyone from here to one of their gigs then?

  30. Recycling the shit, will be playing in small venues where middle aged mothers wearing way to little to cover their ever expanding carcasses, smelling of way too much cheap perfume try and recapture their youth when they used to get fucked in the ally behind the local disco after a drunken snog dancing to red red wine.

    Nostalgia is the best way too make a complete tool out of yourself. Used to be the aging Teddy Boys with bald patches and large gaps between their brown stumpy teeth when I was a lad.

    UB40? Who gives a fuck?

    • Sixdog @

      We had a ageing Teddy boy who worked the door on the chinky chippy when I was a lad.

      Never thought it strange at the time?
      But I’ve never seen a chippy since that employs a bouncer.

      • Our local tesco has bouncers, they are meant to be security I think.

        Mostly very tanned.

        One stopped us on the way out because someone set the bloody alarm off. Wasn’t us but the cunt goes to put his hands in one of our shopping bags.

        Told him to stop taking the piss and fuck off. Off he went the useless cunt.

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