The Met Office [7]

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It’s going to be hot!
Oh no, it’s not!
It’s going to snow.
So warm, you’re cheeks will glow.
It’ll be windy.
It’ll thunder!
Makes me wants the chunder.

Sorry, terrible prose, but it’s going to thunder! Quick, run and hide, pull the bed covers over your head!

When did someone decide that we had become so infantilised, we needed to be warned about fucking thunder!

Sly News Link.

Nominated by : Jeezum Priest

74 thoughts on “The Met Office [7]”

  1. Poetry JP, not prose 🙂

    Summer = hotter than usual, less rain

    Winther = colder than usual, more rain/snow

    Spring/Autumn = mostly cold and shite

    Everything seems normal to me.

    • How can you say that, Termujin?
      In February we had snow here, and this month we’ve experienced global boiling at 20C. See, it’s global warming.

      Climate denier.

      • Mad, isn’t it Geordie?

        I do think more and more people are catching on to the con, either that or they just don’t give a shit.

        It is sheer lunacy to think if the Earth is 1.5 degrees hotter, on AVERAGE, in 30 years time, its a catastrophe. Its also the height of human arrogance to think we either caused it or could stop it.

        If the governments of the world truly believed all the doom scenarios, if it really was a looming armageddon, ALL use of ICE vehicles would be banned overnight and nuclear power would replace all electricity generation.

      • Meteorologists , bottom of the scientific pecking order?

        You have to look up
        You have to go outside occasionally.

        You have to learn about clouds ,
        Like Cunnilingus Nimbus.

        Guessing it’s a piece of piss and they get bullied off other science nerds?

        GB news has one on with a massive nose.
        He comes on to argue about the climate emergency.
        He gets very sarcastic,
        Very bitter,
        And calls people cranks, and climate deniers!

        I like him👍

  2. A tad off the point , the BBC claimed that the severe turbulence that hit the Singapore Airlines aircraft yesterday was due to climate change.
    You couldn’t make it up but those buggers do.

    • Dude died of a cardiac arrest.

      Didn’t you know that Ford Fiestas and Tescos plastic carrier bags cause heart attacks?

      • Don’t worry the 30 or 50p charge for plastic bags in your local Tesco is going to sort it all out.
        In fact the banning of single use plastic bags (which were always used multiple times) has resulted in increased use of plastic for shopping bags, due to the fact that a bag for life uses at least 5 times as much energy and plastic as a single use bag.

    • And the Butcher of Tehran’s chopper went down in fog.
      See – due to climate collapse.

      Kwis Pwackham says so, so it must be twoo.

    • What was the headline?
      ‘Is flight turbulence becoming more frequent?’
      Yes, according to ‘some experts’.
      Why?
      ‘Climate change’,according to some students at Reading University.
      Well, that’s that argument settled then.

      • And when they say ‘some experts’, that must mean there are others that don’t have that view.
        Strangely enough, none of these other ‘experts’ were quoted.
        Maybe they weren’t available on a Tuesday.

    • Yup saw that Never miss a chance to babble on about climate bollocks do the beeb.

    • I had severe turbulence last night after the phal curry from Abdul’s cottage 🍛 now no way am I going to bollock him when it’s all the jet streams fault 🌬️🌫️🌨️

  3. Thunder? Lightning?
    STAY HOME
    STAY SAFE
    SAVE THE NHS

    Above 20°?
    STAY HOME
    STAY SAFE
    SAVE THE NHS

    Heavy downpours?
    STAY HOME
    STAY SAFE
    SAVE THE NHS

    Light snow?
    STAY HOME
    STAY SAFE
    SAVE THE NHS

    Because the NHS staff are too busy dancing down corridors, sunbathing on the helipad or having snowball fights.

    • And just wait till Liebour gain power at the next election. All the those ‘stay in’ and ‘stay at home’ notices will be mandatory and enforced by law.

      I called the Met Office out on their socials not so long ago for painting the symbols and charts bright red when in the old days it was an insipid yellow for a warm spring day. Also the ‘warmest’ April on record is utter bollocks. From personal experience my heating was used more in April than December or January.

      Still some cunts believe em….

      • The record go back around 120 years…sometimes, which is a pimple on a pigs backside in terms of measuring climate.

        Also, a lot of the earlier measurements were made using highly inaccurate and uncalibrated equipment and thermometers, and the modern measurements are taken from places including airports and inner cities such as Lindon and New York, which will be hotter than the actual temperature due to all the cars, machinery, glass and people there.

        It’s fooking nonsense.

      • Can’t you tell it’s a global crisis? Of course they paint it red, especially since they started using ground temperature and not air temperature.

        Let’s just take a reading from the roof of my black car..,,

        We’re melting!

  4. If you want to speak to a weatherman in person try a knitting club.

    Weather men are drawn to handmade gaudy jumpers,
    It’s like catnip for them.

    The more misshapen the better,
    Like a sofa upholstered by Stevie Wonder.

  5. Thunderbolts and lighting very,very frightening me…

    Galileo, he was a climate change denier..

  6. Television in its entirety has been dumbed down,commercialised and fully woked to the point that it’s unwatchable.

    Everything is an emergency,all at once.

    I will only watch the weather if its a wimmin who is both attractive and its not going to rain.

    Good morning.

    • Someone on here referred to the TV as an ‘idiot lantern’.

      100% correct.

  7. The Met office may, ostensibly, have meteorologists in its employ, but it’s upper echelons are staffed by government appointed establishment buddies.
    It’s little more than a political outlet for the ministry of truth.
    Basically, the conclusion of climate change is the first thing they note on their charts, and then they work back from that.
    Next, every weather occurrence is amplified to a worse case scenario to keep the little people believing.
    Isn’t science wonderful?

  8. Their website is titled ‘The Met Office – Weather and Climate Change’.
    These brilliant boffins can tell me that in 30 years time the world will be engulfed in flames because of us, but can’t tell me with any degree of accuracy what this afternoon’s weather will be.
    A bunch of brainwashed crackpots worshipping at the altar of St Greta who think the world’s climate never varied before the Industrial Revolution. And now it can be controlled by one species out of eight million inhabiting the Earth.

    • Mr ‘We got a problem’ called em out on this last week. Cracking bit of YouTube. I’d post a link but am a Luddite.

      • To be really pedantic TITS, that should be eight thousand million. The yanks define a thousand million as a billion, in the rest of the world a billion is a million million. I’ll concede that the MSM and the politicians use the American definition though.

      • To be really, really pedantic, he was talking about the number of species, not the human population 😀

  9. We it’s official, there will be more mould due to milder damper winters! The fucking cunts at the BBC said 20 years ago that snow was a thing of the past.
    The fat old sun controls the weather, obviously a powerful solar flare occurred when the mongoidal freak Thumbturd was conceived.

  10. In the winter it’s cold
    In the summer it’s hot
    But all year round
    Prince George is a clot

    • Its summertime all year round on Epstein Island, Cunt Engine. I wonder if King Chimp can still muster the energy to flap his ears and keep himself cool?

  11. THE POLAR ICE CAPS WILL MELT

    THE MALDIVES WILL BECOME SUBMERGED

    THE GREAT BARRIER REEF WILL DIE

    POLAR BEARS WILL BE EXTINCT

    SEA LEVELS WILL RISE 20 METRES – LONDON AND NEW YORK WILL BE LOST FOREVER (So not all bad then)

    REPENT YE OF YOUR SINS

    THE END IS NIGH

  12. Don’t forget, ladies and gents, that your weather forecast is controlled by more or less the same people who are claiming that inflation has miraculously fallen towards Rishi’s target this morning.

  13. Well it’s raining and they said it would rain, they must be looking out of the window too.

  15. Can’t remember a forecast being close to accurate in fact no real progress since the days of magnetic symbols on the map.
    It would seem the best bet is to make up something for yourself as you have a better chance of being right.

  16. I get all my weather info from Punxsutawney Phil, he is only 40 percent right..

    But that’s a hell of a lot better than the BBC..

  17. Today we have heavy rain interspersed with showers. I’d shower Laura Tobin in my jizz given the chance but i have a feeling she might not let me.

  18. Nearly June and I am thinking of putting the central heating on. 🤔
    Did someone mention global warming?

  19. The Swedish doom goblin Pippi Longstocking Thunderpants seems to have put climate activism on the backburner for now and is concentrating her efforts on freeing the Palestinians. Until she can link the Jews with killing the Dead Sea.

    • Yes LL, along with all the other SJW bandwagon-jumpers.

      I’m pleased to report I have a nomination pending on this very subject.

  21. The weather will change regardless of whether the wether decides to have a shite or not.

    • You’ll probably have to tell our younger viewers what a wether is Sammy. They could look it up if they had the balls. (Geddit?)

    • Surely your ‘seedlings’ should be under an LED lamp in a cozy grow tent, Odin?

      • No, I grow naturally. None of that chemical shit.

        I was out at 04:10 this morning, propping them up with little wooden kebab skewers.

        I plan on a hit rate of about 50%, so always plant extra.

        The strongest ones survive and thrive.

  23. We’re all doomed Mr Mannering, likewise with the met office and weather presenters.

    A fucking comedy….⚡🌪️🌨️🌞

  24. Through out the centuries, children get to understand the weather, whether it enables them to go out to play. Its only when getting older they begin to get cocky and start to act stupid and to wonder why ? Just accept it. Its the only thing we can’t control. I laugh my bollocks off at control freaks.

  25. I have a 100% guaranteed way of knowing what the weather’s going to do, I go outside. If I get damp its either raining or very hot cos I’m sweating, it’s dead easy very cheap no super computer involved. When are the cunts that think they know best going to shut up about climate change emergency it’s just a fantastic and exciting new way of getting money out of people.
    And obviously its the fault of the white blokes in Blighty who invented the industrial revolution and most of the other useful things on the planet, people nowadays have a gift for turning the good stuff into shit and lobbing it back at us, ungrateful twats.

  27. For fuck sake icecaps, hurry up and melt, just too shut these weather fanatics up.

  28. It’s raining, it’s that fine rain that wets you.

    No, weather update, it’s now raining hard.

  29. I always remember hearing a weather man from a Sydney channel humourously declaring that he had the easiest job in world. For months on end he’d say ‘today the weather will be fine and sunny, high of eighty’, and he was almost always right.

    Morning all.

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