The curious death of Susan Johnson

A 62yr old woman from Scarborough,
Susan Johnson attended her local hospital for a routine scan.

On booking in Susan was told much to her consternation that she was in fact,…dead.

This came as some shock to Susan,
And she thought maybe it’d be best to seek a second opinion.

She contacted her GP who on looking into the matter and using state of the art medical science concluded that Susan wasn’t dead.

When it came to convincing the benefits department who had stopped her benefits she struggled to prove she was alive.

But now it appears to just have been a admin error and Susan is much happier to have her benefits reinstated and to know shes alive.

Poor Susan.
Bet she couldn’t sleep wondering if she was dead?

There should be a helpline you can phone to ask if your dead.

I’ve still got my doubts about Susan R.I.P


Nominated by Miserable northern cunt.

37 thoughts on “The curious death of Susan Johnson

  1. Sounds fantastic, where can I sign up..
    No consequences..

    Get caught speeding, sorry officer I’m dead. Go shoplifting, ditto..

    Most white taxpayers are already dead to this countrys government..
    Well they definitely don’t hear us..

  2. Pair of fat lazy cunts by the look of it and the taxpayer is paying lardarse to look after her husband no wonder the country is fucked

  3. Bennies are stopped at point of death. Except in Tower Hamlets, obviously. There, the residents live to over 100,. Most vote for that nice Mr Khan who is not a criminal cunt.

    Good afternoon, everyone.

  4. “I gave them my letter and their first words were, ‘ooh you’re dead’.

    Fuck me, There’s being thick and then there’s setting out to prove it. Got me worried now though. Some mornings I feel like death. Maybe it’s not just a feeling. I guess I’ll have confirmation when they stop my pension.

  5. So she was booked in for a scan with the NHS who already thought she was dead.

    Sounds about right for that gigantic panto.

    Perhaps it’s Whitehalls plan to reduce the NHS waiting list by declaring 6 million patients dead?

    It’d help with the “benefits bill” as well,although there are so many undocumented foreign cunts in the country claiming everything going its impossible to say who any of them are.


    • NHS England may have declared her dead byut her local trust might not. there’s very little communication between trusts, departments etc. (except when they want to cut off carers allowance).

  6. What sort of admin error changes status to dead, I mean she looks like it would be an improvement, must be a new AI bot.

    Ugly bone idle cunts, status dead 😂

  7. The nom is decent, but the ‘story’ matters nary a jot. Big deal, Susan & spouse. An admin error. Worse things happen at sea. Or at work, even.


  8. She’s a bit on the chubby side, so I am sure the extra fat would have keeps her alive while her benefits kicked back in.

    If not and she became desperate old Bob looks like he’s eaten a few kebabs recently so he could provide her with sustenance if required.

    Like that Panama canoe cunt, I suspect Susan and Bob will make a tellybox programme, get rich quick and then she won’t need benefits.

    If susan had half a brain she should have robbed a bank.

    “But your honour, I am dead, look I have a death certificate so it can’t have been me as I was six feet under at the time”.

    • They don’t necessarily stop your benefits when you get rich, bloke I know won 1.2 million on the postcode lottery.
      Rang the benefits office cos he’s on pip told them he didn’t need it now, they won’t stop it because he’s “entitled ” to it.
      Feckin doomed…

    • Carers might be ‘economically dead’ (like their disabled wards, perhaps), but not morally or cognitively, unlike a number of posters on here lately.

      • Yeah carers, like the cunts down the road who claim care allowance for each other. If you think that everyone claiming benefits is a victim of the system you’re very naive.

        I think you’ll find the vast majority on here are more than happy to contribute to those genuinely in need. If there weren’t so many people screwing the system there’d be plenty of money to look after those in genuine need without needing to force people into being carers when they are ill prepared for the role.

        But hey ho, let’s just keep dishing out money to every cunt who can claim it whether it’s justified or not. The bill goes up and the amount of money available to those with a genuine need goes down.

  9. Lots of buck-passing between government departments as usual.

    This is the sort of dismal crap that you can expect from the post-Covid NHS.

    The CQC has dropoed my local trust’s rating to needing improvement. two local hospitals are in Dooshka-heavy areas and half the staff are gormless fatties or no-speaky-da-English.

  10. Are half these carers looking after disabled people or more often than not straight forward fat cunts?

  11. This nom proves that those claiming benefits are the living dead.

    And that most you’d have to be a medical professional to ascertain if they had a pulse.

    I’d like to of seen Susan’s face on news of her demise😁
    Wide eyed, bottom lip quivering,
    I’d of insisted she report to the mortuary to clear the matter up.

    Probably the reason I’m not a benefits advisor to be fair.

    • Careful MNC, seems some on here have decided that anything written on this site is the unadulterated truth of what the author actually thinks. I always thought it was a place to let off steam and everyone was in on the joke.

  12. I feel for Janice Battersby, since leaving the cobbles of coronation street it probably feels like she’s dead.

    Probably missing all that adulation,those celebs have fragile ego’s.

    But making up a story to get back in the public eye, shame on you Janice, that’s the sort of thing les would do..

  13. ” It was very hard. There was no-one to talk to”

    Like who? Madame Pellingro, NHS recommended psychic consultant?

    You were dead, a ouija board isn’t usual medical equipment.

    Perhaps, however, a sense of humour transplant could have been attempted?

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