Bedbug Hysteria

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A cimex lectularian cunting for the absurd over reaction to some biting insects.

Paris is infested with the little fuckers apparently, the Frogs aren’t too chuffed and so they’re packing them off to Blighty. As a former Human Rights Lawyer, the Mayor of Lonstabistan is himself no stranger to blood-sucking parasites. Clasping a ‘Bedbugs Welcome’ banner, the Mayor said that these migrants would add to the wonderful multicultural diversity of our great city. The charity Care4Bedbugs is looking after them in Calais before organising transport to the UK courtesy of Border Farce and the RNLI.

However the Prime Miniature is not happy. His Government has turfed the few human migrants out of Bibby Stockholm (again) to make way for bedbug migrants. Arguments continue over whether deporting bedbugs to Rwanda will compromise their Insect Rights.

If you ask me, bedbugs are a load of puffs. Genital crabs on the other hand, now that’s what I call a proper parasite.

Bbc news

Nominated by Geordie Twatt.

55 thoughts on “Bedbug Hysteria”

  1. Is it because bedbugs have learned not to suck the tainted blood of horrid foreign types and are coming over here to guzzle our yummy Anglo-Saxon blood instead?

  2. We are importing parasites every day of the week and at least we can stand on these things or swat them with a copy of the New European. I can’t afford to stay in a 3 star hotel so it won’t affect me.
    Fuck Khan.

  3. Everyone is welcome in this country. Except anyone who can trace their family back more than two generations.

    I have faith that this government can stem the flow like it did with covid.. oh wait my mistake..

    “Bedbug hysteria ” great name for a band..

  4. Wash yer bed sheets ya dirty chav scum.

    In other news ‘Tories’ making noises about tax cuts for the rich in order to win back voters after the double shoeing yesterday. Wankers.

    How about stopping the hordes crossing the channel everyday…

    And for all those that voted Liebour in the week, if you think they are the answer then dog help us all.

  5. At least the government won’t try to force everybody to have 20 injections to counter the ‘threat’. I think. If bedbugs are the worst thing the invading army has bought to Paris they can count themselves lucky.

  6. We are already experiencing the Plague of the Dinghy Locusts, now add the Plague of Bllood Bugs, and the Plague from the Frogs at the same time. All because we enjoyed the profits of the slave trade. Biblical, innit. Look no further than the Good Book, it is all there. Hail, boils and darkness are coming; all heralded by the coming of the Kweer. We are fucked, I tell you, fucked…

    Good morning, everyone.

  7. Bed bugs are the least of our worries. The cultural enrichers bring with them all sorts of exotic bugs of a more bacterial kind from utopian paradises like Pakistan and Africa.
    As I recently discovered to my cost after shitting my brains out for a fortnight.
    Alarmed by the pathology reports, my doctor asked if I’d been to any such salubrious locations recently.
    No, I answered.
    Have I been in contact with anyone who has?
    Highly fucking likely, was my response.
    I’m almost back on solids, though half a stone lighter.
    I hope Suckdick gets it.

  9. Bed bu66ery is our strength!
    Or is it our weakness?
    We must disrupt the Business Model of the bug smugglers said A Tory.

  10. [sigh] they’re already here and have been here long before all of this.
    Wherever you have people, the likelihood of bedbugs, rats, cockroaches etc increases.

    More scaremongering from the MSM. Well I never…

    How to prevent:
    Strangely, cleaning your house works and washing your bedding on a hot wash for 30-40 minutes or longer.

    Who would have thought keeping your house clean and washing your bedding properly would prevent/minimise this sort of thing.

  11. Bed bu66ery is our strength!
    Or is it our weakness?
    We must disrupt the Business Model of the bug smugglers said A Tory.
    Hugh🥒Cumberbug

  12. Ps

    I went to Bournemouth yesterday.
    It was rubbish.

    Whoever the daft cunt on here was that mocked storm Babel,
    It was torrential downpour the whole way there,
    And the whole way back.
    Fuckin nightmare ☹️

    Up in Scotland the porridge wō9s had to build a Ark

    • @MNC. Me and Ethel noticed some light drizzle yesterday.

      And several wrecked cars.

      Which I put down to drink driving or incompetence.

      A ride into Oswestry today methinks.

      Sandwiches in the park.

      And an ice cream 🍦

      It’s glorious this morning 😁

      • Morning Jack 👍

        Funny thing,
        Had 240miles of hard rain, poor visibility.
        Got near Dorset it cleared up!
        Sunshine in Bournemouth.

        Set off same again!
        Fuckin belting it down.
        Noticed a few smashed cars,
        Put it down to southern types putting on lipstick and not watching the road.

        https://youtu.be/T5al0HmR4to?si=h0utsAShHOk75s_W

    • You should have heeded the Met Office warnings Mis.
      SOUTH: Tropical monsoon due to Climate Change. Threat to life. Remain indoors unless your journey is absolutely essential.
      NORTH: Best put a coat on.

  13. The French do seem very keen on sending all their parasites to us.

    It’s high time we sank the French navy (again) and bombed Paris.

    Morning gents.

  15. In the forties we used to dread the summers at bedtime when the bedbugs would come out of the walls to bite. We have the same hot summers now, fortunately without the bugs, even though we still say “Goodnight, hope the bedbugs don’t bite”.

    Once the houses were knocked down and partially fell down, houses were rebuilt with some of the old bricks and the devious little bedbug lived on.

    • We couldn’t identify them due to their transparency, until they sucked our blood. I don’t remember any films being made in the horror industry, such as “The Giant Bedbugs Strike Again” ever being released. You horror enthusiasts out there will know.

      • “The L-Shaped Room” film drew attention to the bedbug problem, on how to catch them with soap, by switching on the light and swiftly bash them with a bar of Lifeboy.

        Funnily. There was a young couple sat on the back-row of the cinema and the young man said “put this in your Palm Olive” and she replied, “Not on your Lifebuoy”.

      • Good un Sammy 👍

        I like soap jokes.

        2 nuns sharing a bath.

        ” where’s the soap?”

        “Does doesn’t it”..

    • That’s why they’re such a problem! As the soap in France is largely unused, they have plenty of time to breed undisturbed by “the most foul and foreign French.”*

      *Yellowbeard!

  17. Britain is not unique. We here in the States have bed bugs (in Iowa of all places) and the associated hysteria too:

    https://www.foxnews.com/health/raging-bed-bug-infestation-iowa-senior-living-apartment-complex-leads-lawsuit-attention

    Our governments and their health experts will no doubt declare this infestation to be a world wide epidemic of existential proportions that requires the following emergency actions.

    1. A vaccine that will slow the spread of the nasty little bastards.
    2. A lock down and mandated social distancing so you don’t give your bedbugs to your neighbor.
    3. A time limit to be imposed on how long you may be in your own bed and of course a ban on being in anyone else’s bed
    4. An environmentally friendly plan to harvest the little bastards and mandate the eating of them in bug sandwiches.

    It is indeed a Brave New One World Order we live in.

  18. Open letter of challenge to all bedbugs.

    It’s been brought to my attention that your going around biting people in their slumber.

    This is just not cricket.

    It might be all the rage in gay Paris,
    But frowned on here.

    You cunts bite me,
    I’ll stick a needle in your guts, and take a lighter to your fuckin face.

    You’ll beg me to end your suffering but I’ll make your death last hours .

    Then I’ll hunt down your scabby family.

    That’s how it is.

    Fancy that?
    Bring it on.
    🪲

    • Open letter from 2000 luvvies:

      Luvs, dahlings,
      We, the undersigned, being tewwibly important ectaws and so famous that our opinions are more important than yours, demand the Government stop aiding the slaughter of the Bedbugs of Gaza. These innocent insects have had to endure decades of discrimination since their ancestors were driven fwom their homes at the point of an aewosol can. FWEE GAZAN BEDBUGS NOW.

      Yours naively,
      2000 luvvie fuckwits

  19. I’ve seen advice that says to kill off the eggs of these little blighters, you should put your duvet in the freezer. Anyone fancy doing that??

  20. Take two showers a day and stop wiping your nobs and arses on your sheets and put them in the washing machine once in a while, you filthy animals.

  21. Funny how the rise in tb cases, bedbugs and various other nasty stuff including aids seems to have begun not long after the let every cunt in policy of the bastard Blair and his gang of cunts. One wonders if there is a connection. If there is it’s too fucking late to do anything about it. Amazing how some ideas once established can destroy the very essence of a country. Utter cunts one and all.

  22. But yes, import the third world, become the third world.

    Give it 10 years we’ll all be skin and bones, picking bugs of each other’s arses and swatting the flies away.

    Unwgoowwaa!

  23. Although I’ve been to Paris and can confirm that the locals don’t wash or use deodorant. That bird might look sexy and sophisticated, but get up close up and she smells like a 1970’s bin lorry.

    I bet Bridgette Bardot fucking stank. Fit as fuck in her day, but you’d have had to have held your breath when having a go on it. Luckily, I can jizz in seconds, if needed so I’d have got stuck in👍

  26. Are the French really filthy? I once saw a Portaloo under the Eiffel Tower which even a drunk Spanish tourist refused to use. Meanwhile well armed Frog gendarmes were guarding their national monument and shugging their shoulders when asked where the nearest working toilet is.

    Dirty like a French whore.

  27. Apart from washing the bedding regularly, and giving the mattress a good going over with the vac, you could try this.

    Take the mattress outside on a really cold, frosty but dry night. It must be frosty.

    Then set the fucking thing on fire!
    Guaranteed to eliminate bedbugs.

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