Window cleaning operatives using pressurised water sprays

are cunts.

The chancer who visits our street claims to be a window cleaner. He is not. He is a bloke with a hose with a crap telescopic brush attached. No ladder, no bucket and rag, no bicycle and no fucking attention to detail.

The lazy cunt sprays water about for about a minute and a half, most of which goes all over the place and some of which hits to door so it runs all over the hall carpet when I open the door to pay him. £7.00 for less than two minute’s work. On £200 an hour he must live in a fucking palace with servants to carry him around on a fucking litter on his days off.

George Formby would be fucking embarrassed. Even Mr Wu and his ‘worn-out ladies blouses’ would be an improvement.


Nominated by Twenty Thousand Cunts Under the Sea.

47 thoughts on “Window cleaning operatives using pressurised water sprays

  1. Right on TTC.

    Our neighbour got one of these cunts to clean her windows a couple of times but soon knocked it on the head.

    She reckoned that the windows were no cleaner after he’d finished than before he started, and he soaked everything around into the bargain.

    • Afternoon, Ron. One month the work was particularly shit. I was out at the time and he left a chit to say I owed £7.00. I saw him the next month and he explained that the windows had been cleaned by his relief who had subsequently had to be let go!!! On the up side, the cunt proudly announced that from now on I could pay online!

  2. At eight o’clock a girl she wakes, at five past eight a bath she takes,
    At ten past eight my ladder breaks, when I’m cleaning windows.

      • Was laughing at a bit I saw of him where he spots a thin pale lad in the audience.

        “Fucking hell, look at this sickly looking cunt. Fucking skin and bone. Have you got fucking AID or what?

        (shouts to the glass collectors) – “Ey! Don’t put that fucking glass back behind the bar. Cunt’s fucking riddled. ”

        Fucking ruthless lol.

      • He was a poor war strategist was George Formby. There’s film of him on the Maginot Line singing to troops. Bigging it up he was. I thought bk his song included his usual prowling/sex pest lyrics too. Problem was though was that the Maginot Line didn’t cover all routes in and zee Germans went round it through the Ardennes and the frogs were fucked.

        “Turned out shite again, you froggy cunts”, he seemed to say.

    • Trouble is, Sammy, I fear I am in too deep now. The bloke has a wife and kids, and an old nan, all of whom would starve if I stopped using him. Like you say, gullible!

  3. Speaking from personal experience half of them are not cleaning windows just casing the place looking to see if you have dogs, alarm system or valuables about the place.

    • A water pistol would suffice. Then they can use it to stick you up when coming round for payment.

  4. Paying £7 for some cunt to use a pressure spray on your windows?

    Why not buy your own pressure washer and save money in the long term?

    These things are not expensive.

    Then when you get good at using your pressure washer you can go round and undercut the price of your window cleaner.

    He is charging £7 for 2 minutes work.

    You could charge £6.
    £180 an hour!

    • You are clearly an entrepreneur Artful. An eye for the main chance! I actually have one of those extendable ladders, massive thing, could probably do the windows at Centre Point with it. Mrs Twenty has a fucking conniption every time I use it – to clear the guttering (another scam trade round our way). I keep telling her I am not fucking Rod Hull!

  5. When I lived in flats, these cunts would do their spray ‘cleaning’ and I’d have to go over the water mark mess. Had no choice, part of the service charge.

    Waste of time and money.

    • Yes, Techno. The cunt leaves a fucking marks and streaks all over the paint work that only gets washed away when it rains. He is very chipper though. Particularly in December!

      • Sorry Cuntologist, Don’t know why I called you Techno;you don’t even look the same! What a cunt I am, innit.

  6. Move to London and have metal grates over your windows, to keep the natives out..

    Hammerite every five years..

    No window cleaner necessary..

  7. In the fifties and sixties we lived in Walsall. Cleaning the windows was a weekly task. Over a week the glass became conspicuosly dirty and if the weather was wet it was very much worse. Where we live now I don’t think our windows could become as dirty if we were never to clean them, in fact when they are lightly soiled the rain helps clean them. The eco-loons grind on about pollution but in my lifetime it was a hundred times worse than it is now. I dread to think what we were breathing in in those days. I well remember my mother kept track of the times when the furnaces were tapped in the foundry which was literally at the end of the garden so that she could avoid having washing out on the line at that time. My first job was at a chemical works in Oldbury. The poor sods who lived around the plant had it much worse than us. The plant specialised in phosphorus compounds and boy did it fucking burn when they lost control of the phosphorus! Another fairly regular event was when some cack-handed operative let a retort overflow and a cloud of hydrochloric acid gas rolled across the area like a London smog. If your washing was out it didn’t get dirty, it disappeared!

    OT, it’s said 20,000 may have been washed into the Med when those dams failed in Libya. 1,799, 980,000 to go.

    • Pretty much my life their arfurbrain. I grew up a short distance from a steelworks and my white school shirt had black all over it.
      Then working in the chemical industry years later we had a release of hydrochloriic gas and all the women on the market had tights melted to their legs.

  8. We had these two cunts doing our windows. Only did the front ones and never did the back. When I pulled them up for it, they said ‘How do you know?’

    I said my wife was in at the time, and the dollop of birdshit on theback bedroom window that’s been there for weeks. Got all the ‘won’t happen again’ shit. But I decided that my old lady shouldn’t have to watch two grown men like babies, so they actually do a job they are paid for. So I sacked them. These cunts would also do the (front) windowa when it was pissing down and expect to get paid. Cheeky fuckers.

    Got a new window man now. Local lad and his brother. Nice bloke, hard working, bike, ladders, six quid to do the whole house. And they do it well and properly.

    • Hi Norman. I would,t trust the bloke who does ours with doing the windows out the back!

  9. All this talk of window cleaners reminds me of the Robin Askwith classic from 1974 – Confessions of a Window Cleaner. Great film, I loved Linda Hayden, phwoarr! Of course it lost out at the Oscars to The Sting.

  10. My window cleaners do a good job, ladder and cloth.

    They do quite a lot of houses around the area so I guess volume helps to keep the price down.

    There is a rival company who use the long brush, it looks a bit hit and miss especially on Georgian windows and water pisses down the walls.

    • I’ll wager English Heritage have a thick manual setting out what types of window cleaning are acceptable for old fashioned windows – casement, sash, oriel, standard bay. Expect it would be quite pricey to get a copy. However, having a copy handy would be de rigueur for the upper class window cleaner. Strictly no pressurised water sprays!

  11. I need a window cleaner.
    But might buy one of those telescopic brush things myself.

    We’ve had loads
    All fuckin useless.

    Best were two polish lads.
    Cracking lads!
    Highly racist and into Death Metal😄
    I liked them but they had a falling out with the boss and …gone.
    Replaced by a Englishman who knocked one of the birdhouses off breaking it,
    The clumsy cunt didn’t get a 2nd chance .

    • We had the same one for years from the early 70s to the late 90s. He was called Brian Farrand and he was a top bloke. Went everywhere on his bike and he was in great condition for his age. Did the whole house by himself and always had a cup of tea off my mum. But back then we knew the window cleaner, postman (again, same one for years), even the binmen. My new window cleaner is alright, but all the others are mostly miserable soulless cunts.

      I think Brian died in 2008.

      • When we were kids we knew the man who drove the steamroller. We used to wave to him as he went by. Brilliant times.

    • The only Polish people I really know are incredibly racist and have a seemingly inexhaustable supply of amazingly crude jokes.

      The wife’s worse than her old man. Wish I could cuss in Polish like she can in English.

  12. I have a window cleaning company, they use those telescopic brush things, but they also use a detergent of some kind that actually cleans.

    They do all the windows (10), the frames and both doors and frames, and they rinse them off.


    • That’s fucking amazing value JP. It obviously pays not to live in fucking Trumpton!

  13. Thank the EU for this shit. They introduced the ‘working from heights’ directive.
    This means that window cleaners and painters are not allowed to use ladders – hence £600 for scaffolding toaont your upstairs windows and cunts with brushes on sticks.

    Thankfully if you shop around you can still find a proper window cleaner with a ladder who’s say fuck the EU

    • Good points. However, I recall that in 2016 we voted to leave this shit behind. Which raises the question – Why the fuck do we still follow crap EU directives? The question is rhetorical, obviously.

      • Our Brexit Government have deliberately left these laws in place in the hope that we’ll continue to blame someone else (the EU in particular) for our piss poor governance, especially after 2019.
        Their lazy strategy would appear to be paying dividends.
        At least on here.

      • A whole load of this “elf & safety” stuff from the Fourth Reich is scheduled to be deleted in the UK at the end of the year including the working at height directive.

        Hope for us yet.

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