Pointless Public Art

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Some cunt has been putting plastic unicorns, the size of an actual horse, around Bristol, each individually decorated.

I have tried to find out the point of these , seemingly they have been sponsored by certain charities and you are supposed to go round the city having your photo taken in front of each one. I cannot imagine a world where that would pass for entertainment, but I have seen stupid cunts capering about in front of them, usually obvious tourists.

They make the place look an even bigger nuthouse than it already did. I can’t remember being asked if I want this crap all over the city. Some cunt is knitting woolly hats for postboxes as well, as if the fucking things might get hypothermia in the winter. I long for the days when people used to suffer in silence. Also, if you want to give to charity, why not just do that privately, instead of participating in some peculiar public nonsense.

Visit Bristol

Nominated by Mary Hinge.

75 thoughts on “Pointless Public Art”

  2. 60 unicorns which appear to be moulded plastic.
    What will they do with them when the novelty has worn off?

    Bristol has some nice parts, allegedly.
    Why don’t tourists get their photo souvenirs taken at those places?

    It’s a bit like putting a huge, plastic Mickey Mouse at the top of the Grand Canyon and having your photo taken next to it.

    Stupid cunts.

  3. Is tom daley knitting the woolly hats?

    You can’t tidy a shit-hole up with a few knick knacks..

    All local councillors should be drowned in a bucket of kitten sick..

  5. Apparently it is all in aid of of leukaemia charity, which is a good cause. But maps being sold for £1 each?

    Will need a lot of maps sold to raise sufficient to offset the cost of providing these painted unicorns in the first place.

    • They’re all at it.
      First ones I remember seeing were the cows in Manchester city centre.

      Then they all wanted something.

      In Stockport it’s frogs.
      Fuck knows why?
      The cunts built over most of the wetlands and ponds

      Not even realist frogs,
      Cartoon type frogs like on a cadburys Freddo bar.
      Utter shite.

      Ps
      I saw a real frog yesterday.

  6. Being a massive sad little attention seeker myself, this story from the wokie city of Bristol has given me Colston like inspiration. I intend to submit an application to my local council to have half a dozen statues of my huge cock erected (see what I did there?) round my manor. I’m sure they’ve got a few bob to spare to satisfy my pretentious ego.

    The wankers.

    • I can see nothing wrong with this idea… by the same token, I heard about this chap in Port Talbot who has made himself and his home into a tourist attraction – I like the dedication and unhingedness about it….
      https://captainbeany.com/

  7. If you want some artistic titillation, may I suggest you visit the Royal Academy of Arts in London for Marina Abramović “Imponderabilia” exhibition.

    Visitors have to squeeze past two nudes (man and woman) at the entrance!

    Paywalled, but a simple Google search will find you better results as I can’t be arsed given that I’m eating some brekkie

    https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/2023/09/19/marina-abramovic-royal-academy-nude-naked-performers/?li_source=LI&li_medium=liftigniter-rhr

  8. What’s unicorns got to do with Bristol?

    The should have trembling slaves in chains.

    Stockport should have unicorns,
    There was a Unicorn brewery and there’s a unicorn on the Robinson’s beer logo .

    What am I saying?
    Unicorns are the gayest of mythical creatures have a load of dragons or killer squid fighting with sharks!!
    Something artistic

    • There is an event called Open Doors Day in Bristol, has been going for about 15 yrs, in which on a weekend in September people can visit various buildings of historical interest in the city. There were at the last count about 70 sites and you could get a free map from the library or online. There were a lot of genuinely interesting places that you otherwise would not get to see, and for nothing. Of course the cunt council hit on the idea of making people buy a wristband from them and limiting them to picking four or five sites which will only admit you with said wristband. Another example of a great idea being ‘fixed’ by grasping, brain dead council cunts.

  10. Plastic has no intrinsic value.

    We’ve got the Angel of the North though. Imagine what that must be worth in scrap value. I’m surprised the Pikeys haven’t nicked it.

    • I love the Angel of the North Geordie.
      That I can understand.

      He’s sort of a mutant hybrid between man and spitfire isn’t he?

      Better than a cartoon frog.

      • Alan Shearer / Boeing 747 combo, Mis.

        That and a distraction to drivers on the A1 resulting in numerous near misses.

    • I propose a public subscription to fund a giant statue of Prince Hazbeen of Montecito next to it.

      It called be called ‘Cock of the North’.

  11. We’ve got one…

    Don’t let the cunts responsible for it hear me saying this, but it is a reasonable work of art, unlike the thing in the nomination picture above.

    The pointless part, is that it commemorates an alleged event in the late 1800s which probably never happened, and even if it did, it was of no bloody local historical significance whatsoever, so much so, not one of the local people I spoke to had ever heard of it before the bloody thing was installed..most of my family tree on both sides for the past 200 years have lived in this town, we’d never bloody heard of it.

    • I have no idea of the event you’re talking about but it definitely happened and the people involved were all black. Unless it was something illegal and/or nasty in which case they were all white.

  12. We have two such piles of wanky art student sculpture shit ot work.

    cost £300k for the pair and the ‘artist’ was a right arrogant bitch who thought the rest of the site should stop so that she could realise her ‘vision’.

    The worst offending article now has to be moved because it’s placing isn’t prominent enough.

    at the cost of a further £60k in crane lifts and structural support works.

    It looks like a giant Mr whippy dog turd.

    • There’s a giant face near Merseyside.
      Pretty good.
      Surprised the scousers haven’t vandalised it.

      Best ones are the old ones,
      Chalk giant with a big throbbing hard-on and club,( cerne Abbas giant)
      Or white horse on a hill

  13. Might I suggest a giant hand making a wanker gesture at all roads into each of our lefty council controlled cities?

  15. Don’t know much about art, but I do know this country is being run into the ground by some pieces of work..

  16. We have had puffins on the east coast and imps around Lincoln. Harmless I suppose although the imps age fucking repulsive.

  17. Visit Bristol you say are you havin a laugh, Bristol is fucked and no amount of art work is going to solve the fact that no fucker wants to go to Bristol any more, especially to see art that could have been done by a 5 year old on a sugar rush.
    Bristol is dead, the zoo is gone,there is an old boat and a bridge and some balloons to see if you want to spend 2 hours getting to a place to kill half an hour, statues have been torn down by woke cunts and have been replaced with affore mentioned art the city is now a so called low emission zone, this translates to having to pay actual money to get into the city centre and for what, everything is fucking closed, all that is there are aggressive homeless locals demanding money [ See Turd Towns on Youtube, click Bristol] it really is that bad.
    We have family in Bristol so do go there from time to time and its an endless drive of speed cameras and 50mph zones soon to be 20mph ala Cardiff, all this so they can make up the financial shortfall due to killing off their own city and no amount of silly art will ever fix the damage done by their retarded local council….Shame

  18. Well, as an accomplished artist, I have a contract with the council to sculpt hundreds of unicorn shite nodules `to add a touch of decorative realism`.

    • Anything artistic and in a public space not related to the church or the local lord is attacked with farming tools. There are attempts at local arts hsppenings but they end in vandalisim.
      It’s usually the workforce of the local estate and the nuns leading the charge.
      Not so much bonfire of the vanities but tear-up with the pretentious posh kids who are rounded up and gored by stags in the nearby wood.

  20. Great nom.

    It pisses me right off that this street shit masquerading as art is always wet and leftie in orientation. Nothing to provide balance eg some Nazi paraphernalia (as tribute to the iconoclastic architecture of Albert Speer) would go down a treat in our high street, lol.

    When I visited Tallinn, I noted that much of the street art is either left over from Soviet rule or done in the Soviet style – statues and busts of heavy set men with acres of facial hair; bulky memorials to this or that battle for freedom (including 1991) – no faggotty shit in sight. Same in Portugal and many other European cities.

    Like most things in UK these days, street art is pathetic, cheap, and totally unauthentic (a bit like the Lib Dems). Made by cunts for cunts. Bin it all

    Good morning, everyone.

    • ‘The museum said Haaning broke an agreement on how to use the money. The artist disputed the allegations.’

      “It’s not theft, it is a breach of contract, and the breach of contract is part of the work,” he said at the time.

      I kind of like that.

  22. Let’s not forget that “artist” who dumped a bed of house bricks in the Tate Modern I think, back in the 70s or 80s.
    The arthouse luvvies had orgasms about it, but Joe Public thought more like WTF is that shite!?

    • In Europe it’s more elegant
      A little boy pissing.

      https://images.app.goo.gl/2VH3qKcXh4FX4EMeA

      I saw Michael Barrymore stood showering underneath it while Russell Brand held his clothes when I went.

      I like art.
      I’m very sophisticated.
      I’d like to make a 50ft steel boot that stamps on onlookers.
      I’d call it
      ” ULEZ the Mighty”

    • I loved the one of the empty room with a light going on and off.

      Won the Turner Prize or something.

      Absolute load of pretentious wank.

    • The art world has been hopelessly gullible since Duchamp’s urinal.

      David Bowie was known for pranking pretentious New York cunts by making up ‘lost artists’ and holding exhibitions of their work.

      The fake cunts who attend kid themselves by lying about having seen the artists work in previous exhibits.

      It’s sad that our society and cultural institutions are run by these pompous Walter Mitty cunts.

  24. Newcastle had a very nice set of differently-painted Shaun the Sheeps scattered around the city over the summer, which was actually quite nice for the kiddies.

    Better than your usual pretentious public art I have to say.

  25. Then there’s Tracey Emin’s unmade bed from back in the late 1990s.

    This was seen as post-modern art,and probably still hasn’t been made since!

    Perhaps Johnny Depp should have done the same with his bed when Amber Heard dropped a turd on it.

    • It was either Victor Lewis-Smith or Will Self who rumbled Emin, saying her only real artistic ‘work’ of note was her celebrity status off the back of producing shite and framing it as art.

      Same with a few of the YBA crowd.

  26. They went on display in Caerphilly they’d be splattered with spunk.
    Like a plasterers boots.

    • There used to be the Camalot club in Cearfilthy know as the Cumalot, it was the place for pulling brain dead Caerphilly tarts who would be knickerless usually within 10 to 20 minutes if you got them a diamond white, definatly a 2 jonny place or get them dipped in acetone first…

  27. As bourgeois and infantile as ‘banksy’. Publically commissioned shit that doesn’t challenge anything, just promotingmulticultural bullshit, LGBTQuares and the NHS, as fucking usual.

  28. Art critics should visit the backstreets of our large towns and cities on a Friday and Saturday nights – vomit, piss (perhaps even the odd turd mountain), mixed with crusty kebabs, rank fish & chip wrappers, used condoms, the odd Tampax and lewd photos of Annalise Dodds from her OnlyFans page.

  30. Ah yes, Bristol, the place so woke that they changed the name of the Colston Hall (To ‘The Beacon, formerly the Colston Hall’ it seems…)

    What a bunch of unprincipled spunk-trumpets.

    If you’re so scarred by the legacy of slavery (and you’re not, Tarquin) then how come you’re happy to continue to benefit from a facility funded by Colston’s evil lucre?

    Rip it down and leave the site derelict or don’t moan in the first place. Your puerile and futile gesture has made you look like some pygmy-brained wankspastic. Go hard or go home.

    Jizzbiscuits.

    • I remember getting to the Colston Hall at about 4am with friends to queue for tickets for bands we were mad about, when I was a teenager in the 80’s – had lots of great evenings there, it’s part of my history and I liked it how it was.

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