Elvis Presley Films

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Think of the great popular music performers of the twentieth century, and certain names immediately spring to mind. Astaire and Sinatra, Holiday and Garland, Dylan and The Beatles; those with a style and a sound that was all their own. And then of course there was the legendary Elvis, the king of rock ‘n’ roll, who captivated us with an incredible string of hits from ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ to ‘In the Ghetto’.

Sadly, that Elvis magic failed to translate itself to the big screen, with The Pelvis featuring in a string of 60s films which were for the most part trite, formulaic and just plain dull.

I was recently reminded of this when the wife returned from what she calls ‘a look around the charity shops’, with half a dozen Elvis films in VHS tape format, retrived from the crap basket at 10p a go.

‘What on earth made you by them?’ says I, ‘they’re shite’.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen an Elvis film’ says she, ‘let’s give it a go’.

‘Okay’, says I, but don’t say that I didn’t warn you’. Later, I opened a bottle of wine and a big bag of crisps, fired up our steam-powered Philips recorder, and we sat down to watch ‘GI Blues’, in which Elvis plays an army tank crewman… with a singing career.

Opening another bottle, we followed this with ‘Fun In Acapulco’, where Elvis plays as a lifeguard… who’s also a singer in a local hotel. Finally came ‘Easy Come, Easy Go’, where The King pursues a dual career as a deep sea diver and, er, a nightclub singer.

Halfway through this third effort, the wife was visibly twitching, and finally she was forced to admit that Elvis ‘movies’ were indeed crap. ‘Don’t say “I told you so”, or else’, she says with a warning glimmer in her eye.

‘I told you so’ says I, and got a cushion chucked at me for my trouble, quickly followed up with ‘you smug bastard’.

‘Watch it my girl’ says I, ‘or I’ll have you over my knee pants down, and I’ll smack that little arse ’til it’s raw’, which promptly resulted in the hurling of another cushion in my direction.

At which point, I leapt from my chair and chased her screaming and giggling up the stairs, that delightful little bottom wiggling seductively in front of my eyes. Take it from me, it’s a whole lot more fun to watch than ‘Blue fucking Hawaii’.

Oh, he’s a waiter in this, and a singing sensation… how original.

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Nominated by Ron Knee.

146 thoughts on “Elvis Presley Films”

  2. If only I could’ve seen him in that cringeworthy clobber sat on the toilet, bell bottoms round his boots, reaching for that last piece of loo paper. I’d have laughed my bollocks off. I can hardly hold the titters whilst trying to write this.

  5. Frankly, I never cared much for the Burger King. The 70s music was alright. The films were a bit average.

  6. If an actor can only be themselves when performing, they must have a wonderful personality. Otherwise they must have an array of professional acting skills to compensate the lack of.

  7. If an actor can only be themselves when performing, they must have a wonderful personality. Otherwise they must have an array of professional acting skills to compensate the lack of. Most actors mentioned on here don’t come anywhere close.

  9. I saw a bit of an Elvis film where he said, “It must ‘ave been something I ate…” which is strangely prophetic. I have no idea which one it was because they were all the same. It may have been Blue Hawaii.

    At least Cliff had the good sense to stop making films. Summer Holiday was bad enough. Expresso Bongo sounds like when you fast forward through a porno because it’s dull and definately does not contain Cliff Richards. There is also the one where he is eating a condensed milk sandwich. Lenny Henry knows something about that.

    Elvis was The King, but his films were shite. Almost as bad as films with Frank Sinatra.

  10. I hope Katy Perry goes into film making, especially with her good friends Scarlett Johansson, Christina Hendricks,, Gal Gadot and perhaps even Salma Hayek.

    I have a screenplay ready, it’s an all-female spin-off of the Pirates of the Caribbean where the all-female population of a tropical island find the Kraken washed up on the beach (as seen in the third film, as bad as it was), not dead, just ill with a horrendously slimy, mucus-heavy cephalopod flu.
    Together they ‘nurse’ it back to health.

    None of them wear clothes, either. it’s an alien concept.

    It has to go by a Mr T. C. Engine for final approval.

    Hopefully Netflix will chuck in about $90 million. They seem to throw money away on any old crap; they’ll see the all-female cast list, the potential for ESG investment and sign the cheque.

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