Think of the great popular music performers of the twentieth century, and certain names immediately spring to mind. Astaire and Sinatra, Holiday and Garland, Dylan and The Beatles; those with a style and a sound that was all their own. And then of course there was the legendary Elvis, the king of rock ‘n’ roll, who captivated us with an incredible string of hits from ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ to ‘In the Ghetto’.
Sadly, that Elvis magic failed to translate itself to the big screen, with The Pelvis featuring in a string of 60s films which were for the most part trite, formulaic and just plain dull.
I was recently reminded of this when the wife returned from what she calls ‘a look around the charity shops’, with half a dozen Elvis films in VHS tape format, retrived from the crap basket at 10p a go.
‘What on earth made you by them?’ says I, ‘they’re shite’.
‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen an Elvis film’ says she, ‘let’s give it a go’.
‘Okay’, says I, but don’t say that I didn’t warn you’. Later, I opened a bottle of wine and a big bag of crisps, fired up our steam-powered Philips recorder, and we sat down to watch ‘GI Blues’, in which Elvis plays an army tank crewman… with a singing career.
Opening another bottle, we followed this with ‘Fun In Acapulco’, where Elvis plays as a lifeguard… who’s also a singer in a local hotel. Finally came ‘Easy Come, Easy Go’, where The King pursues a dual career as a deep sea diver and, er, a nightclub singer.
Halfway through this third effort, the wife was visibly twitching, and finally she was forced to admit that Elvis ‘movies’ were indeed crap. ‘Don’t say “I told you so”, or else’, she says with a warning glimmer in her eye.
‘I told you so’ says I, and got a cushion chucked at me for my trouble, quickly followed up with ‘you smug bastard’.
‘Watch it my girl’ says I, ‘or I’ll have you over my knee pants down, and I’ll smack that little arse ’til it’s raw’, which promptly resulted in the hurling of another cushion in my direction.
At which point, I leapt from my chair and chased her screaming and giggling up the stairs, that delightful little bottom wiggling seductively in front of my eyes. Take it from me, it’s a whole lot more fun to watch than ‘Blue fucking Hawaii’.
Oh, he’s a waiter in this, and a singing sensation… how original.
Nominated by Ron Knee.