Elvis Presley Films

Posted on by


Think of the great popular music performers of the twentieth century, and certain names immediately spring to mind. Astaire and Sinatra, Holiday and Garland, Dylan and The Beatles; those with a style and a sound that was all their own. And then of course there was the legendary Elvis, the king of rock ‘n’ roll, who captivated us with an incredible string of hits from ‘Heartbreak Hotel’ to ‘In the Ghetto’.

Sadly, that Elvis magic failed to translate itself to the big screen, with The Pelvis featuring in a string of 60s films which were for the most part trite, formulaic and just plain dull.

I was recently reminded of this when the wife returned from what she calls ‘a look around the charity shops’, with half a dozen Elvis films in VHS tape format, retrived from the crap basket at 10p a go.

‘What on earth made you by them?’ says I, ‘they’re shite’.

‘I don’t think I’ve ever seen an Elvis film’ says she, ‘let’s give it a go’.

‘Okay’, says I, but don’t say that I didn’t warn you’. Later, I opened a bottle of wine and a big bag of crisps, fired up our steam-powered Philips recorder, and we sat down to watch ‘GI Blues’, in which Elvis plays an army tank crewman… with a singing career.

Opening another bottle, we followed this with ‘Fun In Acapulco’, where Elvis plays as a lifeguard… who’s also a singer in a local hotel. Finally came ‘Easy Come, Easy Go’, where The King pursues a dual career as a deep sea diver and, er, a nightclub singer.

Halfway through this third effort, the wife was visibly twitching, and finally she was forced to admit that Elvis ‘movies’ were indeed crap. ‘Don’t say “I told you so”, or else’, she says with a warning glimmer in her eye.

‘I told you so’ says I, and got a cushion chucked at me for my trouble, quickly followed up with ‘you smug bastard’.

‘Watch it my girl’ says I, ‘or I’ll have you over my knee pants down, and I’ll smack that little arse ’til it’s raw’, which promptly resulted in the hurling of another cushion in my direction.

At which point, I leapt from my chair and chased her screaming and giggling up the stairs, that delightful little bottom wiggling seductively in front of my eyes. Take it from me, it’s a whole lot more fun to watch than ‘Blue fucking Hawaii’.

Oh, he’s a waiter in this, and a singing sensation… how original.

Youtube

Nominated by Ron Knee.

146 thoughts on “Elvis Presley Films”

    • I don’t know why he let himself get shoved into so many shitty films.
      Money I suppose. The Colonel I suppose.

      Some could have been saved with a few good songs, but for the most part they were second or third rate rate as well.

      As you say JP, bloody good job the boy could sing.

      • Anyway, Ron, enough about Elvis. Can you let us pervs know what you got up to when you chased the missus upstairs?

      • Yeah, Tom Parker signed him to an insane contract at Paramount Pictures that forced him to make a move per year for $25,000 per movie from 1956-59, after the Army he got a $175,000 per movie deal. His 20th Century Fox contract was $200,000-250,000.

        Insane money at that time. Those movies got churned out. Orson Welles wasn’t writing-directing this masterpieces!

        I’ve often wondered what would have happened if Elvis had became a proper actor in proper movies, became like Steve McQueen or even a Burt Reynolds type of actor.

        Led Zeppelin wanted to be his backing band and Elvis was up for it. Try and picture that. That would have been… there are no words for it.

        Take it away, Elvis…
        https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0FT3SmZ_zx0

    • Sadly true,
      Elvis films are bollocks.
      Be that Colonel Tom’s idea probably?

      Poor Elvis.

      A truck driver from the South catapulted into the most famous man in the world.

      He was cracking when young and hungry before big fame.

      After that just hungry.

      I like him loads,
      Can’t help feeling sorry for him though?

      All those fake yesman cunts an arselickers,
      Hangers on and tapping cunts .

      Anyway his films are dogshite
      But he was still The King.

  4. It was a natural progression for Elvis to move into the film industry. And yeah, he was no Gielgud or Olivier, but for that particular era (50s and 60s) Presley was probably irresistible to young girlies at some late-night drive-ins.

  5. Which was the film where he used his blue suede condom to have illegal, underage Rolfy sex with a 14 year old Priscilla, the dirty bugger.

      • Then the was blue (suede) film where Elvis and Kenny Rogers got to spit roast Dolly Parton, doggy style, whilst Catherine Bach punched Dolly in the tits whilst wearing boxing gloves emblazoned with a picture of the General Lee jumping over a dry creek bed.

  7. That cunt ‘Colonel’ Parker and those crap films ruined Elvis.
    His 68 Comeback Special is worth more than all his films put together.

    Mind you, the lucky King did get to tub Ann Margaret.

  8. Has there ever been a good film made using the current popular music artiste(s) as the stars of it???

    The Beatles….no.

    Spice girls…..no.

  10. Those first two Beatles films were shit and all.

    John as the cheeky chappy (when he was a cunt).
    Paul as the Winker Watson school swot type (when he was a cunt)
    George as the deadpan sarky one (more or less playing himself)
    Ringo as the comedy relief (but probably the best actor out of them)

    And whoever axed Richard Donner and unleashed Richard Lester onto Superman has a lot to answer for.

  11. Pop stars who can act.

    Bowie
    Roger Daltrey
    The Kemp brothers (as the Krays)
    And Slade were pretty good in Flame.

    Ones who can’t

    Madogga
    Sting
    Mick Jagger
    Prince
    Diana Ross (a 35 year old Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz)

    • McVicar – ace film from way back in the early 80s. Daltrey did a good job playing the lead role.

    • Madonna’s acting attempts were pitiful.

      ‘Body of Evidence’ and ‘Shanghai Surprise’ were terrible.

      How Alan Parker allowed her to shove her way into ‘Evita’ I’ll never know.

      • Madogga probably BJ’d most of the people behind Evita.
        And she was shit in that. Nothing like the real one, just Madonna dressed as Evita.

        And who can forget the dire Dick Tracy? Warren Beatty was scraping the barrel there.

      • The thing with Madogga is her nipples are bloody awful.

        George Harrison – who worked with her on the dead duck Shanghai Surprise – said she was a boring cunt who had no sense of humour whatsoever.

        Jagger is also shit at acting. Pe6
        rformance is seen as a cult classic. but it was just an excuse for him to knob Anita. He
        6is even worse in Ned Kelly and Freejack.

  12. The best ‘Elvis movie’ is the Phil Silvers Show in which Elvin Pelvin gets drafted into the army and joins Bilko’s motor pool. Bilko spends the rest of the episode trying unsuccessfully to get a recording of him singing to sell for millions.
    Unfortunately I can’t find that episode on YouTube. A shame, because it’s hilarious.

    • Crikey I remember that.Hilarious.

      The Phil Sivers Show still stands up after all these years.

      Doberman and the long-suffering colonel were great.

  13. Elvis never really did it for me.
    More a Gene Vincent, Chuck Berry, Vince Taylor man myself.
    Good afternoon.

    • Aye up Minge.

      I loved the Everlys and Holly as well.

      Elvis did some fantatic stuff in his earlier years, but some of the stuff from his ‘Fat Elvis’ period sounded as tho he was running on empty imo.

  14. I remember where I was when Elvis died.

    Sat in a Reliant Robin in Stoke on Trent.
    Listening to Elvis on 8track.

    Deep in mourning like a 7yr old Morrissey.

    My cousin’s didn’t understand.

    ” dunna thee want to play tick? ”
    No.
    ” what’s the matter with thee?”
    Elvis is dead.
    “Oh. Wanna play army?”
    Fuck off.

    Only time I cheered from my solemn wake was when Shane our dog attacked the ni9no9 neighbour 🙂

      • The whole family stood and watched Geordie.
        Laughing 😁

        There wasn’t many sooties about back then.
        Our Shane held strong views on race relations.

        The sootie family next to my cousin’s were terrified of him!

        God I loved that dog.

    • A truly heartwarming ending to a deeply sad memory, Mis.

      I used to have a lurcher, bad tempered cuss it was. A gentleman of the darker completion used to take a shortcut across my back garden to the main road, rather than spend 3 minutes walking round, the idle cunt.

      At least, he did until the dog pinned him against the fence he’d just climbed over, on his hind legs the dog was a foot taller than the twat!

      He’s screaming for help, and I gave him a friendly wave, told him I’d be out when I’d had me brew and toast.

      God, I miss that hound.

  15. Sounds like watching Elvis ended up with you having a happy ending.

    Worth spending the 10p’s.

  18. The formula is simple: a singing star shoe horned into a movie role will sell at least 1/2 as many tickets as there are albums sold plus the poor husbands and boyfriends that are forced to tag along. It will make some money and that’s all that matters. Works the other way too when actors try for a singing career. Some pull off both successfully like Jennifer Lopez.

  19. Anyway, I’m indulging in some Black Sabbath and “Heaven and Hell” while indulging in a couple of pints of German lager. as you do.

  23. Excellent nom, Ron.

    Elvis was to musicals what Steven Seagal is to martial arts films.

    I don’t suppose you have a collection of Ritz Brothers films by any chance, Ron?

    • PS Ron, I agree that Kristofferson is a great actor (see refs above). ‘Bring me the Head of Alfredo Garcia’ is one of my favourites.

      • I also thought he was great as Wes Benteen in the excellent and under-rated ‘Silver City’.

        Turned a few good tunes in his time as well.

        A genuine all rounder.

      • PS Don’t have any of the Ritz Bros, but I remember seeing them on the kids’ Saturday afternoon shows at our local fleapit, the late and extremely unlamented ‘Luxor’ at the end of our road in Balsall Heath.

  24. Elvis would have been truly great- no,honest: TRULY great- if not for Colonel Tom-who was a greedy cunt:

    he would have been better off with Major Tom.😏

    • According to some reports Parker took 50% of Elvis’s earnings, or as I believe he put it ‘Elvis takes 50% of my earnings’.

      I reckon that he knew a gravy train when he saw it.

      • A all American grifter.
        A showman
        Bullshitter
        And bounder.

        But he knew his job .
        He’d pay cops to give a police escort to his clients (not needed)
        His background was in carnivals and he knew a few con tricks .

        He’d make you famous but fleece you.

  25. “Think of the great popular music performers of the twentieth century, and certain names immediately spring to mind.”
    Astaire : OK
    Sinatra : For sure
    Holiday : (presumably Billie) At a push
    Garland : Good call
    Dylan : You’re losing me
    The Beatles : You’ve lost me – do me a favour. Popular I’ll concede, but great? In my best Scouse accent, “Am noch ‘avin’ thaat, laaar….caaam down, on the rob, gizze me benes, laaar”.

    The case for the prosecution – Yellow Submarine.

    • The Beatles and Dylan were greater than all those other cunts in your list put together.
      Good evening.

      • Dylan just ripped off Arlo and Woodie Guthrie, and he was a rude, uncouth shite who made me ashamed to be Jewish.

        Pick€y cunt.

    • I’d argue that all of those named are undeniably musical greats of the twentieth century, for their talent, their style, their influence and their lasting impact upon our culture.

      Doesn’t mean that everyone has to like or rate them.

      • While we’re at it, other singers who made crap films.

        John ( Marion) Wayne.

        Yes, I know he wasn’t a singer. He wasn’t an actor, either.

      • @Ron,

        “My name is Michael Caine. Not a lot of people knew that!”

        Perfect inscription on his tombstone when he finally clocks it.

      • Richard Harris. Great actor and legendary hellraiser.

        He also made a couple of really good albums. Leaving aside that overblown MacArthur Park twaddle, A Tramp Shining and The Yard Went On Forever were good records.

    • To those having a pop back…..read the wording…”music performers”. That being, musical peeps performing, the context being on film.

      In the case of those Scouse cunts, I’d go further by saying performing their “music” could hardly be considered “great”. Four bowl cuts, stupid grins and going “ooooooo” every other syllable. Hmmm…not much of a visual spectacle I’d suggest. Where’s the lavish stage production their money could easily have afforded back in the day. Yep, thought so.

      You’re welcome.

    • Jimi Hendrix
      Scott Walker
      Pink Floyd (from Syd to Animals)
      Joy Division
      The Kinks

      Never got Billie Holliday, She sounded like she was off the Muppet Show.

    • Clint Eastwood murdered “I talk to the Trees” (Paint your Wagon)
      Lee Marvin “I was born under a Wandering Star” (ditto)

      No wonder the film sank without trace!

      • Story for you Noman..Maybe you know it.

        Jimmy Webb and Richard Harris were good friends.

        Anyway he wrote ‘NacArthur Park’ and R Harris said if you give me the song I will give you my Rolls Royce.

        It if it’s a success I will give you the Rolls Royce I have now.

        Anyway it was a a success and Jimmy Webb wanted the Rolls Royce. But he wouldn’t give him the one he said he would give him.

        He sent photos of other Rolls Royce’s over the years for him.

        But he wasnt interested.
        He wanted what he was promised.
        The friendship ended because of it.

        Fantasticcaly interesting personality Jimmy Webb.

        I think Harris singing in ‘Camelot’ is poor.

        Like talking a song when the actor cannot sing.

        Like Rex Harrison.

  26. Never took to Elvis.

    The cheeseburger years were particularly cringeworthy.

    Jerry Lee…. now there’s rock n roll.

    Could have been related to Sid Vicious.

    He probably broke every rule in the book.

    Including underage cousin fucking.

    An awful gentleman.

    But that’s rock n roll…… nasty.

    So fuck off

    • I think he is one of those celebs who earn more dead than they did alive.

      They all have their flaws. Elvis and his eating, Jacko with his kiddie diddling and Freddie Mercury and his AIDS.

      • Apparently, whenever Berry did a gig, he insisted on being paid in cash, there and then.

        A man after me own heart.

        Good evening Norman.

      • Now that would be a case for the black man justly looking after himself at the time.

        You’ve even got the sense of him being suspicious of whites getting in on the act.

        I won’t say ‘lyrics’ as regards him. But not only the music great and the act but the story telling words were great.

      • Another one I think of these terms @mjb James Brown.

        Managed to avoid the racist shit to do his own thing..

        I am thinking unlike Sammy Davis Jr.

        Or Nat King Cole

        Not their fault .But it came with the crooner all round entertainer shit.

        Whereas Berry, Brown managed to carve out a career

  27. Elvis was royally fleeced by a fat pikey dutchman, who wore a 10 gallon hat on a 20 gallon head..

  28. OT for a mo….

    Just watching the weather forecast.

    Becky Mantin has wonderfully big tits and a big arse.

    How utterly splendid 💪💪💪 ❤️💋

    And now, back to Elvis.

    • Just been watching her Jack! She has got stuff wobbling all over the place but not in a Diane Abbott kind of way.

      And we now have a ‘storm season’.

      What happened to just being autumn?

      • The word autumn probably isn’t ‘ vibrant ‘ enough, in these strange times.

        She can call it whatever she fucking wants as long as I can be utterly filthy with her.

        Good evening LL / all.

    • Yes apparently there’s a yellow weather warning for high winds.

      Better double peg the dog down, then.

  29. Paul Jones of Manfred Mann and The Blues Band was a good actor.
    Did an excellent turn in the Sweeney episode ‘Chalk and Cheese’.

    He also played Alan Moore in the Banana Box. The original theatre version of Rising Damp. Jones was first choice for the role in the TV version, but was unavailable.

  30. Just be aware of more contemporary film stars:-

    Ed Sheeran in “The Boreminator”
    Lily Allen, in “Blunder Woman”
    Stormzy, in “The Blackfather”
    Adele in “The Hindenburg”
    Harry Styles “One Flew Over Some Cunt’s Nest”
    Sam Smith “Raiders of the Lost Cock”

    • Tom Jones in “Dai Hard”
      Lizzo in “Life of Pie”
      Elton John in “Schindler’s Fist”

      • Evening LL.

        Dai Hard really got me. Loved that one. Had a Die hard marathon weekend with the Mrs. Watched all 5 filums.

        BTW, several noms ago we were making up band names containing Muzzie references. You came up with Koran Koran. I nearly freaking passed out I laughed so hard. Absolutely classic mate. Well played.

Comments are closed.