The bullshittery of Google reviews and cunts that fake them to try and up sell their businesses.
Google reviews seem to be how to drum up a bit of business, now there used to be a so called Merc, Maserati, Ferrari /everything specialist in Barry(now gone) shall we say they weren’t very good, anyway they had loads of 5 star reviews, which amazed me, until you checked the names of the poster and they were all from the likes of fresh Pesh from Bangladesh, Ho Lee Fook, Sum Ting Wong and not a single Brit bearing in mind the company is in the UK.
How can this be I hear you ask, it’s simple, shit companies who can’t get reviews unless the are the usual – Cunts 1 star, I won’t be back, or if I could give these cunts zero stars I would, absolute bunch of cunts, no matter how many different company names they have.
https://www.seorose.com/buy-google-reviews/
Anyway there are companies out there who will sell substandard companies fake reviews for a cost, see above link.
So in effect it makes Google/reviews full stop worth fuck all, because you can’t tell which are genuine or fake and what’s more if your the kind of cunt who will buy fake reviews, you are also the kind of cunt who will leave fake reviews for your competitors.
So all in all, the reviews system is a cunt, they can’t be trusted, we did have a genuine review once that wasn’t good, it was a goat fucker type, booked in, cancelled and then left a shitty review, needless to say I wasn’t feeling the love for this camel jocky.
But it is a problem that reviews make up such an integral part of modern business and yet are easily faked by cunts who sell fake reviews as a legitimate transaction…
Nominated by : Fuglyucker
Google themselves admit to not wholly moderating Google Reviews.
As a consequence, anything Sir Keir Bendy Knee, or any of his Front Bench frothends endorse, I will sorely believe to be true because Google says so!
Interesting fact – a brontobyte equals 10 to the 27th power of bytes!
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Is that less severe than a Tyrannobyte?
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Apparently the Tricerabite is even worse
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The only review that matters to me is the daily 5 Star rating for Is A Cunt.
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I use fake Google reviews all the time to exaggerate my sexual prowess, I’m a 4.8 in love-making and 4.7 in cunnilingus.
But my BJ score is none of your business..
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MNC Removals Ltd 1*
Moving house soon so rang this outfit for a quote. Couldn’t get any sense out of the bloke who just kept banging on about his country cream gates or something.
Avoid.
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Lucky escape Geordie. He turned up at mine two hours late wearing someone else’s dressing gown – unbuttoned! and carrying a peeping Tom style ladder under his arm. He then said he was COTY and was going to chat to his chums on IsAC, whatever the fuck that is.
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Miserable Removals AND scrap metal purveyor,
If you please.
I’ve expanded.
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Maybe he meant his friends on Isaac, LL. Peeping Tom ladder and an unbuttoned dressing gown as well? Gracious, he sounds like the sort of person you wouldn’t want to living next door. Thank goodness I avoided him.
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MNC removals review by A.Cunstomer
Booked a job with the fella. On agreed date he arrived in his van which was a lovely shade of country cream. Stout fellow, looked like a shaven headed Pat Roach on his way to a Motorhead gig.
Said to me
“Right. Both of us together.
One each end and steady as we go.”
We tried to shift it, couldn’t even lift it
We was getting nowhere
And so we had a cuppa tea.
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Pat Roach met me once.
Kris Akabusi and Roger Black have also met me, as has Saracen of Gladiators.
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I always thought Saracen from the Gladiators sounded like a “nice boy” he could probably batter me though tbh.
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Yeah he’s fucking huge.
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I read the initial cuntification and the subsequent comments & I found them all both totally plausible and enlightening: ★★★★★
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There’s nothing fake about the review I left about my old workplace.
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Review what? I ask Google a question and the answer cones up in one of the 20 pages. That is it.
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Google don’t give a fuck about anything but money.
The whole caper is run by robots and the occasional human who is a vegan who spends all day in the office playing table tennis and enjoying the inevitable soy latte.
Bunch of pervasive spying cunts.
Analogue Oven.
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Off topic…
Scoop for the Dead Pool:
Newsmax (and some other news outlets) is(are) reporting that California Senator Dianne “Di Fi” Feinstein has croaked.
That evil old cunt has been disgracing the US Senate for over 30 fucking years before going senile and peeing in her Depends while her staff feeds her baby food. But now the old Demonrat is breathing the sulfurous fumes as the flames of Hell tickle her decrepit old twat.
Hallelujah!
Die Fi!
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Apparently not such a scoop. Shaun has already commented in the Dead Pool.
Far be it from me to give advice to the Death Angel’s Own Shadow, but next time you put on the robes and play Charon, take your fare all the way across the river before you go back for another one.
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Ding Dong! The wicked witch of the West Coast is dead!
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If The Reaper had any sense of proportion, he’d take that bitch slagging crusty old haggard bastard slime of rancid puke Pelosi too. Can’t wait for that thing to die.
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That evil old cunt Pelosi might be appointed to replace Die Fi in the Senate.
Gaslight Gavin Newsome has boxed himself into a corner. He has promised to appoint a black woman to fill the seat. Congressniqqer Barbara Lee is running for the Senate Seat and wants Gaslight to appoint her.
However, Gaslight said he wouldn’t appoint her or any other active Senate candidate because that would give them an unfair advantage in the upcoming election. Therefore, he is looking for a black woman to hold the seat as a caretaker.
Heads are caving in all over the race baiting industry!
The foaming at the mouth left has accused him of racism. They say appointing a black woman as a caretaker of the seat until the next election is tantamount to saying that a black woman is not worthy of holding the seat in her own right.
One proposed solution…Nancy fucking Pelosi. She is considered immune from criticism in California and it gives her a graceful way to exit politics on a high note.
What a clusterfuck!
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In fairness I should also mention that Oprah Winfrey’s name has also been mentioned as Die Fi’s Senate replacement.
She too would be utterly immune from any and all criticism and would allow Gaslight to save face.
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I of course have a 5* review.
Nothing is too much trouble for my white customers.
Why I make out like a bandit 😁£££
Just got in covered in shite, dirt, oil, spiderwebs, etc
Pockets full of money,
Then realised.
It’s Friday.
Tax free Friday!
Yippee!!!!!
Where there’s muck there’s brass
-jesus of Nazareth
No truer saying.
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‘Those who live by the sword will get shot by those who don’t.
– DCI Gene Hunt.
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Comment of the day!
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“You’re a fake!
The fight was a fake!
Go kill yourself!”
Apollo Creed reading his own hate mail out loud in Rocky II
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If they were real fights, both Carl Weathers and Mr T would have battered Sly.
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Without a doubt Norman.
Weathers was an ex linebacker and built like a brick shithouse.
I read somewhere that Stallone slimmed down to around 11 stone for the rematch scenes in Rocky III.
Clubber Lang is one of the all time great movie villains.
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They can shove their 5 ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐’s up their arse.Tossers.
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I can’t believe that Wests the builders in Gloucestershire got a 5* review?!!
Murder doesn’t effect your rating👍
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Just like Gary Glitter Babysitting Services or Diane Abbott Accountancy.
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That’s it LL.
Least they aren’t judgemental.
Russell Brands pending taxi service can flourish without any nasty rumours effecting his business.
“School run Russ?”
Oooooh yessss😎
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Now here is a beleaguered company that would benefit from some fake reviews..
https://uk.trustpilot.com/review/www.bbc.co.uk
But then again maybe not..
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No doubt about it, Barry ‘Auntie’ is despised.
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1.2 out of 5.
It’s only that high because you can’t give lower than 1.
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I wonder why?
I’ve just stopped leaving a review on anything, unless whatever is so outstanding they deserve 20 stars, never mind 5.
Also, fucking Alexa has started asking me for ratings on my Amazon shopping!
What’s new with Alexa? She’s going through the fucking window, that’s what!
Arrrrggghhhh!
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West’s Patio laying LLC…..
You’ll simply die at the service they offer.
Barrymore’s Lifeguard training Ltd…..
Went down like a concrete boat.
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That reminds me of the Irish man that complained about some arborealists who he hired to do some work for him.
He complained because they advertised as Tree Fellers, but only one guy showed up to do the work.
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Bahboom!
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You’re a literalists Harold, so there’s thats for youse
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Thank you.
I like to think my puns cheer up someone who’s having a bit of a bad time and stops them doing something bad.
Sometimes it all gets a bit too much.
I’ve had quite a few family members die in the last 3 years. To the point where I hardly have any family left.
Might sound silly but one of them I didn’t realise how hard it would hit me until it happened.
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Harold.
I am sorry for your losses.
Getting old is a right cunt, ain’t it?
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I’m still fairly young JP (early 40s)
I think sometimes what is worse is when people have some illness like cancer and you see them slowly wither away.
A strong strapping bloke, reduced to a frail looking old man.
Another person, someone you’ve known all your life and loved, who doesn’t recognise you and they’re confused and they don’t remember some of the most cherished moments of your childhood.
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@Harold
Stick in pal.
I don’t even want to imagine the pain you’ve been through over the last few years.
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I love reviews, I manage to figure out eventually, the them thats talking the most shite from the those, who have real experience.
I eventually decide that the Milwaukee 18 volt screwdriver is better than the impact cunt.
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I’m instinctive where reviews are concerned and everyone’s a lying cunt.
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I think that’s a fair comment.
In fact, I’ll give it ⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐
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ive only used it to post film reviews.
Anything made after 2010 is lucky to get 3 stars from me.
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Never both with Google Reviews, although I do support Trust Pilot, even though they’re not totally infallible.
Anything less than 100 reviews for a product is a big no-no for me, especially when you cross-reference the same product on another review site.
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I approve of Trust Pilot.
I’m sure they’ll be glad to know that.
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I understand the company being rated has to pay for Trust Pilot. Pay top whack for Trust Pilot Premium or whatever they call it and you can remove bad reviews. No no, you can’t trust that TP either.
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O/T, I am afraid, but my sap is boiling…
Officer, Officer, a man is burgling my house.
Sorry, but no one is available.
Officer, Officer, a man is cutting down a tree.
Don’t worry at all. Someone (x2) will be arrested imminently and the Superintendent will take charge of the investigation.
You couldn’t make it up; the fucking cunts. And they wonder why we ‘ate ‘em?
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Film reviews I’ll be the judge of that. Don’t need anyone to tell me what I should and shouldn’t watch. I’ve an instinct for a good film, with tried and tested actors and directors.
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Anyone on here like Marillion?
I didn’t really know much about them apart from Kayleigh and Easter until about 2019 and a guy I worked with got me into them.
Fucking great band.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QSMpIGZ3n60
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Good song that.
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I take absolutely no notice of online reviews of anything, too many idiots and trolls with an axe to grind for one reason or another.
Company reviews on sites like Glassdoor and Indeed are the worst for fake and unfair assessments. Lots of negative workplace reviews are typically written by disgruntled and unemployable wankers who probably didn’t pull their weight in the first place.
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