Tom Holland

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Spider-Man actor Tom Holland is taking a year-long hiatus from acting to look after his mental health after having a “tough time” in his latest role playing a rapist in The Crowded Room.

Tom whined ” I was seeing myself in him, but in my personal life, I remember having a bit of a meltdown at home and thinking, like, I’m going to shave my head. I need to shave my head because I need to get rid of this character.”

Oh dear. Maybe acting isn’t about standing in front of a green screen scratching your balls after all. You get very well paid to dress up and pretend to be someone else for a living. Plenty of actors down the years have played horrible cunts like Anthony Hopkins serial killing cannibal in Silence of the Lambs, Bruno Ganz portraying Adolf Hitler in Downfall or Michael Sheen as uber cunt Tony Blair three times in various films, yet none felt the need to sit a darkened room afterwards.

Just enjoy the hefty paychecks and getting balls deep in your hot girlfriend you whiny little twat.

To paraphrase Laurence Olivier, “My dear boy, why don’t you just try fucking acting?”

Independent

Nominated by Liberal Liquidator.

109 thoughts on “Tom Holland”

  1. Poor little Tom. Step aside led, take a rest at long as I can pork your girlfriend, you can watch if you like, if it helps your mental health and wellbeing but I wouldn’t want to embarass you when she knows how good I am.

  2. Never heard of the wanker. Don’t care if I never hear of him again, self absorbed fucking prick. Try working for a living you soft cunt.

  3. Just realised he’s not a proper actor. Then what is all the fuss about ?

  4. I think there is something in this. I mean using ‘the method’. Michael Knowles talks about it.
    What comes to mind? The actor who played Sherlock Holmes and got so absorbed he went nuts with it.
    There was an episode of Colditz where a British soldier pretended to be mad. And did go mad in the end.
    A lot of these ‘method actors’ are unstable.

    • If you spend your life quite literally pretending to be some fucker else in every way shape and form then it’s hardly surprising that they end up tapped in the head with it all.

      The secret is to just play the same character in every role and fuck the method bollocks.

      Not unlike John Wayne or Clint Eastwood.

      Afternoon Miles.

  5. You didn’t hear about Clint Eastwood having a year off to “reflect” after he’d been filmed raping a woman in a barn on High Plains Drifter.

  6. It is difficult to come back to reality, I’ve been driving a van all day and it’s was only when I got out I realised I wasn’t the transformer optimus prime..

    • Oh the poor little lamb!

      As I kid in the playground wed play Tarzan, 6million.dollar man, Spiderman, planet of the apes, etc

      Luckily none of us needed to find ourselves and counseling.
      We were fine by teatime.

      Maybe Tom’s just a bit puddled?
      Hint of mardarse
      Percentage of Billy Bullshit

      I can cure him for payment
      With my magic claw hammer.
      It solves all psychological issues.

  7. No fucking idea who this cunt is. I dont watch children’s Superhero films.

    • Also , has Mr Holland considered how deeply offensive this is to the Rapist community?

      It’s things like this that effect their self esteem!

      People in glass houses shouldn’t throw stones.

  8. I find Eastwood a one trick pony actor, which isn’t for me. A domineering American breed of actor. I’m more for the European style of sensitive acting.

    • Fuck sensitive.
      I’m not losing my virginity!

      Clint Eastwood as Dirty Harry Callaghan is THE pinnacle of cinematic magic.

      Whether leaving a pile of corpses on the streets in San Francisco as Harry

      Leaving a pile of corpses as Josey Wales

      Or riding in a pickup truck with Diane Abbott

      Clint is the best actor ever to stand in front of a film camera.

      • That’s fine if you like that kind of thing. Glad they are only firing blanks. Still the reason the yanks won’t ever get rid of the gun.

        The worry is the real guns are coming over with the illegal immigrants.

      • riding in a pick up truck with dianne abbott,thats comedy gold .(af)

    • I loved his directoral debut ‘Play Misty for Me’. I thought that he and Jessica Walters both gave fine performances as well.

      A real touch of the Hitchcock about it.

      • True, that’s the best he could muster.

        What you and your friends are talking about is cinema in a fantasy world of violence. I’m more for drama of the kind of world we are all fighting to achieve.

  9. Tom who? Fucked if I know.

    I do know Professor Know-it-all Stephen Fry though. Remember when he walked out on a West End play leaving all the other actors (including Rik Mayall) and backstage crew in the lurch as he went into hiding? And we were supposed to feel sorry for him, not for the other people in the play that he’d fucked up, because of his ‘bipolar disorder’. He claimed he had stage fright, was suicidal and walking out saved his life. More likely he walked out because the play had got some bad reviews in the press.
    What a sweaty, smug, self-obsessed, chutney-ferreting luvvy prick.

    • He has played the ‘tortured artist’ to death.

      His philosophy has never got past the great booby figure if Oscar Wilde.

      Wilde at his worst.

      As for his supposed intelligence and wit. I am still waiting for it.

      All those 80s Oxbridge performers were and are third rate.

  11. His girlfriend wanted a puppy but she got Tom instead

    Poor him, no wonder he is insecure, when she calls him short arse.

  12. Reminds me of the great Peter Cook in character as Sir Arthur Streeb-Greebling, commenting on the woes of Eric Clapton: ‘I mean it must be awful for him, having to play the guitar all the time’

  14. “I was seeing myself in him”.
    In the same way Kevin Spacey sees himself in young boys’ bottoms?
    Or that same way I see myself balls-deep in Floella Benjamin?

      • When our elder daughter graduated from Exeter in 2010 I think, Floella Benjamin was handing out the certificates at the graduation jamboree. As each graduate walked on to the stage Floella would throw her arms around them and offer counsel such as; “Go out and change the world!” I told my missus I didn’t see this going down well with our daughter. I needn’t have worried, when ours approached Floella just shook her hand and congratulated her. I suspect ours put the evil eye on Floella as she approached and the fact she is 5’11” is built like a prop forward and wears her red hair shoulder length probably helped.

  15. There was a time when people had the dignity to keep these sort of things to themselves.

    Now it seems that everyone is going for the sympathy vote.

    Why do people now think that it’s acceptable to tell the world about their tedious mental thoughts through their boring Twitter accounts or by confessing to the media?

    Man up you cunt.
    Nobody actually gives a fuck about you.

      • Sorry, I managed to read your post yet entirely miss that you’d already said what I did.

    • I remember being a shepherd in the school Christmas play.

      It took three years of seeing a child psychology to help me get over that.

      If would of been one year,
      But shearing season then lambing season takes up a lot of time.

      • Daniel Day Lewis wouldve had to live up in the Golan Heights for eighteen months to prepare for the role i had in year 3. Third Sheperd..
        All ibdid was wear a checkered tea towel and a sheet with a hole in it.

  16. Mayor Khan: Qvickly Spiderman, I am needing your help. The city of London is being overrun by stabbers, child-groomers, rapists, and drug-dealers. We is needing your help.

    Spiderman: Sorry, Mayor. I’m feelingva bit low after apprehending some white racists who were saying hurty words. I’m having a lie down.

    Mayor: Dat’s okay. Actually, I couldn’t give a shit.

  17. See why cunt is an actor he is plainly unsuitable for any other role in life the soft pansified little prick. Celebrities cunts to a man.

  18. So called actors are all cunts, send for Baldwin, kill them all.
    Use AI and get rid of the useless real ones.
    More ale landlord.

    • Dirty Alec Baldwin?
      Yeah .
      If Tom didn’t get his head sorted ,
      Alec would blow his fuckin nut all over the set.

      He always shoots his costar’s.
      It’s his trademark!

  19. Tom Holland. He was good in the Impossible with Naomi Watts (local lass) and Ewan McGregor-Kenobi. He was a kiddywink but I thought he was quite good.
    A Brit playing Spider-Man seems wrong to me. The trouble is young Amerrican actors are largely shite.. They don’t go to stage school and get their experience in cereal and GAP adverts . They only develop their skills later at Conservatoires’ like Julliard.
    Our lot are playing Henry V, Julius Caesar, Richard the Third, Lucky and Estragon by the age of nine.
    The only Caesar the young Anerican actors know is the dressing they’re advertising.

  20. Seems to be the day for whiny luvvy cunt noms on here today.

    If he’s that upset, poor lamb, he could try doing something less stressful, like being in the army, or a paramedic.

    Bless.

    Afternoon all.

    • He fainted when his mum put ketchup on his burger.

      Said it was ” like a slaughterhouse and he couldn’t stop vomiting”.

      How can he be Spiderman?!!!

      • He should have won an Oscar for that Miserable; swinging between skyscapers, hanging upside down, eating flies and that.

  21. It’s possible,but unlikely I suppose in this modern era,that this cunt is just being crafty..

    Pretend to be as soft as shite and a bit mental to appeal to celebrity obsessed woke yet ball aching lovely young ladies of Hollywood..

    A bit like that posh actor who enjoyed being fellated in his sports car by a ethnic cracking whore.

    Fuck knows,it’s a celebrity riddle.

  22. I’ve been saying this for some time now there’s a cancer that’s running wild through the public sector and the media.

    As I would like to think I’m the first person to identify it it should be called ‘McCuntface Cancer by Proxy’.

    It basically turns you into an insufferable cunt and there’s no cure.

  24. Speaking of soft poofs it’s the big Gaylord Parade in Londonstabistan tomorrow. What a marvellous display of pe*version and filthy debauchery for the whole world to see.
    Highlight, as always, will be Mayor Khunt grinning all over his smug face pretending he is having the time of his life while secretly wanting to throw every one of those bummers off the top of The Shard. It always makes me laugh. They fucking deserve each other.

  25. Charles Laughton, The hunchback of Notre Dame, jumping on the swinging bells laughing madly and Maureen O Hara present, witnessing the tortured soul.
    Did Charles get counselling and have a year off after his role.

      • When Jack Nicolson exited a Hollywood theatre event to get in his Limo a journalist ran up to him and said.
        “Jack, would you care to comment on the breaking news about Heath Ledgers death”
        Nicolson was visibly taken a back by the news and responded
        ” I warned him”
        And then got in the limo.

        It was later thought that the remark was to do with the Joker role, that Heath had taken it too far.
        Mad

    • Maybe he should have had counselling. Very troubled man Laughton. And really nasty when he felt like it.
      Closet homosexual.
      Elsa Manchester never knew till after his death.

      • Yes, he was all of those things and struggled with his own hatred of himself but I don’t think he went on about it, in the way that we have to endure todays luvvies and they’re insecurities.

  26. Seen the French having a tantrum on the news?
    Bet its due to that Racism?

    Some have stolen AK-47 s and are using them against the police!

    Calm down.
    Take off your beret
    Eat some pondlife.
    Those policemen have boyfriends just like the average Frenchman.
    No need for hysterics!

    • The police shot the French Stephen Lawrence,mis..
      It was terrible he was just about to cure cancer, his mum will be the empress of France by Monday.

  27. You only use ‘method’ acting for serious roles really. So it is partial theory of acting. Some of the hardest roles are for comedy.

    • Crybaby Robert deNiro is a method actor Miles.

      Playing tough gangsters
      And wiseguys.

      Then selling Warburtons bread.

      He’s in it for the dough.

      • Are you talking to me?
        Well I’m the only one here.

        Sorry just practicing my acting artistry Miserable.

        He plays ‘Trump Derangement Syndrome’ well.

        That was a great response Trump though – ‘he’s punch drunk’.

      • Nailed it Bob!

        Was good in Heat too, moody, a bit monosyllabic and looked slightly constipated . Maybe it was Al Pacino’s cop chasing him.

  28. Elder and the Lass were at mine today.
    Elder was looking at news reports about the French, rioting about the death of their very own martyr.
    Can someone explain how setting fire to someones Peugeot, then throwing bricks, bottles etc. Is a protest against an unnecessary death?

    Of course you can’t. It’s just an excuse for thuggery.

    I hope they bring the Army in. A bit of water cannon, rubber bullets and some out of sight kicking might remind the rioters that bed by 9pm, behind locked doors, is better for their health.

  29. Life is hell for actors.

    I speak from bitter experience.

    It all started when………

    I starred in the Sunday School play of the crucifixion of Jesus.

    I was the Roman soldier who pierced poor old Jesus in the side.

    Me grandad had made me a wooden sword and had given it a nice sharp point.

    My instructions from the Sunday School teacher were to gently touch Jesus’ side. Jesus was played by an obnoxious little pànsy, who I despised.

    My time came and I gave the little cunt a fucking good prod, then another, for good measure. I would like to stress at this point that I categorically deny hissing ‘ Die Jew ! ‘

    Aaaaaarrrrgh !! sobbed Jesus, bursting into tears as the audience gasped in horror.

    The play was hurriedly concluded.

    I was mortified. I felt that I had got into character splendidly. To be stopped in full flow was crushing and very detrimental to my mental health.

    Shortly after, I was expelled and cast out into an uncaring society.

    Spurned by the Church.

    Shunned by family.

    My despair continues to this day.

    Acting is a right cunt.

    Good evening, darlings. 💋

  30. Don’t let him play Adolf in a film then. He’d invade Poland before the Director’s cut.

    What a load of shit.

    This is just a (poor) attempt at saying, “Ooh look at me, I’m such a method actor that I went mental after my last role.’

    Bollocks. Go back to hammy ‘acting’ in films for kids and kidults.

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