Hipsters [3]

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There is a lot to dislike about hipsters. First off, they look like total cunts.

Their ridiculous lumberjack beards* or some Poirot inspired retro mustache usually teamed up with a fucking top knot, knitted beanie or maybe a City gents bowler hat and black rimmed glasses that they don’t need. Skinny jeans and a Victorian smoking jacket with matching fob watch is a must.

Then there is the interest in obscure films and music. Nothing wrong with that, probably better than some of the mainstream shite they flood the market with but its the aloofness and cliquey in-jokes that the plebs are missing out on the nuances of Congolese folk and 1920’s Luxembourgian jazz fusion or Finnish film noir thrillers.

Most look like they need a good meal because they don’t put in a hard days graft for a living. Sorry Jonty, busking on the accordion outside the tube station doesn’t count. They love anything artisan or better still served in a jam jar, beer, cereal…these cunts aren’t fussy. And pop-up food trucks serving kimchi dumplings? You cant move for bellends on penny farthings and fixie bikes.

Hipsters? They need beating with their retro Gameboys.

Ironically of course.

* Not to be confused with the non-hipsters of the Beard Appreciation Society – Stockport chapter.

https://ninjajournalist.com/entertainment/ridiculous-hipsters-tb/3/

Nominated by : Liberal Liquidator

67 thoughts on “Hipsters [3]”

  2. Weren’t hipsters the trouser that came out in the sixties ? Used to laugh at short arses wearing them, that made their legs look even shorter. Daft cunts.

    • Forgotten to mention, what also made hipster jeans and trousers look even more ridiculous on short arses, was the enormous flare that even enveloped their shoes. With flowered shirts looking like vases, or The Flower Pot Men.

  3. “… A City gents bowler hat and black rimmed glasses that they don’t need. Skinny jeans and a Victorian smoking jacket with matching fob watch is a must…”
    Your point being?
    I draw the line at skinny jeans, they are not a good look with my Crocs! 😀

  5. Young urban professionals.
    30-40 years ago they were known as ‘Yuppies’.
    Now they’re known as ‘Hipsters’.
    And in another 30-40 years they’ll be known as what? ‘Wankers’ perhaps?

      • If Octavious Wright from Cardiff becomes a hipster, I guess he’ll be a Wright-Wanker.
        I’ll get my sable-lined tartan Inverness cape, and call a hansom…

  6. Looks like the ‘Bowl in’ bloke’s eyes work independently of each other.
    Unlike his brain, which doesn’t work at all.

  7. There doesn’t appear to be any black ones, that could be dressed like wolligogs.

  9. If you grabbed a hundred of these cunts (as physically-described) off the street and polled them on:

    – Are you vegan?
    – Did you vote to remain in the EU referendum?
    – Do you vote Libdems?

    It would be a triple fucking soy latte landslide.

  11. As I mince around in flowery velour suits with the gayest moustache possible, I’ll bow out of this pisstake!
    I look like a right twat.

    • But Austin Allegro ownership says you are doing it ironically.

      You must be hipster royalty.

      • Royalty in that I regard all my subjects as utter scum?
        Hmmm…you might be right!

  12. I’m wearing trousers that are manufactured from spider silk.
    They look great but the flies keep getting stuck….

    • Then wear cotton-based trousers like the rest of us. Is your real name Elton Mercury?

  13. The bloke in the “Wigging Out” feature in the article looks like Jay from The In-Betweeners. Just saying – shows on a Friday I am down with the kids.

  14. The Dr Hipster in the article on that bike. Hilarious!
    I never knew there were so many variants of tossers.

  15. We had one of these twats round my way, wobbling along the high street on a penny farthing.

    It really struck my that nobody had thought to shove a stick in the spokes to watch the cunt faceplate into the tarmac.

    Missed a trick there.

    • I thought the same should be done to the go slow cyclist’s of Just Stop Oil today

      • That dear cunter, is a different level of cuntishness and cuntitute.

        Steamroller the cunts.

        You know it makes sense.

  17. Good cunting, this.

    The worst kinds of hipsters are the ones who’ve had a tin of Brewdog Punk IPA and suddenly think they’re some sort of craft beer savant.

    Picture the scene. You’ve settled into your local with a book you’re cracking on with. There’s a pint of your choice in front of you. Be it pale, be it dark – it doesn’t matter. What matters is, is that you’re in a state of zen and self-contentment. Life’s good whilst indulging in this simple pleasure. Very good, in fact.

    Then you hear the braying from down the street. “Oh, ya… so, you know, like, I have this amazing gluten free bread recipe I was given by the ancient fingerless tribes of western Croatia. HAHA! Did you know that, Toby?! I LOVE Latvian opera, it’s SO ironic.”

    You grip the table and steady yourself for their arrival. The arrival of eight cunts in skinny jeans. They pile into the pub and disturb your moment of peace and quiet in a world gone tits up. The proceed to ask the visibly-irritated pub owner to “have a little try of everything” and after this entire routine, settle on the least-interesting, low-ABV pissy IPA.

    At this point, it is worth noting that this self-aggrandising Fandango has taken the best part of 15 minutes and there’s now a queue for the bar, and the regulars have got the right hump about things.

    Now, I have had this discussion about “Ale Virgins” with a few like-minded friends, and we believe that acts of physical violence should be meted out for this sort of pretentious, high-priestess level of arseholery. It annoys everyone, and impresses no-one.

    Now, pubs need to make a profit, especially in this climate. With that in mind, I propose should two lanes for the bar – one for professional, seasoned pissheads, and one for amateurs, seasonal drinkers, and/or the aforementioned “Ale Virgins”.

    At this point, I should add that if there’s one subject I know about, it’s craft beer and brewing. I could bore people about yeast strands, hop varieties, the provenance of Russian Imperial Stout, whether Baltic Porter is a “thing”, and my favourite – barrel ageing.

    But I don’t. I know what I like drinking, I appreciate it for what it is, and that’s it.

      • Good. Let ’em too it. Craft lager’s disgusting for the most part.

        Lager should be cold, in a tin, mass produced, and very-quickly sinkable.

        Neither should it have a rainbow on the tin. It’s fucking lager. It’s brewed for refreshment and to get you pissed (let’s be honest!) – not to be a political statement.

        Get fucked.

      • If you can buy it in a supermarket they wont be seen dead near it.
        ‘Ssssooo mainstream, right?’

  18. I like to dress hip. In Scunny. On a Friday night.

    Gets me a trip in an ambulance every time.

  19. Have there been any confirmed sightings of transbender hipsters? I ask as I have been offered some work (voluntary) by a local charity who specialise in helping foreign agricultural workers to examine their gender position whilst claiming asylum.

  20. Hee Hee
    What a bunch of apocalyptic bellends.
    All carefully crafting their look and persona and all ending up being the same.

  21. Shoreditch cunts. Anybody that rides a penny farthing on main roads deserves whats coming to them. Theres a reason folk stopped riding them in the first place.

  22. This generation of Hippster cunts prove beyond a doubt that the Progressive Left’s Abortion on Demand policies were a dismal failure.

  23. What we need here in Blighty if a few days of purging. National holiday days where normal whitey folk are allowed to reclaim their streets. I nominate a few herewith:

    National Hipster purge day
    Down with the Dakis Day
    Chase a Trans day
    Irradicate Immigrants day
    Down a Gippo day

  24. ive known a few wannabes. too far from the real hipster haunts but appropriating to fashions and tastes, and sadly the mannerisms and demeanour.
    They waffle on about ‘the scene’ in Brighton.
    You mean homeless and drug use?
    They love an obscure band or film, but it doesnt go into books or high art.
    As soon as one of them mentions ‘banksy’, i snigger.

    As for reading books in pubs, i can’t do it. too many distractions to get into it. I have to keep an eye out for the very subject of this nom, or mouth-breathing chav scum, not that there’s many around my way.

  25. I’m the blueprint all hipsters aspire to.
    Massive long beard
    Tattoos
    Lumberjack shirts
    Flat cap

    An I’m original an vintage .

    If it wasn’t for my Far Right politics and shocking racist language the cunts would crown me their king.

    Don’t do skinny jeans though.
    They strangle your bollocks.
    I like to let me plums breath.

    Bet they’d swoon at my garden gate?

  26. Most blokes walking around these days seem to do for a look that can only be described as, “I can’t be arsed.” Raggedy shorts and hoody or just a T-shirt even in Baltic weather and white sports socks pulled all the way up, like a sort of crack-addict PE teacher from 1988.

    There aren’t clothes fashions anymore. Just bland, thrown together rags.
    People look like shit, they have given up, can’t be arsed, make no effort.
    I saw someone, a woman (whatever that is) today just sitting in a shop doorway today, just… blocking it, not moving, some sort of mongo thing. It’s partner came eventually, looked like an obese version of Catweazle but with none of the ingenuity or poetry. Rest in peace, Geoffrey Bayldon.

    • Scruffy cunts , the lot of ’em. When I was a younger lad, it was suit on for Saturday night to go on the booze and on the pull. Most of these fuckers won’t even own a suit, they won’t even wear one at a wedding or a funeral.

      And students today? The lads are the worst. Back of their heads shaved with a perm at the front. Hair like a poodle’s arse. Then it’s all black. Black puffer jackets, black strides, black shoes, all looking the same. There is no fashion of the times any more, no identity, and certainly no individuality. Totally soulless and dull as fuck. Just ignorant cunts who are more interested in their phones than they are in birds.

  27. I got a beard because I had a fight with four people stamping on my friends head when he was knocked sparko. I had my head smashed through a windscreen so I have a big scar on my lip, this is why I have a beard not to be a fucking hipster. Selling over price fucking coffees like they are some ultimate Italian genius. Fuck off

    • Also if I shave sometimes I get asked the Michael Gove question have I been sniffing coke. No mate. I’ve got a scar on my lip and I haven’t been fencing. I was being a good citizen and not ripping off people for your over priced shitty coffee.

      • I grew a beard because I was sick of agents for Gillette asking me to do TV adverts or modelling,
        That and to look like Peter Sutcliffe.

      • Exactly MNC. We are the real peacefuls. Were not at war. I mean look at pootin and biden. They both love children in different ways.

  28. I don’t get these young lads these days who have a beard like WG Grace, Billy Gibbons, Ronnie Drew or Getafix the Druid. 28 degrees later today with a ZZ Top special? Bloody madness…

    My local record shop is full of these hipster cunts. They are like the Real Ale Twats from Viz, and they expect VIP treatment when they go in. One of them looked a right twat the other week. Claimed to the staff there that he was a Stones expert, yet he left a rather wonderful and well made bootleg on the rack. It was called ‘ABKCO RSTRAX 69’ on blue vinyl. As I quickly snaffled it, the cunt asked me what it was. Any Stones fan worth their salt knows that ABKCO is Allen Klein’s record label. And ‘RS’ is obvious, and ’69’ means 1969. Needless to say, it was a splendid compilation of ‘Let It Bleed’ era alternate versions and outtakes. But this smug cunt had no idea. The lad behind the counter looked at me as if to say ‘What a knob’. It was like Tommy Saxondale and his daft neighbour pretending he knows about Pink Floyd.

    • I was wondering when the Real Ale Twats were going to be mentioned, but not a word on Drainpipe Trousers, or is that more on the Teddy Boy side ? The young men wearing suits today are looking more like Norman Wisdom. They also make me wonder how they get the strides on and off. Must have an instep of a well trained ballet dancer. Give us some more of your wisdom on the subject, Norman.

  29. I saw a hipster bellend last week. He looked the part (a bearded knob with ridiculous and extortionate ‘Mug Me’ headphones on). But what did my head in was the fucker had a Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles backpack on. The twat was well over 30. When I saw the cunt, it reminded me of something Brian Clough once said.

    ‘You are a bloody disgrace! You need shooting!’

    • Turtles backpack? Oh dear. wearing it ironically, i suppose?

      Pull the other one, man-child.

  30. Hipsters have this thing about saying Dennis Wilson was the main talent in the Beach Boys. Fucking bollocks, Brian Wilson was the main man without question. That hipster tart Lana Del Cunt spouts such shit. What’s she going to say next? Bruce Foxton ran The Jam? Nah, she won’t have heard of them. They were English for a start. Also, they wouldn’t be ‘Californian’ or ‘Yacht Rock’ enough for her. Stupid bitch.

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